Sex is the Question
by kokoro77
Summary: So, it's been 6 years since Sex Ed classes ended. For Axel, 'Sex' was NEVER the answer. It was the question. For Roxas, 'Yes' was the answer, at least in his still teenage mind. Situation: in their girlfriends' eyes, they're straight. -Sex Ed 101 sequel-
1. Intro: Straight But Not Really

**Author's Note: just a quick note, this story is a CONTINUATION to my completed story, Sex Ed 101. if you want to understand this story, you can choose to read that one first. OR! if you happen to be the type who likes to unravel things on your own, go right ahead.**

**i started this last week in between studying for finals beacuse everyone has a life that's begging to be lived. XD**

**disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer: i do not own the kh characters or any other characters that could make appearances in this story. i do, however, own the story and the events that happen in it...also a stuffed paopu and an axel and roxas action figure. -snuggles them- gah, axel's hair hurts! x.o**

**Author's Note cont: before i go on with the story, i'll say that i am not perfect! i type everything out without a beta! whee hoo for typoz! XP i also type it out as i go, not much of a thinking process with the exception of...citrus...'cause those are difficult sometimes! mft i also hate hate hate being OOC for the character's age. mahhh!**

**hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it. ;3 o tanoshimi desyo!**

**Edit: sorry! i figured that this was a bit lengthy (i even had a dream about it last night...long story) so i'll keep the intro separated from the 1st chapter. ;3**

_Date Started: May 16__th, __2007_

When Sex is the Question... 

Introduction: Straight But Not Really

My name's Axel.

A-X-E-L

Write it down, stick it somewhere safe; you're gonna hear about me quite a bit.

Let's see...ever seen those annoying commercials on the TV lately? Y'know, the ones about using drugs and sitting on some guy's couch for eleven hours?

Hm...ah! What about that show, what's it called? Yeah, _Intervention_. Ever heard of it?

I promise I'm getting somewhere with this. It's not like I'm blabbing on about what's hot and what's not on the television lately.

See, I've got somewhat of a problem...ok, maybe a big problem.

Started around three years ago.

The thing is, I've got an addiction. It's a different kind of addiction.

Ha, didn't expect to hear that, did you? Yeah, I didn't believe it when I confessed to myself that I had this 'obsession' I guess you could call it.

But before you start dialing the phone for the doctor and calling all your friends over, lemme just tell you that it's not gonna do any good.

Trust me.

It's a new drug; one that you've probably never heard of.

And the addiction can't really be treated.

When you've got an addiction, you usually head over to some rehab place, but that's if you wanna end the whole thing before you kill yourself.

Other people don't care. Like that guy that sat on his friend's couch for eleven hours after using Meth.

Then there're people like me. Flat out, don't wanna end it.

Yeah, I'm pretty stupid for thinking that, huh? Nope, wrong.

It's not stupid to hold on to something you _need_, right?

There. Now I've got some heads cocking to one side. What're you thinking?

Hm...let's see. I think I've got a picture here somewhere...ah, here it is. Take a look.

Now I've got you.

Pretty obvious why it's so hard to forget. Just by looking at it I go crazy.

Anyone would do that...I mean, if they're that kind of people.

It's hard, y'know? Having to be so attached to it even when it's literally out of my reach.

That's what messes up my brain every flippin' day.

Still, I can't abandon it. It's like it's a part of me.

And I've got this feeling that it's gonna stay that way for a long time.

Oh, about that photo, gonna need it back.

Heh, cute, isn't it?

There's really nothing that'll stop me from _loving_ it.

Don't wanna sound sentimental or nothing but, hey, you're the one that decided to stop and talk to me.

It's like, once you love something, there's not much of a chance of breaking away from it, even when you try to force yourself into hating it.

That's why I just go on loving it.

Anyway, that's that. I can't say that I'm entirely fond of complaining; except when it comes to _him_, _then_ I have every human right too. Yeah, that 'it' is a 'him' and that 'him' is a 'Roxas', the only one at that. At least...I don't think there's another Roxas out there. It's not a common name. You take one look at him and you could melt. He's just that innocent; _that_ human.

You're probably wondering _why_ I talk about him and why I say that I actually love him. This really isn't something I've told the whole world so you should feel special. People call it 'staying in the closet'.

I haven't even told her yet. Now who's her? Larxene. I met her, totally not from my desire, on this one day back in high school when she mysteriously 'bumped into me' and 'dropped' her card in my hand. Ever since then, she's thought of me as hers. In other words, in her eyes, I'm straight. In my eyes, sure, I'm straight...but not really.

Keep that a secret between you and me. She doesn't know that I often think about Roxas. She just thinks he's an old friend from back home, in Twilight Town. Larxene said I had a lot of guts to just dump everything behind in that town. Now look; here I am some years from there, surrounded by tall buildings and pollution. Trust me, you'd give everything up to leave _here_ for Twilight Town instead of vice versa. Radiant Garden isn't worth the ten hour train ride.

I promised myself I'd head back to Twilight Town one of these days. I even promised to arrange a time to meet Roxas again. I sort of feel stupid saying that I made promises now since I lost one of the rings that we both promised on. It's confusing, I know. But maybe if you magically could read our past, you'd understand.

Sorry, gotta go. Larxene's probably been waiting for me at that one place for hours now. She's calling this a date. After shopping, she's hoping to stop by our new condo before we move in. All her plans; not mine. After all, I'm just straight, right?

If you see a kid about a head shorter than me, spiky, dirty blonde hair, you tip him off, got it? Tell him that Axel's looking for him. Oh, and, don't forget to tell him to stop by at night. If Larxene catches him at all, no, lemme rephrase that. If _Roxas_ catches _her_, it's a broken promise.

* * *

**that was da intro! neenee. (what kind of sound effect is that??) XD chapter 1 is up now! -shifty eyes- R and R (reverse and rebirth! haha) please? danke -bows-**

**_is a german XPP  
kokoro77_**


	2. Chapter 1: Train Ticket

**Author's Note: sorry! this isn't an updated chapter. i mentioned in the intro that i had a dream that my story was bugging me on the first chapter. -face to keyboard- so, i separated chapter 1 from the intro. -sigh- life ish good now. -drinks green tea-**

**anyway...here's chapter 1!! ...again ehehe**

* * *

Chapter 1: Train Ticket

There's a little saying that goes something like: "Sex isn't the answer." That's the very saying that teachers preach to their students right when they're learning about the rules of sex. I would know. I got an A, no, A PLUS in that class. And, seeing as I got an A plus, I can fully say that that saying is totally wrong.

Sex is not the answer, true. Sex is the question. Remember that. 'Yes' _can _be the answer, and _should _be the answer if you're in the right type of relationship. Remember that, too. Lately, for me, it's been 'no'. Isn't that just the slightest bit depressing? Dunno if you'd want to remember that. That'd just make me feel like a prick. A sex pistol, even. I'm not obsessed with sex. With Roxas, ok, maybe that's a different story.

I can't really think about things like that anymore. Ever since I've been alive, 23 years, 6 months, 2 weeks, a day and some glorious number of hours alive to be exact, I've known I can't really be a depressing guy. It's simple, really. If the one spark in the room puffs out, the whole room goes dead. Everyone gets the strange thought that I'm gonna go jump off a cliff after I pout a lip or even stare off into space for two seconds.

If I think about Roxas, I get depressed. If I look at a plant, I'll think of Roxas. There's just been something about the past year that's brought me back to him. It's been 6 years since I've left home, and left him. When I get depressed, the whole world does.

Some people just don't know how to be human, how to be themselves. True story, depressing story...change the subject.

I'll do just that. Where to start...

I never really learned _fully _how to get used to the streets of Hallow Bastion, er, sorry, Radiant Garden; I just learned the basics. For one thing, people will most likely stick their nose at you if you call this world by the wrong name so I had to adapt to the "politeness" of it all.

For another thing, there's a fabulous security system. Everywhere you step, a blast of light could come shooting out from underneath you. It's the government's way of saying that they don't want pirates raiding the neighborhoods. Yeah, right. It won't do much more than a scratch or a tear in your new jeans. Me, I've memorized where and when each one'll zap you.

I've been able to avoid turning the wrong corner so I won't get caught in an alleyway. At least in Twilight Town, the alleys always follow out to another street. You're never lost there. Here, there's something called a 'street number'. Stupid things. Too organized for me.

There're buildings everywhere. Mostly abandoned or broken down. There's a main square where at least three major shops are: the jewelry shop, the clothing shop and the ice cream shop. Haven't been to any of 'em. Haven't eaten ice cream in the 6 years I've been here. The town's been going through renovations since the last earthquake. Larxene's lost a co-worker or two to one of those quakes. That's how deadly this place can be.

Oh, and, one more thing, it's true what people've said about Radiant Garden: it's the ultimate place for all the greatest luxuries. From a woman's point of view, these luxuries are just like the food groups. Clothes shopping, shoe shopping (there's a difference, I guess), clubbing, café-ing...and dating. Today's agenda, dating.

I frowned, thinking about it, but figured that it wouldn't be a pretty sight to see her all alone. No one likes that. Now that I think about it, poor Roxas.

Shoving a hand in my pocket, I started digging around for a stick of gum. It's an obsession I've got. Everyone else in town resorts to smoking. Sick. Winter-mint tastes better than charred ashes 10,000,000 to 1. I fished one out and unwrapped it with my teeth before jamming the whole thing in my mouth.

Let's see, right here, I think.

I took a quick turn around a building, which was under repair by the way, and, judging by the untamed giggling and gossip, entered female territory. With both hands in my pockets, I took slow seconds to chew on my gum while uncaringly staring in every possible direction. Larxene had told me this morning to meet her next to the Starbucks right after she got off from work, 2:30 pm. I've never been inside a Starbucks for 6 years either. I've got reasons.

I cocked my head to the left...one Starbucks.

To the right...two Starbucks.

Forward...holy, shit.

"Larxene! What the hell?!" I dropped the civil act and shot through the mob of women as if they didn't even exist. Sure, I got 'you jerk' and 'bastard' and 'tramp' flung at me, but I get that a lot anyway; those words all mean the same thing...just at different levels. Nearly tripping over myself, I ducked down and slammed my hands right against her shoulders, hearing the ground behind me sputter. Why does she have to be so clueless?

"Ah! Axel!" Great, I could tell she got a manicure today. Her nails were digging into my shoulders like hell. "I-I didn't see it, I'm sorry." I backed up a bit, staring down at her as she flattened down her hair, bleach blonde, and tucked some of it behind her ear. She kept staring behind me where she had been standing, where that security..._thing_ could've knocked her up something bad.

I rolled my eyes when she wasn't looking and brushed off her arms. They weren't dirty. I just can't stand it when she's freaked out. "I'm not gonna be around to save you all the time."

She faintly smiled, clearing her throat while her face started to blush. Just like that, all gossip in the crowd switched from boyfriends to Larxene and I. Freakin' great.

"I, uhm...I was just about to call you. I need someone to pick up Ayden from school today." She straightened up her high heels and looked up at me, tucking her phone away in her jean pocket.

This close, I could see the foundation on her face. It wasn't caked on or anything, but you could still tell it was there. Her mascara was thick and perfect on one eye and thin and clumpy on the other, unusual for her style. Her eye makeup was always dark enough to bring out the cobalt in both her eyes. She must've been in a hurry to meet up with me if she touched up that messily.

When the train spit me and Larxene out into this place, she blended right in. She got looks; she got numbers, the whole package. Me, pretty much the same. I could've died. The sky was a grey blue, a color that I've grown to hate. In Twilight Town, the sky always changes. Here, everything's the same, even most of the people that live here. Larxene and I've both changed since then, both psychologically and physically. Larxene partly changed psychologically and FULLY physically.

She's matured a bit, not trying too hard to get attention. I've...settled down _a bit._ Maturity is overrated. She's inched up a few lengths, grew her hair down to her butt and...I won't lie: her boobs aren't what they used to be either. Me, a couple inches, same hair length, no boobs (not gonna happen anytime soon).

Thinking back to Ayden, I pursed my lips and widened my eyes a little. Slight m ental slap.

Now-a-days, Ayden was no easy topic to cover. He was in second grade now, older than most kids since he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else. When Larxene was seventeen, she didn't go to her usual classes for one day, then two days then two weeks. After those weeks, she went back to school, doubling up class work with taking care of Ayden, her son. I never figured out who the father was. I'm not even sure if _she_ knows. Ever since, she's pinned the role of father on me. Out of all people. "You could've told me this earlier?" I stressed on that last word and waved my hand in the air.

"That's why I was going to call you! I didn't know I would have an appointment five minutes before he would be let out! It was honestly last minute." She threw her arms around her like some delusional teenager. Larxene took up being a doctor, a last minute decision that she threw into her college application. Now all the stresses of reality were weighing her down.

"So does this mean the date's off?" I didn't want to sound hopeful or anything, but, God, I wasn't in the mood today. I unintentionally popped my gum.

She took a second to stare off at the gray sky before shaking her head at me. She blew a sigh upward and jumped when some beeping noise came from her pocket. She stamped her heel on the cement when she reached behind her then read the message on her cell. "Maybe we can reschedule, ok? I promise, promise, _promise_." I knew what was coming next; I'm not stupid.

Turn head to the right, let her lean in and lay one on you.

I felt the gloss on her lips rub off on my cheek from that kiss but I didn't rub it off until I was sure she had her back turned to me. I've never let her kiss me on the lips. I've got reasons.

"I'll call up someone to pick up Ayden, ok?" With a dainty flip of her hair, she lifted her cell to her mouth and morphed into the crowd, leaving me to pop my gum and let the sentences float right past me.

"_Think they got in a fight?"_

"_Where've I seen him before? I swear, I have."_

"_She can do better than that."_

"_He can do better than that."_

"_What a sweet couple. You saw that kiss?"_

No; no fight. Maybe you've seen me, maybe you haven't; try thinking harder. Maybe she can do better 'cause I know for sure that I can. Couple? I wonder...are we?

I turned back toward the main streets, heading back for work. Yeah, _work_. I needed to think a bit...

No, we're _definitely_ not a couple.

xxXXxx

"Ok, ok, turn a little more...right there, right _there_...perfect!"

Snap and the colors go flying.

I blinked hard and shook my head when the cameras weren't focusing anymore. I wondered, everyday, how many more of these shots they had to take. As far as I was concerned, all of those shots had to be 'it' material.

I wondered how long I had to stay half naked for. As far as I was concerned, there're things called shirts that people were meant to wear.

I even wondered how long this lady, one that I didn't even know the name of, had to keep staring at me with one eyebrow raised, attempting to look the slightest bit seductive.

For God's sake, this is supposed to be a simple watch ad, not an X rated flip calendar.

"Alright, that's it for the night! We'll go over these tonight and print the keeps and toss the others." My boss' voice couldn't be any preppier than a cheerleader's. Even his body language was wimpy. He pranced around like he was the princess of the whole cooperation and batted his eyelashes at you even while he asked you the simplest thing like "Do you have a dollar for the vending machine?" He flirted with anything and everything that moved.

I loosened up my elbow joints and fell backwards onto the floor that was covered with a white backdrop. My whole body was sore from keeping in that laying down position for hours on end. Sometimes, I don't know what I was putting into my system that made me consider modeling. First of all, I took up photography in college. When I came here for the spot as camera man, they filled out the application for me.

I wasn't meant to be behind the camera. I was meant to shame myself in front of it.

"Oh, hold on one sec..._Axel!_"

"Hm?" I looked away from the ceiling and sat up.

Mr. Boss, I never figured out his name, took runway steps in my direction with his thin glasses lowered halfway down his nose. He had his arms crossed over his grey business suit and one leg crossed over the other when he stopped walking. He had a paper thin chest and a pointed face that always nudged into other people's business. Using his middle finger, he lowered his glasses to stare down at me.

"I don't know WHAT was going on with you today but I'm gonna need you to straighten it up." He cupped his chin and looked at me at an angle.

"Meaning?" I pushed up from the ground and strolled out of the photo shoot, barefoot and low rise jeans completely unzipped to a point where I was sure they'd fall off.

"Meaning, that it's strange that we had to take this many pictures to get the right one. That's unusual for you."

I zipped up my pants, back still turned, and walked around the tripods to get to the rack of clothes. I flipped through them before pulling my white vintage T-shirt from a hanger. "It's not me. It's the new camera crew. They're real picky about poses." I pulled my arms through the sleeves and my head through the top. I hoped that I would drown him out that way.

"There, see? It's not them, it's _you_. Listen to yourself! You're like a _blah, blah, blah, blah..._"

With the last button fastened, I slipped both feet back into my black converse, the very ones that everyone at work called me tacky for. I shook my shoulders and took huge steps toward the glass doors, just barely hearing steps echoing after mine. I hated being in that white room.

I'm not listening...besides, my life isn't your concern.

"No, really! You're concerning me and..._ugh._" Didn't let him finish. Just opened the door and shut it in his face. So long, Mr. Executive Princess.

"_Oooo. Fine, hey, does anyone have a dollar for the vending machine?"_

I left him to bat his pretty-boy eyelashes and throw his pretty-boy fits. This whole company's filled with people just like him. Clones. Even the secretaries in the offices are like his children. Blondes, brunettes, carrot tops, red, blue, apple, banana; they all camp out in this business. Every single one of them flirts with me.

Keeping my eyes locked to my feet, I could still sense people staring at me through their heavy makeup, cursing the fact that I had a girlfriend. It stung to think it, but that had to be the one reason that I was still being attached to Larxene; she kept the bad bugs away.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Really, what was going on today? There must've been someone out there that controlled my life and really liked to keep me in the middle of the tight rope. I turned another sharp corner and avoided the elevators to my left, avoiding any attention in case I happened to get in one flooded with all the ladies I had to model with. Instead, I headed for the stairs and skipped every two.

2, 4, 6, 8 until the white walls and white floors dissipated into _normal_, urban grey. I belonged here...at least, for now.

The reception floor was made purely out of grey marble walls and floors that echoed off the sound of designer shoes. The receptionist was the kind that never looked at the people she talked to. She just let you ask her a question and she'd go on typing in her calculator while she answered. It's not like she's my business anyway.

The clock above the exit doors read 4:56. Shit. Ayden.

Near panic, I grumbled to myself and reached in my back pocket for my cell phone. I flipped it open and hit speed dial for Larxene, only to get her answering machine. I tried again. Nothing. Was she operating on someone or what? Just as I was feeling the urge to fling the thing at the nearest wall, the screen brightened and a sharp ring nearly caused me to drop it instead.

"Larxene!" I gasped and hit the green button, lifting it to my mouth. Seeing as heads turned in my direction for that outburst, I dully smiled and playfully flicked my finger in the direction of the exit doors. Still holding onto the phone, I pushed through the revolving door, missed my turn, spun through it again and flung myself out into the streets. "Larxene! Did you get the chance to..." That wasn't awkward at all.

"_Yo! He-Hey, Axel! How you been?"_

O...k. That voice, as happy as it was, wasn't a female's. But I knew one thing, it was just as maddening. "Hello, Reno."

xxXXxx

_I met Reno on my 18__th __birthday._

Like I said, I came to Radiant Garden 6 years ago with my 17 year old brother, actually, part brother and my mom who I happened to meet only a week before we left. I was 17 and still a freshman in high school, as confusing as that sounds. What happened to my dad? I'm not all too sure, in all honesty. Last I heard about him was just before we left Twilight Town.

He was on the hospital bed and refused to talk to me or Riku. Mom told us that he wasn't doing all too well after he'd been stabbed. For all I know, he could be dead right now, as harsh as _that_ sounds.

Arson was never a dad to me. Always abusive with his words and actions toward other people. To himself he was abusive through alcohol. The alcohol pushed him to a point where he knocked me out and dragged me all the way home from one of my school dances. From there, Riku and I were his hostages.

From there, Roxas showed up, right at the worst time too.

Shots were fired, blood everywhere, the whole Tom Cruise movie. Roxas didn't listen to Arson when he was asked to demand money from the cops. That was the first time he was ever defiant.

See, Roxas was the one who'd stabbed Arson.

Why? To protect me.

Mom shows up after 17 years of hiding, tells me she's taking me and my brother Riku back to her home in Radiant Garden.

Why? To protect us.

Lucky enough for me, I had the chance to see Roxas at the train station before I left. Really, I felt like taking him with me. I'm one you should watch since I _know _how to run away. He's that important to me, that kid, probably not a kid anymore. But he's still Roxas, most likely the only one.

I've been almost regretting having to get on that train so quickly. If I'd slowed down, I wouldn't have lost it...I got two promise ring necklaces just before the hostage situation; one for Roxas and one for me. Some five hours into the train ride away from home, it finally hit me that I'd dropped mine _somewhere_.

Enter Reno: my cousin, 25 years old, flaming red hair, deep blue eyes, single (for the fourth time), straighter than straight. I met Reno on my 18th birthday. He was drunker than hell, but he was a happy drunk which made things easy for me. He stumbled into the room, singing happy birthday totally off key, and slapped me on the shoulder, shaking me and blabbering his life information in less than two minutes.

He told me that he worked in a movie company that took frequent business trips around the 'universe'. It was his job to gather actors together and serve them their ice tea. He acted as if he was the boss whenever he talked about it, though. And, since he took these trips, Twilight Town was one of his occasional stopovers. His second job: search the whole damn city for that necklace.

"Reno, you..."

"Nope. Still haven't, man," Reno sighed, slapping his arms against his waist. While I shrunk into the couch, he clicked his tongue and I could hear him tapping his feet on the hardwood.

"_Reno! No! Take off your shoes if you're gonna do that!"_ Good old mom and her bionic ears.

I swung my arm around the cushions and raised an eyebrow at him, smirking while he puffed his cheeks and stubbornly kicked his black leather dress shoes halfway across the hallway where they skidded to a messy stop next to the piano. I shook my head and waved a hand over my shoulder.

"Don't piss her off."

"Hey, no cussing-in-here," Reno whispered sinisterly in a sing-song voice. I could tell he was closer now. Pft, as if he cared. He was a machine that spit out every swear word available...in three different languages. "What if Ayden hears you?"

I scoffed and threw my head back. "Yeah? Watch this. Ayden!"

"_Yeah, dad?"_ Ayden called out from the end of the hallway. He'd been stuck in there for the past hour doing who knows what. For a six and a half year old, Ayden had one of smartest, developed voices compared to all the kids in his class.

"Did you hear anything!?"

"_Just uncle Reno, dad!"_

"Alright...!" With that done, I crossed my arms over my chest and glanced at Reno, "No harm done." I unintentionally winked. It's a habit I've gotta break...that and smirking.

"Impressive," Reno chuckled as he crossed one leg over the other and slumped in the seat next to me, first flattening down his black business suit so he wouldn't crinkle it. He dangled his arm behind the couch and took in the joy of simply not moving.

Don't get me wrong, but I always thought of Reno as somewhat of my _real_ identical twin brother. We shared personalities, style, and suaveness, I guess you could say. His skin was the exact shade as mine, medium tan, and his eyes, even though they were dark blue and not green, were the _exact _almond shape as mine. He was fairly tall for his age, too, measuring up to just a couple centimeters under me. What topped the whole thing off was the fact that his hair was crimson and wildly spiky; just longer than mine by an arm length. It was his style to tie it in a ponytail.

"Speaking of Ayden, thanks for picking him up," I said, lazily turning my head in Reno's direction.

He dramatically frowned. "Ah, it's my job." With one finger he pulled down his sunglasses to cover his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, and speaking of your job," I straightened up in my spot and turned my body halfway to fully face him. "How was Twilight Town?"

I couldn't tell if his eyes were open-slash-I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not. When a light groan came from his throat, I figured he was just messing with me. After all...

"Why you gotta ask that question all the time?" Yup. After all, I always ask that. Again, I've got reasons. I just never bothered to tell him.

"Told you. There's something I need to find there."

"Then why don't you go get it yourself? Is it really _that_ hard to get a train ride to Twilight Town from this place?" Reno nodded his head from side to side as if to be complaining and impatiently bounced his foot in the air.

"For one thing, I wouldn't know where it would be. And, yes. Yes it is." And that was the truth. Separate from Twilight Town's train system, Radiant Garden only had one train that left the station once every month. If people were lucky, it left twice. There were no trains or clock tower bells around to wake people up in the morning. I had to adapt to alarm clocks.

Reno frowned deeply again, throwing his other arm over the armrest beside him. "Mm." Reno didn't live here. He didn't live in Twilight Town either. I don't think he really lives anywhere. His job schedule wouldn't be able to keep him in one place for long. I wouldn't be surprised if he snuck into abandoned hotels to sleep in. What a hobo.

Just before I drew the conversation to a close, I quickly lifted my hand to his face and slammed it against his nose, rubbing it around a bit. "You're pathetic!" I joked and he gave me muffled cusses. "Love ya, too, Reno." Huh...weird. It wasn't as fun to say things like that anymore. Great, fun's getting drained outta me.

"Hm!"

"I'm sorry. What was that?" I pressed down harder on his face and got him to turn over to the other side.

"Mm!"

"Whaaat?"

"FUCK...OFF!" He shook his face away and shot his hands out, pinning my wrists to the seat cushions. I literally heard that echoing off the walls. Ooo, Reno's gonna get it. He just kept his teeth bared at me, completely oblivious to the reason why I was smiling cockily towards the kitchen.

3...2...

"Reno! What-are-you-doing?!"

Ok, so it wasn't who I expected but, 1. Cue embarrassing adult to adult lecture.

Satisfied, I threw my legs over the spot where Reno had been sitting, he'd gotten up to cover up his act, and shoved my hand under the couch for a magazine to 'read'. "Hey, Larx," I called cheerily, pulling the magazine open over my face. Oo, cologne samples.

"Hi, Axel," She responded back. Afterward, I heard something hit the ground hard like a sack of potatoes. Her purse, obviously. When she had hell in a bag, she'd make sure that people knew it. "Reno." The air she sent in here smelled like cigarettes.

"Hm?"

"I'm not gonna tolerate swearing in here, got it? Ayden's too young for that."

"Ah, come on. The kid's smart. He'd never get influenced by me."

Larxene sighed while I heard her heels clack off down the hardwood and onto the tiled floor of the kitchen nearby. Ok, so that wasn't much of a lecture but I had a feeling that Reno was gonna get a paddle to the butt as soon as Ayden fell asleep.

Chuckling, I thumbed through more perfume ads. Burberry, Juicy Couture, Escada...oh, this is awkward.

"Oh, ahah, that's just great." I kept my finger on the page when I flipped the magazine over on my lap. Two full pages of that old thing. Seriously, I was humiliating myself to the public world. The first page was an ad I got shot of me last month where I had to wear these huge ass sunglasses, tilt them ever-so-slightly away from my eyes so the camera got a good look of my eyes, and sit, more like slouch, pretty. Shirtless, by the way.

The second page had me sitting on a tree branch with one leg pulled up next to me and the other dangling over the edge, just barely touching the grass. They had me wear a tan colored tank top that clung to my skin to show off the four-pack underneath. Ha, I don't even have a four-pack.

I had to turn my head to the side and shut my eyes as if I was thinking long and hard. Mr. Boss told me to pretend to think about the one I really, really loved. If I did that, I would've lost it. So I thought of Larxene instead.

As realistic as the picture might've looked, the whole set was man-made. There weren't any trees around here, hell no. If this were Twilight Town...

Man, that kid had looks. I don't regret meeting him. He was a real summer kid, hated waiting for summer and prayed for the school years to be over. He had these eyes that promised you anything. Whenever you'd look at them, you knew that you were actually seeing someone real. Roxas was never afraid to cry, at least in front of me. He wasn't a cry baby or anything. In fact, he had to be one of the most mature teens in our high school. Color coordinated, pressed clothes and all that...you'd never suspect that he'd be crazy. But he was. When I met him, I could tell that he needed to have fun more often. Huh, I wonder if he still is.

"You're talking to yourself, man."

"Wazzit?" I sat up, feeling my butt getting eaten in between the seats, and fumbled with the magazine until I had it thrown back where I got it.

Reno bent down until his nose was only inches from mine. I could tell he'd been drinking before he got here, his suit stank of booze. He waved a finger in my face and opened his mouth, keeping it open for a long time while he blanked out.

"I know what you need. C'mon. You'll thank me."

Without so much as waiting for my answer, Reno rubbed a fist in my hair and started punching my back to a point where I forced myself up. Yeah, I really had no other choice but to get dragged along behind him, scratching my head while watching him hum some Irish drinking song. Reno the leprechaun...nah. Bad images.

"We're going out for a bit, 'risa!" He yelled over his back toward the living room.

"She's over _there_." I thrust my thumb toward the kitchen and shook my head. He was losing too many brain cells. Seeing as he couldn't turn the doorknob the right way, I walked up to the front door and opened it for him, letting him stagger outside with me following behind. Actually, I don't think he has brain cells to lose.

xxXXxx

"You were talking to yourself again."

"Typical. It runs in the family, don't you know?" I cracked my fingers and intertwined them as I dangled them slightly over the front deck railing. I crossed one foot behind the other and stared out at a thin strip of orange getting choked by a murky purple in the Radiant Garden skyline. That was the sunset of everyday.

Reno drew in long puff of smoke then parted his lips just enough to form a miniature cloud between us. He held the cigarette between his fingers and gently tapped the ashes over the railing. "I've been thinking,"

_Amazing_

"...that maybe you don't really take a liking to this place very much." He coughed a bit and turned his head to me.

I shrugged and ran my fingers through my hair, continuing to look out at the last dot of orange in the sky. "What can I say? I wasn't born here."

"It's been six years. I'd think that you'd get comfortable with it by now."

"Pf, yeah. It's not horrible."

"But it's not what you _want_."

'Kay. No comment.

"I heard you say something about...something like, 'what're you like?' Something like that," He paused, tapped his cig and suddenly smiled almost sincerely. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What?" I asked.

Reno heaved a lazy sigh and ground what remained of the cigarette butt into the black metal railing, flicking it out into the darkening streets afterward. I couldn't exactly see what he was doing anymore, but judging by his shadow, he was searching for something. It got dark around here too early.

"Listen, I'm willin' to do something for you. Whatever it'll take to make you snap out of sandwich land..." I perked my eyes up curiously when I heard something scraping toward my arm. I looked down at my elbow and squinted enough to sort of see something white being pushed my way.

"What, you get another wife? This her number?" I snickered, pointing down at the thing.

"Just take it, gosh." Reno took his hand away and went back to leaning over the rail. I had a feeling he was staring at me and so, to steer away from getting rough housed, I carefully lifted the paper, sending quick glances at Reno and back before finally picking it up. I lifted it to my face and held it under the flickering doorbell light.

_Twilight Town: One Way; Train 1; Departure: 10:00 AM Friday_

Did his brain just grow back?

"Consider it?"

I thought getting butterflies was only what girls got when they got excited or nervous. But this proved otherwise. God, I loved Reno. I couldn't even force words out. Yeah, ok, I can't thank him or anything 'cause that would be corny...wouldn't it? I can't hug him 'cause that would be...cornier. What's the point of this? He must've been drunk when he bought this.

Today was Tuesday. Three days? Three whole days. Minor patience issue.

"Well? Say something. You want it or not?"

I turned to the door, smiling out of my mind, then back to Reno's shadow. No one would here me, give it a shot. "_Hell_, yes."

* * *

**great, i deleted the original ending note! -slap- watch me type this out from memory...hah.**

**the difference from this story and Sex Ed 101 is that this story is in axel's POV...which we most likely figured from intro...-slaps self- sex ed was written in roxas' perspective so now i have to re-adapt to writing from axel's special mind. -meditates- be one with your...inner red head? XDD**

**please R and R? at least 10 reviewys? hopefully i can get something that will inspire me to keep writing...hopefully? ugh, i'm no good at asking for this. in short, i feel emo when i write without a purpose. still, i'm very persistent when it comes to typing like mad. XDD**

**_to twilight town we go? -spooky music-  
kokoro77_**


	3. Chapter 3: You Walk into a Bar

**Author's note: hey, guys. :D i know that this update is like...a month late...but it's totally fine if you all shoot me up. i need to find _some_ way to get out of asia...like now. i can't wait 3 more weeks here! i miss hommmeee! ok, so we ate some american food yesterday...but it sure as heck wasn't the same! save me, please. DX**

**dear FF dot net, please stop deleting my author's notes...it's getting annoying. as if my day wasn't bad enough, now i have to write this all over again. -cries-**

**anyway, that's enough. i'm sorry, guys, really. i just needed somewhere to vent.**

**so, about this update, i may be maimed for it...slightly. at least that's what i predict. bar scenes are great fun to write, oh yes. it's like high school dances!...with drinking...and drunk people doing drunk people things...a sea of renos. XDD**

* * *

Chapter 2: You Walk Into a Bar 

Today: Wednesday.

Schedule: get up/stop dreaming about Roxas: 7 AM

another noogie from mom: 7:45 AM

force self to work: 8:03 AM

pose for cologne ad/dream of kicking Mr. Boss: 9:00 AM – 12 PM

force self home/think about Roxas: 1 PM

continue packing/continue thinking about Roxas: 1:52 PM – 12 midnight.

I honestly could've thought about him all day. But a day long ADULT schedule had to interfere every now and then. Sometimes, it really bites being an adult. I'm so used to mom doing the moneymaking.

2 Days away and I've still got serious packing to do.

Today: Thursday.

Schedule: get up/stop dreaming about Roxas...and cruise ships with monkeys: 7 AM

come to dumb realization that mom is still asleep: 8:00 AM

late to yet another photo shoot: 8:10 AM

spin around and don't even bother with work: 8:30 AM

continue packing/thinking about what to _say_ to Roxas: 9:00

figure out how to break the news to Larxene: eventually.

She still didn't know that Reno had given me a ticket. I figured that Reno wouldn't even mention so much as a syllable since he couldn't drag his fat ass off the couch for the past days. Mom had to resort to dumping all the alcohol in the fridge last night. I'm surprised I even still live with her; I guess that I could consider moving into the condo with Larxene one of these days.

Eh. Sharing a bed, with _Larxene_,is...scary.

Slumping into a chair, I glared up at the living room clock. 9:20. Larxene was off at work, Ayden at school and Reno, Reno just took the couch and camped out. Me, I ditched work for the first time in a long while, as crazy as that sounds. I can't put a finger on why _now_ out of all other times.

I placed a hand on my forehead and switched glances to the wall ahead of me where a black luggage was just depressing in a corner. Larxene hadn't bothered to ask about it...didn't even bother to open it either.

For a second, I started thinking about just sneaking out tomorrow for that train ride. Nah, that'd just make me feel guilty about abandoning everyone here. One of these days, I'd have to let at least _someone_ know about my predicaments.

As I thought about it, I rocked back and forth on the legs of the chair and started up talking to myself again.

"Larxene...you know that one dude...no, that doesn't sound right. Dude? Who calls people dude anymore? Uhm, Larxene, you remember Roxas, yeah? Yeah, he's my best bud...friend. But, not _exactly_ that. He's kinda sorta..." I groaned and slapped the top of the table. This wasn't working.

Why not just flat out say "I'm gay"? That would keep things short and sweet.

"_You're what?"_

Eyes widened, I looked up and spotted Reno looming over me, one eye squinted like he just woke up. He was scratching his head.

"You!" Freaking out beyond reason, I felt the chair rock backward when I failed to keep balance, and eventually it took me down with it. With my legs hanging over the seat and my butt slammed against the floor, I kept myself up on my elbows and glared up at him. "What'd you hear?" I asked, panting.

A corner of Reno's mouth twitched upward as he stared off into space. He shrugged and tightened a button on his suit. He didn't even seem to care that I just stupidly hurt myself. "I didn't really hear much of anything. You were just muttering."

Relieved, I shut my mouth and partially smiled. Good. It's all chill. I'm not gay to the world yet.

Wow, that didn't sound right at all.

I shook my head and nudged the chair away with my foot before getting back on my feet.

"Shouldn't you be somewhere right now?" he asked, leaning in the doorway of the kitchen.

I pouted my bottom lip and sighed. "Not necessarily. I don't have to."

"Aw, poor pretty boy's scared of the women at work, isn't he? Afraid it'll tear your relationship apart with Larxene, huh?" Strangely, he said that in a mature voice. Still, I took it as a joke.

You'd be surprised how clingy Larxene can be when it comes to me and pictures with other women. "Shut it." Right now, I just wasn't in the mood for this.

I needed somewhere else to be...just not in this town. I needed more freedom than just sitting around on my butt, muttering to myself all the time. I had to act on this...but when? Why wait for tomorrow to leave here? Schedules suck.

"Hey, listen. I was thinking, you know, maybe we could hang out tonight before you get on that train tomorrow."

I raised both my eyebrows and peered over my shoulder, carefully tapping my fingers on the glass table. It just occurred to me that my face was heating up. I'm really not one to blush...right now's an exception.

When I didn't answer, he continued, and got close enough to slap a hand on my shoulder. He gave me a shake and lightly laughed to himself. "You still need some loosening up. Live it up a little, you know? Don't you remember high school years? You had fun then, right?"

I smirked and stared down at my hands. Yeah, high school was the life. I still had someone to thank for that.

"So, you should go back to that." With a hard hit on my back, Reno nearly sent my flying against the table before I heard him walking away toward the front door. "Good! It's decided then. 8 tonight. You, me, downtown. Got it?"

Knowing Reno, we were probably gonna head out to some strip club down the block. The worst part would be that everyone there would notice me. My face is plastered everywhere in the marketing industry.

"Who says we decided any..."

"Catch, ya!" And he flung himself out the door. That man's dangerous...he needs to be quarantined, I swear.

xxXXxx

"_I'm home!"_

5:50

Wow, she's home early.

I couldn't imagine why. Ayden was staying late tonight 'til 7 since he had a basketball game to play. She didn't have to get off early from work to get him...strange. Life's suddenly off schedule.

I looked up from a camera I'd been flipping pictures through and stared out the bedroom door. The front door slammed shut and was followed by the ever so popular high heels scratching along the hardwood. Sighing, I shoved the camera under my pillow and tossed some sheets over it.

"_Arisa? Reno? You guys in here?"_

Here goes. "Larxene!" I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and sat up. Somewhat nervously, I gripped the bed sheets beside me and watched the door.

"_Axel? Hey, you got off from work early?"_

"I should be the one asking you that," I scoffed and cracked my neck.

"_Hm, here's the thing: I asked you first. What're you doing here so early? Where's Ayden? You pick him up?"_ Her voice was sort of hoarse, like she'd been yelling all day, or worse, drinking. The only thing that seemed important to her when she said that was why I was home so early; she said it pretty flirtatiously. Her footsteps were drawing closer to the bedroom in slow, light steps.

That was awkward. I at least expected her to be angry, slamming things into walls.

Rubbing the back of my neck, I looked away from the door when I noticed her shadow on the floor. I stood up and walked up to the nearest wall, just staring at it, pretending that I was doing something important.

"I just didn't have much to do today. You know, they were easy shots."

"Oh, really?" I could tell she was actually _in_ the room now.

Chuckling somewhat insecurely, I crossed my arms and iffily tapped my foot on the floor. What was I thinking, staying in the bedroom all by myself? It might not seem that horrible at first, but later on...oh, I had a bad feeling about this.

"Yeah, really. And, I was actually thinking about heading back, since I didn't get enough time to check out the good shots." Hoping that she'd accept that answer, I turned on my heel and faced her standing in the doorway, her own arms tightly crossed over her chest and her eyes eying me at a slant.

She was in her nurse's outfit today; a perfectly white shirt that she liked to tie off at the back so it would cling to her body, since its normal size, size _small_, made her "look fat", and a pair of perfectly white pants that she insisted on having a light blue ribbon tied around at the waist. Her long hair was tied in a low ponytail and, once again, she kept all her makeup on even when her boss told her not to. All for the sake of fashion.

After inspecting her for a second, I started heading for the door, already moving off to one side to pass her before she kicked her foot out and blocked me.

"You're-lying," she teased, taking her foot back before reaching back to shut the door behind her.

I heaved a sigh and tried busting out again. Nope, still not working. "We've been over this."

"And _I_ think that it's time you put the job to the side and leave room for more fun in your life, hm? Where's the entertainment anymore, babe?" Since when did she call me babe? That obviously meant one thing and one thing only.

"Larx," I began, turning my back on her just as she attempted to grab me, "are you drunk?"

She disappointedly laughed to herself. I heard something skid across the floor followed by something else hitting the bed. When I looked I saw one of her black high heels sitting in the middle of the bed where she threw it. The other one was obviously somewhere on the floor.

"Just because I call you names automatically makes me drunk?"

"Yes, yes it does."

"_Well_...that hurts my feelings. Take it back." With my back still turned from her, I looked up when I felt her arms locking around my neck in a lazy manner. My eyes twitched while she buried her head in my neck, nuzzling it.

Delete, please.

I forced a smile and nudged my shoulder, rolling her off. "I'm not taking it back. Go water yourself down, will ya?"

"_Axel_," her voice suddenly dropped, "I'm not drunk. Are you hearing me at all?"

I didn't respond and just stood there, hesitating to head for the door again. I watched the digital clock sitting on the night stand to my left. Not even _close_ to 8 o' clock. I had to come up with some brilliant excuse before the unthinkable happened.

"I just thought that me coming home early would leave us some time to be alone." She sounded so destroyed while she said it. I almost felt sorry about it.

"You didn't even know that I'd be here," I argued, completely forgetting feeling sorry.

"Think about it. Ayden's at school, your mom's off shopping, Reno's...being Reno." While she went on talking what sounded like nonsense, I looked down to my waist to see both of her slender hands wrapping themselves around my belt, attempting to undo it. I raised my elbows and twitched uneasily when she actually _did_ pull the belt out of the metal loop.

"Larx, listen," I murmured lamely. I turned back around to face her, swishing her hands away, and had to suffer with staring down at her puppy dog face. Her face wasn't pink or anything, but there was just something about her behavior that marked her as the slightest bit tipsy.

I drew in a deep breath and held up my ripped jeans with one free hand. Boy, embarrassing. "I just don't think it's the best place for this right now."

She raised an eyebrow cockily. "And why not?"

"Can't wait for our own place, can you?" Fortunately, my plan seemed to be working. She sighed and looked up at me extremely intently.

"Whatever you say."

"Good. Now I..." Real smooth. Way to drop your defenses, Axel. Way-to-go.

With my mouth literally hanging open to talk, Larxene took the opportunity to be a little sneak and take a huge step forward; crashing our bodies together with her arms snaked around my neck for balance. I stifled a muffled gasp, unable to retaliate with words since Larxene's lips were way too preoccupied in stealing mine.

She never did that before. _I_ never let her do it. It was always a kiss on the cheek thing between us. My personal bubble was pretty hard to break through. Apparently, the bubble was Larxene proof for one second.

All the little sensors in my brain set off, like a little defense system for some deadly plague. But I ignored 'em, just blankly looking at her while new thoughts got in the way.

Her cheeks were so soft pressed to me, her lips just as feathery light. When I looked down at her, her eyes were shut peacefully together like she really did _love_ me. She was trying to get in the moment; _feel _it. I knew it. I knew right then and there that she had to love me.

For a second, I felt like pushing her away. Another second, I wanted to just hold her. It'd been a while since this happened...

Before long, I was kissing _Roxas_.

I suddenly would've liked to get in the moment too. I felt like kissing him back even.

All I saw was Roxas. All I felt was Roxas. Tasted him, touched him...but I didn't _have_ him.

I rethought about it before abruptly drawing my head back. Larxene gasped against me and nearly tripped forward. I quickly caught her and gently pushed at her shoulders before taking a step to her side. I glanced at her a moment. Just looking at her hurt me bad.

_I didn't have Roxas._

"Roxas..." I muttered to the floor, touching the top of my head sheepishly. Larxene's existence literally passed me by. Nothing but a ghost in a pale outfit. Even when she asked me what I had said, I ignored her like she was nothing but a breeze.

Why was I thinking about him at a time like this? Why think about him so suddenly? Six years had already gone by. Sure, I thought about him more than his grandmother probably, but I couldn't think of a year that I even began envisioning him in other people's faces.

I was getting anxious...

But she loves me...but she _can't_ do that. Something about it feels like a sin.

"Axel, what's wrong? Why?" she asked speedily from behind me.

Ignoring her again, I turned around toward the bed, burying my hands into the white sheets before fishing out the once hidden, black and gunmetal colored camera. I needed to take some time alone before I broke down right there in the middle of the floor. I held it protectively under one arm and took wide steps toward the door, trying to leave the image of a crying Larxene behind.

"You're not..." Before I finished that sentence, I shook my head, feeling ultimately stupid, and walked out on her. My head hurt, my neck hurt, hands, legs...chest, everything. I needed something to calm me down.

Thank god for Reno.

xxXXxx

For some gosh darn reason, I was mad. Madder than hell. It takes a lot to set me off so I was even surprising myself with my behavior. But I wasn't all too sure about _what_ exactly had set a fuse in me. I couldn't suspect Larxene; all she did was kiss me...

...without asking...square on the lips.

What was I thinking? It's never her fault...I guess I'm the one to blame for not telling her I'll never _enjoy_ her.

With no where else to turn in the world, I cut across streets and swerved around security systems, not once realizing that I was heading downtown. The streets were absolutely empty. Everyone else was at work/school. I rather liked playing hooky.

By the time I hit the left sidewalk for the fifth time since I started walking, I finally realized where I'd dragged myself. Reno's voice started playing like a record in my head to a point where I really thought he was whispering over my shoulder.

8 o' clock, huh? I had to wait that long?

Knowing Reno, yet again, I already knew he wasn't one to wait for something to happen. With camera cradled under my arm, I broke into a fast walk along the wall until I turned the corner where I spotted a small building, completely pieced together with black painted walls.

The double doors to the building were some stylish chrome color with bubble shaped windows on each door side. There weren't any windows to show what went on inside. That was the one reason why people mistook the place for a strip club. Leading up to the doors along the wall were two red ropes that kept people in line during the rush hours at midnight. Hanging in bold, fancily written letters above the doorway was the word "Trinity". The sign hadn't been turned on yet, but when it would be, people came running.

Taking a hesitant breath, I straightened my back and walked toward the club.

The thing about Trinity is that the majority of its customers are gay. At least they all act that way.

_Another thing about it..._

Once I was close enough to the doors, I stretched my arm out and pushed the door open. The smell of hot air and Lysol instantly pushed against me. They were obviously prepping for tonight.

My shoes clacked against the black marble flooring while I inched toward the curved cut bar island ahead of me.

"_Axel! What're you doing here?" _someone called from behind the counter.

"Just prepping myself up," I raised my voice at them.

"_You looking for your cousin? He's back here!"_

"_Hey, Ax!"_

Another thing about Trinity...

"_Usual shot?" _the first person asked, using their back to push open the storage door before setting foot behind the bar.

I shrugged daintily and set my camera on the countertop. "Gimme your best, man."

Demyx happens to work there.

xxXXxx

"It's like, a miracle or something."

I looked up from the clear countertop and shot my eyes in Demyx's way when started up talking. All these years and he was still shorter than me by...a lot. But what he lacked in height he made up with his hair, which might be weird to say.

He's got dirty, _dirty _blonde hair that's nearly brown along his hairline. It's spiked with puffy tufts at the top of his head and low spikes at the back; a faux-hawk/permanent injury from playing with a lawnmower.

His eyes are bright, baby blue; almost as blue as the ones on the kids you see on the front of a box of Wheaties. They're perfect for distracting people when he turns and flashes them just the right way at just the right time.

He was wearing his "tending" outfit today: a tight fit, black t-shirt with a white treble clef printed on the front and beach khakis that came down to the top of his knees. I couldn't count how many wristbands and bracelets trafficked up his wrists today. Lucky for my eyes, he had on _one_ necklace with a shark tooth tied to the end of it.

We've been buddies since middle school and all through high school. He's always been the chipper type; you can't picture him serious at all. As to why he's in my town, he just felt like playing tag along once he got out of college last year to "pursue his music career".

Yeah, bartending is just one step away from a platinum album.

"Whatdaya mean?" I asked, pushing against the counter.

Demyx put away a huge bottle of vodka back on the shelf and turned around to me and Reno. "I mean, how often do we see the great Axel in a bar? _This_ early too!"

I rolled my eyes and gave him a smile. "Great me? Pft, don't ask me. Ask him." I jabbed a finger to my right where Reno was beginning to spin around in his barstool.

Reno stuck his feet out and stopped himself when his shoes hit the edge of the counter. He propped an elbow up and laid his chin in his hand. "He's going travelin' tomorrow," he said fluffily.

"Oh, really? Where to? Lemme in on it!" Demyx laughed like a giddy kid and crossed his arms on the bar, leaning in closer to me for the answer.

My smile widened when I remembered my trip. It was literally hours away before I would be blowing this popsicle stand. I chuckled shortly and leaned in to Demyx, copying Reno's current position.

"Headin' to Twilight Town," I said smugly.

"What? Are you serious! Man, you're so lucky!" Demyx plopped his head down in his arms and looked up at me as if begging to tag along _again_. "That'll make some summer vacation, yeah? How'd you get a hold of a ticke..."

"_I_ slid him one." Reno slid his hand across the bar where he patted my elbow.

"No kidding?" Demyx asked curiously. For a second, he looked up at the black ceiling where the ultra violet lights were hanging, getting ready for tonight. He hesitated to talk again, but he eventually straightened himself up, smoothed his hair down and put on a serious face out of the blue. "If you see the others, tell 'em I said 'hi', will ya?"

I raised an eyebrow and started fiddling with the empty shot glass in front of me. "Others?"

"You know...Marly and Roxas." Demyx didn't get the time to see the look on my face when he mentioned them; he'd turned away toward the shelf of alcohol with my shot glass in hand. He grabbed a skinny bottle of tequila and shook a couple drops into it, filling it halfway.

My eyes suddenly dropped to the transparent counter again, just staring at my feet. I bit my bottom lip and started replaying in my head what to say when I saw Roxas...if I ever _would_ find him. He obviously didn't live in the same house anymore. And Marly? I couldn't think about him...

I didn't much want to.

"So you're partying it out before leaving, is that it?" Demyx laughed and nudged the shot glass toward my hand.

I poked at the glass with tea colored liquid inside before tracing the rim with my finger, still in a lot of thought.

"Might as well live it up, man! We've got all night to use up!" With that out of his system, Reno gripped onto the counter and told Demyx to mix him up the strongest drink he had. I suddenly felt pathetic with a single, untouched shot.

I forced it down in under a second, letting it burn in my throat and on the way down. Before long, Demyx had it refilled to the top.

_Don't get drunk, don't get drunk, don't..._

By 8, it didn't really matter to say that. Woops.

xxXXxx

We learned about this in Sex Ed once...

The amount of alcohol in a shot equals the same amount of alcohol as a bottle of beer and a glass of wine. It takes about an hour before the whole shot/beer/glass gets filtered out of your system. Then I started wondering...

How long does it take six shots to get out of my system? Six hours, right? That sounded about right. We started about two hours ago. Great, four more hours to go.

"You hangin' in there?!" Reno yelled out to me over the blaring music through the club's stereo system.

I happened to be sitting next to one of the stereos so I wasn't all too comfortable about it. Nevertheless, I was still _happy_ about being in this place, surrounded by total strangers that hugged every single breathing space in the near pitch black room.

The only light in the club came from the few purple lights in the ceiling and the ghost blue light that illuminated from under the countertop of the bar. Amongst the people in the crowd, there were a few that carried glow sticks and other glow in the dark toys with them.

"Never better!" I yelled back at him. That was the truth, actually. I looked down at the six shot glasses sitting beside my camera. I smirked down at them and started talking to them. "I totally tackled all of you! You didn't think I could do it, did you?" Man, they were great company; they always listened to what I had to say!

"Whoo-hoo!" When I looked, I saw Reno standing behind the bar beside Demyx. They both hand their arms over the other's shoulder and were yelling distortedly amongst the beats in the new techno song ripping through the crowd. And even though it gave me even more of a headache, I went along with it.

I wondered if I was drunk...yeah, I definitely am.

Nearly falling over myself, I pushed away from the counter and stepped out into the increasing mosh pit below me. It was extremely hot in here, mostly from the alcohol, but lucky for me I was wearing a shirt with no sleeves, so it was all good. For some reason, I felt like checking what time it was, seeing as I wanted to get to bed early before heading out tomorrow.

I was surprised I could still even remember things, being knocked up and all.

"Yo, Ax, where're you goin'? _Axel! Hey!"_ Reno's voice drifted off behind me while I continued getting pushed side to side in the ocean of bodies. Ugh, dizzy...

I swerved to the right and ended up letting the flow of the dancing push me where it wanted. With feet shuffling against others and head growing heavier by the minute, the flow spit me out somewhere to the side were all the couples got together and produced fireworks. I stood under the purple light like some outcast, arms crossed and head hung restlessly.

I switched weight on my feet and felt my body swerving all on its own. This was seriously bad.

All around me, women were giggling against their boyfriends or the guys they just met two seconds ago. As soon as their make out sessions were over, they turned to the next guy. Kissing...

I suddenly remembered her again...then him.

_Clink_

"_Ah! Oh my, god. No! Where'd it...ah!"_

I pushed my head up when I heard someone's voice standing out in all the noise. Not only did their voice strike me, that little clink at my feet did twice the attention getting. It sounded metal to me...jewelry maybe?

Trying to ditch my lightheadedness, I gazed around at the endless black at my feet, kicking around for whatever I'd heard earlier. Some time passed before I kicked at something hard. Instead of me withdrawing, that thing moved in an instant.

"_Ow!"_

"My bad, sorry." I bent over where I pictured them to be, only to come up with a dusty floor. "Huh?" Not really thinking about what in the heck I was doing, I lowered my whole body down to the floor and dropped on my hands and knees, crawling against the crowd in a total blind moment.

Another bump, this time head to head it seemed like.

"Ow!"

"_Ouch!"_

Holding my head with one hand, I cringed slightly from the doubled up headache and nearly barfed right there on a stranger's feet. I forced myself to hold it though and stared straight ahead, knowing for a fact that the person I hit was _right there_.

"_What're you doing down here?"_ They shot at me.

"I'm the one that should be askin' you that," I replied smoothly. Hold on a sec...

They paused and I heard a short scoff escape them. _"Sorry,"_ they simply muttered before ducking back to the floor. I suddenly felt their hair tickling my arm when they brushed their head past me.

I twitched and giggled a little, moving toward them instead of away. Boy, I was happier than caffeine. I obviously ticked them off in doing so; they grumbled and I suddenly lost them again. Just when I thought the night became duller than dull again, someone's hand skipped over mine.

It was soft...so soft that I was amazed that I even caught it. Not only that, but it was also shaking a bit, almost like a shy touch. Their hand was so cold against my hot skin, giving me a pure rush against my spine. What kind of person could...do that?

"_Sorry."_

Right when they apologized, the speakers smoothly altered into a slow song. Even the lights on the ceiling made a change of their own; pausing from purple to an ice blue mixed with diamond white that speckled and crawled along the black walls.

_There's always that one person that will always have your heart_

_You never see it coming 'cause you're blinded from the start_

_Know that you're that one for me..._

I stared in a daze at the slow motion effect on the crowd and found the opportunity to look ahead of me, at a very, _very_ familiar face.

My head spun insanely. Hands frozen, breathing broken, eyes glazed over...the slow motion effect was on me too. Now I knew why I was feeling that way from a simple touch like that.

Just the same way, two perfectly blue eyes stared right back at me, widening and shaking just as _his_ mouth. Oh, man...

_It's clear for everyone to see_

_Oh, baby_

_You will always be..._

"A...xel...?"

_My boo_

* * *

**-imitates pokemon's "who's the pokemon?!"- WHO'S THAT PERSON? -lame-**

**bad place...baaad place to stop! but i really have no choice! i was about to write more to it but i needed to get my mind off the 17 mosquito bites on my legs...so i had to sleep to shake them off. currently in the hotel restaurant...still eating asian food while updating. this is awkward...**

**the highlight of my vacation: updating stories. nothing better! -hopeless sigh-**

**gosh, i lurve dat song, though. suddenly, axel became like usher (singer of the song)...and a REAL clone of reno. it's such a fantasy!!! don't wake me up, please. XDD**

**and larxene...she's a mystery, even to me. is axel OOC?**

**america, take me back! -deperate sob- please review, because i need a pick me up today...please? hugs? -faints-**

**_-hopefully- your boo X3,  
kokoro77_**


	4. Chapter 4: Desperate Measures

**Author's note: ahhhhh...! how long has it been, how long has it been, how long has it -explodes- ugh, i lost track of the dates since i arrived here back in the US. and now, i am sitting happily in my room with glorious wi-fi connection and a huge fluffy bed to type in...and the 7th potter book to read in my spare time!**

**i've been reading the 7th potter book for a jump start before i start writing. see, i had writers' block when i was in asia and now, now that i've read most of it, i've gotten that kick that i've been needing. i'm surprised i'm not jet lagged! -3 am- X3**

**this chapter was very interesting to write! well...there were a lot of emotions that had to be portrayed from this crazy headed red head. -dies- it's a good challenge that i'm working on. -karate chop- i am still with my inner red head...omm...**

**lots happens! might be smart to look for key points...**

* * *

Chapter 3: Desperate Measures

Right there, the song lost its meaning.

I knew it was too good to be true. Right when the lights came on and put all the couples on spotlight, my heart sank. I couldn't join the other couples and their slow dancing. It went against what I'd hoped; to have a dance partner in a snap. God, it hurt like hell. I couldn't relate the feeling to anything else besides the feeling of saying goodbye. What did I have to _do_ to get what I wanted? Beg? Pay? Kill myself?

I shook my head. Those shots were giving me nasty thoughts. Besides, it was bad enough that I was feeling horrible...looking at him instead of _him_.

I guess I was still alone.

"Axel? I can't believe it!" Sora was looking right at me, a different pair of blue eyes sparking happily in my face. It was easy to see why I'd mistaken his eyes for his brother's.

He looked about a year younger than me now. He smiled excitedly and pushed away from me, taking his hand away from mine too. My hand tingled when he did and, for a second, I almost grabbed out for him, wanting to shake him so he'd magically poof into Roxas on the spot. I seriously thought the world was just trying to trick me.

_He's Roxas, I know he is...he..._

"What'm I kidding?" I whispered to myself, shutting the teeny-bop voice off in my head and straightening up where I sat. I had some issues with being obsessive. I always knew I had an addiction.

"Hey, you alright? I didn't ram heads with you too hard there, did I?" I looked back up, suddenly feeling groggy, and saw Sora sheepishly rubbing his forehead. He's grown since I last saw him. He and Roxas could be twins if Sora had it in him to become a blonde rather than a brunette. The two of them share the same eyes, outside at least. Roxas' eyes have definite _feeling_ in 'em.

Sora still had his usual baby face that runs in his family; wide eyes and chubby cheeks. His skin was lightly sunkissed, he spent a lot of time on the beach, and it was still as soft as ever. He wasn't dressed like he was hoping to find a date so I figured that he'd already had one back home.

His shirt was red and baggy with the word "Blitzball" printed on the front in a black, paint splatter font. His hands were almost completely covered (his fingers poked through) by two blue and white gloves with two zippers in the middle of each. The only thing really party-ish about his outfit was the two neon orange and purple glow necklaces that were hanging around his neck. In his hand was the object that I figured I'd heard drop on the floor: a rusted old house key.

To keep it friendly, I vaguely smiled at him. I mean, I've known the kid since he was a tantrum ball running around our front yard. It'd be rude to shrug him off. "You're alright." I knelt down on one leg while staring down at him. "The double headache's my fault. Got myself a little tipsy."

Sora snorted. "You?"

"Yes, me," I replied, standing up only to ram against the wall behind me. Hundreds of bubbles in different colors were flying past my face no matter where I looked. I slapped a hand over my eyes and pushed down, trying to even out the pressure spreading over my forehead, and talked down to the floor. "What're you doing here? Radiant Garden, I mean."

There was a pause, leaving me to suffer through listening to the slow song by myself, before I heard two steps in front of me. I peeked through my fingers and saw him standing _almost_ eye to eye with me with a pitiful expression drawn on his face. Wow, the kid was tall. I wondered if Roxas grew that much too.

"See this shirt?" he asked, tugging at the front of it with one hand. Yeah, I saw it...more like 3 of them. "I came here about a month ago for a blitzball competition. But it ended last week so I'm about ready to head back home."

I lowered my hand again and rested my head against the hard wall. Don't barf, don't barf. "When're you heading back exactly?" Not like I really wanted to know; I hated it when the people I actually _liked_ had to leave so soon.

He pouted disappointedly and his eyes moved to the floor. They stayed there while he blew a puff towards his bangs. With one arm on his hip, he replied, "I might not go back."

"Wha-What?" I stammered.

"You've heard how it's hard to get a train to pick you up here, right? Well, that's my issue right now," he scoffed and continued. "Actually, there's one ride tomorrow, but I missed the chance to snag a ticket. And to think, residents of Twilight Town get discounted tickets to get there! I lucked out!" While he rolled his neck, cursing to himself, my eyes widened and I nearly freaked.

So, that meant...Sora was stuck here for another month? Hell. My guilty conscience was coming into play...

"Wait, did anyone else tag along with you?" I asked that pretty quickly, fearing that if I talked too slow that I'd let my puke do the talking instead. Sora didn't seem to notice it and shook his head.

"I left everyone else back in the town. Ah, were you expecting Roxas, maybe?" Just the way Sora said his name made it sound like there hadn't been anything new with him; like he was a frozen body since I left town.

I didn't wanna sound anxious or anything, but there wasn't much I could do about stopping it. Heck, yes, Sora. Your brother...where in the heck is he and who does he think he is, leaving me alone? "He..." I shut my mouth quickly and swallowed down what I felt was trying to inch its way out. I started again. "He doing ok?" Like I predicted, I said it anxiously.

"Yeah, yeah, he's fine. He's...hey, you sure you're doing alright?" I just realized that my eyes had closed all on their own when I felt Sora's hand grip onto my shoulder. If I _hadn't _been drunk, then he could've continued telling me his little story. I almost told him I was big enough I care for myself, but he quickly insisted even before I had the chance. He gave me a push and gently shook me. I reopened my eyes to halfway and slowly gazed down at him bending concernedly to stare at me levelly.

I bit my lip and vigorously nodded. That was technically a lie, though. "I..."

I was cut off by a huge spark of static from the club's stereo system. The whole crowd had a group scream when the lights blacked out and dotted the steam filled room in purple light again. Thankfully, I knew where Sora was since his necklaces were glowing against the black. Just like that, the slow song transitioned to another hip-hop remix.

Please no. I need a slow song right now.

"Let's head outside! We can talk there and get you somewhere to relax!" I felt Sora's grip on me tighten followed by him pushing behind me. I picked up my feet and forced my body to catch up with my intoxicated head, putting one foot in front of the other like I was just learning how to walk for the first time. I groaned after each step like it was pure murder.

"_Easy. You've got it...just a little further, ok?"_ I could hear Sora's voice behind me while we were blindly swaggering through the shadows. Lucky for me, Sora seemed to know his way and, like some concerned parent, brought me out the doors into the fresh air. I'd never been so giddy about the polluted air in Radiant Garden in my life.

I coughed against the icy coldness around me, and, the second we ventured to the edge of the sidewalk, crouched down and pressed my chin against my knees, Sora still holding onto my shoulder protectively. What a great kid...

I barely had it in me to look at him straight in the face, even though he was being humane right now. It just didn't occur to me until now _why_ I didn't want to look at Sora, let alone remember that he existed. The thing is, he reminded me too much of Roxas...it hurts too much.

Why did he have to find me? Out of all days? No...I mean, why did he have to find me at all? I didn't want to be found; I didn't ask for it. I was already feeling stupid for being drunk on this meeting. He probably thought the same thing about me. _Stupid_.

Smiling casually, and with eyes shut again, I turned my head to the right where I knew Sora was staring at me nervously. Just picturing his twisted face, softly raised eyebrows and glossy eyes beside me, I brokenly laughed. Maybe by putting on the act I could fool myself into thinking he was just a stranger.

"Thanks, _Roxas_."

So much for that strategy.

"Huh?"

_Hurl_

xxXXxx

"_What makes him think that drinking will solve anything? That's it. I'm kicking Reno out of the house. All he does is bad influence people! Next thing I know he'll be getting my son to--"_

"_Hey, Larxene, is he doing any better?"_

"_Oh...ugh, just like he was when you dragged him in here. I was just beginning to think what it was that made him go all out._

"_Well, he doesn't do it often, does he?"_

"_No. Actually, he doesn't do it at all."_

"_He should come to in a bit. I've dealt with this before back home, you know."_

"_Hm. Thanks for the help...you said your name was Sora, right?"_

"_Yeah. I'm Roxas' older brother."_

Roxas?

"_Roxas...you mean Axel's friend from back home?"_

Roxas, Roxas, Roxas...why was _everything_ about the little blonde haired kid? All he ever did was hurt me. All he ever did to me was punish me and turn the whole world against me. God, if there was a way I would've struck myself with a memory zapper to forget. Then again, I'd feel guilty about it, I knew it. What was I saying? Forget Roxas?

I stayed still for a while, just taking in the continuing conversation between the two familiar voices bouncing against my head. I couldn't tell if they were whispering or not; when they talked it pounded against my head like a bag of nails with the sharp ends poking through the bag. Even the familiar softness at my back was failing to help ease any pain whatsoever. My whole body was aching regardless of life's pain killers coming to my rescue.

Miserably, I groaned and turned my head to the left, completely oblivious to, not only where I was, but which position I was in. From where I was, I felt like I was upside down so all the blood could rush to my head. By the time I cracked both eyes open half way, a soft orange light greeted me along with a blurred shadow hovering against it. I squinted and coughed.

"A-Axel? Axel! You're awake!" Larxene's voice drilled into my head with every bit of concern I failed to accept.

"Do you have to," cough, "be so noisy?" Cough.

I managed to lift a heavy hand up to my forehead where I laid the back of my hand over my eyebrows. I felt a touch on either side of my upper neck, lightly groping and grazing over my skin. The light finally started to cooperate with my eyes and I opened them just a bit wider to see Larxene's pale face gazing down at me. Her once long and shimmering hair was messily parted down the middle with large strands of hair poking out every which way. Her mascara was smeared and her peach pink lipstick faded. She still had her nurse's outfit on and even it was ruffled and buttoned up in all the wrong spots.

Her thin fingers patted along different spots on my neck and she finally sighed restlessly, pulling them back to rub her temples. "You're burning up. You're lucky that it's just the alcohol and not the flu."

Alcohol? Flu? Burning...? Oh, yeah, that's right; I was at the bar last night with Reno and Demyx. I couldn't pinpoint exact details, but all the major events were clearer than looking at something right in front of my face. I'd gotten drunk...and I couldn't figure out the reason why I decided to. Let's see...I hung around the make out wall for some time, just being an outcast. I didn't have anyone to "make out" with so I guess that just made me feel...

In a second, I sighed brokenly and pushed my head back against the couch cushions below me. _That's_ why I drank. I was depressed. I'd felt something touch me the way I used to be touched. I thought I'd gotten rid of the headache, but it was just...

"Sora!" I gasped, sitting up on the sofa with a start. Man, my throat was stinging like hell and my stomach was cramping when I moved. Even though my head pulsed doing it, I forced myself to stare forward where he was standing, hands in front of him in a defensive position. He blinked tightly and lowered his arms to cross over his blitzball t-shirt.

"I'm right here, not going anywhere soon!" he puffed to the floor. Hearing that, I remembered even more...Sora was literally stuck in this town. He missed his chance to head back to Twilight Town. Twilight Town...that place...oh, shit.

Panicking Larxene, I spun my head around my shoulder and clicked my teeth together while my eyes shot out to the far wall of the living room. Thankfully, I caught sight of my single black suitcase leaning against the wall like I'd left it for the past days. What really drew my attention to it was a recognizable poof of crimson spikes propped up beside it. I raised an eyebrow slowly at Reno who was sprawled on the floor with his head on the luggage for a pillow. His arms were lying limply at his side with his hands turned up toward the ceiling. His face was even redder than his hair.

"Uhm. Sora, can you and I ta—" Right when I was turning my head back to my feet, I froze midway to see, not mom, my Demyx sprawled out on the arm chair sitting across from me. One leg was swung over the back of the chair and one was hanging over one of the arm rests. His left arm was like a noodle dangling toward the floor and the other was held in his lap. His face, which was turned directly to the ceiling, was a light tint of pink. To finish the idiot look, his mouth was hanging wide open while he snored quietly.

I shook my head, which just made me dizzy, and attempted to steady my eyes on Sora's. He blankly eyed me down. "Can we talk?" I asked with a moan.

"Not until you and I talk, Axel," Larxene cut in, leaving Sora's answer dangling in midair just as he'd opened his mouth.

"B-but—"

"No." She moved away from behind my back and strode on over the coffee table in the center of the room. Once there, she dramatically paused before spinning around and crossing her legs while she sat herself on the glass counter, her sharp blue eyes glaring death into my face. Oh, please, not now. If it's anywhere _near _9 o'clock...

"Listen," she began with a relaxed sigh, "don't you remember what you were supposed to do last night?"

I hung my mouth open for a quick answer but ended up swallowing down air.

Larxene scoffed harshly. "I figured. _Ayden_ had a special basketball game last night. And it happened to end at 7 _while_ I was back at work. I'd thought we discussed this!" Her fingers clung to the edge of the table beside her knees when she leaned in closer to talk to me.

At my feet, I noticed Sora slowly starting to inch toward the door with a hand at his neck, rubbing sheepishly. His eyes were darting between Larxene and me like we were being interrogated at a police line up. I crossed my legs under me and held a hand up to him to which he stopped his quiet getaway.

"Hold up, Sora. You never told me you were going back to work," I stated.

"Oh, yes I did! Just this morning, I told you that I was going to come home for a quick break before going back. Don't you listen to a word I...hold on, Sora. We're almost finished."

With eyes raised, I turned back quickly to where Sora had been standing only to see him nearly cowering behind the couch. Oh, thanks a lot...real touching. And after all these years, too! What a guy! Couldn't be more supportive! The inner sarcastic Axel was nagging at me, flipping on a hidden switch. I instantly flipped.

Stubbornly, I flung my head to the side and tightly closed my eyes like some kid getting close to their parent announcing "grounded". I hadn't even realized how much I was sweating up until now. The room suddenly had a faint steam cloud floating past my face. "There you go again, always finding a way to blame me!"

Larxene's mouth dropped. "Blame you? It's always about you, isn't it?!"

"You know what, for once, I'd like to see _you_ take all this crap. When're you gonna step up and take care of Ayden for once in your—"

"I _do_ take care of him!" At that point, I'd driven her to the point where she stood up, glaring down at me like a giant since her black heels were so tall. "The point is that, you didn't _listen _to me again! All you did was get knocked up and—"

"You never said _anything_!"

"Just SHUT UP AND...Sora! Will you just stay there and—"

"Hey! He's not in this! Cut the crap, Larxene!" I got up to my feet, the alcohol failing to take me back down, and stood over her and her designer shoes. Just like that, the heat was starting to intensify and I had a strange feeling that Sora could feel it too. I could hear him mumbling something to my back but the constant angry inner me canceled him out. What was making me so _angry?_

"Fine! Even if I "didn't tell you" you could have at least had a little red flag go up and let you know to get him! Show some responsibility! I should've known that you'd forget." While I stared down into Larxene's eyes, I could already see unshed tears starting to flood them. For once, I wasn't feeling all too horrible about her crying. I felt like she needed some time to do what she wanted without me having to comfort her all the time.

"If you were so sure that I would forget then why not go get him yourself?!"

Larxene's head was already tucked toward her chest and was pointed to the floor at an angle. Her quivering eyes were shut and she was biting her lower lip so hard that the last of her lipstick was being replaced with a deep shade of pink and pale white. The way she was all hunched up like that made me think that she was holding back. I felt like I'd earned the winning spot and decided to leave the argument with a point.

I held my head and lightly sighed while I turned my back on her. "Larxene, I'm just telling you now that, If I'd known then—"

"Mn...you...son—"

At the sound of her uncontrollable voice in the cloud of heat, I took a step toward the luggage only to freeze when her voice literally screeched at me at the top of her lungs. Just the sound of her tone made me shiver surprisingly. Not only that, but what she _said_ doubled the sensation.

"HE'S YOURS! HE'S YOUR SON!"

I admitted, for the first time in a long while, my world stopped spinning. And, in that heated room, I managed to freeze over and stand there, disbelieving and shaking away from Sora and her sight. Larxene's scream echoed down the hall, through the kitchen and came back to me just as loud as it had been when she started. What in the hell was she saying? We'd covered that he wasn't mine. I'd never...done anything with her. Was she just begging for attention?

My head couldn't take anymore tension and thoughts in one day. I looked over my shoulder once at her, holding her head in her hands, sitting back down on the table, and spotted that the armchair had moved a couple inches. Demyx was staring right at me upside down, puffy eyes and mouth slightly widened while he lay motionless with his head hanging over the arm rest.

"_Ahem_._"_

I shook and spun around toward the voice. Like I figured, Larxene's scream and our argument even woke up the usually lazy, sleep-in-until-3 PM Reno. He had one leg pulled to his chest and the other spread out in front of him. His green eyes were locked with mine in a sort of stare that eased the hangover and chest pain.

"Sorry to ruin the soap opera, but," with a grunt, he pushed up from the floor with a gentle swerve and added, "your train leaves in thirty minutes."

I thought I said that my head couldn't handle anymore today and he just had to go and bust this one out. Before I responded, it then occurred to me...he said it right in front of Larxene and Sora who didn't know _a thing_ about it. Holy...dammit. This wasn't supposed to happen! Suddenly, even Reno's stare couldn't ease the feeling of guilt that started weighing itself down on my entire body.

"Train?" Sora broke the silence quietly, trying to pull off a little laugh.

I nodded and straightened up my back. "That's what...I wanted to talk to you about. I was gonna—" I paused and looked to the ceiling in thought. Smoothly, I continued with, "I was hoping you would tag along with me."

The look on Reno's drunken, red face twisted in utter confusion but I rolled my eyes at him to get him to quit it. Shrugging his shoulders, he pulled open the front door, letting the faint sunlight hit him, and held it open patiently. I watched Sora jump on his feet before breaking into a hurried step to and out the door, not even bothering to wave goodbye to Larxene who was still making muffled crying noises behind me.

"Reno, get the other luggage from the hall closet, will ya?" I told him, holding the door open for him. He leaned in closer to me and stared at my chest to avoid suspicion.

"What're you doing?" he whispered.

"Just do it." I playfully pushed at his shoulder and sent him toward the closet where he returned with a luggage that was at least 5 times larger than the one I was originally bringing. When he set it down, it reached to both of our shoulders...

..._perfect_ for Sora's height.

I quickly straightened up the hood of my sleeveless jacket and adjusted the second zipper, bringing it up just under my belly button just to reveal a little skin. Even though the sunlight stung like needles in my eyes, I much rather preferred going out there than being inside the house. I felt horrible, in all honesty. Not saying goodbye to Ayden...not saying goodbye to mom...leaving Demyx to console Larxene instead of me. As I shut the door behind me, a heard a couple of hurried footsteps stop short in the living room.

"_Dad?"_ Ayden's voice shut off when I locked the door. Dad? Did she honestly expect me to believe that?

xxXXxx

Luckily, mom's house is only 10 minutes away from the train platform in the town square. The three of us got there in silence; just the sound of the two luggages rolling along the cracked roads kept it from being dead quiet. I was walking ahead of them, just looking ahead of me with nothing but leaving this place in mind. I had the strangest feeling that Reno and Sora were gossiping with eye contact behind me, but I shrugged it off.

I was desperate right about now. No family crisis was gonna slap me in the face and shut me down that easily.

We finally reached the single raised platform where several passengers were managing to squeeze into the purple train with gold painted rims and blue moon and star shaped windows. It was suspended in mid air, nothing holding it in place but possibly invisible tracks. I gazed up at it, constantly dragging my eyes from its front door to the wheels to the hissing steam that was coming out of the top. It never changed since I last got off of it. I wondered, did that mean that Twilight Town was exactly the same?

"You have your ticket, right?" Reno asked briskly behind me.

I patted my jacket pocket and pulled out the misty colored ticket carefully. Yup. I didn't lose it in that mosh pit from hell last night.

"Right here. Sora." I turned around and faced Sora who immediately shot his head up from the ground. He was obviously shaken up pretty badly...but I didn't wanna think about it right now.

"Yeah?"

"Reno, hand me the luggage...How are you with flexibility?" I quickly asked, already unzipping the huge bag from the side. Sora just watched me nervously and cracked his fingers.

"Erm, ok, I guess. I can do the splits every now and—"

"Perfect." Breaking him off, I pushed the top of the cherry red bag back and let Sora and Reno peer into its empty space all confused like. What often makes sense to me spazzes out others. I walked around the bag and took Sora's left wrist to which he twitched in shock. Using the tip of my converse, I pointed to the inside of the bag.

"You're gonna tag along with me, understand?"

A full two seconds passed until Reno broke out in a roar of uncontrollable laughter. He bent over his knees and held his stomach like he was gonna hurl all over his shoes. Sora just switched glances at him and the bag, probably trying to reword what I just said to something more practical. Nope. That was perfectly practical.

Still laughing, Reno pulled up and reached up a hand to me. "Oh, oh, that-that's brilliant!" He high fived me and I couldn't help but smirk rather proudly. Really, I learned from the best.

While Reno dabbed the corners of his eyes, Sora trembled from what I felt in my hand that was still around his wrist. I looked down at him. "The trip won't take that long, I promise. This thing has so many holes in it you'll be able to breathe perfect."

"This is your idea of tagging along? What if we get caught?" Sora asked, nudging an unsure hand toward the open, Swiss cheese luggage on the ground. I counted at least 7 holes so far.

"We _won't._ All you have to do is sit quietly in the seat next to me in the train and we'll be all good. Seriously, look at this thing. It's perfect for your height so it'll be like sleeping in a bed."

Reno cut in and rubbed Sora in the shoulder persuasively. "See? He came up with that plan in the 10 minutes it took to get here!"

"Yeah, and at this rate, you'll miss the train!" Sora blurted out, squeezing his hands into fists. He was blushing and his feet were shifting anxiously below. Still, I could easily tell he wanted to go and he was just shuffling his way toward the bag.

Nearly a minute passed before he released a rough groan/sigh and ripped his wrist away from me. He stepped toward the bag, took in a deep breath and placed both feet inside, the sides of the bag coming up to his knees. He ducked his head and snuggled into a corner before lying down on his side in somewhat of a fetal position, still blushing terribly...more like amusingly.

He was too much like Roxas.

"Alright! We're game!" I whooped and zipped up the luggage just when Sora began poking his head out to talk to us. I ignored his muffled cursing inside and pulled the bag onto its wheels. Reno clapped a hand on my back while we headed to the back of the line, no one staring at us or even realizing that we'd just stowed away Sora like a sardine.

As I boarded the train, packed sardine and clothes rolling behind me, and took my first steps back to my real home, I barely even remembered what it felt like to scream and throw words around like they were punches. Arguments couldn't exist right now, as far as I knew. Neither did my modeling job or lousing schedules.

I was on summer vacation all over again.

Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

* * *

**XD ohhh...poor, poor sora...i'm pretty sure that things wouldn't happen like that in real life but, in this life, IT CAN.**

**while i typed this, i was wondering what it would be like if i held some sort of contest for this and sex ed. then again, i have no idea what i'd _do_ exactly. hmmm...-sits in corner- input? i'll just push that to a part of my mind for now. right now, axel needs to get over his hangover and sora needs to keep breathing. BIG OPEN SPACES, SORA. BIG OPEN SPACES XDD;;**

**where's roxas you ask? -pelted with broccoli- ...it will all be revealed as well as the situation with axel's new issue. he takes pain pretty easily, i think...maybe too easily. DX**

**_roxas sardine...yum :D,  
kokoro77_**


	5. Chapter 5: Touching Twilight

**Author's note: finished this chapter all in one night. X3 makes me feel productive this summer. last night, or rather, yesterday morning DX, i finished harry potter 7 at 2 am and didn't get the time to write anything! so! HP gave me the boost i needed to write again so here i am! -faints-**

**i know now that akuroku fluff is the one happy thing in this world that will make me cry. -happytears- nomura, answer my prayers and make them reunite again? happy-like? lookit sora and riku! -pushes letters to nomura-**

**hope i don't bury you in 6 feet of fluff. a lot of suffed animals would perish that way. XP**

* * *

Chapter 5: Touching Twilight

To be completely truthful with myself, I wasn't the best camper/traveler, what ever you wanna call it as I boarded that train. Sure, I was smiling out of my mind, both from the fact that'd I pulled off hiding Sora in the bag and that I was heading back _home_ after 6 years, but there was something seriously out of place about me just packing up and leaving. Even though most of the seats of the train were still empty, I refused to take one and stood in the same spot in front of the exit doors, just staring out at the slowly fading body of Reno waving at the train from the cement platform.

My bags, er, and Sora were standing up beside me, unmoving and not talking at that. I was actually pretty lucky that no one had caught him inside when I'd gotten _on_ the train. See, Reno pulled me back for a bit and, before I could go against it he'd wrapped something heavy around my neck and sent me flying back inside. When I looked down, I saw that he'd given me the camera that I left at the bar just last night. I ended up stuffing it in the luggage with Sora inside, getting a grumble in response.

Thinking about the bar, my body started getting the "morning after" feeling. The swaying of the train wasn't helping much either and I bent my head while my throat started pulsing. Now then, what about taking a seat? Sounds great.

In seconds I had my butt slammed against the seat nearest the exit door. I wanted to be the first one off the train when it stopped...whenever that would be. I'd told Sora that it'd be a short trip when, in reality, I had no freakin' way how long this would take.

Already when I lazily looked outside the sky was tinting from murky grey to the clearest of dark purple. No more pollution, thank god. I figured that Radiant Garden, in all its non-radiance, was slowly starting to fade away behind the tracks, leaving behind friends, family, and controversies. Still, even when I'd thought I'd lain to rest all those evil-y thoughts, Ayden's voice still struck me hard. The pain was too much to take and I ended up dropping my head back against the seat, staring up at the ceiling page-blank.

I kept picturing what Twilight Town would look like now. Possibly more towers added? More workplaces? A couple more Starbucks shops here and there? Out of anything, I begged that Radiant Garden hadn't shined its glorious light on Twilight Town. That place didn't deserve to be influence by crap. Neither did the people...

...Especially those certain people that are so _vulnerable_ to bad stuff. Can't imagine how he's been...can't even paint so much as a face, an emotion on it. I started hating it...I hated that I couldn't even figure out Roxas, even though I concentrated on him the most out of everyone I'd known. And what was I gonna say to him again? What would he say back or _look_ back? All the questions started pouring out when I closed my eyes.

Where was he living? Where'd he work? Did he even have work? Who...who was he _with_? God forbid that he was with anyone...romantically, I mean. Man, I felt like I was being pushed into a blind date scenario...

Was he even...still..._Roxas_ anymore?

_Train arriving. Now arriving at Station Heights: gate number 3. Please remain seated or holding on until train comes to a complete stop at the gate. Please depart through designated exit doors and make room for other passengers. Station Heights: gate number 3._

All of a sudden, something pushed up against my right leg and I shot my head up, just then realizing that the headache was amazingly gone. I stupidly looked left and right then at my leg where I'd felt something pushing me. I saw the red suitcase acting annoyed, bouncing against me like there was a dog inside. I kicked it and it quickly stopped trying to wake me up.

"I'll get you out once we're out of sight in the station, got it?" I whispered through one of the holes in the bag. Luckily, all the passengers were just getting up and were too occupied with it to notice me whispering to anything.

_"Ok, ok. I'm getting cramps!"_ Sora's bright blue eye broke through the sudden darkness that fell over the train then pulled back, rolling itself at me.

I knew the darkness that fell over us. It was the tunnel that led from the train gates to the tracks outside. Right when we passed through it, I swear that I sucked in my breath and held it there forever. I just stared sideways, somewhat unsure, at the front of the train then at the exit door while its handle rattled with the slowing pace of the train's wheels. I was unconsciously gripping my knees and tapping my feet on the floor, just waiting for the dark to leave.

I hate sitting still, especially in this situation. It was like a little kid trying to fall asleep knowing that they were going to Disneyland the next day. Thankfully, this had no "It's a Small World" included.

Eventually, the front half of the train started getting warm and I had to lower my eyes when a rum tinted orange started emptying itself through the windows. You have no idea how amazing it felt to touch something real for once, something that actually _meant_ something to me.

Twilight Town was here and now, Radiant Garden was there and gone. I felt like yelling or punching, happily of course, the nearest wall. If I had a pillow, I would've held onto it so tight and rolled myself on the seats like a dog. But, being the good boy that I am, I sat tight, smirking like I used to a lot when I lived here. Something in the way my eyes were prickling gave me the impression that I was staring at the door with a spark.

Come on, open, open, just open...

Like the train heard me, it slowed even more until the wheels locked and squeaked below us. The train gave a calm jerk forward and soon stopped, parked in gate 3, Station Heights, Twilight Town. Now all I had to do, was be patient for more countless seconds for the door to swing open and for the train to stop hissing steam.

Actually, singing "It's a Small World" in my head helped.

Acting like the end of the song was a password, the door abruptly unlocked and pulled back before it began rolling away to the right, disappearing out of sight. Right then, the sunset colors from outside started flooding in. With both hands on both of my suitcases, I stood up and pulled them, without a second hesitation, to and out the sliding door. Touching twilight was the greatest feeling...so far at least.

I would've stopped dead in front of the door to take in all in, but I was still the respectful adult and forced myself to keep walking away until Sora and I made it to the bottom of the stairs that ended right beside the ticket booth. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing at Sora grunting when the bag bumped down each stair.

_"Bloody...!"_ he muttered and I already pictured him rubbing his head and baring his teeth at me from behind the zipper.

I crouched down under the ticket booth, took a glance around and took hold of the metal zipper on Sora's bag. Quickly, I dragged it up and, for the fun of it, stopped midway, that smirk still playing on my face.

"Oh, darn..."

_"What? What?"_

"Got caught on something," I lied and tugged at the zipper like it was useless. The bag gave a shake and Sora's fingers poked through the slight opening, yanking at the zipper himself until he had it pulled over to the very end. I snickered while he cursed.

_"Can't see how Riku puts up with you..."_

"He's my brother, it's what he does."

"Yeah, yeah. If I were the older sibling I would be a little more mature for my age, ya know?" Both of Sora's gloved hands appeared from the darkness of the suitcase followed by his mess of brown spikes then the rest of his head and torso. He nearly fell backwards when he sat up on the bag and yanked his legs out, jumping up and down on them after he'd managed to stand up.

"Maturity's overrated, Sora," I said smartly and stood up after zipping the red case back up. Sora just ignored me and went on trying to wake up his sleeping legs. He didn't seem to care that we were in Twilight Town... _Twilight__ Town_ Maybe a slap to the head would make him see better...

"We—ugh—we can head out of here and I'll help ya with directions," Sora said, grabbing his left foot and holding it behind him.

I raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips. "Excuse me?"

He shot a look back at me like I was kidding and lowered his foot to do the same to the other. "Directions, you know. To where you're gonna stay while you're here. You haven't been here in a while so you'd be lost wandering around—"

"Oh, I'm not planning on getting lost," I paused and he squinted an eye at me curiously. "To be honest with you, I just planned on getting the ticket and coming here. I didn't really take into consideration a place." I guessed that I said that a bit too confidently when Sora dropped his foot and looked me square in the eyes, disbelieving with mouth dropped.

"You're kidding?"

I shook my head, looking down at him pathetically. What? I don't kid all the time! Gimme a break.

He raised a hand and raked a hand through his hair, thinking something over before looking back at me less directly. He sighed quietly and lowered his hand to his neck where it stayed while he talked.

"Ok, listen. I'm sure that Namine'll be ok with letting you stay at our place while you're here," he paused dramatically and looked at me in a panicky way. "How long are you staying exactly?"

_That_ I hadn't thought about either. I'd been so hooked on seeing Roxas that I'd forgotten the essentials. I guess I must've thought that my face was so popular that I'd been taken in my some random fan-girl on the side of the street. Although...taking Sora's offer was a wee bit better.

I chuckled and leaned back. "Until I decide to leave. Besides, it's not like that train leaves often anyway. It'll be a while."

Sora scoffed lamely and hung his head to his feet for a minute, taking in my stupid vacation plans like they were written by a disoriented teen on spring break, before looking back up and saying, "You're crazy."

I just laughed in reply and slapped a hand atop his head. He took the red bag in his hand, leaving the other with me, and dragged in along beside me toward the large doors ahead of us, behind them, the rest of the town. Roxas used to call me crazy all the time...I was beginning to think of ending all conversation with Sora now. Everything he said or did was Roxas-like. Ok, just keep it together. He's a little closer now...all you've gotta do is look.

"You live with Namine?" I asked on our first step into the sun stained, brick pavement that I'd been dying for. Ahead of us, the lazy, oval sun was hanging in one spot, turning the sky and clouds purple, deep yellow and millions of shades of orange. I almost missed what Sora was saying back to my question.

"We're roommates. We live in this sorta big townhouse in the side of town where all the college students stay for their semesters. We're not in college anymore, but that house we stayed in has tons of memories, so we decided to stick with it until now." His steps suddenly slowed for a second before he picked up on them again. "They'll all be freaked to see you! 6 years!" he laughed beside me.

_They?_

I smiled ahead of us while he walked through the town, down steep brick hills and twisted streets that I remembered running through as a kid. We passed the town square where I pictured little ghost figures of the people shopping there at Christmas time. Then I saw myself pushing through the crowd, holding behind me a slipping Roxas who was yelling for me to let go of his wrist. Then I let go and we were breaking into a race with each other.

_"Where're we going?"_

_"Oh, so you'll let me take over and show ya?"_

He was laughing that time. We both were. Wow, you never can forget first dates. My chest started burning like crazy.

"Just through the archway here and around the corner then up the stairs and we'll be there, 'kay?" Sora snapped me back from sandwich land by calling over his shoulder. I noticed I was lagging and sped up, following him under the tall archway and around the corner to a stairway with wide steps. At the stop of the steps, when I looked up, I saw a couple of doors widely spaced from each other. Across from the doors was a flat bridge without side rails that ended at a rooftop of a perfectly square building.

"Ours is the one right at the top of the stairs."

I opened my mouth, about to ask Sora where the rest of his family was, meaning Roxas only, but the sudden slam of something against the wall ahead stopped me from asking. Sora just went on walking, even when the bang had happened.

_"Sora? Sora, you're back!" _I recognized the voice a bit. It was a woman's voice, innocent and collected. I looked up and glued my eyes on who I recognized as the adult version of Namine, standing in the doorway with a couple green bottles in hand. She was laying them outside the door with a white apron over her pale yellow summer dress that flowed out below her knees. Her bleach blonde hair, almost white, was curled lightly at the ends and was pushed over her right shoulder. She looked like the stereotypical housewife.

"Surprised to see me, Namine?" Sora scrambled to the top step and she bounced forward to hug him. Friendly hug, not romantic. They weren't a couple and I was surprised that I knew that...how _did_ I know that?

It wasn't until I reached the top step that Namine looked up from Sora's shoulder and her pastel blue eyes gazed up at me, first curiously then they widened in some surge of bliss. Her lips pulled a wide open smile and she let go of Sora to turn to me. Suddenly, her voice sounded just like it used to when she was Roxas' age.

"Axel! What—how—when'd you get here?" She wrapped her thin arms around my neck and pulled me down. I nervously patted her on the back, all slumped forward under her hold. Sometimes I really hated being the tallest of the tall. She was about two inches shorter than Sora which made her a head and two inches shorter than me. Still, judging by her grip, she had all the potential to overpower me.

I laughed lightly and Sora, arms crossed, smiled like a devil when Namine just clung to me. "Just got here with Sora on the train. He found me back in Radiant Garden."

Finally, she let go and I gasped for breath. She giggled and held her arm behind her back. "Found you? Oh, don't tell me that's your reason for being gone so long, Sora? You were looking for—"

"_No_, I was not there looking for Axel," Sora pointed out bluntly. "We just happened to bump into each other at...at a place." He sheepishly looked to the floor and I knew that he was avoiding the whole bar scene. Not much wanting to think about it either, I cleared my throat and looked toward the open door to my left.

"Imagine that," she smiled, eyes softened, and stepped aside toward the door, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. "Whew...come inside! It's starting to get hot out here."

Sora let me go first and I did, getting ready to rush into the topic of where to find his brother, but the sight of the place bugged me out. I'd walked into what felt like a mansion. The outside was really hiding all of _this_.

Above me, the ceilings had to be at least more than 15 feet tall. All around me the walls were clean white and the carpet was some sandy color. Ahead to my left there was a staircase that obviously led to the upstairs rooms. Behind the staircase was the kitchen with hardwood floors; Namine just ducked in there. Right ahead was the living room, decorated with three long, white, black edged sofas squaring in a glass table. There were photographs of sunsets and Twilight Town scenery framed in little bunches around the room, each signed with a curvy name I couldn't make out.

It sort of reminded me of my old place, spotless white. Except this place had more home-y things in it.

I felt like falling asleep.

_"You can sit in the living room, Axel!"_ Namine called out from the kitchen. I heard something heavy drop upstairs but ignored it. Sora placed the bags against the wall and shot up the stairs, jumping every two. _"Sora'll call the others to come down!" _But when a door slammed upstairs, she sighed and added, _"Maybe I'll just do that. He'll be in the bathroom a while..."_

I literally collapsed onto one of the couches and rest my cheek on my hand. I spread one leg out and, for the first time in forever, began paying attention to the air conditioner sending cold air past my face. I used to take in the heat like it was nothing. Then, out of nowhere, I started feeling like I was standing by a microwave, oven, the toaster and open fire at once.

Namine appeared around the corner and tiptoed up the stairs from what I saw in the corner of my eye. Where I was sitting/couch-potatoing, I could see the white banister from the stairs guarding at least 2 or 3 rooms on the upper floor.

_"Oh! Sorry. I was just about to call you to go down for a second. I'll get Kairi...oh, and while you're down there can you grab a bottled water? She's been feeling pretty sick."_

I kept my eyes shifted toward the hidden door around the corner upstairs before Namine disappeared, most likely into the room that was hidden from my line of sight. I could here footsteps and pounding from that room and some music coming from the door at the end of the banister. More banging came from the door beside it.

_"Hayner!" _Another woman's voice screeched. _"Turn it down! I'm sick!"_ She coughed before hitting the wall again.

_"Alright, alright! I told you not to stay out last night! Now look! You got yourself sicker than a dog!" _Gradually, the volume lowered, letting Hayner's voice break through. I remembered him a bit...he was a close friend of Roxas back in High School. Him and that other guy, too. Can't remember his name. They're virtually inseparable, Hayner and Roxas...

There was a whimper from the girl's room that resembled some kind of animal. What was this house, the home of the Brady Bunch?

_"Ugh, don't call Zipper that. You know he hates—"_ Cough. _"ugh, hates it." _

_"Not like he cares about comfort from you! He's not even your dog!"_

The girl didn't reply and the dog just answered for her, growling and lightly barking from the crack under the door. Man, if they could afford this place, furniture, food and even a _dog_ since college, then they were all set for life. Plus, they had each other. Combine their money and relationship and they'd stick.

Suddenly, missing my other home, mom, Ayden, even Reno and Larxene, I forced myself to stand up where I began pacing the room for something to do. My legs carried me wherever they wanted to, wherever felt most important. They're endless circles around the coffee table eventually left me back turned away from the end of the stairs, just standing there facing the deserted wall.

_"Ok!"_

My eyes twitched and my head darted up.

_"Don't forget the water!"_

_"Alright, ok, I heard you! Haha."_

Once. I blinked once then that was it. For the rest of the time I stood there, I stared at the wall in front of me while listening to the hurried footsteps creak the floorboards and pause when they reached, where I imagined, the top of the stairs. The footsteps started skipping, fast paced down the stairs like a horse before they literally froze on one slow, creaked step in the middle of the stairway.

There was a gasp, possibly a shudder since I was doing it too. The whole house started shaking beyond reason. I wondered if that was Hayner's music, or maybe the dog scratching the door, or even Sora flushing the toilet. No. Those weren't it. Nothing matched this, heck no.

I kept my lips parted a little and my eyes widened more. I was trying to fix the right face, the right emotion to show. Judging by the extremely long time it took for the steps to start again, this time slower than a turtle, I figured the same for them. Just like that, I knew the person I was picturing behind me was real. I could _predict_ what they were gonna do. That's how I knew who they were...I just had to breathe now.

We didn't talk. When I made sure that they're last step was over, I swallowed, straightened up, pulled the zipper on my jacket higher up to show my stomach and positioned my feet in _just_ the right way. Secretly, my heart was beating out of my control, but I couldn't show that to _him_, could I? I turned my body around then my head followed. It didn't take long for me to nearly lose my composure...

Everything faded into the white walls, leaving me and him alone to stare at each other, for the first time in...I couldn't even remember the years...but a full lifetime sounded about right. His eyes, his face, skin...god, I was missing more than I knew.

"Axel..." His voice broke on the 'L' and nearly got drowned out in invisible water. His blue eyes trembled when he didn't blink at me and I knew he was fighting back the huge urge to cry. I knew I could've cried anytime if I wanted to. I was just better at holding myself back than he was. "H—" he left his mouth open a little then shut it after his throat couldn't force anymore. I could tell he was struggling; his hand was gripping the railing so tight.

He seemed to gather himself up a little. He had one foot on the last stair and the other already off but he finally brought them together and he just stood there, facing me in his long black tank top and khaki colored shorts. Like me, did he believe that I was here? Right _here_? Was I dead, maybe? Did I forget him and just throw him aside?

I found it in me to gather myself up like him, drew in a short breath and said, quietly and smoothly, "I'm crazy."

Like that was some word of approval, he walked across the floor, coughing lightly whenever he blinked, and stopped right in front of me, still a head shorter. As if height mattered. As if asking for approval mattered. All that mattered was _Roxas_. Like he'd just heard me, he almost whimpered, all "I'm flattered" like and, before I could say anything else, he shot his arms out and pushed his entire body against my chest.

I snapped. On an impulse, I immediately flung my own arms out and held onto him like I was holding for my life. Sure, it might be greedy to want something so bad, but this is different. I need it. I admit that I've needed it ever since I've left it. I curled an arm around his back and kept my other hand at the back of his head where I pulled him so close to me I could've squeezed the air out of us both. I wasn't sure if he was crying but even so, it wouldn't matter. I hadn't seen him do that in a long time...

His hands were between us, clinging onto the front of my jacket possessively and his face was buried in my chest. What're you thinking? I wanted...I just wanted to kiss him too. The fact that there were people in here slipped my head. It wasn't until I heard another voice at the top of the stairs did the whole place grow back.

"Roxas, honey, are you still...oh! You saw Axel!"

_Honey?_

That's when Roxas' tiny voice vibrated through my body, something only I heard that Namine didn't. "I'm sorry..."

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**i adore namine. i have such a soft spot for her! but i'm wondering if i might cause myself to dislike her now. no, i don't think so! -saves stuffed animals- the fluff shall remain...citrus hides in the shadows that lie ahead... it sounds like a movie trailier. O.o**

**eeeeee...i love writing chapters with these two together. so much emotion it overwhelms my heart. -sniff- ok, i'll stop now. :D would you mind telling me how i did and review your thoughts? always helps with practicing my writing skills. you guys are my source of life and inspiration. -heart-**

**by the way, if you're watching a vid with axel in it, trying pausing it when he's sad looking. he makes me melt when he's sad. also...out of random...i beat saix and luxord today in one try! -shot for random- xemnas...later. just...i'll do that later. the proof of existance room with all the org member's tombstone things mad me so sad, i felt guilty having to kill a lot of them! ugh, all they ever wanted were hearts...rip, org. you also inspire me. -hearts times 10 million-**

**_all stuffed with fluff,  
kokoro77_**


	6. Chapter 6: PS2

**Author's note: my, my...it's already the 1st of august, isn't it? -sigh- why does summer always have to die right when it really gets interesting? i'm already excited for christmas break now. XO**

**writing this chapter, again, took me nearly a whole night! i began around 10, getting sidetracked by reading awesome fanfics XP, and ended around 3 and it wasn't even done yet!! arggg! (am i a pirate?? XDD) it was, AGAIN, supposed to be longer but...we'll see how it goes. -hides-**

**i crave for chicken now. mm...8 piece bucket. 8D**

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Chapter 6: PS2 

Did I regret that I hugged Roxas? Did I regret that I even wanted to kiss him? No...but I regretted having to abandon all of it after it only lasted a second. Just when I felt like flying, something dropped me like a bomb. I wasn't supposed to do this. I wasn't supposed to lose my self-control. Something told me that Roxas was thinking the same thing while he slowly, extremely slowly, opened his hands and took a step away from me. I really didn't have a choice.

I unlocked my arms and kept them at my side, just staring down at him while he stared out into space. It was so unfair. Just when I _had_ him, just when I _touched _him...it all died. Even myself.

Couldn't we just flat out say mention that we were "in love"? At least, I think we are. Roxas was always tricky to read when it came to our relationship. We were never officially boyfriends. He never mentioned that he and I were even best friends. We were never really more than classmates. But if we told the world...it'd hurt.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Namine broke the silence when she lowered her voice, ashamed in herself. Over Roxas' bare shoulder, I saw her standing at the top of the stairs with a hand curled below her mouth. Her eyes were lowered apologetically like she'd just seen someone crying. Yeah, she was close to seeing it. "I-I didn't know you were in a moment."

My eyes sparked when she mentioned that. Did that mean she thought we...no. We weren't _that_ obvious, right? My fingers tingled from the tips where I'd felt Roxas' spiked hair and his arched back only a second ago. I would've snatched him away right then and there; dragged him outside away from here where we could be alone.

A weak smile tugged on the corner of Roxas' lips and he shook his head sadly. "N-no. You didn't ruin anything. Just saying hello." I nearly groaned brokenly when he talked, just because I hadn't heard him in a long time. His voice was still high and mature, like his old teenage self, even for his age. He looked like he'd just started getting into his 20's; I already knew that he was two years younger than me. Still, even for a starter, he was still like a young senior leaving high school.

"We were just wrapping things up," I told her even though I was talking in Roxas' direction. He twitched at my voice and his eyes shifted in different spots. I had a feeling that he was avoiding looking at me directly. Ouch.

Namine lowered her hand and started descending the stairs in a hurry. When she made it down to the last step, she turned to Roxas' back and tilted her head at him, probably wondering what was suddenly bugging him. Come on, Roxas. Don't do this. All you have to do is _look at me_.

Going against what I wanted, he took a step to the side and turned his body halfway around. His eyes darted away from me and I winced, feeling the rejection slap me square in the face. Was he giving me some sort of cold shoulder? A just a second ago he'd hugged me! Maybe it was too soon to be doing things like that?

"Sorry, Namine. We were just saying hi. I-It's been a long time, right?" He rubbed the back of his head, ruffling up the dirty blonde spikes even more than they already were. Namine smiled happily and giggled. Unintentionally, I started staring at her hand then at Roxas', coming up empty for a ring of any kind. My stepped on heart suddenly started doing a victory dance.

"I told the others to head down. Oh! Axel, Sora told me about you staying here," she called cheerfully over her shoulder while she headed some ways down the hallway to a closet. I waited, wondering if her joyous upbringing on the topic meant a good thing or a bad thing. When she pulled an armful of blankets from the closet, I froze. "It's decided!"

"Decided?" Roxas and I asked at the same time. I noticed his ears turning red after he'd said it. Now, was _that_ good or bad?

"'Course! Can't let him camp out on the side streets, can we? He'll take the guest room down here. Doesn't that make sense, Roxas?" Still hugging the blankets in her thin arms, Namine beamed up at me while she walked between me and Roxas toward the front door. She took a quick left and pushed open a white door that opened up to a dark room. A light flicked on inside, showing a blank, unused space.

"I'm seriously staying here?" I asked with a laugh, turning to Roxas, expecting a smile or a chuckle, only drawing averted eyes instead. I sighed and slumped forward gloomily. In the _minutes _that I'd been here: What did I do wrong?

"Yup! It's great that you two are going to spend more time together! After all these years!" Namine answered from somewhere inside the room. I heard sheets rustling inside and pictured her fluffing up a bed. Extremely quiet minutes passed before she stepped out again and wiped her forehead. With another giggle of hers, she walked between us and headed for the kitchen, this time Roxas followed her from behind. I felt like grabbing his arm when he did. I faltered trying to force out something to say.

"Roxas can help you with your stuff if you want!"

Roxas paused in the middle of the stairway when Namine said that, just watching his feet nervously. I only stared at him for a short while before I lamely shook my head and ended up dragging my two suitcases toward the vacant room; my home for the next...however long I'd stay here. "It's ok. I can do it."

When she didn't respond, I forced my feet to move and already figured that Roxas was doing the same thing. But when I didn't hear his steps padding up the creaking steps, I stopped just before I was out of his sight. What in the heck was going through his head? Already past frustrated with thinking so much, I shot a glance over my shoulder and saw him still standing there, head pointed down, fingers tapping eagerly on the railing.

"It's...it's good—" he lifted his head and started again, "great...seeing you again." Without so much as a nod or a "catch you later", he dragged his feet back up the remaining steps and wandered out of sight. The whole time he walked, more like ran off, I heard something jingling along with him. I kept staring at the spot on the stairs, listening to his footsteps drift across the floor above me and into that hidden room that I figured was his. I didn't hear them again; maybe he'd fallen asleep.

Judging by the dull tone of his voice, I didn't feel like he meant it.

xxXXxx

For what felt like the remainder of the day, more like week, I stayed in bed in that empty guest room, just lying down on my stomach with my head propped up in my folded arms, not staring at much more than the two suitcases that I suddenly figured I'd end up logging right back "home". Something felt lodged in my throat and didn't feel like coming out. Something else wanted to squeeze itself out from behind my eyes but I wouldn't let it. Crying never helps anything, especially for big, strong, _adult men_.

In the room, the bed was stuck parallel from the window. Underneath the window was a small sitting space cut into the wall that could fit one person and a couple pillows to squeeze. Right in front of me was a double doored closet with a faded poster of some sports team, all of the players either holding up peace signs or hugging the dude next to him. I recognized one of them as Sora but turned away, a quick shot of Roxas flashing by my head.

The best thing about the white room was the grey, plasma TV that was sitting on top of a maple dressing cabinet. Right next to it, dusty and unplugged, was a black PlayStation 2 with a short stack of obviously un-played games on top of it. At first, I thought about turning it on and playing my way through boredom-vill, but I remembered that Roxas used to have a PlayStation at his old house and pretended that it was just a black brick.

On the top floor, I kept hearing constant coughing mixed in with the whiny voices of a boy band CD. It scared me thinking that it was coming from Hayner's room. Groaning past misery, I grabbed at the closest pillow beside me and stuffed it over my head.

Why wouldn't he look at me earlier? Why wouldn't he even talk? I was half expecting him to come downstairs. Then again, I figured already that he had "honey" to keep him company now. What did he see in her? I wonder if Namine even sees the same things I see in Roxas...

_"Axel? Are you ok?" _Speak of the devil...

My fingers contracted, digging into the pillow, and I just barely peeked my eyes out from under my confined space. There was Namine, holding a wooden spoon in her hand while staring at me from the doorway. She smiled sweetly and walked inside, propping herself on the corner of the bed after.

"Just a little tired, I guess," I lied. I wasn't up to communicating with her right now.

"Hm." For a few seconds, she was quiet, rubbing her thumbs against the handle of the wooden spoon. Then she looked up and started with bright eyes. "Suddenly that's Roxas' problem too." I pulled my whole head out when she mentioned him and stuck the pillow under my arms while looking up at her vaguely.

"He was so happy earlier. Can't imagine what really happened to him." She giggled. "You two are great friends; I know you were in high school. Maybe he's just thinking of what to say after 6 years, don't you think?" She turned her head to me and I abruptly looked away, squinting my eyes at the bed sheets.

"I know, after dinner you guys can hang out in here. Then maybe you can get even more time to bond when we go out shopping tomorrow!" Even though she was extremely enthusiastic about it, jumping up from her seat in the process, I just had a huge urge to shake my head and tell her how extremely _bad _that was. Roxas...in _here_? Oh, man, was she getting the wrong idea. Bonding, in Roxas and Axel terms, means something _way_ out there.

Suddenly, just before Namine turned back toward the door, something literally _crashed_ just outside in (where I guessed) the living room. Both Namine and I shot our heads up and while she shot for the door, spoon in hand, I stupidly kicked my feet out of bed and nearly tripped over the sheets when I stood up.

_"Zipper! Oh, Zipper, that was a bad thing to do!"_

I heard tiny whimpers respond to Namine's far from angry voice and when I finally managed to untangle myself from the sheets I stood in the doorway, just watching her shaking her head at a patch in the floor I couldn't see. Zipper, a medium sized, poofy, all white dog lowered his head and started patting the carpet apologetically. His curly tail drooped when Namine picked up some pieces of broken glass.

"Namine? Wha-What happened? You ok?" Oh, here it comes. I felt like ducking into the room again, but some invisible string tied me in place. Breathing increasing, I let my eyes follow from the ceiling, down the stairs to the living room where Roxas' footsteps eventually stopped. He sighed, put a hand on his hip and glared down at the dog.

"I thought I told you no jumping, boy!" Zipper sat dejectedly on the carpet, refusing to look at Roxas. I feel for you, boy. "It's ok, it's ok. Just run on upstairs and stay there while we get this cleaned up, got it?" With that said, Roxas thrust a finger toward the stairs where Zipper, slumped forward and still whining, walked and disappeared. I looked back to Roxas, suddenly realizing that my body felt deflated when I did.

"It's just a picture, no problem."

"But, Roxas, it's _your—"_"

"It's ok. He's my dog and I should've paid more attention. Look, if he keeps doing things I'll send him outside if you want."

Namine looked up and gently put a hand on his bare shoulder. I winced and sighed while staring somewhat at the floor. I leaned against the doorframe on my right shoulder and pressed my head against it too. I hoped I'd magically get sleepy so I could just forget...just for a couple hours.

"You don't have to do that. Tell the others to come down, ok?" With another one of those smiles, she picked up the last of the glass that protected the unknown picture and glided off to the kitchen, out of sight. Roxas stood in the same spot, eyes fixated on the black picture frame at his feet. I couldn't help but want to walk out a hold him again...he was just...

Almost like I'd used "foul language", Roxas' head shot up and abruptly turned in my direction. For a second I thought he was just remembering something and was looking over my head, possibly right through me. But when he blinked softly and sort of nodded at me, I had a feeling that he knew I'd been there.

"Roxas..." I started but he already turned and walked away, calling the others downstairs. Why in the hell was I being ignored?

xxXXxx

"So you really snagged a ticket? From _Radiant__ Garden_? You're not joking?!"

"Hayner, if he was joking then I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even _be_ here," Kairi said snootily, forgetting that she was still covering her chicken in gravy. Hayner glared at her and rolled his eyes, turning his head back to me from across the table.

"What I'm saying is: that's crazy! _I _can't even get out of here!" He reached back into the red paper bucket and pulled out a huge wing, probably his 7th one judging by the number of bones on his plate. I never got to know Hayner back in high school. I pretty much ignored him, just seeing him as Roxas' best friend.

His overly curly, dirty blonde hair and dark blue eyes stayed the same since I last saw him. From the looks of things, he was just as into Blitzball as Sora; his white tank top had a flaming blue Blitzball printed on the front and his black shorts had a team number on his butt. Standing up, he was taller than Roxas by an inch, and definitely muscleier.

"_You_ just don't bother to go to the station anymore." Kairi rammed a finger into Hayner's shoulder and pursed her lips when he shook her off. I used to see Kairi coming out of Sunset Hill all girls' high school when I passed by. She was still shorter than ever; right at Namine's height now. From what I knew, the two were cousins but acted like sisters joined at the hip.

She resembled Namine, acting as her wild side. She had burgundy, almost brown hair that was cut in layers down to her shoulders. Before, I'd only seen her in a blue pleated skirt, but now she in a pair of pink Tweety bird PJ pants and a white shirt with a yellow daisy on the front. Her nose was red from rubbing it with a tissue every 3 minutes.

Namine just laughed at the end of the table to my right, still working on cutting her piece of chicken, Sora was scarfing down biscuit after biscuit at the other end and Roxas...he just blended into the white paint, nearly sinking into his chair. The fact was, he got to the table later than everyone else and had to settle sitting next to me, which, before, wouldn't have been an issue. Now what? What the heck was he doing twitching every time I made a single sound? What _is_ he?

"So, you here for vacationing reasons?" Hayner asked into the bucket of chicken. Kairi coughed and slapped his hand, making him drop the bucket back on the table.

I leaned back into my chair, suddenly ignoring my food and taking interest in Roxas poking at the three drumsticks that Namine gave him. "No," I said cheerfully which made Roxas shiver. "I was actually gonna try finding my brother. You know Riku, right?" At the sound of his name, a couple pieces of chicken fell and Sora stopped gorging himself.

"Wiku's 'ere?" Sora said hopefully, spraying food in Kairi's direction.

I smirked and crossed my arms. "Yup. He came here on business two months ago and hasn't written us, called or anything. Dunno what he's up to. Works as some teacher at a school but he didn't tell me or my family what he's teaching or where." See, now, Riku isn't _really_ my brother. Don't share parents; all we share is age and a bit of personality. Turns out that my parents were hiding the fact that he was adopted and only broke the news right in the middle of our 9th grade year.

Sora smiled after swallowing hard and laughed out loud. "Always the smart guy, isn't he?" He quickly excused himself and pushed away from the table and disappeared behind me into the kitchen.

"And you," Kairi added, beaming up at me with sparkling eyes, "you're into modeling, aren't you, Axel?" At the mentioning of modeling, she leaned further into the table and intertwined her fingers. Her eyes stared getting more and more like Larxene's by the second. I shook the thought away and cleared my throat.

"You know?"

I swore I heard Roxas attempt to whisper to himself. _"Model?"_ I couldn't tell...was that a bad thing?

She nodded and nudged her head toward the stairs. "I've seen you in a few ads in the magazines I read. It's great! I couldn't believe that you would bother with being a model! Now look. You're so popular; your face is everywhere." I wished she didn't have to make it seem like I was a Greek god. Honestly, if she knew, she'd say she was sorry for me. I'm sorry for myself.

I just chuckled faintly and slowly moved my eyes to the right, noticing that Roxas had darted his head away from me and stopped poking his chicken. Under the table, I extended a hand to the one that was in his lap and, right when I felt some warmth from his skin, he shifted and pushed away from the table with a jingle, standing up after. Namine stared at him, concerned.

"Roxas, you wanted KFC, didn't you?"

Roxas nodded once, heavily, and took a long pause before saying, "I just need...I'll be upstairs." He took one step toward the stairs when I scooted away from the table myself, glaring at the back of his head and trying to see through him where I knew he was on the verge of crying. God, he was scaring me.

"Roxas," I said seriously even though my body was secretly shaking. The house, along with the people, nearly started fading when I realized he bothered to give me a quick glance over his shoulder. I started getting hopeful, already picturing him turning right around and laughing sheepishly toward me. But all he _did_ was glance. Ignoring Hayner's beginning question, he took for the stairs in a hurried walk and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

Everything, Kairi, Hayner, Namine and even the running water in the kitchen came back no matter how much I yelled in my head for it to push back. I needed to talk to him...

Under the table, I felt Zipper's nose nudge shyly at my ankle and I looked down to see him giving me an innocent look through his sharp green eyes.

"Zipper! You shouldn't be—"

"I-it's ok, Namine," I interrupted and Zipper's eyes flashed. "He can stay with me." Giving them all the I'm-tired-from-traveling explanation, I took off for the guest room beside the front door with Zipper curiously padding along at my heels.

_"Think he's gonna come back and finish that? Ow!" _

_"Stop it, will you? They look hurt." _

Hurt doesn't begin to describe it.

xxXXxx

_"Ugh, stupid...will you just...just work already?!"_

At the sound of someone hissing, I groaned into my pillow and looked up, blinking to adjust my eyes to the darkness that spilled into the room. I rubbed a fist into my right eye and carefully turned my body on its side while I turned my head down to my feet. Even though I couldn't quite see right, I could tell there was someone in the room aside from Zipper and me.

Nearly panicking, I sat up which made the bed creak on its rusted metal springs. I'd gotten so used to memory foam that I felt like death itself was drilling into my back with this mattress. When the bed made that sound, something dropped onto the floor and, all at once, the rustling against the wall and the mumbling stopped.

"Who...?" I reached over to the side table at my right and felt around for the switch, knocking over my jacket that I'd thrown messily on top before finally feeling the chain brush against my fingers. I gave it a sharp tug and, after a few flickers, the bedside was flooded in a weak yellow light. I squinted from the sudden light in my face but forced myself to look forward again.

Well...this was a surprise.

"Roxas?" I asked, my sleepiness dissolving on the spot.

Roxas had his back turned to me, now wearing a baggy, black t-shirt that barely covered up some grey shorts underneath. I looked around him and saw that he was covering the plasma TV, holding something in his still arms. Recognizing the mass of black wires, I sat up and crossed my legs under me with slight confidence.

"Why're you taking the PlayStation?" I paused, my smile widening, before adding, "Actually...why're you in my room?"

* * *

**bad roxas! ...more like bad axel! stop thinking things like that you silly...at least consider that zipper is still in the room! poor thing. now you know where riku is...! partially! seems like people were just wondering if i'd erased him. nope, nope. i love that man too much. X3 ...i feel horrible about torturing axel, though. -fetal position-  
**  
**mah...i swear i've given myself extreme carpal tunnel writing akuroku. it's like i spaz and get waaaaayyyy too excited...and it costs me my poor hands and fingers! -pets them- for the sake of akuroku...i must! -types- owie. D ****i'd better get to working on that next chapter now! no carpal tunnel is going to stop me, i promise you that. -nod- ah, jesse mcartney music...this better help me relax a little. ommmm...beautiful soullll...**

**_roxas is a little theif...or is he? OX,  
kokoro77_**


	7. Chapter 7: Sugar Cone equals Torture

**Author's note: it's decided...i'm going to try reading the harry potter books in backwards order. i only finish books 1, 2 and 7 and went halfway through the others. -slap- ugh, but i have one school book that i should really consider first...-shuffles away- shh! XP**

**away from school, back to summer! how's summer so far everyone? good? good. XDD i finally had my first ice cream of the summer yesterday and i decided, well, i sort of HAD to write this chapter after it. sugar cones are love. X3**

* * *

Chapter 7: Sugar Cone equals Torture 

Roxas looked up and curled a wire around his pinky, obviously debating with himself on which question to answer first. I could read him like a book.

"I-I was just...I tried unplugging it."

"So you could take it?" I asked, seeing as he didn't answer me on either question. I was wondering whether now would be the right time to laugh or smile at him stumbling for something to say. I mean, he was acting like he used to...now he just had to face me and we'd all be good. Slowly, extremely slowly, his head started to turn along with his body. That's it, Roxas. You can do this.

He stopped halfway and, with head turned down, looked at me with an unsure stare. I returned with a stare of my own, hoping that I could straighten up his head. His jet blue eyes sparked against the light that barely made it to that side of the room. I suddenly felt hazy. I could already picture his thin, white body underneath his overly huge shirt. His legs were longer now, still smooth and perfectly curved. I admitted: he was drop dead gorgeous.

"Namine told me to come down and...and talk to you."

I snapped back and, just like that, almost died. He just came because of what his honey told him to do? "Oh."

"Ye-yeah, but then she said I'd better wait till tomorrow since you'd probably be sleeping." So it was his decision, then? I started coming back up, unintentionally grinning all over again. He must've saw it 'cause he gulped and placed the PlayStation back on the drawer in a hurry.

"Well, yeah. I _was_ sleeping. But it's not like that matters right now, right?" I scooted to the middle of the bed and cocked my head toward the spot next to me, not meaning to ask for anything more than a talk...really. "We can catch up, yeah?"

Hesitantly, Roxas looked at the spot I'd pointed out and at the same time he was biting the corner of his mouth quietly. After more minutes of persuading, he finally gave in and propped himself on the bed sheets, lightly tapping my wrist when he stretched out his arms. He quickly pulled them back and rested them in his lap. He was blushing so much that he could've exploded.

"So, you didn't answer my question," I began, leaning back on my arms. I should've at least worn a shirt or something...but it was too damn hot in the room to bother. Roxas was obviously avoiding looking at me half naked; his blushing just heated up the room even more. "Why were you trying to take the PlayStation?"

"Uhm..." Roxas muttered to the mattress before looking over at me, eyes halfway closed. "I was gonna take it upstairs to play with, but the cords got stuck and I couldn't exactly see what I was doing." I took in every word he said with a nod. My insides were fluttering so much that I felt lighter than air. Whoa, a bit too much there, Axel. But...he was actually _talking_ to me again.

"Now what? Still gonna play it? What time is it?" I asked that last part at random and it made Roxas quirk an eyebrow up at me, just like he used to.

"Uh, midnight, I think."

I chuckled up at the ceiling before looking him straight in the eyes. He nearly dodged but he knew better than to try something stupid like that. He's not stupid. He wouldn't go and be fake on me, right? It's the only reason that I ever took interest in him; he was _real_. And here he is, _real_.

"Alright. Let's go for it!"

"It?" Roxas' voice rose when I pushed out of bed and stretched out toward the dresser, grabbing two controllers and snapping them up to the game console. I reached back and flipped the switch on then clicked the TV on after. Right when I did, a blast of sound came from the PlayStation startup and I jumped.

"Wazzit?" I asked, laughing.

"Idiot! Turn it down!" Roxas got up next to me and pulled out a dusty silver remote, pushing the volume down button at least twenty times before the sound calmed down to indoor level. He groaned and flopped back onto the edge of the bed, just barely catching the left controller than I flung into his unsuspecting hands.

Ha, he called me idiot! Finally!

I took the other controller in my hand and sat next to him, snuggling a tad bit closer to him so I could barely feel some heat being exchanged. Sighing quickly, I smashed the 'X' button and the screen went black.

"What're we playing?" Roxas asked almost uneventfully.

Right...forgot about that. I remembered the pile of games and scratched the back of my head awkwardly. With the screen still black, I faced him and answered, "No idea." I heard a whine under the bed and figured that we'd woken up Zipper after all the bed squeaking, things falling and volume spazzing.

Roxas sighed roughly and I saw him shake his head away from me when the screen suddenly transitioned to pale white with the game company name written in blue in the center of the screen. Guess we were going with whatever the heck this game was...looked violent enough.

"Have you even _played_ a PlayStation in your life?" he asked in a low voice. I clicked my tongue.

"Roxas, what, you think I'm deprived? 'Course I have!"

"Can you even _spell_ PlayStation?"

I raised a finger and waved it between us while I spoke. "P-S-2. Easy." I stifled a laugh when Roxas mouth hung open like something straight from the cartoons.

"Not what I...oh, it's starting!" That had to be the first time that Roxas _exclaimed_ anything since I got here. Whether it was because some music started playing or that a cute little chicken ran across the screen...I had no idea. Right when I gripped my controller, prepared for shooting the brains out of a zombie, I loosened up and stared at the little chick being chased by a short farmer in a jumper and a backwards baseball cap.

"What...the hell...is that?" I asked brokenly. To answer my question, a small circle opened from the center and revealed the title of the game: _Harvest Moon—Save the Homeland_ along with a wooden designed menu underneath. Zipper lightly woofed up at the screen and jumped up to sit obediently next to me, completely ignoring Roxas' existence.

"Must be one of Kairi's games," Roxas said, half amusingly and half in disbelief. "It's a one player game, though. See, says right there in the bottom of the screen." He pointed a finger at the bottom right corner and I instantly tossed my controller over my shoulder, nearly bonking Zipper square in the nose.

"Fine. We'll use yours then."

"He-hey! Hold up!" Ignoring his protests, I climbed over behind him and reached my arms out over his seemingly paralyzed ones. I grabbed the controller and he kept one hand on it when I did. Enjoying the moment, I tapped the 'X' button over the new game choice and the screen faded to a scene of a cute little farm with a description running through the bottom.

"Looks like we're trying to save this town from being built over," I mentioned and Roxas squirmed in front of me, barely rubbing his back on my bare chest. I let it slide, pulling up a smirk and went on reading the story, not really paying much attention. Roxas, on the other hand, seemed into it.

All I was interested in was him, actually sitting inches, centimeters away from me. I couldn't help but want to duck my head and at least nuzzle his neck...still...I got this far. I didn't want to break anything now.

The minutes just slipped past, becoming hours that barely affected us at all. Maybe he forgot that he was supposed to be holding a grudge or some kind against me. Maybe he forgot that he was supposed to be upstairs, sleeping or keeping close to Namine by now. But I had him. _I had him_. His hands were actually touching me and he was really engaging in conversation; laughing when I lost in a horse race and he won and yelling when I "accidentally" sickled the farm's chicken. Laughing, yelling, touching...geez, I really _have_ missed a lot.

"You can't sickle the chicken! Quit it!"

"Aw, just having fun! Besides, it'd be better to have more action in this game, right?"

"Ugh, we're supposed to be _saving_ the farm...look, it's already fall and we'll lose if it gets to the end of winter."

"Don't blame me for the extremely short seasons. There's no sense of reality in this game!"

He scoffed, which I felt against me, and stole the controller away from me. I didn't go against it and just leaned back with my legs on either side of him while he started running into the farmer's house to save our game. I couldn't help but find it cute that he took interest in things like that...a little kid's game could affect Roxas, now an adult. I couldn't believe it; we were grown up now. Responsible and everything we weren't when we were teens...did that mean...?

"There. Saved. We can finish up another time, ok?" Roxas yawned shortly before flipping both the TV and the PS2 off, leaving the room in darkness all over again. I felt strangely empty now that he wasn't sitting in front of me, moving and breathing, above all existing. Sadly, I lowered my eyes to that spot on the bed and began straightening my face.

Did that mean that we could get away with silly things now?

Sitting in darkness, I sat back up, slouching a little, and listened to Roxas' light footsteps against the plush carpet. My eyes followed the sound, unblinking and somewhat hypnotized while I started noticing a pattern in the way he walked. Right, left, left, left, right, right, pause...it went on forever. What was he waiting for exactly?

I lowered my eyes and felt them getting heavy from lack of sleep. I ordered my brain to keep them open and, surprisingly, it obeyed. "Roxas, listen." When I barely finished saying his name, the pacing abruptly froze in front of me and he gasped. Zipper even bounced off the bed in surprise, yawning like a little baby when he hit the floor.

When he didn't answer, I decided to finish. "I just...wanted to know if you were feeling ok." I wasn't normally this serious, but, _seriously_, he was worrying me. Roxas "uhm'd" at me, his nervousness and cold shoulder self returning. For a second, I wanted to shake him; try to give his brain the message that I was begging, _begging_ to be looked at and talked to again. Don't you dare hold back, Roxas...

"I'm fine," he simply answered, but I caught his voice breaking and lowering. My worry level shot from level orange to red and it sent a quick jolt up my spine. I was forced to push my butt off the bed and I stood there, standing a head tall over Roxas, who I imagined to be ogling me right about now.

Just like old times, ey?

"Ah, ah, no lying." I remembered I'd told him that before when he lied about playing 7 minutes in heaven before playing it with _me_. When was he gonna speak the truth again? I thought we went over this...

"Axel, I..." Roxas heaved a sigh and I noticed his blue eyes staring at the small space between our bodies. It was a _very_ small space. One more step and that would start everything. No, no, I had to...I couldn't do anything. God, I hate self-control. "I'm ok. I already told you and everyone else in the house, alright?" His voice was forced and sharp, already tired with the question.

I kept quiet, breathing in light puffs so I wouldn't scare him away. Actually, I was starting to feel pissed off; I could've breathed harder. I wished he would stop treating me like a friend and more like a _best _friend. That was a start.

"Look, I'm gonna head back upstairs. It's already, what, 3 AM and Namine wants to go shopping later. So I'm gonna need to squeeze _some_ hours of sleep before—"

Let's face it: that did it. Trying to avoid the conversation? Trying to make the excuse that you're _tired_? Why are you trying to avoid _us_? I barely realized I was feeling desperate until I shot my hand forward and caught Roxas' left wrist with a quick yell in response. Ignoring it, I pulled both our weight to the side and flung him against the foot of the bed, being sure to not only hold his wrist, but also his legs by keeping my legs on both sides of him. Being forced like that, Roxas shuddered and pointlessly looked up at me with puppy-dog eyes that even Zipper's couldn't compare to. I sent the stare right back, making him shrink.

"So, _now_ you look at me, huh?" Roxas cringed like I'd just stabbed him.

"Axel..." His fingers twitched and curled in my hand, attempting to make a quick getaway but it only made me tighten my grip. "A-Axel...!" The way he said my name twisted from annoyingly straight to a frightened tone. It wasn't my plan to _scare_ him, just get him to hear me out. I immediately loosened my fingers and softened my eyes even though I still watched his drifting ones closely.

"I've been here barely one day and all I got from you was a hug. You can _at least_ tell me why you're ignoring me so much! At least _talk_ to me!" I laughed after, but Roxas didn't seem to think it was that funny. I stopped, sort of embarrassed while the blue in his eyes disappeared after he'd closed them. Trying to sound more comforting, I started again. "Ok, I'm not starving for attention, but all I'm telling you is that we're not enemies. You knew me in high school, remember? I'm not here to ruin your life or anything like that, alright?"

"Then why _are_ you here?" Roxas asked that so fast and so out of a whisper that I blinked, confused that he spoke up at all. Something told me he didn't believe me when I said I was here looking for Riku. He always had a knack for finding out if I was lying or not.

I bit my tongue then answered, painfully, "Why? 'Cause I just...wanted to see you, that's all. 6 years...it was startin' to wear me down, being gone 6 years. And I come here and it's like I wasn't missed at all." After that, I bit down so hard on my tongue that it went limp and numb against my teeth. Why did I have to say anything at all? Stupid...I must've sounded selfish, hopeless. I couldn't figure out if it was what I said or the way I said it that made Roxas choke.

"Roxas," I started, taken aback. The thoughts and sentences started fumbling in my head nonstop. Intense buzzing went ringing in my ear and my chest started pushing like I was gonna suffer a heart attack any second. Just when I thought we were _something_ again, when I thought I was gonna be brought back to his line of sight, I had a feeling that he hated me. It's the worse thing to experience—Roxas crying.

Near panic, I took both my hands and took hold on both of his upper arms, giving him a tiny squeeze. It didn't help anything; his arms kept raising and lowering as he quietly sobbed under me. And here I was, thinking that adults shouldn't do things like that...Roxas is different.

"No," he protested in a raised whisper, twisting his arms when he did. Even though his voice took a pretty good stab at me, I didn't let go and went on looking down at him in concern. I was afraid to talk, thinking that he'd end up slapping a hand on my mouth anyway.

"Didn't you hear me? I said quit it!" Even before Roxas threw his body to the side, I already slipped my hands away and left them dangling like air at my sides. I still saw him standing in the spot in the dark below me and I really thought I saw him take a step toward me. But that's just it: he _didn't_. He was already in between me and the door, probably wishing that I'd just stayed asleep in the first place.

I should've just let him take the damn PlayStation...

"I can't...I-I already told you I was sorry! Namine...Namine and I...Axel, what'd you think I was gonna do? Dump her for you?"

Like I'd been bitten by something poisonous, I turned my head to the ground and squeezed my eyes tightly together, suddenly finding it amazingly hard to keep my voice collected. I couldn't show that I was hurt or anything. That'd just make him angrier thinking that I was affected by him. Apparently, he didn't want us to interact anymore. To think, some hours ago I was fantasizing that he'd be all over me by now. Yeah, right.

"I never said anything about her or dumping her for that matter." I said that so quietly I wondered if he even heard me.

He sort of whimpered from trying to stop himself from crying and it ended up making his voice come out rough. If he'd let me come within 2 inches of him I would've tried every humanly possible way to make him stop. Ice cream, candy, kisses on the boo-boos, all the stuff that usually worked for little kids were my options. I knew for a fact that he needed me right about now.

"You think controlling me will make me go all sappy over you? Stop trying, ok? It's not gonna work and it's not helping anything!"

"But I—"

Slam. Door-to-face moment finally had its chance to work its magic on me. After those times that I'd kept Larxene and other people out of my head, the guilt came back. If there was anything worse than feeling guilty...then this was definitely it.

With Roxas gone, footsteps pounding upstairs, I was left to stand there beside the end of the bed with my head still glued in place facing the door. Just in the way he slammed the door made me figure that he didn't care that there were other people he could've woken up at 3 AM. Feeling weak in the knees, I headed for the bed and flopped down, facing away from the door with my head pushed deep into my pillow.

I didn't much care that I left the table light on; it ended up flickering out shortly after I'd gotten back to bed. The other side of the bed sagged when something got up onto the mattress. My eyes didn't follow Zipper's little journey from one side of the bed to the other where he ended up laying down with his furry body curled up beside my stomach. He gave me a nudge in the side with his muzzle and his green eyes sparked up into my face.

I didn't fall asleep until maybe 2 hours later, feeling that Zipper was the only one left in the world that cared enough for a lonely, abandoned Axel.

xxXXxx

"Ok, here's the deal: Namine and I will take to the upper floor and check out the women's clothes and, Hayner, you head to your special sports section. Take Sora with you 'cause he'll most likely need help picking out stuff..."

"Hey!"

"As for you and Axel, Roxas, you two can either head over with those two or come with us. What'll it be?" Quirking her eyebrow at both me and Roxas, Kairi placed her hands on her hips and made it seem like it was _the_ million dollar question she'd just asked. Keeping my nervousness to a minimum, I stared back at her and shrugged, taking a short second to glance down at Roxas who was standing to my left, hands in pockets, looking at his feet like he had been for the past hour.

"I'll go wherever he's going," I answered, rather happily even though I knew for a fact that Roxas' "like level" for me would drop dramatically. Just because of that thought, I scratched out laughing at the end of what I said. That left me negative 50 points. Hm, better than 60.

"Whatever," Roxas added, kicking his shoe which made his shoelace dance around his feet in a messy tangle.

"Alright! You guys go with them since I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't want to end up being our shopping carts to hold all our stuff, ok?" With that said, the two cousins whipped around and literally floated down the isle with an invisible cloud pushing them up the escalator and out of sight. I rubbed my head and Sora just scoffed behind us.

"Girls. You'd think that they'd gotten over the shopping stage back in high school, yeah?" He turned to Hayner who turned to Roxas who, sadly, didn't turn to me.

"Yeah, but that's them. C'mon. I wanna check out the shoes too."

"I'd say you're more of a girl than those two combined," Sora quipped but Hayner just crossed his arms casually behind his head and led the way down the opposite isle where I could see men's clothes and racks of untouched shoes sitting on the sides. I was never one to take a liking to department stores. The only thing they were good for was finding a good place to hide from obsessed girls who want you more than clothes.

By the time we turned the corner and reached another wing of the store, Sora broke into a run and stopped when he reached a shelf in the sports section over flowing with boxed Blitzballs. Roxas snorted and shook his head and I couldn't help but quietly laugh at him. No matter what, I couldn't find it in me to hate him. Sure, he was on my nerves right now, but I didn't hate him.

"Dammit, Sora! Pass it!" Hayner's voice caught my attention and when I looked up, Sora and him had pried open a box and already started serving a blue and white striped ball back and forth across the clothes racks.

I suddenly had the urge to be social. After all, it didn't mean that I would _try_ anything, right? Right. Besides, I needed to soften up to Roxas so much now, just to get out of the negative zone. I half turned to him on my left and gently nudged my head toward the two in front of us.

"You into Blitzball too?"

He stood there, quieter than a mouse, before sighing, a sign that he'd given in. My body felt strangely light again when he bothered to glance up at me for a bit. "Not really. A little too extreme for me."

"Meaning?" I coaxed him to continue.

"Meaning," he began with little annoyance, "that what they're doing right now is basically kid's play. Pro Blitzball has harder punches from higher jumps, making the impact break a part of your body instead of just bruising it. Sora's already hurt his fingers so much that he has to wear gloves when he plays."

"Ooo." I tapped my foot and lightly shook my head. "Sounds dangerous. Nothing like the basketball we used to play back in high school, huh?"

Like I'd just sparked some bad memory, Roxas' eyes widened and he stared off into space with terror etching his face. For a second, I thought that tears were gonna start spilling, but when he blinked the scare suddenly brushed off. I wondered what that was about...

"Uhm...y-yeah. Hey, I'm gonna head into this place for a sec. 'Bout time I got something different to wear." Ducking his head to the side, Roxas took a huge step away and entered the carpeted area where seemingly hundreds of clothes racks were placed. Looking at it, it kinda looked like a forest of jeans and tye-dye.

"Ah! Look what you did! You made it go over—"

"_Axel!_ Watch it!" Sora yelled.

I brought my head up, not much caring, and looked to the side where a Blitzball was slowly starting to grow in the air. I wondered why...but before it hit me, I took a step forward and stretched my leg out, kicking it right in the middle which made it fly through the air and out of sight in the forest of clothes.

Sora and Hayner just ogled me, mouths open. Before I let them say anything though, I turned in the direction Roxas disappeared and stepped inside, suddenly interested in finding clothes for myself too.

I didn't see Roxas when I got there. Right, left, nowhere. That was strange...him just vanishing in the three seconds he left. I scratched my head, scanning the racks of clothes another time before I eventually began walking through like I was in a maze. If I were a Roxas, where would I be?

"Hm? Hello, what's this?" Just before I walked past the door to the dressing rooms, I did a double take and stepped right back. Inside I saw three thin mirrors positioned around each other, reflecting at least more than 6 of me inside. I shook my head, getting dizzy, and before I walked off again, heard something clink against the floor. Wait a minute...where'd I hear that before?

Burning with questions, I stepped into the empty room where there were three doors lined up against the wall. Each door had a space underneath where you could check if someone was inside or not. Oo, talk about privacy, much. Still on the prowl for that noise, I took another huge step inside. Big mistake.

_DING-DONG_

"Oh, SHIT!" I jumped back, twitching my legs like I'd stepped on something sharp, and darted my head around. Forget that first noise for a second...what the hell was that? I put my foot down when my heart finally decided to ease into my chest again but that only made the makeshift doorbell come back. I groaned, cursing in between, and ran inside before it happened again. Stupid sensors...

I suddenly got that feeling that I was being watched from outside, probably from some giddy employee that wanted to know if I was doing alright. Groaning at the thought, I stepped to the right where the two of the three rooms were. Curiously, I ducked my head and peered under the first door, seeing that it was closed and could've been locking some secret from me. Sure enough, the second I looked, I spotted a pair of shoes beside a hand that was reaching toward the floor. Before I could figure out what they were reaching for, their hand pulled back up, wrapping that hidden thing in their palm.

My heart sudden skipped. The door's lock noisily clicked and a second later the hinges squeaked like a dying cat when Roxas stepped out in front of me. He was looking down, but after seeing my feet looked up with a start, jumping a step back into the small dressing room.

"What...are you doing?" he asked cautiously, his eyes shifting.

"O-oh...haha, funny story, that." I brought a hand up to the back of my head and smiled nonchalantly. Roxas failed to see anything non-awkward about me _clearly_ following him like a pet and just stood there, zipping up his white jacket that clung to his body. We moved the doorway where I blocked him from exiting. "I," I cleared my throat seriously, "I was gonna..."

Ok, ok, think fast here. What would steer me away from getting a punch to the face? Hm, tell him I was gonna try on clothes? Nah, too obvious. Well, I couldn't tell him that I was looking for him; that'd just subtract another 50 points from me. Oy, then there'd really be no chance at earning Roxas back.

Then it hit me, literally. Out of nowhere, I heard "HEAD'S UP!" at the same time I sprouted an idea. Ignoring the yell I'd just heard, I confidently crossed my arms, still facing Roxas, whose eyes were widening like mad, and opened my mouth to start.

"OW! What the hell?!" I groaned, gripping below my neck with one hand.

"I told you to watch out!" Hayner's voice yelled feebly behind me.

"You said 'head's up'! Putting my head up doesn't help anything!" I kicked the stripped Blitzball behind me and didn't care if it reached back to those two monkeys or not. I was still getting to the point with Roxas here...

"Ugh, what I was gonna say was...I went to tell you that we should head down to the food court outside for ice cream. It's only perfect for summer, right?" Still massaging my neck, I eagerly stared down at Roxas with my eyes half closed. I could tell he was dying to ask me if I was ok or something, but he stepped back and let his eyes, swimming with concern, do the talking.

"I...yeah. I mean...that's fine. The girls'll be up there for a while anyway." He said that first with boredom then it transitioned to excitement. When he walked around me and back into the mess of clothes outside, I clicked my tongue smugly at the many reflections of myself in the mirror. All of them were making fists and pulling their arms back in a victory gesture.

Oh, yeah, he totally likes me.

xxXXxx

"You tryin' to earn his heart or something, Axel?" Sora asked me while we sat down together outside the ice cream parlor under a half shaded, round table.

I looked up from my double scoop of mint chocolate chip and widened my eyes. Ok, what did he know that I didn't? What's he talking about 'earning _his_ heart'? "What're you talking about?" I asked, nervously licking the side of the top scoop.

Sora, first taking long lick around his brownie, triple scoop, big-as-your-head waffle cone, leaned into the table and thrust his thumb over his shoulder. I followed it and spotted Roxas standing at the cashier with his triple scoop sugar cone ice cream in hand. I shook my head briskly and waved a hand at Sora.

"Just being friends is all."

"Yeah. Especially after what happened last night. Whew...you must've done _something_ to make him walk out on KFC drumsticks." Before I could shoot something smart back at him, Hayner busted out of the shop holding a just as equally big ass sized, chocolate dipped waffle cone in both hands. It's amazing how these two still manage to stay in shape.

"Gonna need to burn this one off quickly. Sora and I have some practicing to do for another Blitzball game." When the two highfived, I kept thinking how airheaded they were. Was all they thought about stupid Blitzball? These two needed girlfriends...fast.

Right when Sora and Hayner got onto the topic of some guy that got a bloody nose in the old days, the bell in the door of parlor jingled and Roxas stepped out in the sun, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand after. He walked right up the table and slumped into a chair next to me, holding on tight to an amazingly big sugar cone with three huge scoops of strawberry ice cream with bits of nuts and marshmallows poking out.

Yup...me and my choco-mint are doin' just fine over here. Don't mind us...geez, I hated being a model.

"It's gotta be over 100 out here, huh?" he puffed, prying off his jacket and flinging it over the back of his black metal chair. Underneath he was wearing a long, sleeveless and yellow shirt with a hood that fell at the back. The shirt didn't completely cover up the black belt with silver studs sitting tightly around his waist. If he wasn't wearing khakis, I noticed that he took an interest in tight jeans with rips...which, as a matter of fact, he was wearing today.

Before I got carried away with staring at him, I went on finishing up my ice cream before it would end up like soup in my lap. "Can't take a little heat, Roxas?" I asked smartly.

He pretended not to hear me and started losing himself in his ice cream for some sanctuary from the sun hovering overhead. His side of the table was drenched in yellow heat and I even felt my left arm burning. Sora and Hayner were happily under the shade of the sunroof, snickering at another person's pain from their team.

"Not being a big boy like the rest of us, are you?"

I turned away from the two across the table and looked back to Roxas' sudden question. I didn't have the time to answer, or rather think of answering. I just sat there, leaning back in my chair with my tongue barely making it to my ice cream again. My eyes felt dry from being forced open to the heat wave around us. Oh, yeah...it was definitely over 100 degrees now.

Roxas was visibly enjoying that ice cream of his. The way he flicked his tongue out and met with the cold, pink scoops made his face seem to brighten up from a sudden sugar rush. He started lapping at it neatly, unlike what a dog would do, and, keeping the shape of the cone, dragged his tongue around the scoops leisurely. It was like he hadn't had an ice cream in years since he seemed to be taking the moment in so much.

He went on running around it until he reached the tip of the top scoop and started sucking on it, contentedly nibbling at a few nuts that he found buried inside. His lips pressed together in more spots, making it look like he was kissing something he _liked_...a lot. Roxas' long fingers twirled the cone around which gave him more room to provide horrible, sweet torture.

Torture couldn't even begin to describe it. He'd already lowered his tongue to the base of the bottom scoop and, as if that wasn't enough, easily trailed up to the top all over again, pushing the three scoops away and curling his tongue back in like a snake. Small drips of sweat were starting to slide down his cheek and down his neck from the heat above him. Oy, not good.

Bad, bad, bad...no, no, good, good...very good. I should've thought through my plan more quickly. Sure, ice cream gained me points of happiness from Roxas, but him actually _eating_ the ice cream made me go—_damn, if I was that ice cream..._

I immediately snapped back when something cold began running through my fingers. I looked down calmly and saw long drips of green sliding down my hand and onto the ground below. I quickly lifted the cone away and ignored the outburst from Sora.

"You need help with that?" Hayner chuckled, biting into his cone after.

I faintly rolled my eyes and stood up, half frustrated with this and half frustrated from getting so turned on by Roxas. My whole body was starting to ache and my knees were about ready to give out on me.

"Axel, you sure you're ok?" Roxas asked from my side while he paused from his licking to look at me. I shook like crazy when he said my name. I kept picturing him still eating that damn ice cream cone all cute like. I had to remember that he didn't _want_ me to act like that. But couldn't I _forget_ to remember, just for a second?

Taking my mess of ice cream with me, I moved away from the table and back toward the door to the parlor. "It's fine. I'll be right back, 'kay?" I said over my shoulder, barely catching Roxas' half vexed face before stepping into the freezing cold store. The people behind the counter started whispering when I passed right by them and forced myself into the bathroom, quickly locking the door behind me with a restless groan.

I quickly tossed the cone into the trash and spun right around to the single sink against the wall, ignoring my reflection while I forced my hands under the water. I couldn't tell if it was hot or cold. All I could tell was that I still felt dirty regardless of what I did to wash everything away.

With every bit of energy I had left, I switched the faucet off and propped my hands on each side of the sink, staring into it blankly. I figured I'd be in here for a while for my sudden "turned on self" to go away. No matter what Roxas tried to say to push me off, I still couldn't help it. I was _crazy_ for the guy.

* * *

**ah! axel caught roxas in a lot of strange moments here...talk about wrong place wrong time. in axel's mind...i'm pretty sure it's right place right time, being the adorable little pyro that he is. -pets him- heehee**

**nu! don't throw away the love, roxas! don't thrown away the lovvveee. hm, isn't that a beegees song? XO i put a lot of things in this chapter! did you see 'em? did ya? did ya? -bounces- ok, i'm not a dog. arf, arf, bow wow. i am, however...sleepy.**

**...i wrote, and it feels amazing. tralalalala...**

**_what's YOUR favorite flavor? (roxas and axel flavor...yumm XDD),  
kokoro77_**


	8. Chapter 8: 1985 Syndrome

**Author's note: remember that one song that we all love to hate or hate to love? yup, it's that song: 1985. XP used to hate it, now i'm in love with it all over again. axel's growing hate for it has turned into love...i guess. sorry, axel. sorry roxy! so much character torture has taken place over the course of two chapters. -sporked-**

**say it with me: 3 AM!! -sleeps-**

* * *

Chapter 8: 1985 Syndrome

Here's the thing...I _did not_ see Roxas eating ice cream, I _did not _see him eat it in any special way, I _did not_ agree with my head in _enjoying_ the "show", I _did not_ debate with myself on trying to pump my "Peter-Weeter" in the bathroom, and I most certainly, out of all things, _was not_ caught. Knowing this, nothing existed, meaning that I legally didn't _do_ anything out of the ordinary.

No need to ask the priest for forgiveness at all. After all, there wasn't anything morally _wrong_ with it; "it" in the sense that I'm still ga-ga over a guy that I know for a fact has a girlfriend that's just as equally ga-ga over him. Not-wrong-AT ALL.

After some painful hour passed, I hauled myself over to the door, into the parlor and out into the blazing heat that was still beating down on me since I left. Hayner, Sora and Roxas were just getting up from the table and I was lucky enough to see that Roxas was already done with his sugar cone. My heart felt like it eased into my chest again.

With that little issue over with, we headed back to the main mall and waited another hour for the girls to come down and thrust at least five bags each of shopping crap into our arms. All the way back to the house, I just concentrated on carry the bags and looking forward rather than looking at Roxas, which was completely out of my character. I sort of felt that he was looking at me in the corner of his eye, which was out of _his_ character.

"Hm, weird...Zipper's not jumping up and down to see us like he usually does," Kairi whispered once she pushed herself into the house. All four of us guys huddled into the living room and on the count of three dropped all the bags on the floor and couches; I dropped mine on "one".

"Ugh, I'm never going shopping with you for my life!" Hayner pressed a hand over one side of his head and turned away from the room, walking away behind me with Sora trailing behind, just as equally complain-y looking.

"You're the one that wanted to tag along! Honestly, stop being a hypocrite!"

"Well so-rry for thinking that _you_ were gonna take care of yourself! _I_ thought that I was gonna lay back and shop for myself!"

Kairi didn't answer that time and simply 'hmph'd' up the stairs, crossing her arms and sticking her pink nose in the air all the way to her bedroom. Like I guessed, it was right next to Hayner's in the middle of the hallway and the second she opened the door I spotted tons of pink polka dots painted on her white wall. Was she still stuck in the teens or what?

"They argue like they're married or something." I half turned to Roxas, talking to him for the first time in forever, and saw him pulling out some t-shirts from a bag.

He looked up, clinging onto the shirts, and looked at me like he was surprised I could talk at all. "O-oh, yeah. Hayner sort of likes her but I'm pretty sure that he's not gonna take his chances asking her out. Here, I think these're yours." When he stood up something black flopped over my head, blocking out of the sun in the room.

"What the—?" I peeled off whatever Roxas tossed over me and stared down at it, only seeing that it was a vintage black polo when I stretched it out in front of me. "So they went and spent on us too? They didn't _have_ to—"

"And this one..." Another shirt went flying at me followed by two others and a pair of ripped midnight blue jeans. I rested them over my shoulder and resisted the urge to blush about it. Beside me, Roxas had a pile of his own cradled in his thin arms.

"It's just a sign that they want us to get a makeover." He probably meant that to be for himself since he didn't wait for me to answer and just took a step toward the stairs. Disappointed, I slumped and started off for my room, taking a quick peek at Roxas' butt before I opened the door a crack. Stop it, stop it, stop it...

Suddenly, there was a huge powder-puff of white that literally torpedoed at me from inside the room. All at once the clothes I had scattered around the carpet and I leaned so far back that I eventually lost balance and toppled over on my back with a sore yelp. I squinted my eyes from the pain and started down at my waist, feeling something clawing at my skin after I crashed.

"Axel? Axel!"

I got up on my elbows and flinched a bit when I reached out to pat Zipper on the head. His green eyes were sparking into mine and his mouth was open so wide that his tongue flopped out over the side. He squirmed up to my chest and touched the tip of his wet nose on my chin, quietly barking after.

"I had a feeling you were in there...ow."

"Hey, you ok?" I nearly forgot that I heard someone call out to me when I fell on my ass. I smirked when I turned my head up and saw the concern blazing in Roxas' eyes when he knelt down next to me. He'd tossed his clothes over his back just to do it.

"Thanks for bein' so concerned," I said absently. I leaned my head further back to get a better look at his face hovering over me. It suddenly looked like he was aware that I existed again and it suddenly felt like...like I could just touch him any second. It wasn't only his eating behavior that got me...he was also too cute to forget.

Roxas calmly scoffed and scooted, on his knees, to my ankles where he could wrap his hands around Zipper's waist. He tugged and after tons of effort, got the little dog off of me and back onto the ground. Zipper shot his snout in the air, doing his best imitation of Kairi, and settled into the carpet on the other side of me, away from Roxas.

"Don't know why I got him," Roxas sighed, getting up on all fours to reach over me to pet Zipper. Zipper turned his head away from his hand stubbornly.

"Oh, so he's your dog then?" Roxas started to answer but I didn't pay much attention to it. Taking the opportunity, I slightly raised my right knee until I felt Roxas heartbeat below his yellow t-shirt. His heart immediately increased in speed and he looked right at me, face tinting and his outreached hand clenched. He even looked like a dog right now.

I just maintained the best serious face I could and didn't take my eyes off him for a second, trying to get the message through his head to soften up to me for once. For a while, I thought that he was; he shut his mouth and his chest finally began to settle when his back dipped. But instead he got back on his knees and stood up, stretching out a cold hand to me so I could get up. When I took it, I plotted to pull him into a hug but decided against it.

"Thanks," I forced myself to say when he nodded and walked away, slipping his hand away from me. Below me, Zipper got one shirt in between his teeth and eagerly wagged his tail up at me. I picked up the rest of the mess and floated inside the room.

I was beginning to like this dog.

xxXXxx

_Debbie just hit the wall _

_She never had it all _

_One Prozac a day _

_Husband's a CPA _

_Her dreams went out the door _

_When she turned 24 _

_Only then with one man... _

_"WHAT HAPPENED TO HER PLAN?!"_

"Whoa, there..." I quirked my eyes up to the ceiling where the same song had been blaring for the remainder of the day. I was just about ready to bust out the baseball bat and whack Hayner upside the head with it if he played the dumb song one more time. Rolling my eyes, I laid back down on the bed and Zipper pressed his front paws over his triangle ears.

_"SHE WAS GONNA SHAKE HER ASS ON THE HOOD OF WHITE SNAKE'S—" _

_"Shut up!" _

As if that helped anything; the music just jacked further up, canceling out not only Kairi's screeching but all the thoughts trying to process through my head. This was getting out of hand! I shot up from bed and stood up, beginning to pace while I thought about getting out of the room to smack him or not. Sure, he was Roxas' BFF and all, but that didn't stand between that little punk's head and my fist at all.

If I was going crazy after 2 days of being here, I wondered how long it would take until I'd pack up and leave. If I wasn't so determined to be prince charming for Roxas again, _I swear..._

I had started gritting my teeth into dust when Zipper's head bounced up from the bed and his ears tweaked in different directions. He sniffed once and his eyes went to the door in an instant. I followed and saw Namine holding the door open, one hand cupped over her ear with a strained smile on her face. She was wearing one of the new shirts that she bought, a white, lacey shirt that tied around her middle at her back. The pair of jeans she was wearing just went to show how conservative she was.

"Hayner...just being him." She shook her head, letting the fake petals in the white flower tucked behind her ear flip. "Listen, I've been thinking that we should start getting out more! Come on; we'll go partying!" She opened the door wider, making the music noisier, and leaned forward on her toes cheerfully.

"Partying? Wow, since when've you been a party girl?" I half smiled and put my hands on my hips.

Namine's little smile grew and I almost felt it make the room a bit warmer. Wherever the girl went, she brought some sort of high spell along with her. "Oh, I don't go a lot. It's mostly Kairi, but I figured that I should tag along. I even got Roxas to join us instead of him hanging around the house all the time. Besides, he hasn't been the happiest lately and going out to the beach always sparks something in him."

I was about to say something before the house fell into silence. Namine and I nearly took a sigh of relief together before the music started up again, same song, same horrible singing as before. While Hayner whooped about it, we died inside. I could tell Namine was feeling the pain when she twitched an eye and looked at me in desperation.

"I'll be right out," I said, thrusting my thumbs to the closet with all my clothes.

"_Thank you_." With that, she shut the door and left me to dig through what clothes I had. Dress to impress...dress to impress...let's see, going to beach...it could be hot. Then again, when it starts getting darker out it'll definitely freeze over. Hm, what if I get wet? What if some drunkard pushes me into the ocean 'cause it'll make him look cool? What about buttons? Zippers? Sandals or converse? Black or white? Something that says "I'm taken" or something that screams "TAKE ME"?

I paused, two shirts nearly falling apart in my hands, and got lost in the ceiling for a minute. Then it hit me...what would impress Roxas? It always worked before. After a full minute of counting the dots on the ceiling, I dove back into the closet and pulled out the new clothes that Namine bought me.

Changing is such a hassle. I would've gone naked. I _knew_ Roxas would've found that impressive even the tiniest bit.

xxXXxx

_Destination: Beach _

_Time: 7:01 PM _

_Choice of apparel: Buttoned up lightweight polo, black, two of the middle buttons done and the others open, exposed stomach, exposed collarbone; Ripped jeans, exposed knees, "1985" printed on the butt (never found out why), white and silver studded belt; Black converse (my old friend) _

_Choice of cologne: AXE (old friend #2) _

_Rating: (judging by the way Roxas looked at me) somewhere between 4 and 5 stars...passable _

Yes, I did write that all down in my head and, yes, I bothered to commit it to memory for future use. After all, dressing up was only one of the things that caught his eye and I had to learn from it. We had to walk all the way from home to the train station where at least four parties of people, dressed in things from ball gowns to bikinis, were waiting for one of the orange trains to park in the third set of tracks. By the time it got there, all of them did a group "WHOO-HOO!" and scuttled over, cramming themselves, and us, into the train.

We got to the other platform quicker than I expected. Last I remembered it took at least 20 minutes to travel from the main station to Sunset Hill platform. Again, everyone, including Namine, Kairi, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle Dum, cheered and filed out of the train in a mass of high heels and flip flops stepping over each other. Roxas and I, both in our converse, left last just as the door was about to shut us inside.

Obviously, Namine and the others knew where to go but all I did was play the role, following the groups through curving streets that led deeper and deeper into the part of town where there were fewer buildings around you. We finally hit one street that was steeper than the rest and followed it all the way down where it stopped abruptly at a patch of pure white sand. I didn't even get the chance to look at it much since I was pushed forward from a guy that ran right through me, screaming, "THAT'S MY SONG!!"

Prat.

I dodged a couple more guys and girls before they made a pancake out of me and traveled over to a patch of sand where Namine had pulled all of us to. The moon had just gotten up and was acting like some disco ball for the dancers in the middle of the beach, spotlighting every single dirty dancer known to man. High school yet again!

"Ok, guys! Who wants to come to the dance spot with me?" Namine raised her hand after she asked and, laughing insanely, Hayner raised his arm as did Sora. Roxas and I just stood there and Kairi seemed to notice our situation since she left her hand down. She shook her burgundy hair away from her face and turned to the left of us.

"You guys go! Go! We'll follow you, right, you two? You'll need some energy before you go out there!"

"Haha, good luck with that, Kairi! Catch ya, Roxas!" Hayner slapped Roxas on the back and nearly sent him crashing into my arm doing it. Sadly, Roxas caught his balance and chuckled to the sand. Man, I couldn't help but laugh too, seeing that he did after being a vegetable all day. Roxas just wasn't cut out to be an eggplant...or a tomato...whichever veggie best described an immobile Roxas.

I turned back to Kairi and saw her trudging up a small hill in the sand. When I looked beyond her I saw a lighted hut type thing sitting at the very top, more beachgoers parked inside and all around it, martinis in every color of the rainbow in their hands. Oh, crap. Alcohol was involved here? Hold up, last I checked, me and alcohol didn't spin off too well...

I took a step forward then took it back. I wasn't necessarily _afraid_...just iffy. Yeah, iffy. God knows what would be the outcome of me being introduced to a couple glasses of happy-juice. Still...wasn't I an adult already? Wasn't I legally allowed to enjoy myself now? Right...besides, it wasn't like I'd enjoyed this sort of thing with Roxas in a while. Gotta live it up while I've got it.

"Hey," I said, taking a couple steps toward the shack. I looked over my shoulder and saw Roxas standing there, glowing better than ever under that moonlight. "I'll buy you a drink, 'kay?"

"B-but—"

"Na-ah! I'm offering and you're accepting!" I saw Roxas' eyes sparkle at me right before I reached back, not bothering with hesitation, and slowly wrapped my fingers around the checkered wristband on his left wrist. When I heard him muttered something like an "Ok" I ran, letting him drag his feet behind him.

"Martini or shot?" I asked him as soon as we pulled up next to Kairi in the bar. "Actually, scratch the shot; they're bad news." Didn't want him going through the same torment I did now, did I?

xxXXxx

_Destination: Beach, middle of mosh pit _

_Time: (you know, that hour and those minutes...) _

_Choice of beverage: A couple of Midori martinis with cherries floating in 'em _

_Roxas' choice of beverage: A couple of Island Blue martinis with sugar around the rims (sweet...) _

_Now playing: Hip Hop, Candy Shop (better than nothing) _

_Rating: I'm like a VIP, I'm winning this night over, I own this beach, I start all the dances, 5 bajillion stars...in short, I'm the frickin' king of the world _

Yes, I did write that down in my head and stored it away next to the other notes I took and, no...no I don't think I'll be able to commit it to memory tonight. I'm way too caught in a buzz to know if anyone even stabbed me. I don't think I'm drunk...I don't have the same head splitting headache as before. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm I've got hundreds of people, including Roxas, rubbing up on every part of me.

Fantastic.

"How often do you get to do this, huh?!" I yelled, kicking up a cloud of sand around everyone's feet. With near empty Martini glass still in hand, I packed myself closer to the bodies beside me and laughed carelessly when I was pretty sure that I had started grinding into some unknown shadow.

To my left there were tons of colored lights flashing to the beat of the song, through the dark and over the crowd. I spotted Kairi dancing playfully with Hayner in a rated PG manner. Beside them, Sora was front to front with Roxas, trying to out dance him by twisting his hands and legs around in mastered dance moves.

Somehow, I managed to catch Roxas laughing through the crowd and, honestly, it made me stop dancing. I was so concentrated, so fixated on Roxas that I didn't bother with what was waving around me. My martini drenched body almost sank back, wanting to relax, but the push of dancers against me kept me up. What I wouldn't give to drag him to the side and look at him face to face, eye to eye. Now when he's so...so like _himself_ again.

Sweat was everywhere on my body by now, suddenly making me cold once the ocean breeze hit my skin. I shivered a little and downed the rest of my martini. I didn't even get the chance to taste the appleness of it and instead swayed when the rest of it was complete gone. I'm not an alcoholic...I know I'm not. But I had to admit that this was getting serious. I'm _not_ a Reno...

_Bzz...bzz...bzz _

_"Here's something to take you back to those high school years! Hope you remember...this!"_

_Whoo-hoo-hoo! _

_Debbie just hit the wall _

_She never had it all... _

While a majority of the partiers, including Hayner, got up and started jumping like pogo sticks around me, I suddenly got buried in a dark hole with no hopes of getting out. Great, just glorious. What a nice way to make me feel like the king still. I needed to get out of this head banging session...now.

Getting up on the thought, I pushed through the bodies and, after some bruising, made it out alive onto the moon drenched sand where some stray couples were either sitting near the waves or rolling around in the sand. I brushed them all off and moved closer to the water and further away from the diseased music.

_"Whoo, hun! 1985? Glad you wore that tonight, sweety?"_ Before I could look, something had pinched me on the behind and I jumped, spinning full around where two girls were walking away, hands over their mouths as they giggled maniacally. Yeesh...these pants were gonna be the end of me. Scratch that...this godamn song was gonna end me.

_Bzz...bzz...bzz _

"What now? Wait..." I recognized that sound. Actually, it was more of a feeling. I looked down to my pocket where I felt something vibrating against my leg. Quickly, I dropped the glass I was holding in the sand and reached inside, pulling out my apple green Razr. The front screen was lit up as it went on vibrating in my hand. What really shot me down was what was _on_ the screen...

_Incoming call from...Riku cell _

"Riku?" I instantly flipped the phone open and brought it to my ear. I nearly screamed into the other end when the vibrating stopped. "Riku! What the hell?!"

_"Uh...great to hear you too?"_

"No, no! That's not what I meant! Ah...uhm...w-what's up? Y-you decide to call after two months?" I laughed breathlessly and after a second Riku did the same; it sounded pretty forced though.

_"Ha...yeah. About that, I've just been too busy grading papers and coming up with lesson plans to get through to you guys. Speaking of them, they ok? Mom's probably dying to hear me, right?"_

I bit down on the corner of my lip and tapped a foot against the sand. My eyes wandered around at the pepper of stars in the sky before I swallowed and answered him. I had to make up some stuff...but he'd understand sooner or later. "They're ok. Things're going alright with Larxene and all that. Mom's been crazy about you since the first week you left."

_"Figured as much. And I—hold up...where are you? There's music in the background!"_

I knew it'd come to this eventually. I sighed and crossed one arm over my chest, blankly looking out at the broken reflection of the moon on the water. "Take a guess..."

_"Pft. Ok...uhm, Trinity?"_

"Nope. Close."

_"Any club whatsoever?" _

"Not a _club_ really."

_"Oh, ok, so you're just blasting the radio in your room at home then." _

"No. I'm at the beach."

_"Beach? There's no beach in—ohhh...wait a sec..."_

I scoffed flippantly, already picturing Riku's face in his moment of discovery. I knew him all too well...him being my part brother and all. "Got it now? I'm—"

_"Here in Twilight Town, aren't you? How'd you get all the way—"_

" Reno. Bought me a ticket and I came over. Been here 2 days with Sora and I've been staying at his place."

Riku paused and I heard him sort of give a disbelieving sound on the other end. _"Sora? No kidding? So you're all partying out on the beach I take it? Sounds like something Sora'd be into..."_ He trailed off so suddenly that I had to look at the phone to make sure I hadn't lost signal. I put the phone back to my ear and muttered a hello, just listening to Riku breathe absently beside me. How'd he get so depressed all of a sudden? Maybe mentioning Sora was a bad thing? You would've thought he'd be off the wall knowing I got here...

"Hey, Riku, you—"

_"We need to talk about something...it's something important."_

"O-ok. If it's that important...shoot." Knowing that seriousness in his voice, I knew I couldn't get sidetracked on the conversation now. Once Riku was in the mood, he wasn't gonna pull out of it in a heartbeat.

_"It's...about dad."_

Dad...? I barely said the word, referring to my own father, but something about the way Riku said it made me wish I could've said it more often. What was this? I couldn't actually be _affected_ by news about Arson. He was my past...out of my life for good. I thought that he was just some dying man in the hospital now.

"What about him?" I blurted out.

_"Ok, I know it might not hit you hard or anything, but you should just..."_ Another pause, more restless breathing on the line until Riku's voice dropped so low and so serious that I shivered hearing it. _"Axel..." _And he told me.

"Di—" My throat suddenly went so dry that the rest of my sentence got lost. I just held onto the cell, looking straight at the waves pushing gently below me, listening to the voices and music collapse behind me. What Riku said was true, it might not've been a shocker...but the fact was, it sort of was. Arson...the guy that was my dad...my _dad_...

"Getting tired already?"

I twitched and barely looked to my left. Roxas' face was dotted with sweat and was flushed from moving around so much in the mosh pit. Suddenly, he became the only person that got into my head after I heard Riku's news. I felt like thanking him for it...then again, I might've grabbed at him, hugged him. I couldn't believe this...

"I-I'm fine...I just—"

_"Axel? You still there?"_

"You don't look so great. You sure?"

_"You ok?" _

"I'm gonna be ok. Don't worry 'bout it."

"No, really...maybe you should sit down or something."

_"I can call back if you—" _

"Roxas," I shut the phone, speaking up abruptly, and unintentionally rested a hand on Roxas' shoulder while he kept on looking up at me, his face still dripping in cold sweat. The best I could do to refrain from hugging him was squeeze his shoulder. I needed support all of a sudden.

"Y-yeah?"

"...Arson...my dad's dead."

* * *

**for newreaders to the sex ed series: arson is axel's father. mkay! X3**

**for old readers: i give you another sudden emoness. not sure if this is even emo at all! i fail at emo. DX oh, roxas can be my shoulder to cry on any day...-sniffle- but for now, i shall drift into a land far from here...my pillow begs to me glomped and 1985 needs to be shut off...-hits head- get-out-of-my-head! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

**_mm...akuroku flavored martini anyone? -steers away from death scene-  
kokoro77_**


	9. Chapter 9: Ouch

**Author's /emo/ note: -emo mode- nyeh...this is really weird. i think i might be bipolar or something. i dunno. i was so happy this morning then suddenly i got really bleh. as i typed this, i started thinking depressing stuff...but i didn't incorperate that into the story!...i don't think so. for god's sake, the chapter title is OUCH. ugh, that's got angst all over it. -bangs head-**

**maybe it's because school is gonna start soon. it's always the first day and the last day of school that's exciting then the rest go down the toi-toi. geez, summer can't stay forever...i'm starting to sound like emo roxas. (emoxas?)**

* * *

Chapter 9: Ouch 

Ouch. It's that kind of word that sounds like it is. I used to say it a lot as a kid, actually, but maybe it'd be better if I didn't tell you why; wouldn't want you getting depressed over little old me. Plus, I'd rather not talk about it. Trust me. I'm not an emo child. I think I stopped saying it around when I was 9...just guesstimating. I figured that it wouldn't stop anything, so I ended up shutting myself up, sorta shutting my whole body down if you ask me. It hurt.

But I didn't say that it did.

Right now, right now was no exception. Besides, there was nothing ouch-ful about what Riku'd just told me. There was nothing that could possibly affect me. Arson was dead and that was that. He wouldn't pull a Jesus and come back to life. No, he wouldn't even get the chance to say goodbye. Pft, yeah. Like he would even when he was alive.

I sort of nodded to myself, imagining that I'd pushed the sudden moment of shock away for good, and looked back down where I still felt Roxas' shoulder pushed under my hand. I didn't move it and he, for the first time, did the same, just staring at me with this little blush on his face.

"You-you're serious?" he quietly and slowly asked, tilting his head up a little. His eyes sparked when the reflection of the ocean hit them. Just like that, I forgot what I'd been doing in the first place and blinked calmly down at him, the first thought of kissing him quickly going through my head.

"What?"

Roxas stuttered, flapping one of his hands in midair. "You-you just said that-that Arson..." he stopped after that and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. When he even mentioned the first syllable of Arson's name, I snapped and realized that he was freakin' scared looking. I immediately put my other hand on his other shoulder and forced him to look at me with a quick pull.

"Look, I don't want you gettin' flipped out about this, ok?"

"How'm I not supposed to? We were...you and I were _involved_ in-in things before and—"

"_And_ I'm telling you that that was the past, Rox!" I gave him a sure shake but all he did was gaze up at me, right through me. I had the feeling that he could see something in me that I couldn't. I shook it off again. "See, you're getting worried about this when you could be out there dancing or something. Don't let my news spoil you, got that?" I let go of him after and gently tapped the side of his head, suddenly regretting that I'd let go in the first place. Dammit...it's not like he's my property!

Apparently, Roxas still wasn't buying what I was trying to get through his skull. No matter what I spit out, denying that I was upset and telling him to hang loose, he just kept a stubborn but calm frown on his pink face. Eventually, it got the point where I figured that he couldn't take it anymore. Whether it was from the alcohol or not, I didn't know.

"We've gotta go to him, you know."

I blinked quickly and shot a look at him that screamed a bajillion questions. I stuck with the one that summed all of them up. "What?" I asked, somewhat harshly.

"Axel..."

"Roxas," I butt in, "were you paying attention? That man wouldn't care if I visited him while he was dying or after he did. You know all about that, don't you?" Even when I shot my hands out, begging for an agreement, Roxas sighed, most likely pitying me. And before I could shoot something back and grab his arm to pull us into the dancing again, I froze when I noticed that he'd already grabbed mine.

His eyes suddenly went cold. Oops. You know what? This whole faking thing is something I usually would be able to major in. Now when I try it on Roxas, it's all too obvious. I had to give it up, and it hurt to tell myself that. With a hard, somewhat regretful sigh to the ground, I nervously twitched my wrist in Roxas' hand and said:

"Fine. But only 'cause you want to."

That's when his fingers coiled so tightly around my skin that I felt the blood in my hand going cold. "Good. 'Cause ditching your own dad would still be pretty low, don't you think?"

I scoffed. "Always being the good guy, Roxas."

He didn't answer because he quickly turned away toward the other end of the beach where the streets blended into the sand. I shortly looked to the left where the party was still going on and where I saw Sora yelling at some guy that'd probably only stepped on his foot. I turned back to the back of Roxas' head.

"Yo, what about them? You're not just gonna—"

"I...I'll call them later. I'll figure out something to tell them."

Yeah, right. What would he say? He was busy getting it on with someone? Or maybe he was swept away by a mermaid and was pulled into the ocean? Those sounded like pathetic stuff that Roxas would make up. After all, I could read him like a book. In all honestly, I enjoy that. While he carefully pulled me across the sand and into the dark streets, I started re-thinking what'd I'd told myself earlier; I still had a feeling that this guy...he was _my_ Roxas.

And it was gonna take a lot, even more than a horde of Namines to scratch that out.

xxXXxx

_"Paging all available nurses to room 211. Please empty all..."_

_"AGHH!" _

_"PUSH, HONEY! PUSH!" _

_"YOU! NO TALKING TO ME! YOU DID THIS TO ME!" _

_"Oh, she's just saying that." _

Roxas and I shifted in our seats when some yelling down the hall started blocking out the PDA system. While I raised an eyebrow and started ignoring it, Roxas kept opening and closing his hands in his lap. I kept wondering if maybe it was because he was nervous to be here, the reason why he was here, or that he was imagining that expectant mother yelling bloody murder while holding a flamethrowing-bullet loaded-sword thingy at the same time.

Oo, talk about your horror movie.

While he was still in that moment, I leaned in, pretended to yawn and stretched an arm to the back of his seat. Ok, so it's an overused move. So what? Classics are always the ones that get the girl...just not in this situation, I mean. I kept it there while I talked to him.

"Imagine if us guys had to go through childbirth." I snickered when he cracked a look at me, his eyes twitching.

"Er...I...that wouldn't...really work out."

I pulled on another smile and greedily leaned in on him, almost forgetting that there were not only people walking around us, but also security cameras on every corner. "Wanna give it a try?" Oh, that's just rich. Lookit his face now. Ha, I wish one of those cameras could get a candid shot of this.

He bit his lips together and, luckily for him, there were a couple steps from behind us and a nurse came into our view, holding a plastic bag in her hand. She switched glances from me to Roxas as he hurriedly stood up, brushed himself off and swallowed.

"I believe a mister...Riku is looking for you two."

Roxas attempted to answer but something got lodged in his throat and it came out sounding like a drowning cat. I stepped in to save him the embarrassment and faced the nurse in my chair.

"Whenever he's ready."

She nodded and directed us toward a flight of pure white stairs in the middle of the long hallway. I walked on the side where all the rooms were so I could block Roxas' eyes when we passed the room with the screaming lady. Right when she cussed, her husband feebly sobbed and his mother-in-law perkily consoled him, we skipped up the stairs and reached the second floor where Riku was leaning with his back against the black railing.

"Riku!" I called out, skipping the last step. I was about to reach out and give him one of those trademark 'guy hand shakes', but he quickly un-crossed his arms from over his blue dress shirt and yellow tie and reached them out, hugging me like I'd come back to life. "Uh...Riku?" I hesitated, but remembered the situation and decided: happiness BAD, hugging GOOD.

"God..." he whispered on my shoulder. He was almost my height, just maybe a centimeter shorter, and his silver hair definitely added more layers of spikes and bangs over the years. When he finally pulled away, holding onto my right arm with one hand, I could barely see his eyes through the strands of silver that blocked nearly half his face.

"You alright?" I asked, bringing my voice down. Roxas strode up next to me and I thought I felt his fingers stop beside my right hand before pulling away. I knew it. He was definitely afraid.

Riku silently nodded and lifted his head so I could see the drained look in his face. Honestly, Riku, why do you care right now? Why would you slave over coming down here in a split second? That guy wasn't even your real dad. He didn't treat you like he was and he sure as hell wasn't about to. What a compassionate idiot.

"I'll be fine. I'm just...shaky right now." He sniffed once, nodded at Roxas who nodded back, glanced to my right and said, "He's in room 211. We should get there before the doctor's take him away. They've already started prepping him up for an autopsy."

At the sound of autopsy, both Roxas and I shivered; he just happened to be more obvious since the nurse tapped his shoulder and cooed at him like he was a little kid who'd lost his balloon. And here I was; just lost a dad and standing perfect. It shocked me that Roxas actually seemed to _care_.

After a second, Riku led the way down a short area where there was another reception desk with more white ladies positioned behind it. They were arguing about some patient, but I resisted the urge to eavesdrop. The three of us followed Riku at a quick pace until he stopped towards the end of another completely white hallway.

Room 211.

The nurse pushed herself ahead of us and cracked the door open. "You can go ahead, just be careful. We haven't cleaned up the needles in there yet." With that shy warning, she moved to the side and pushed the door open wider for us to wander cautiously in what felt like a quarantine zone.

The walls were baby blue and the light inside was bright yellow, stretching out to each wall and bringing out an even paler looking color. I looked to the left of us where a grey machine was turned off; its screen black and is wires quietly sitting in a mess under the tan colored bed. The speckled ceiling was so caved in on me that I suddenly wanted to bust out. It wasn't until I actually looked at the bed closer when I really felt like Alice, unable to move in a house she'd stuck herself in.

I got myself, _and_ Roxas stuck in this mess...and there wasn't any use in turning back.

On the bed was what looked like a thin sheet over two huge pillows. But I knew damn well that they weren't. I just was in denial was all. When Riku was the first to move toward the bed, I put on the act and followed with Roxas' fingers constantly brushing against my hand. Why doesn't he just do it? It's making me wanna do...ugh. Can't say.

"That's him?" I probably said that so uncaringly since the nurse looked at me in a funny way while dipping her head to get a look at my eyes. I shot them away and ended up getting them locked at the head of the bed where a light bulge was. Don't tell me...

Then, to justify my question, the nurse lady set her plastic bag down and slowly peeled the sheets back. All three of us were staring right at Arson's stiff face. I was surprised to see that his eyebrows weren't furrowed like they usually were, but were relaxed on his grey face. And aging didn't look like it'd gotten to him before he died; the wrinkles were virtually non-existent. His jet black hair lost all its shine and his eyes were actually closed, not shooting abuse at me for once.

In a way, even though I hate admitting it, he _sorta_ looked like me...

"How'd he...how'd he go?" I turned to Riku who had a hand cupped on his pointy chin and the other crossed over his neatly tucked in shirt.

He didn't look up at me when he spoke. "He got outta the hospital a little while after we left for Radiant Garden."

Roxas let out a small moan after that. God, I just needed to get some alone time with him. That look on his face was murdering me.

"And," Riku continued, sighing, "after that he was due at court after what he did to you and me. The thing was, he never showed up. Actually, he didn't show up for weeks and the cops were everywhere looking for him."

"Just couldn't keep outta trouble, could he?" I asked flatly.

"It's where _you_ got it from." He tried for some comic relief but it didn't settle much. Realizing it, he went back the depressingness of the story. "Well, they ended up finding him somewhere out in town and took him in, but for some reason he wasn't responding very well. He was all groggy and he was complaining from body aches."

"Drunk?" Roxas pepped up and I stared at him for the longest time.

He shook his head. "Surprisingly, no. After a quick medical exam the doctor found out that he'd contracted some illness that was starting to shut down his system. So I'm guessing that's what did it."

I backed up closer to the wall and leaned against a counter with a sink. I rested my hands on it and tapped the side, occasionally scratching at it while I took in the news. So Arson ran away, huh? Doing what, I wondered. I couldn't believe this. He was a criminal enough. I guess the thrill just wasn't enough for him. And here I was, thinking he'd committed suicide. Still...I couldn't help but wonder what illness killed a big, tough guy like him?

And so, curiosity asked for me. "What exactly was the—ow! Oh, shit, what the hell?" I quickly twitched my left hand away from the counter after feeling something prick me square in the vein. I swatted away a small needle that'd been sitting there and it skidded against the wall with a tak. The nurse reacted, not to my pain, but to the needle which she swept into the plastic bag.

"Careful, hun. Wouldn't want you getting poked with that."

"I already—" I shook my head and rolled my hand after wiping away a line of blood. I noticed Roxas peering at me at my side and I looked right back. For some reason, I could tell he wanted to say something...to me, I mean. "Roxas are you—"

"Hey, see this?" Riku interrupted with a wave of his hand toward Arson's head. I didn't move and stared at him just laying there, grey blob and all.

"What?"

"That scar. He's had it since that accident."

Scar? Oh...this was bad. Bad-y, bad, bad. Out of all things good and merciful, _please_ don't look at it. It'll...

I didn't get the chance to let all that escape me since Roxas already moved to Arson's side and let Riku pull the blanket further down to disclose the scar that'd he'd been talking about. Now, for you new people, that scar isn't just a paper cut dealy, oh no. Not anywhere _near_ a paper cut. Why's that scar important? 'Cause _Roxas_ was the one that gave it to him. Stabbed Arson square in the chest to protect me from getting shot in the head. Sounds angsty? You can bet your ass it was.

Judging by Roxas' frozen body, I'd say it still was teen angst...just at a high level.

I instantly pushed away from the counter and got all in a panic when I spotted the faded red, diamond shaped stab wound near the center of his chest. Any closer to the center and he would've had it right through the heart. Oh, Riku, why'd you go and do this?

I felt like pulling my hair out. There was already a sharp pain gathering up in my stomach and it was quickly stabbing at my side. On an impulse, I slapped a hand where I felt it sting and bent over it with a groan. Riku looked up and leaned over toward me. I felt a hand on my back and knew that Roxas was doing it.

"Hey, are you ok?" Riku asked while patting my shoulder. Roxas kept kneading his fingers into my spine and I felt his feelings go right into me. In the way he was clinging onto me I knew for sure that he was hurting. I knew that he would've run all the way home to his closet if I hadn't felt this stupid memory...

As much as it was in Roxas' character to run, I ended up taking over and staggered a bit to the door where I busted it open and sprinted into the hallway. I heard Riku yelling after me but I pushed him away. I wasn't sure where the hell I'd go, but being in that place was overkill. If I had to look another second at that damn man, I'd drop in a heap on that floor and that still wouldn't do any good for Roxas. He was already concerned as it was.

I was supposed to be here to steer him away from bad memories. I was supposed to be here to reconnect with him and all that. We should be far away from this place, on the beach, dancing, drinking, singing and maybe even more like there was no tomorrow. I'm supposed to be protecting Roxas...but here I am unable to even take care of myself.

With a frustrated groan, I turned a sharp right corner and backed myself up into the dead end where all the janitor's brooms and spider webs collected. Yeah, I should stay here. I feel like junk anyway.

Panting lightly, I clenched my hand into a fist and threw it at the nearest wall, making dust and dead insects fall from the ceiling to the floor around me. I punched it again, knowing that I was far enough from the major hallways to catch attention. What the hell was I doing here? This hospital, his room, that house, this town? I shouldn't be here! It's not like anything's changing for the better...

I was panting harder and my fist was already bruised in so many places by the time I groaned again and crouched down with my knees up to my face. I pathetically sat there with my chin rested on my crossed arms. I could barely smell the cologne on my clothes now. So much for making a good impression. For all I knew, those two could be way gone by now, leaving me to angst way more than a hormonal teenage girl on her red dot. Ugh, me as a girl. How fuckin' hilarious.

"Ugh, fuck. I'm so...so _fucked-up_." I hissed on those last words and imagined me writing it all over the wall in front of me. I seriously would've if I had a pen. I would've if there wasn't a spider crawling on that wall. And I damn would've...if he didn't get in my way. "How'd you find me, man?"

xxXXxx

I grated that out once I heard the light footsteps coming my way. They turned the corner and stopped to my right, refusing to move anymore after seeing that I was literally in an upside fetal position on the floor. I pouted my lower lip stubbornly and lowered my eyes as if not to care.

"How'd you find me?" I repeated with as much normality as I could.

The footsteps started coming my way again and before I knew it there was a shadow looming over me for what felt like the first time in...what'm I saying? It _has_ been years since this happened. Recalling how strangely good it felt before, I eventually brought my gaze up from the dark grey wall to the ceiling where Roxas was standing under the flickering white light over our heads.

He lightly kicked at my foot either for attention or for old time's sake. Pft, sure. It's too late. I lost you already, you know that?

"I know you, remember? It's something you'd do, copying me."

I rolled my eyes, smiling faintly, and let them follow him as he lowered his body down and crouched beside me in the spot of spider corpses and fairy dust. The pink in his face was starting to die down but all the tipsiness seemed to go straight to his eyes. I just noticed that, out of all the time I've been here, today he'd been looking at me the most. That made at least his eyes drunk or something.

"I probably won't do this again," I muttered, inching a foot through the layer of grossness on the floor. "I can't pick the best hiding places..." I paused before adding, "like you can."

That caught his attention and even made his confused eyes spark under the light. Each time the light flickered on his face it was like he was changing his emotion. I can't explain it really, but I kept seeing him change right in front of me. Man, this was _Roxas_...why was it taking so long to wrap that around my head?

"You still ended up finding me anyway. I guess it's just how our relationship rolls, huh?" he laughed at that and I did the same, ending before he did. I just did that so I could hear him do it a second longer. I liked hearing him laugh, even as cheesy as that sounds. Means I did something right for once.

"Yeah. So, sorry that I, ya know, ditched you back there. I mean, you wanted to go. I should've gotten a hold of myself." The place where the needle had pricked me was starting to tickle so I rubbed down on it.

Roxas' lower lip pulled in and he started nibbling on it while gazing at the floor. He got down and crossed his legs underneath him, holding both his feet with the opposite hands after. Really, that was cute, what he just did. I nearly 'awww'd at him but held my self composure. He's not a teddy bear, got it?

...hells yeah he is.

"It's no reason to apologize. I shouldn't've let you come down here 'cause I _wanted _to. I should've considered—"

"Roxas," I chuckled, tapping him lightly on the knee. "Enough with the 'I'm sorries'. I'm sorry, you're sorry. You don't have to say what you should've done. Past, remember?" My voice raised happily when I mentioned the past and he smiled meekly at me, his whole face glowing even as the light dimmed.

He kept silent beside me and started bouncing his leg. To change the subject, he said something totally out of random. "You know what you said about guys giving birth to the babies?"

I nearly burst out laughing and slapping my hand on the wall. "What?"

"Erm...what you said downstairs. Remember?"

"Yeah, so? Still wanna try it?"

"No!!" He squeezed his feet and screamed that defensively. When he did, the light above us surged and eventually conked out with a weak sputter. The dead end suddenly turned into something like an alleyway after we ended up in the dark. He put it off and got back to the weird subject.

"I just wanted to let you know something. If you got an A plus in Sex Ed, why would you go off and ask something like that?"

I turned my body, still crouched down, to face him. "I was just curious what you thought. You got an A plus too, right? It's just harmless fun."

"Yeah, _harmless_. That's dangerous what you're thinking. If us guys could magically produce the babies we'd be reduced to being sensitive flowers all the time. There'd be no one to be all tough and protect everything. It'd be like—"

"Whoa, you're making it sound like the apocalypse."

"Exactly!" he spat, leaning back. "See, if all the guys start getting weak 'cause of the estrogen in our systems, then there'll be virtually no power left in the human race, if you think about it. It's actually kinda funny. I'm wondering if that'd make the women strong instead, muscles and all. Ha, imagine if we switched genders. That'd be whacked. Can't really see what Kairi or Namine would look like as a guy. Actually, I can't even see myself as a girl! Or even—"

"You know what?" I raised my voice and Roxas brought his thoughts back to earth. "That's the most you've said to me since I've got here."

Even though it was dark, the faint light from the distant hallway allowed me to get a sneak peek of Roxas' face turning down in a blush. Geez, I didn't mean to make him stop or anything. He was rambling on and on and making it interesting, cute even. He'd been glancing at the wall in thought as if he was talking to himself. But it didn't bother me. In my head, I still felt like he was bothering to involve me again.

Another 50 points.

"Oh...yeah. I...I guess it was."

Damn. Seeing his face drop _that_ disappointedly made me get hit with guilt again. This time it had a running start from 100 miles an hour before hitting me all over my body. Poor kid. He was still a kid to me. We both were. Still stuck in that relationship issue...still struggling with actions and words.

Maybe I can help with the actions part.

I dunno what I was suddenly thinking. It'd only been a couple days, some hours and a second, but I felt like I'd been here for weeks. If that was the case, then that meant that I could take the next step. I'd gotten him to laugh at least. I'd even gotten him to talk without wanting to stop. That meant that I could get him to be loose like he used to be. Worth a shot, man.

"You know, back in the room, I felt this pain on my side."

Roxas looked up.

I touched my right side and pressed down where the pain had already gone, where my dad's bullet had already been taken out 6 years ago. Yeah, he shot me. Shot Roxas too. Even Riku. Even my best friend who died because of it. Can't believe it still hurts. I bet Roxas' still does too.

"Don't want to start a bad memory, but...it's that one scar that I got too."

I could see him twitch against the floor either toward me or away from me. Nope, I was just inching closer to him, on all fours actually. I was debating on whether I should show the cut to him or not and whether or not I should make him show me his.

"You still have yours?" I ended up asking.

"H-huh?"

"Your scar. You still have it most likely." I was making it sound like everyday conversation at the coffee shop. I was just skilled like that.

He sadly nodded at me and slowly crept two fingers up his left arm where they stopped midway on the upper half. I eyed it with a softened look, still seeing myself screaming when he'd hit the ground. I thought he'd died when it happened.

Ouch.

"Doesn't hurt?"

He shook his head.

I took a second to look at the corner he was next to and made sure that there were no footsteps approaching our little spot. When the coast was clear, I was about to reach out for him before he got back in a crouching position like he was about to stand up. Oh, hell no. No way in hell you're pulling this off again.

I didn't bother to listen to his little explanation. That stuff was outdated. Making up excuses isn't for us anymore, Roxas. You may still be like a kid, but that doesn't give you the right to run away all the time. In fact, can't you stay in one place anymore? And I thought I had ADD.

In one swift move, I literally leapt forward and took both sides of his head with my hands, holding him right in front of me so I could feel him breathing against my skin. I felt goosebumps prickling under my polo. I would've pulled the damn shirt off, but figured that I wasn't to that phase _just yet_.

Our eyes locked and he didn't dare move them anywhere else. I got you, I got you. In a second, I remembered Larxene. I remembered how she tricked me into kissing her square on the lips for the first time. I'd pictured her as Roxas. But she _wasn't_ him. And after all the fantasizing, I got what I wanted. Good boy, Axel.

"I'm glad it doesn't..."

Roxas gulped loudly and I felt his throat muscles, along with all the others, roll against my hand, my arms...every bit of skin that was even a nudge away from his body. I lowered one leg to the floor where it stayed in between his raised knees. At that point I pushed my thumb across his right cheek, earning somewhat of a weak moan through his lips.

"I know, right?" he whispered airily. Funny...I forgot what I'd told him in the first place. Where are we? Hm...can't remember that either. I took the chance when he finished talking. I wanted to make sure that he'd get the message before taking off. Like some smooth operator, I leaned forward and pulled his head so close to me that we just _had_ to touch lips. I mean, there was no other place to go, right? I was stuck with this sweet spot here...not that I'm complaining.

"I ca—" Roxas' still lips opened which gave me the upper hand. I took his lower lip in between mine then moved up to do the same to the upper. The fact that he was doing more than talking to me was amazing. This was like first kiss all over again...just a tad bit better 'cause this time, he actually _wants_ to and I'm not crushing him...haha, good times.

After the tiny, slow kissing noises filled the dusty space, they began quickening by the second minute we'd started. I squeezed my eyes tighter and we both shifted our bodies, me on both knees and Roxas with his legs spread out on both sides of me. I knew this how? Duh, I had my hands lowered and they were already working their magic on his sides. These things played out rather nicely.

In turn, Roxas' thin fingers reached behind my head and a few latched onto my hair, tugging on a few strands lightly. I groaned into him from feeling it and he came back with a shy mewl of his own. Since when was Roxas shy? This made all the difference then. I massaged my hands against his covered stomach until I could feel the clenching muscles underneath. Roxas' mewling upped to sharp gasps. I rubbed us together, making my own arousal meet his. Oh, geez...

With that I eased my touching and dove into his mouth once he'd parted his wet lips wider. I delicately tangled myself around him then let him slip out and into me instead. He gave me a push to the roof of my mouth and tentatively began nibbling on the corner of my lips. That's the way...no such thing as shyness.

This was the Roxas I knew now. He wasn't hiding, wasn't putting on some stupid façade that made him look like a wannabe. Geez, this was the reason why I'd liked Roxas from the start. He was human unlike all the girls that flirted with me and the guys that I just didn't take a liking to. But when he showed up, I flew. Seriously, flew. He could be feeling the same way. Wishin' and hopin'...

If Mother Nature would allow it, I so would've tested out that theory of ours about babies. Fantasies were just that, though...fantasies. I let them stay in my head while I took in every second of what we were doing; Roxas weakly breathing and heating up, forgetting, and me, restless, dominating, and memorizing it.

I should pull off 'a Roxas' and go into hiding more often.

* * *

**bah, why does my head do this? i had an outburst of words today. i guess it's 'cause i haven't written in a few days. i've been drawing and CGing on the comp instead. pft, my art is like wheeeeeee right now. it's everywhere! i can't control what i want to do anymore! write? draw? make videos? what kind of vides? what kind of picture? WHAT ABOUT THAT STUPID SUMMER ASSIGNMENT?? -doom-**

**boy, that's a lot of heat. XO i'll get over it by tomorrow...i want cereal.**

**ehhhh...ignore the typoz because i know that there are definitely some hiding up there...curse them. and, ignore the kissy stuff too. that, that is just...oy, my head. my poor, fractured creativity spark! where'd you go? -i miss you so, seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone...- (corny)**

**did i mention that you guys are awesome yet? X3 yes, i have to say that you guys are such a great bunch. i'll never settle my thoughts ever again. i'm always so giddy when i get a comment even if it's like "cool"...ok, so that's shallow...but it's a comment nonetheless. i see them, read them, and make songs out of them to dance to...ok, not really make songs, but you get it. XP i'm trying to organize a contest thinger majigger so...look out for it? nyeh**

**/end rant/**

**_pulling a roxas right now,  
kokoro77_**


	10. Chapter 10: Double Whammy

**Author's note: h-hi? erm...well, this is awkward. been a while...aw, i missed you guys! -shot- nuuu**

**i'm very sorry. i know there have been people messaging and reviewing telling me to update (even on dA!), but the truth is...life is happening again. yea, school, HW, curfews...the whole enchilada. mm...mexican food...but! that's not the point. what i'm trying to say is that i am officially back to updating on weekends _as best i can!_ please bare with me, please? -cricket-**

**well, i started this last week, got sidetracked, then finished tonight by going over my curfew by...oh...40 minutes. XDD but that's ok...because this chapter is importante. MUCHO importante. -not spanish- enjoy...! -ducks-**

* * *

Chapter 10: Double Whammy 

Have I mentioned how much I still _love_ Roxas yet? No? Yes? Well let me take this opportune moment to say that, yes, yes I do and I don't think there's a single doubt in my mind about that changing. So what if he happens to have little Miss Namine with him? Newsflash: _he's kissing me right now_. I don't wanna sound snooty or anything...I'm just saying that it'll take a lot for Roxas to forget me. That's just how memories work.

We'd maybe entered our fifth minute of kissing and just when the little hideaway started spinning Roxas slowly inched his face away from me. Being the ever-so-stubborn me, I tried leaning in for another, but he just turned his head away. Slap. Reject. I raised an eyebrow down at him, still kneeling on the floor.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to control my breathing.

He took a moment of silence, just drawing up thoughts on the floor, before scooting away and getting up on one knee. I couldn't help but feel iffy, even clingy when he started getting up and my first reaction was to pull him right back down. No way. No way in hell was Roxas leaving me again.

"Roxas," I said pretty seriously. "What's _wrong_?"

"Axel...I..." He unconsciously tapped his upper lip with his finger, probably still wrapping the thought that we'd made out around his head, and then spun around toward the hallway after getting back up. I followed that example and tried for a different approach with holding an untamed Roxas back. Flinging my arms out, I stepped forward and wrapped them around his neck, tugging him back next to me. I just proved that the usual "wrist-grabbing" was a big no-no.

Come on, we're not girls.

"If you hate me, then—"

"I don't hate you! I thought we covered that." Roxas didn't turn around when he said any of that and just stood there, unmoving while I held him back against my chest.

"Then quit runnin', will ya?"

"What else can I do? I already told you...Namine—"

"Namine, Namine," I sighed to the ceiling before lowering my forehead against his top spikes. I admitted: I liked the girl; she was sweeter than candy and syrup combined. But when it came to the topic of Roxas, she just turned into enemy number one. Imagine...me battling it out with _Namine_? Jerry Springer won't be able to handle that.

"Tell me, when was the last time you even said you _liked_ her?" Oops. Shouldn't've said that. I didn't even need a reaction from Roxas to know what I'd said was bad. Running through warzones of cussing in my head, I pushed my face even deeper into Roxas' skull, trying to give him the message that I couldn't, _couldn't_ afford to let him leave.

"The last time? Liked her? I didn't say—" But before he could finish responding, I felt something vibrating on my leg. Despite the fact that it felt extremely out of place, I didn't slip my arms away until Roxas made the first move; reaching to his back pocket and pulling free a clunky old cell phone.

_Throw it away, forget yesterday. We'll make the great escape. We won't hear a word they say. They don't know us anyway. Watch it burn, let it die, 'cause we are finally free tonight... _

"He-hello?" Roxas stuttered into the cell, taking a step away with a single hand rubbing at his neck. I didn't realize that I'd been staring at him possessively until I realized how tightly I was fisting my hands and wishing I'd still had him.

"Oh...oh, yeah! Yeah, we're fine...uh-huh...yeah...we're just heading back to the house from...erm..." He paused, glanced back at me for a second before adding, "from walking around the neighborhood...yeah, I was just showing Axel around, you know, for an update on the place...yeah, we'll be there in a bit...sure, we'll meet up with you there." After that cute convo, Roxas pulled the phone away from his mouth.

"Who was--?" I stepped toward him but was stopped when the other line let out a loud, last second message.

_"I love you!"_

No...no, don't answer...don't answer tha—

"Love you too." And with a faint smile and a laugh, Roxas shut the phone just as the girl on the other line happily responded: "Love you more." As if considering the situation, Roxas held onto the cell, blankly staring at it with dark eyes before pursing his lips and shoving it back in his pocket. Honestly, that _crushed_ me right there.

With a hand behind my head, I walked up to him and already inched toward the white light in the hallway. "Guess that answers my question." Sorta.

Roxas just didn't respond. In fact, the whole time we walked through those Twilight Zone hallways and down the never ending flight of stairs, we didn't say _a word_. Very surprising for me. We found Riku lying down in somewhat of a fetal position in the waiting area, his eyes vaguely twitching like he was having a bad dream. The nurse at the front desk said he'd call tomorrow and meet up with us later on.

With that, Roxas and I accepted her condolences for dad's death and then shuffled over to and out the automatic exit doors. Just when we'd set foot into the suddenly freezing cold darkness I overheard that same lady in labor from earlier whisper up to her husband from her wheelchair:

_"I love you." _

I barely even heard the answer and I wasn't all too sure that I wanted to anyway. I just shoved my hands into my pockets and ducked my head into my chest like a turtle. If I hadn't been paying a attention I would've completely lost Roxas in the dark walk back to the house. Maybe I just should've let it happen. Too many things were messing with me today; death, pain and _love_ out of all things.

Honestly, when was the last time that Roxas ever said he _loved_ me?

xxXXxx

_"You know something, honey?" _

_"Hm?" _

_"You know that I love you, right?" _

_"What're you talking about?" _

_"Oh...I'm just saying that even though I may not **say** it a lot...I really **do** love you." _

_"Mom, come on." _

_"I'm serious!" _

_"Hah...ok, fine. I figured you did anyway. Parents are supposed to do that, aren't they?" _

_"I keep thinking that I have to give you more; to make up for what dad never gave to you." _

_"Well...he doesn't concern me." _

_"Axel." _

_"What? It's true, right?" _

_"...He's still your father, you know." _

_"I know, I know. But that's all he is: some guy related to me. Nothing special." _

_"I guess that's partly my fault, huh?" _

_"What?" _

_"Oh, nothing." _

_"No, really, what'd you say?" _

_"It's nothing, it's nothing." _

_"No. Mom. Mom! Hey! Mom!" _

All of the sudden I figured that I'd been talking to nothing but air. I mean, I couldn't see her face. Why was it that I was starting to lose everything all at once? Or maybe...why was I just being _abandoned_? Man, I hated being depressed.

I shot up from bed after realizing that my inner me was screaming for mom like some lost kid on the street. The second I started gazing around the sun drenched room, panting lightly, the whole dream conversation faded and I forgot why I'd been calling someone in the first place. What made it weirder was that I felt watched.

Not bothering to pull on a shirt or fix the bed sheets, I hopped out of bed and quickly strolled over to the bedroom door which was left open a crack, avoiding Zipper while he swerved in between my feet. I kicked him in the butt, making him whimper and hide behind me, and attempted to pull the door open quietly but just ended up making it creak like some dying animal. Crud.

With the whole spy agent attempt gone down the drain, I cautiously peered around the living room, immediately spotting Hayner plopped face down on a throw pillow and, surprisingly, Roxas looking half asleep a few steps from where I was standing. He was sitting with his white and black pajamas on, his back against the wall, knees pulled under his chin and eyes half shut.

"Roxas?" I half whispered, taking a step toward him. When I'd put my foot down his head twitched and soon he was locking eyes with mine, looking like more than a deer in the headlights. "What're you doing down there?"

I caught this small blush tinting his face when he answered. "Erm...R-Riku called."

"Called? How'd you--?"

"You left your phone in the living room last night. He's on his way here. I told him where to go." Roxas hesitantly pulled his left hand out from his lap and, not bothering to look at me, handed the cell over to my already outstretched hand. I gripped onto it, barely touching his thumb when I did, and ended up giving him a smirk. I wasn't sure if I meant that or not...

"Feeling like Sleeping Beauty over there?" I asked, nodding over to Hayner who was still being a couch potato. Roxas huffed, standing up after. The pink in his face had already gone. Great. That just made me think that what we'd done last night was all because of the stupid martini I'd given him. Yeah, some sex pistol I am.

"Not so much. Can't believe he'd go that far last night."

Yeah. Hayner was a real animal. Roxas and I came home before the rest of them and I thought I'd gotten the perfect opportunity to talk things out with him; sneak in an apology even. But before I could he just slumped inside and emoed on the couch until the other 4 showed up, Hayner singing _Do you know the way to San Francisco_ in some pirate voice with his arm wrapped around Sora's slumped shoulders. Thankfully, Spiky was responsible enough to stay sober and just threw Hayner on the couch where he instantly passed out.

As for the girls? Oh, do I really gotta say it?

Kairi: complains about feeling nasty and prances upstairs to take a shower.

Namine: sweetly shows her disapproval of me and Roxas ditching _and then_ hugs him before following after Kairi to fix herself up.

Yes. Yes she did hug him. And you know what...I felt the jealous bug creeping into my chest again. Where'd _she_ sleep I wondered...

Shaking that thought away, I let Roxas turn away and purposely stamp his feet against the carpet, making the room shake and the floors squeak. I didn't figure out what in the hell he was doing until I saw him grab two throw pillows and, like their names suggest, throw them angrily at Hayner's head. Hayner groaned into the couch and poked one eye out from under the pillow.

"Whaaat?" he mumbled.

"Get up there and water yourself down before I toss you in the backyard!"

"Nnh...lemealone."

"Get-UP!" Roxas grabbed another pillow and this time walked up to Hayner and started bashing him upside the head with it repetitively. I leaned against the doorframe, eying Roxas' playtime with interest. Yeah, he used to do _that_ stuff to _me_...ugh, jealousy. I couldn't help but feel a sudden "grrness" at Hayner too. I knew it. Roxas was slipping away bit by bit.

The second I sighed about it, one of Roxas' ammunition flew right back at him smacking him square on the cheek and making him falter back into the nearest arm chair. I almost ran out to help him up, being as caring as I am, but the sound of something held me back.

_DING DONG _

_"Will someone get that?" _Namine called from upstairs.

Hayner quickly pulled a pillow over his face; making it more than obvious that he wasn't gonna do it. And seeing as Roxas was sorta tangled up in war, I gathered myself up and strolled over to the front door, unlocking at least 3 padlocks before being able to pull it wide open. This huge heat wave hit me and the sunlight made it virtually impossible to see who'd done the ding-donging.

_"Wouldn't hurt to put a shirt on, would it?" _

I smiled, recognizing the voice of Riku in a spilt second and put a hand over my eyes to block the sun out. "Sexy, right?"

He scoffed and just shook his head at me, making the dark blue scarf around his neck shake. Hold up..._scarf_? What in the hell? Didn't he see, even _feel_ that it was at least 80 out? Ignoring it, I stepped to the side for him to come inside. When he didn't, I just stood there, dumbstruck. I didn't like emo Riku very much...

"Axel..." He took in a deep breath then started again. "You're not gonna like me much after this."

I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms. The sudden sound of throwing pillows stopped behind me. "What's up?

"It's...not that I really _wanted _to..."

"Wanted _what?_"

After switching glances between me and most likely Roxas behind my back, Riku shifted on his feet and, tucking his mouth behind the scarf, mumbled, "I called Larxene."

"...What?" I had to say that with the least amount of displeasure as possible. Sure, Riku knew that I wasn't all too happy with Larxene, but he didn't know that I didn't want to be with her. He didn't know that I was head over heels for an entirely different person...a _guy_. What was worse: Roxas didn't know diddlysquat about Larxene and me. This was bad...

Thinking fast, I shot toward Riku and instantly slapped a firm hand over his scarf-covered mouth. He grumbled about it but after a quick shushing he shrunk back while I glared at him. It just felt like it got a lot quieter in the living room.

"_Outside._ We'll be outside, guys!" I cheerfully called over my shoulder at Roxas and Hayner before turning Riku around and pushing him further into the heat wave. With that done I shut the door until it was just open a crack and turned around to stare him down, hands on hips like some lecturing mother.

"Now what about Larxene?"

"I know you're not totally in love with her and all, but since dad's gone it only makes sense that they come over here to say goodbye. Dad's _still_ mom's ex, you know."

I started tapping my foot and my level of likeness for Riku was slowly starting to drop. "Why can't mom just come over then?''

" _Reno__'s_ part of the family."

"And Larxene..."

"Being your girlfriend, _and _given the fact that she lives with you...that makes her part of the family too."

"When...when're they coming? The train—"

"The train makes an exception for families experiencing loss, surprisingly. So it'll make a quick stopover and pick 'em up."

"When'd you call her?"

"...I actually called her before dad died. She wanted to know how I was and all...so they wanted to stop by."

"What?" That time I started pacing in front of him, thinking things through...not like it was working. "So that means..."

"It means that they could've left yesterday or even the day before. I dunno. If that's the case, they could be here. But I think that's pretty unlikely. The train's not _that_—"

_"You said you knew you're way around here." _

_"I **do** know my way, geez!" _

_"Yeah, then where are we exactly?" _

_"Well...what about you? You grew up here, didn't you?" _

_"Yeah, but I never went around this part of town!" _

_"Ugh...here, why don't we just turn over..." _

I looked up from the ground, sorta like rabbits do when they hear something strange, and noticed that Riku had done the same by the time I peered down the stairs to my right. It didn't take much more than a voice for me to figure out _who_ I'd just heard. Sure enough, and before I even got the chance to run, _he_ rounded the corner; same red, spiky ponytail and cheap business suit thrown on.

"_Fuck_."

"Excuse me?" Riku asked with the normal volume in his voice...which sounded more like intense yelling to me. I lunged at him again, this time missing his arm and grabbed at the closest thing to me: his scarf. I tugged at it like a leash and started dragging him backwards toward the house.

"Come on, come on! Not good!"

"Mm! _Axel!"_

I shut him up again with another pull, this time swinging the door open and tripping all over myself which made Riku come down with me. And, seeing as he was all about the layers of winter apparel today, I felt like he had to have disfigured _something_ in my body. Biting my lip, I squinted, just as Riku quickly sat up, and with a push, made him roll off of me so I could slam the door shut.

Phew.

"Damn..."

"Axel? What the heck's wrong with you?" Riku spat while turning around with a look like he wanted to tear me apart.

"I just—"

"Riku? _Axel!_" Hearing that scream, I glanced over my shoulder just when Roxas popped out of his seat and came to my rescue. Ah, my hero. He dropped down in between us and, ignoring Hayner's sudden explosion of insane laughing, started looking me over. I smiled at his sympathy and stood back up, completely disregarding Riku's existence.

"What happened?" Roxas asked, getting up in a flush.

I crossed my arms before answering. "Way too hot out there."

"Liar..."

"'Scuse me?" I glared, smile turning evil, down at Riku who was struggling to get up with all that weight working against him.

"Too hot? As if."

"Is...something bugging you?" Roxas asked that so shyly it was like he'd just met me on the side of the street. Desperate for his attention, I looked back, smile turning back to happy, and waved a hand in front of my face.

"Fine." How was I actually _talking_ to him right now, or flat out talking in general? I still remembered what he'd said to Namine on the phone last night and it was killing me every damn second. But what can I do? I knew one thing: I needed to get Roxas alone to fix it.

Already getting excited on the plan, I took a step toward Roxas and cleared my throat, making him look back at me with concern. I figured this pattern out: whenever I got hurt/pretended to be, he'd concentrate on me. Selfish? No. Smart. Putting that smartness to use, I placed a hand on one of Roxas' shoulders. The shock...he didn't twitch. Not one bit.

That kiss must've done something.

"Hey. I wanted t' talk t' you about something."

"What?"

"Well...about last—" I'd lowered my voice so Riku wouldn't hear, but I didn't get the chance to push the secret conversation out before the demon doorbell started ringing throughout the house. Defeated, I sighed to the ground, looking away when I noticed a familiar rush of blonde and white skipping down the stairs.

"I'll get it! Oh, Hayner...water yourself down, huh? Especially when..." Catching the sight of Riku, Namine let out a surprised gasp, nodded sweetly at him and hurriedly bounded over to the door. Ugh, just let the stupid girl scouts or whatever sell their things and...

With my back still turned on her, I started feeling my suspiciousness rise at the moment of silence. Don't people normal greet with a hello or a squeal? Judging by the look on Roxas' face, obviously not for Namine. I didn't turn back around and decided to let the picture paint itself.

_"Oh, my..." _

_"Hey...!" _

_"Hey! Wow, is it really you?" _

_"Always has been!" _

Following that was the girly laughing from two people, Namine and the _somewhat_ unidentified girl that'd just showed her face. Did I really _want_ to identify her even? Maybe it'd be better if I dragged Roxas up the stairs without question or greeting...something told me that Roxas wasn't going anyway. He just looked like he was about to pass out from a full body failure. I really would've taken him away at that point; just find somewhere where he wouldn't hurt anymore. I guess most of that pain is my fault...I had a lot of apologizing to do.

_"What're you doing here?" _

_"Me? Oh...just..."_ The dolled up voice, the sighing, the staged pause...Jane Doe suddenly came into clear view. I braced myself for impact and dug my fingers into Roxas' shoulder. That time, he shook, but not because I'd touched him. Because of _her_.

_"Axel." _

Roxas absently lowered his eyes, seemingly putting the situation together, loosened his fingers and unsteadily whispered, "Larxene..."

xxXXxx

3 days. I'd been here 3 days, trying to find the least bit of sanctuary away from home. I'd been keeping away from the family _purposely_. You know that feeling where you suddenly get annoyed with everyone around you? Friends, family...can't stand them in a second. Turns out that that feeling was lasting a bit longer than expected with the people I lived with.

And after only 3 days of living life again, they had to come back and intervene. I'm harsh, I know. But I never ask for anything...is asking to be left alone too much?

I started gathering all these thoughts up that night, just when Hayner was finally physically human again, Sora had shut off his video game after shooting all day, Kairi had finally gotten up from her sick bed and Namine decided that we "socialize" with each other like it was "a party". As for Roxas and I, we were forced to sit _separate_ from each other, seeing as Larxene was so obviously "mine".

I _like _her and all...but _why can't she just fall in love with Reno?_

"So you just randomly found us here?" Hayner asked in between swallowing his 3rd aspirin. At his left, Reno wrapped a friendly arm around his shoulder and gave him a supportive shake. Hayner just stared at his hand like it was death itself.

"_Axel_ was smooth enough to give us a little hint." Reno winked and I gave him the finger under the table.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that I happened to be passing by and he kept screaming loudly enough for me to hear him. My dear cousin..." After patting Hayner sharply on the back, Reno slipped his arm back and leaned into the table with his fingers intertwined with each other. "Love him dearly."

"Yeah. With _all_ my heart," I said sarcastically, but he just took it all as a true compliment.

"You never told me you were staying here, Axel." To my right, Larxene was sitting with her legs crossed under the table, occasionally nibbling at the salad on her plate that hadn't gotten any smaller since she started 30 minutes ago. I barely glanced at her in the corner of my eye and only acknowledged that she'd talked by shrugging.

Being Larxene, she wouldn't let _that_ end the convo at all. "Just picked up and left, you know. I thought he was coming here on business."

Right across from her was Roxas, clearly pretending to enjoy the company of Larxene. Yeah, he liked my mom and I wasn't all too sure about Reno...but Larxene...he never really liked her. She crushed on me while we were "together" and it ultimately destroyed him.

"Dude's in modeling," Reno blurted out, pointing his fork at me. Mom, sitting to my left, kicked him under the table, and by the looks of Reno's face, she'd aimed in the happy spot. "Well he is!"

Mom tucked some hair behind her ear and sighed while turning to Hayner who was stifling a laugh behind his water glass. "See...we actually came here because...we were told that—"

"You sure you're gonna mention it?" Reno put his fork down with a clank and suddenly the table dropped in a freaky silence. Only the weather report on the TV inched way into the frozen discussion. Everyone but me turned to mom, forks down and breathing kept to a minimum.

Confidently, and with a tiny smirk, mom clapped her hands together and started. "We were told that Axel and Riku's father recently passed away."

Scattered gasps and 'oh-no's' made me shrink into myself. I couldn't figure out why I was acting so shy all of a sudden! Oh, that kiss really _did _do something. I just didn't think it'd be _this_. I eventually looked up to see Roxas and Namine staring at me; Roxas drawing a blank and Namine on the verge of crying with her hand closed over her lips.

"We actually were supposed to come here just to keep in touch with these two...but plans changed and now we have to alter our schedule to make room for Arson's death." I could tell that she didn't want to delve on the topic much and right when she ended the sentence, the sorry's spilled out and were soon covered up by forks scraping and the news people chatting away.

Arson really wasn't a fun topic around town, not just here. Everyone knew what he'd done before so it was sort of like superstition. If anyone mentioned his name, I guess he'd go for them next. Thanks, Arson. Thanks a lot.

"Oh, and, Axel?"

"Hm?" I turned a bit to Larxene who I could tell was fully facing me.

"Ayden says he really misses you. He's coming in from the train station tomorrow once his school lets him out."

"You left him alone?" I whispered, catching Roxas' split second glance that screamed: "_Who's Ayden?_"

She shook her head, making her old style pigtails bounce. "You know Demyx, right? He promised to take care of him for a night before he comes here. You know, he didn't like it when you ran out."

"Ran--?" I quickly stopped myself from going over my limit, and turned back to ignore the topic for good. Man, I really cared for that kid a lot. But when it came to "responsibility this" and "responsibility that", I wanted to forget that I'd ever posed as his _father_. Larxene was apparently pissed off at me. I just wished she didn't have to make it "apparent".

"Larxene?" Namine brought up. "Sorry, but, can I ask who Ayden is?"

Since the two have been besties since the caveman era, it didn't really bother Larxene when Namine brought personal questions up. So with a happy smile and a laugh, Larxene leaned toward her and started loud enough for the entire table to hear. Damn, damn, damn...

"Ayden? Oh, he's just Axel's and my—"

"Oy, check out the news, man."

Slumping forward, Larxene sighed heavily after getting cut off. Like I said before: _thank God for Reno_. I swear, before they leave, I'll admit that he's related to me, even buy him a life time supply of beer (which he most likely would never turn down). Noticing that everyone had spun around toward the living room television, I tried listening in.

_"...has gone missing. Officers say how strange of a coincidence this is, following the death of the former runaway and drug user, Arson. Following Arson's release, some witnesses claim that he kept in close contact with this man when it came to keeping the drug business. Now after Arson's death, officers have been conducting a wide ranged search around town for his now missing partner at an attempt to end the future dealing. A description..." _

But the news already had me at 'missing'. After that, hearing about Arson was just old news. Missing? _Who_ was missing? Partner? _Who_ was his partner? And what were they talking about 'deals'? I tried being low key when I asked, not really wanting to show that I cared when I, actually, did.

"Deals? As in drug deals?"

Reno shook his head disappointedly at the screen then started muttering to himself into his arm. Hayner had started up a conversation with Sora, just barely getting Kairi to calm down as she started freaking out about 'the world coming to get her'. The other three girls were sitting quietly in their seats, picking out loose words and information from the TV over the sudden outburst around the table. Roxas...

I blinked and averted my eyes from Namine to Roxas who had suddenly pressed his back away from the TV and shut his eyes as if thinking long and hard. Normally when that happens, he either secludes himself in the emo corner or just won't talk for decades. Ok, Axel, take your pick: which one? Huh...what about _neither_?

I quickly peered around the table as I stretched my right leg out under the table. It didn't take longer than a second for me to feel something hit the tip of my foot and to receive a shocked breath from Roxas. His blue eyes flipped open and wandered across the surface of the table to me where he gently cocked his head to the side. Seeing that, I nudged my head toward the kitchen behind me. When that didn't get the message across, I resorted to words instead. Never was a sign language person.

"Hey, I'm gonna head outside for a second, 'kay guys?" I said over Kairi's uncontrollable moment of panic. When I did, I stood up quickly and already started toward the dark kitchen, twitching my finger slightly for Roxas to follow.

"You feeling ok, hun?" Mom asked.

"I told you, I'm fine." Even though she started up insisting again, I simply went further into the kitchen, only bothering to push the back sliding door open when I heard a chair being pushed back and rushed footsteps following up behind me.

xxXXxx

"Did...did the news bother you? I mean, I could've changed the—"

I held up my hand and pressed my back against the edge of the deck. "No. No it's not that. Geez, Roxas, you really worry about me, don't ya?" I said with a laugh.

He didn't answer and instead took the spot next to me, folding his arms over the railing and burying his chin in them. Being night time, I could barely see his shadow sitting in the dark next to me, but when a short puff of wind blew past us, I caught his hair gently blowing to side along with it. It just felt like one of those romantic scenes in the movies, you know? Every time the smallest perfection on him showed, I nearly sank.

Love sick, I guess.

With the wind blowing past me, I vacantly stared out at the dots of light polka-dotting the town below us and eventually managed to take advantage of singling Roxas out.

"Hey," I started, voice low. "I'm...sorry about yesterday...at the hospital, I mean."

When he kept quiet, I continued.

"I shouldn't've taken you there."

"It was my decision," he said in a raspy voice. I saw him turn his head a bit to talk to me.

"Yeah, but...you got hurt there, didn't you? And I just ran out on you?"

He furiously shook his head, stuttering once. After, his eyes looked up through the black and I thought I saw them puddling again. But Roxas was stronger than _crying_, right?

"Sure, it was a little upsetting, but I was _standing_, alright? Besides," he brought his voice down and looked back at his folded arms. "You had every reason to run off. He was your dad and all."

I would've barked something at him for saying that. Actually, I would've made it loud enough for everyone to hear, seeing as everyone was telling me that Arson was my _dad_. Dammit, he wasn't supposed to be. Close to my limit, I faced him and had to bite the tip of my tongue for the next sorry to come out.

"Anyway...also...about _after _I ditched..."

Roxas' head rose at that.

"It just looked like I pushed you, so...sorry for that too. I was just—"

"Why would you apologize?" When he turned his head to me his voice rose faintly in light shock and annoyance. In Roxas language, that meant he was softening up to me. I just had to push a little harder to make him snap.

"Come on, you wouldn't even _look_ at me after that."

"That doesn't prove I hated you." 30

"Just felt like you did, that's all I'm saying."

I heard him tapping his fingers on the wooden railing in an uneven rhythm then him starting to speak just as equally uneasily. 50. Any second now...just let it all out, Rox. You don't do this then you'll suffer hell. His feet shifted on the floor and his eyes constantly ran across my face like he was searching for something to say or look at clearly. 80...

"I just thought that, you know, you needed attention. Some support. Nami..." I paused, a shot of Namine smiling up at me passing through my head, and continued, "Namine even said that you were looking sad all the time...It really gets to other people too, Rox."

That's when he scoffed and I flinched, feeling his broken breath push on my skin. I kept opening and closing my hands with the thought of touching him instantly blocking out complications: family, drunk best friends, _girlfriends_.

"You think?" Roxas nearly choked on that and after repeating himself, I had to keep against the railing to make sure I wouldn't fall over. "_You think?_" It only lasted a second, maybe even half or a third of one, but Roxas' sudden step and outreached arms felt like they took forever to fall against me. At first I just stood there, staring over his head to the sliding door ahead..._who cares if they saw_? Roxas was touching me, _hugging_. It'd been only a couple of days since it happened, but something told me that _this_ wasn't something to pass up.

Narrowing my eyes, I sighed and buried half my face in his hair. "Sorry, Rox."

He let out a strangled sigh into my chest. It just occurred to me how cold his body felt. Knowing that, I loosely locked both arms around his neck while both his were around my waist. "You seriously thought I needed _support_?"

I nodded and he dug his fingers onto the folds in my shirt.

"I'm just...screwed up. I thought I was doing fine...guess I'm not. I'm really not." With his body sinking deeper into me, I couldn't help but wince when a something small started to bruise my skin. Wait...I _knew_ that feeling. Stiff and cold...just like Roxas. It's what I came all the way here for. Carefully, I slipped a hand in between us, making Roxas move backward in surprise, before feeling something round behind Roxas' clothes. I quickly looked up, shooting him a promising sort of stare.

"You...?"

He seemed to figure it out and nodded regretfully. "Axel..." His own hand inched behind him and into his pocket, not once looking away from me. Oh, shit..._he had it?_

"R-Rox...! You're not kidding—"

_"I SWEAR! I'M GONNA JUMP! KEEP THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"_

Roxas shivered so much after that somewhat nearby scream that I had to cling onto him, frantically staring around the deck in a circle.

"What's going--?"

_"I'LL JUMP! I'LL DO IT!" _

_"Don't do it!" _

_"I WILL!" _

Amongst the screaming, I magically made out the sound of the sliding door squeaking open in front of me followed by a rush of footsteps stamping onto the deck. All that time, I wouldn't let Roxas go, but it wasn't like they could see us. The footsteps stopped midway to where we were and were replaced with intense panting from who I imagined were Reno and, strangely, Larxene.

"A-Axel!" Larxene squealed.

"What?"

"It's that friend of yours...all over the...news..."

I turned my head to Reno's shadow. "Who?"

"He's gonna jump, he's gonna die! He's gonna die!" Larxene's voice was almost garbled out by sobbing and tears.

"Who's gonna die?!" I admitted to being scared like hell was breaking loose. Roxas went on shaking.

_"I SAID STAY AWAY FROM ME OR I'LL JUMP!" _

_"No...!"_

"...Axel..." Larxene muttered over her sudden crying.

"Who?! Just tell me who in the hell--?!"

"...Marluxia."

Just when I thought it was over...hell no it wasn't. I still had a lot of apologizing to do.

* * *

**gah...emo!Axel...do not want. bad. emo axel equals bad. emoxas...tis alright. it WORKS. axel? nah...too shakespearean.**

**speaking of axel...i had a dream a while back that he was my english teacher. he wouldn't look at me though and EVERYONE in the building was in love with him..._except for me_. i was like: wut? is this human? then i woke up and went to school. DX high school year...-sigh- must live.**

**for now, akuroku is my backbone. i use it to help me through school...-ogles new smut doujin- kukuku...erm, it's...history notes? -shuffles away-**

**loved it? hated it? hey, why not comment it? i'm a sucker for fanfiction, it's dangerous.**

**_drabble, drabble, drabble,  
kokoro77_**


	11. Chapter 11: Hello Goodbye

**Author's (dead) note: -shot with weapons of mass destruction- XOOOOO**

**how long...HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN GONE??11 a month? nuuuuuuuu this can't be happening, dangit. -kicks school- -kicks head- ugh! i will explode! i try, i really have been trying to get this to you guys sooner! but...ah, why should i bother with the excuses? -hides face in shame-**

**once again, i give all my heart in saying i'm sorry for being dead. and if you love me, will you forget my stupidity? ok, enough bashing myself. i think emo is like MY word of the year, dontchaknow? and so, here is (finally) chapter 11. mr. flower pot is waaaaaaaay crazy. -huggles him-**

* * *

Chapter 11: Hello Goodbye

Lemme tell you about a little thing called a "relationship". It's pretty nice, actually, especially when it happens to cross paths with people like myself who's been pretty deprived in the past. See, it comes in different levels: from acquaintances, friends, crushes and lovers to fre-nemies and enemies. I'm gonna sound like a teacher with this...but you'll get it later.

Now, a relationship always starts with a friendship. There's just no doubt about it. Easy 3 step process: meet someone, talk to this someone enough and, bingo, you've got yourself a little playmate. Sure, it sounds and even feels easy to make a friendship...but cementing it? That's another issue. What happens when things fall apart? The "trust wall" can gain a weak point that two people might not be able to fix. And once it gets attacked enough, the relationship goes splat. Once something's broken in a friendship, it can be pretty hard to repair.

That's where I bring in Marly. Or Marluxia...whichever sounds the best.

Met him around the same time I met Demyx in Twilight Town. The three of us became pretty close friends; best friends even. A trio, the three musketeers, yada-yada-yada. That's what I call the past. See, he _could_ be trusted. I put all my faith in the guy. I knew he was a born leader and everything...sad thing is, he had to lose it all to another best friend called cocaine.

And that, that's where _this_ situation comes into play. I couldn't stop rewinding and fast forwarding through my times with Marly while the four of us made it back into the house and straight to the front door. Hayner and the girls stayed put, barely blinking an eye when we shot outside. Seeing as Reno and Larxene had been the ones that told me and Roxas about the news, they led the way out into the pitch black while both of us lagged behind. Somehow, I could still sense that Roxas was desperate to hang onto my hand, an arm, a leg...

Seriously, I would've let him if I hadn't been running so fast. That's so weird. _Why_ bother with Marluxia in the first place? Why still care about him with his frickin' coke addiction? I'd put all my trust in Marly and he had to go and break it. Call us enemies? Maybe...but I had to throw that to the side. I kept hearing him screaming like bloody murder through the whole city.

_"I'll jump! I'll do it!" _What the hell was wrong with Twilight Town now?

"Do you even know where he is?" I asked, on the borderline of screaming and whispering.

Under a couple of flickering street lights, I spotted Reno up ahead of us barely turn his head over his shoulder to answer. Larxene was starting to lag at his side, painfully gasping for air.

"News report said...tower."

"Tower?" Roxas blurted out, making me twitch. I instantly directed my attention to the left where I could vaguely hear the tinkling of a chain mimicking the rhythm of his heavy footsteps. "As in the clock tower?"

"Only one out here, right?" Reno gasped, turning his head back in time to turn another corner. Roxas and I sharply turned and that's when I realized just how fast Roxas was actually running and how far behind I felt. Was he just afraid and running away from something else? Geez...

We'd just entered one of the darkest streets and I had to rely on nothing but my ears to pinpoint Roxas. I could hear my heartbeat in my head, pretty much doing the best it could to drown out Marly's strangely loud voice from earlier. Mix that all together with mom talking about Arson, Larxene nagging, Hayner and Sora spazzing, Roxas' voice and that annoying necklace tinkling...I was getting a record breaking migraine right about now.

In fact, that stupid headache kept me from figuring out that we'd slowed down. I ended up crashing into someone's back in the dark after they'd stopped. After hearing that girlish voice, I knew I'd just smacked right into Larxene. I felt her hair flick in my face when she turned around to, most likely, glare at me.

"You ok back there?" I heard Reno whisper. I rolled my eyes and walked around her to stand side by side with him.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"Why's it so dark?" Roxas cautiously asked like some kid looking out for the boogie monster.

I stared up at the sky, instantly catching a tall, dark shadow of a building blocking out tons of stars. On the other side of the shadow I could barely see the faint glow of pale yellow lights directed toward the top of the tower. I couldn't _hear_ anything...so that meant there couldn't be a stand off or anything...something was telling me otherwise. Dammit.

"Huh...really makes you wonder, doesn't it?" Reno asked strangely casually. "Why would all the lights be off? Ch, you don't think—"

Not bothering to let him finish, I scoffed sharply to the side and shot forward, towards the station tower, making sure to make wide but soft steps so I'd be able to get there fast without being arrested in the process. "Fuck analyzing..." I hissed to myself...more like Reno.

"H-hey! Hold up! _Axel!_" Just what I needed...Larxene to hold me back. I'd already reached the street to the far left of the tower by the time I heard echoing footsteps behind mine. I didn't think about looking over my shoulder and set my concentration on the situation at hand. The fact was: Marly was still part of my past, and even _I_ know that forgetting it is pointless.

xxXXxx

Who'd be stupid enough to kill? You've gotta be hit pretty hard over the head to even let that thought flash by your head. Who'd be stupid enough to kill _them self_? How hard do you have to be hit to think that? Despite all I've been through, even _I_ don't think about it. Self inflicted pain...worthless, y'know? I guess...drugs just fog that up a bit. And when it comes to Marly, he's been stuck in a fog for half his life.

_And I didn't even know_.

Again with the racing train of thoughts going on, I completely ignored the chance to do some sight seeing while running blindly down the left road. Up ahead I could already see the light on the other side of the tower, just barely revealing the crowd of red and blue circling lights and people's heads. Apparently this situation was bad enough to draw a crowd.

Somewhat frantically, I stared around where I was before stepping further toward the small crowd that had gathered around some wooden barricades that the cops had obviously set up. Beyond those barricades were at least three cop cars, lights rotating and flashing slowly around shadows of officers in black uniforms. One of them was holding a huge megaphone and beside him was what looked like a girl, possibly Kairi's height, with her head turned away from me. From the looks of how she covered her face with her hand, I figured that she had to know Marly.

I had this urge to hop over the barrier and ask questions in a split second. But that was before I caught sight of a huge inflated cushion that was set up in the center of the square. Now why in the world would _that_ be there? Let's just say that it didn't take a genius to know. Hesitantly, I lifted my head up and, still panting from all the running, turned upward to the dark sky where the tip of the clock tower was lit up in spot lights. I squinted at the one to the far right and barely made out the outline of _something_ sitting a bit too close to the edge.

"What's happening?" I asked calmly, even though I was far from that. Some teenager in his pajamas to my left answered for me.

"Cops have been lookin' for this guy for ages."

"What?" I stiffened my neck and looked at him at an angle. He just sighed and shook his head as if pitying that so called 'guy'.

"Yeah. Just when they find him, he decides that it's a good idea to run. Guess that's what you get for partnering up with a runaway, right?"

I took the info in bit by bit, trying to imagine a few things in my head. Runaway...where'd I...? I almost asked the guy something else, but instead I shot my eyes back to the black dot on the tower and figured that _it_ would know everything I needed to know. It literally took me a few seconds before I drew up a scribbled planned in my head and forced myself into believing that it was good enough. That's quick thinkin' for ya.

Not bothering to excuse myself, I hurriedly tiptoed through the crowd towards the right where the lights hadn't reached the dark. By the time the top of my shoe stepped into the large shadow of the building, I broke into a run. I didn't stop until I felt the wall of the tower closing in and I slammed my body against it, scratching the spackled surface for anything resembling a door. No dice.

"Ok, ok, _think_. Just stop for a sec and think..." I hissed into the hand that I slapped over my lips. Damn, it was getting cold out here. What was I _doing_? I should be with mom right now; supporting her and Riku with Arson's death. Or with Larxene even; trying to work things out before Ayden would show up tomorrow. I just realized...I'm a pretty terrible guy.

I nearly kicked at the wall after thinking that. I already had my foot pulled back and it was only inches away from striking head on before quickening footsteps made me lose my concentration.

"_I'm coming with you!_"

My eyes dilated and stared deeply into the black wall in front of them. That's _right_. I heard footsteps running after me when I came here. Dammit, I should've paid more attention. Slightly pissed off at both of us, I spun my body around and immediately spotted Roxas' shadow drawing in closer to me.

"No! You'll just get in trouble!"

He shook his head after stopping in front of me. "You and I know him, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So that means I've got every right to help you protect him."

Roxas' voice kept rising with every word, almost covering up the shakiness which obviously meant he was scared. I'd never heard him act so defiant since we were in High School, so it came as a wake up call. But, in all honesty, I was proud of him...but was I proud that he was willing to suffer or _die_ along with me? All for the sake of a 'friend' he barely knew?

I crossed my arms and watched the little puffs of smoke that appeared every time I breathed. I opened my mouth to respond but Roxas had already made up his mind and swiftly sprinted to my left of the wall. I didn't follow him until I heard something like rusted hinges squeaking and grinding some feet away. I lowered my arms and made way through the dark to where I saw a heavy weight, metal door pulled wide open.

"I used to hang out here all the time, remember?"

I looked down at Roxas when he whispered that. He simply stayed quiet, glanced at me once and then ducked inside the pitch black, oil scented room. I only paused for a second to watch him leave before I started feeling afraid that I'd lose him. Soon, I pushed myself inside and made sure to leave the door open a crack behind me.

"Rox?"

_"Y-yeah?" _

"You scared?"

No answer.

xxXXxx

I didn't think it was humanly possible to run that fast up at least more than 10 flights of stairs. At least for me. Roxas, on the other hand, seemed to take it all in memory, probably picturing the old times when he used to run up here every weekend, and moved faster and faster with each flight passed. Finally, out of breath and with legs about to snap in two, I hopped onto the last stair with Roxas in front of me, his frail body pressed against the exit door in the same condition as mine.

He swallowed and blue, blue eyes scanned the cold surface of the metal door as if it were the gateway to hell. Actually...it could be. Even though it was dark, I could just _feel_ what Roxas was feeling; I didn't need to see his face to know. I pictured him: lips partially open, his eyebrows lowered in worry and his chin pulling closer and closer to his chest.

Feeling that he wasn't in any condition to go any further, I reached a hand out to the door's handle and pushed, causing the bar to painfully creak and reveal total darkness outside. I brushed shoulders with him and felt him shudder afterward. And, when I stepped out and inched closer to the stone edge of the tower, I knew Roxas had every reason to.

"All the way up here..." I said, dazed while looking out at the flickering firefly-like lights peppered throughout the midnight drenched town. It was weird to see so many lights missing from a place normally full of life. Even the moon was choked behind thick clouds ahead of us. No stars, nothing.

I turned to Roxas who had just stepped out toward me and I could almost feel flecks of ice cutting my cheeks in the below freezing temperature. "Where is he?"

Roxas lowered his head and mumbled, "We're behind the clock tower...so he'd be around the corner here..." With a major loss of eagerness, Roxas twitched while he walked toward the corner to the left which was un-protected by fences or walls...just one hell of a fall waited for any misstep. I made sure to keep close behind him until I was literally breathing down his neck.

"Keep it quiet. We don't want the cops finding out."

"Then how would we help him with them not knowing?" Roxas asked with lesser volume than a mouse.

I didn't respond and continued walking on, making up another plan as I went. Just when I'd thought about possibly having to knock Marly out to save him, Roxas suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, making me bump into his back. I looked down at him uncomfortably.

"What? What'd you--?" That's when I frantically shot my eyes up and I squinted when some yellow light shot right through me. It took some effort, but I vaguely spotted something, or rather, someone dark crouched down ahead of us, back turned away with head ducked down so low we couldn't see it.

I didn't stop to think at all and simply walked around Roxas and officially gave him the ok to turn back; he'd been a superhero enough. But his light footsteps behind me told me otherwise.

"Roxas, please, _please_ just lemme handle this one."

"I...I'm still coming with you."

"Rox."

"I mean it..." He kept his voice lowered and I felt him tug onto the corner of my shirt. With that done, there was nothing I could do. Roxas was staying and that was that. I'm not very good when it comes to pushing Roxas away...Knowing that, I took in a deep breath and moved closer and closer, slow inch by slow inch until I was merely an arms length away from touching the hooded body.

I could tell it was breathing. I could tell it was unresponsive to the outside world too. But I was gonna make it notice me. I was gonna force it to _look_ at me and hear me out whether it liked it or not. And, with hand outstretched and chest panging from the inside, I leaned forward and lightly pressed a finger against the black jacket of the person.

"...Marly," I breathed, shivering more from the cold rather than the anxiousness. My voice didn't sound like my own. "Marly, it's me."

Then, in half of a split second, their head rose from their knees which kicked back the black hood that had been hiding the familiar, light pink shaded hair underneath. I almost smiled. Almost. Hadn't they twitched violently at the sound of my voice and turned around to shoot death in my eyes then I would've smiled. Those very same, sleep-deprived and baggy blue eyes were staring right into mine with an utter look of guilt. His face was whitewashed, thin and stiff, just like it'd been in his jail cell. Every bit of color in his skin had faded and the usual shine in his hair had dulled.

"...What do you want?" he asked harshly, his normally smooth voice turning into something deep and hoarse. Beside his right hand was a small megaphone, probably the one that he'd used to scream down at the cops earlier.

I lowered my head to avoid suspicion from the overlooking spotlights. "You shouldn't be up here."

He scoffed loudly and suddenly began chuckling while turning his eyes away from me toward the crowd of cops below. "Trying to repay me, aren't you?"

"Repay?" I asked slowly.

"'Course. Remember all those times when I calmed you down in school?" He then looked over at me quizzically. "What? You don't think I'd remember? You think it's all 'cause of the crack, don't you?"

"Marly, what's up with you?" I defensively shot at him. "You were never like this!"

"Well why didn't you ever ask? A _real_ friend would ask me!"

"I never did 'cause you looked alright! I never knew anything bad about you!" Roxas' hand on my shirt tightened and I had to move my shoulder to block him from being seen. His face pressed lightly against my arm and I barely heard him whisper something into my skin.

_"Don't...him."_

"What?" I whispered and Marly just raised an eyebrow at me.

_"...don't." _

Still not picking it up, I began stammering for a way to cover up from Marly, but he seemed to be catching up pretty quickly; he wouldn't stop trying to look around me for the person I was talking to. Probably realizing that he'd been found out, Roxas pushed harder against my skin, trembled slightly and then managed to poke his head out from under my arm. I slowly moved away for him to show his blush tinted face in the pale light.

Roxas...

Seeing him, Marluxia's head rose and he suddenly shut up and turned back slowly, extremely slowly toward the dark city as if the police weren't there at all. His eyes were unblinking against the sharp wind. "...Hey, Roxas." Was that all he could say? _Was that all he could say? _

Roxas even seemed a bit confused when he cleared his throat and started up talking with him. "Uh...h-hey..." he froze for a second then added, "What're you doing up here?" as if that were everyday conversation.

Marluxia's back hunched up and he replied in a tired voice, "Trying to forget." When we kept silent, he went on. "There's a lot that's gone on in my life, ya know. I'm pretty sure that I've gone past the forgiving stage. No one can forgive me anymore. So all that's left to do is forget, right?"

"Who can't forgive you?" Roxas asked gently yet curiously as if egging him on.

"Just all the people I've kept secrets from...like you and Axel...Demyx, _Zexion_."

Both me and Roxas cringed when we heard that all too familiar name at the end. The thing was: Zexion...yeah, he couldn't forgive. _Physically couldn't_. To put it simply...he died. He was one of my friends that died when Arson fired shots that one night in High School. With him gone, chaos just broke loose. We'd lost our 'conscious' in our friend group. No one was there to give advice, to act as our backbone. We'd really lost a _dad_ almost.

"...and _her_." Marly's head dipped when he mentioned that last word. Roxas only grew in curiousness and he crouched down beside me, eyes glossy and glowing under the light. The spikes in his hair were blowing in the sharp wind towards me, just giving me that little bit of comfort I needed in this situation. Roxas...he's something else.

"Her?"

Marly nodded solemnly and nudged his chin downward. "That girl. With the cop with the megaphone. That's her..." he turned his head in a direction away from Roxas in regret when he mysteriously added the name: "Olette."

While it took me a second thought to register that name with a face, Roxas instantly picked it up and gasped so loudly that a puff appeared in the cold air in front of his lips. He looked like he's just been tripped and stepped on, slammed into a wall and left to bleed it out. Olette...when I thought about that name, I suddenly remembered: Roxas' friend, the one that'd been raped before. I didn't feel like asking if that was true and Marluxia ended up filling in the blank spots anyway.

With a sharp exhale, Marly looked up at the cloudy sky and responded, "She's down there."

I pictured the girl I'd seen, holding her head in her hand while standing beside the officer in the square. So she _did_ know Marly. But, _why_? How could she know? "What's she got to do with anything?" I asked.

"Olette..." Roxas whispered to himself while Marly began answering. I silently coiled my arm around his and pulled him closer to me. I knew this was a bad idea...

"That's _right_. You've been gone for so long, haven't you? Olette and I have a little thing going on. A _relationship_. We're like this." He raised two fingers and nonchalantly crossed them over each other. "She takes care of me, ya know? All I've got."

"Then why would you be up here knowing that you could lose her?"

He shrugged and patted his legs restlessly before bringing one leg up on the ledge. I thought he was about to jump and twitched toward him. He remained in that position for a long time before continuing.

"I figured she was too busy with her newspaper work to be around me anymore. So I figured I might as well give it up." Oh, this was _definitely_ not the Marly I knew. He'd never belittle himself like this. He'd never scream for attention. He was always the tough guy... "But I guess she's alright now...looks like it." With that said he brought up his other foot and, with a sway, pulled himself up to overlook the city. The spotlight followed him and I heard several people yelling incoherently below.

"He can't jump. Axel, he can't—" Roxas choked and let out a short, frustrated breath. I knew he hated to feel useless, especially around me. Looks like it was up to me to fix this...all for the sake of Roxas. Still holding onto his arm, I took a quiet step closer to Marly's back, making sure to avoid being caught in the spotlight.

With my second step closer, Marly suddenly peered over his shoulder and with eyes narrowed and feet planted firmly apart from each other, he opened his mouth to speak. "Be seeing ya..." Promptly, he bolted down the right of the ledge so quickly that when I reached forward to grab his ankle I nearly threw half my body off the edge. Roxas clawed onto my shirt and tugged me back up with a shaky yell. I shook my head and grabbed onto his arm before shooting a glance where Marly had taken off.

"Where'd he go?!" Roxas screamed, completely ignoring the fact that hundreds of people could've heard him. I couldn't hear screaming, I couldn't see the yellow light pinpointed on us either. In fact, everything had turned back to black. I suddenly noticed that the spotlight had darted toward Marluxia had was starting to head to the back of the tower. We had to get there before it did...

"Come on," I panted and, with a jump, pulled both me and Roxas up on our feet and took off running back the way we'd came. I completely ignored the darkness and the tower's edge as I ran. I couldn't think about _myself_ right now. We'd just reached the corner when I heard door hinges being pulled wide open and I picked up speed, skidding around the wall just as the spotlight began chasing around the other side.

"Go, go!" Roxas yelled, pushing me forward toward the shadow of the open door. With him beside me, I breathlessly ran forward and pushed my way inside...but by then, the footsteps ahead of us had stopped.

_"Come on, come on! Let's go!"_

"Olette? _Olette!_"

xxXXxx

It was that simple: 'hello' and 'goodbye', as if we'd only just met on the street. I guess that really means that he and I are nothing now. And, because of that, because he'd run away, because he'd pushed away my help, because he'd just hurt me and Roxas...we were officially enemies.

I _hated_ him.

Roxas and I left the scene just as easy as we'd entered it. We'd blended into the dark streets, into the dispersing crowd and managed to avoid getting captured under the lights. We barely said anything and left with only one thing known: wherever Marluxia had run off to, he had Olette with him.

_"Come on, come on! Let's go!"_ That was _her_ voice.

"Olette? _Olette!"_ Roxas. He knew it was her.

After that, nothing. Marly was gone. Again. And Olette had helped him with that. Don't tell me he's affected her to? I guess she had no choice. If she ignored him once, he'd attempt suicide again. After all, _she's all he has_ and that could be the same for her. That's what bad love does to you.

We never caught up with Larxene or Reno on our walk back to the 'normal' part of town. Sure, it hurt me that we were leaving so quickly without bothering to search for Marly. But when I thought about it, Marluxia wasn't worth my time anymore. If he wanted to be dead, by drugs or by jumping, let him do it. With my head spinning and my whole body shaking from being wiped of energy and heat, I stumbled down the curved streets and Roxas held his right arm consciously while he was beside me.

If there was one chance where I could talk to him one on one, face to face, that was it...

That chance ended when we eventually made it to the lower step of the familiar flight of stone steps that led up to the line of townhouses up ahead. I stared at them with utter dislike and felt like just collapsing right there in a heap. Maybe the morning garbage truck would pick me up tomorrow. Yeah, that's how bad my body felt.

I found it in me to look up to the top step where I noticed something swaying or pacing on it. Judging by the blue-ish white color, I guessed that it was...

"Namine..." Roxas whispered. When she didn't move toward that, he skipped up another step and repeated her name. I just stayed behind and mentally punched myself over and over and over again. "Namine."

_Namine, Namine, Namine._

A little gasp broke the silence and, as gentle as it was, it had this huge impact on my chest that almost pushed me to the ground. I swallowed to make the feeling leave, but it just wouldn't. To make matters worse, Roxas' steps sped up and soon his shadow was standing beside hers...so closely.

_He was hugging her_.

_"Thank goodness_..._"_

"Hey, it's ok...I'm...we're back."

_"Wh-Why...where did you go? Where are the others?"_

"It's ok...nothing happened. Axel and I just came back and the other two'll come back soon, ok?"

_"Both of them are already inside. I was just..." _

"Sh, it's ok."

...Damn it. Damn it to hell. There's just one thing about falling in love with the right person...if there's a good point and down point to everything, then that means that there'll always be something bad about that relationship. No matter what I did...Roxas just kept slipping away from me. I couldn't stop running that phrase through my head while I ascended the steps and passed by them as if they were nothing but part of the dark. With my eyes turned to my feet, I solemnly put a hand on the door handle and pushed the door open before stepping inside the dimly lit living room.

Home at last...

_"I'm just happy to see that you're ok!"_

_"Yeah, yeah I know. Things were pretty chaotic tonight."_

I barely pressed my back against the door, giving into eavesdropping with a sadder than sad face pulled on. I kept my head turned toward the crack to hear them. Why'd they have to sound so happy?

_" Reno and Larxene showed up a while ago and said that they'd lost the two of you. They figured that you were in the overlooking crowd." _

_"...Somewhat. We just stood there." _

_"So...he's alright then?" _

_"Oh...o-oh yeah. I think he'll be alright." _

_"And you? You and Axel?" _

_"We're just shaken up...don't worry so much." _

No response.

_"...Namine?" _

_"Hm?" _

_"I..." _Roxas froze then started again, this time with an even shakier voice. _"I-I wanna show you something."_ What? _"Just wanna apologize for worrying you."_

_"What?" _

Another pause...followed by a light gasp. I couldn't tell if it was out of good surprise or bad surprise. Knowing Namine, it was probably good for her, bad for me. No, no, no...don't look. Eavesdropping's enough! Peeping isn't. Don't.

_"Namine..."_ Deep breath. Exhale. _"...will you--?"_

_"Of course...yes! Mm-hm."_ A squeal, feet scuffling, happy sobbing...this seemed all too familiar. I blame Larxene's soap operas.

Shocked, nearly paralyzed, I turned my head back toward the living room, just staring forward at absolutely nothing. That was it. I'd officially lost everything I'd been leaning on in my life. Best friend, brother, close friend..._Roxas_. And the best part? I still had a girlfriend. One that was a fake. One that loved me. One that came into the room at that moment I'd sat myself on the floor, head turned down and eyes half closed.

Without a word, she came up to me and wrapped her slender arms around my waist, just pressing her head under my chin as if she cared. No one cares. No one knows. _I've lost that chance_. And I unconsciously rested my head on Larxene's because, really, she was all I had now.

_"Namine...will you marry me?" _

_"Of course...yes! Mm-hm."_

"I hate that I love you..." For once, I think I meant that.

* * *

**-plays the wedding march while akuroku fan people prepare pitch forks- DON'T DO IT ROXAS!!!!! -spasm-**

**wouldn't that make an interesting song? a ballad to namine...hm. just something that came to mind. annnnyyyway. XP**

**i kept listening to "i hate how much i love you" by ne-yo while i wrote this. that and TONS of emo/acoustic songs because...akuroku gives me that feeling. -nod- again, again with the depressing chapter. ugh. you might as well slap me now. when will the madness end?? but! there is a method to the madness, i swear there is. patience, okie? i promise you there's sunshine up ahead. (do i sound like a weatherman to you?)**

**bee-tee-double u, who's UBER excited for the 3 NEW KH GAMES COMING UP??? AHHHHH!!! -humps axel- something tells me that the DS game will be filled with all sorts of crack pairings and...and...-nosebleed-**

**please review? i'm so sorry, really. really. if i could tell my past self that i should've hurried up, i would. but that's the life of a school girl. can't take shortcuts to where you wanna go. -bows-**

**_will you marry me? -sporked-  
kokoro77_**


	12. Chapter 12: Oh, Shit

**Author's note: alright...i lied. i lied, lied, lied. i SAID that i would post on the weekends FROM NOW ON and look at this! it's wed-ness-day. yes, the middle of the week. i mean, who DOES that?? -spazzes- i seriously need to get some help with organization. xP i suck at keeping even the easiest promise.**

**-sigh- let's just get this update over with, shall we? -if you still love me, that is?-**

**it was me birthday last wednesday so make me feel special and don't pelt me, mkay? -heart- what's up with that chapter name, you ask? well, is saying it ever a goo****d thing? -hint hint-**

* * *

Chapter 12: Oh, Shit

Do I honestly gotta say how I was feeling after that night? 'Cause if I do, all you're gonna hear is a mass overload of swear words and barking that'll make you drop into a coma. Well, I guess it wasn't _that_ bad. I mean, I didn't feel _anything_, to tell you the truth. Pretty much...I just 'felt' like dirt. I could add swearing to go with that, but I think all it'll do is take up space.

Now, what did I _do_ after that 'incident'? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Now when someone asks someone else what they're doing and they say 'nothing', that's not true. They're breathing, blinking...all that normal human crap. But in my case, nuh-uh. I _mean_ nothing. I can't even recall breathing. Sad, right? What did the world have against me? Why was it that everyone else was falling deep in love and I was struggling to _stay_ in love?

Yes, yes I did say struggle.

Following Larxene's and my little snugglefest, I picked myself up off the floor and dragged my feet over to the couch where I instantly plopped down and slammed my head in between two pillows, still trying to find some loop hole in what Roxas had said...more like _proposed_. Larxene didn't say anything after and just wandered into the room, _my_ room, and lightly shut the door.

I wasn't in the mood for in-bed snuggling right now. And so, my butt stayed put in the living room even when early, _early_ morning started to come around. Roxas and Namine appeared right after Larxene had disappeared into the shadows and I can't even begin to describe the look on the girl's face. She barely even noticed that I existed and that I was clearly a stick in the mud on her couch. With a happy skippity-walk up the stairs, she left the room and didn't show any signs of sleepiness when she shut her bedroom door behind her.

I didn't even get the chance to check her ring finger for proof. Where the hell was my proof? I still wasn't buying this load of shit.

I barely kept Roxas in my line of vision while he just stood there, half smiling and staring at his feet with this look of exasperation. It just looked like all the light had been sucked outta him, like he wasn't gonna come back and be _himself_ anymore. I had to nibble at my thumb to keep from grumbling something nasty so I wouldn't be noticed. Even so, Roxas lifted up his head and, lowering his left hand, looked my way, his expression quickly switching to half vexed and half confused.

"Hey..." he started, his voice going so low that the tiny beeping noise in the kitchen nearly drowned him out. "Aren't you...gonna get to sleep yet?" He flimsily shook his thumb over his right shoulder to the room where Larxene had entered only a couple minutes ago.

After sitting up, I slowly blinked while turning my eyes toward the door and pretended that I'd seen something interesting in it. I ended up gluing my eyes on it with my eyebrows furrowed and my mouth still covered by my hand. Don't-say-anything.

That obviously made Roxas' 'concern' heighten and he tilted his head to show it. "Take that as a no?"

I still didn't answer him and ever-so-slightly turned my head further away. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get his face out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't stop _staring_ at him...indirectly at least. I nearly lost my composure thinking about that _hand_ of his. Just bite your thumb, Axel. Keep cursing and fucking _bite_.

After a short few seconds, that felt like minutes, of silence, Roxas let out a short sigh that probably wasn't meant to be so obvious. The thing was, I heard it and picked up the slightest shake in his voice...and _knew_. He didn't mean what he did out there, did he? _He didn't mean it. He can't!_

With that little voice in the back of my head continuously telling me about Roxas lying, I turned my head back to stare at him just before he managed to take a step away. Oh, no. You're not going anywhere. My sudden heavy breathing probably startled him since his eyes kept looking away for a place to escape to. Was I pissed? Very much so. Jealous? Most likely. But instead of keeping myself together, I just had to take action and show it. I just had to push up out of my spot and walk over to him all casual-like with this demon face pulled on.

Roxas just sighed again and slowly turned around toward the stairs. I noticed his shoulders tense up and I snapped. Dammit, I was hurt. I admit that I was hurt beyond reason.

With a strangled groan and a roll of my eyes, I shot my right hand out and took hold of Roxas' upper arm. He barely got the chance to gasp since I'd immediately pulled him off under the staircase and backed him into the wall. After that, well, I just _stared _at him. The walls shook when he hit the one I'd thrown him against. I could see it: that guilt written all over his face. Admit it, Rox. _Admit_ that you're...you're...

His lower lip shook slightly while I glared at him while uselessly stuttering nonsense. What do I say? But when I thought about it...there really was nothing. Give it up. I did just that, and, for the first time in my life, I let go of him and left him against the wall _alone_. And so, I turned back toward my bedroom, placing a limp hand up to my head as if I was dizzy or something. Strangely, my left hand was starting to burn.

"Night," I whispered lightly to the floor and I heard a couple steps coming up behind me.

"Axel, hold up..."

He had the nerve to even say my name anymore? Man, I don't want to _hate_ you, Roxas. I just kept my eyes straight forward and bit the tip of my tongue when his hand gripped onto my left shoulder. That's right: _gripped_.

"I—"

"It's not worth talking about."

"But...something's not right," he muttered as if he was responsible for something.

"You're right...something's not," I said that with a tone that made it utterly obvious that I'd been cut somewhere; like I'd been nicked across the throat. "But I can handle it."

And that was the plain and simple truth: I _can_ handle and carry myself without difficulties. But the one problem is: when the situation involves Roxas and it happens to be a _bad_ situation, I can easily drop my guard. Just goes to show how much I really care for him. Obviously, Roxas knew me well enough to know that I was lying and his other hand just held onto my arm like he was begging for me to admit it.

"You're not supposed to keep anything from me, remember?" He literally was on the verge of pleading.

"Since when have you cared?" Even though it hurt like hell, I nudged my shoulder and instantly Roxas' hand slipped away from me, leaving the cold feeling of metal where it'd touched my skin. "Since when...ugh, I don't have time for this."

I took a small step toward the bedroom door but I froze up. Something told me that our conversation wasn't over. Roxas proved that when he broke the silence with a shaken sigh which was followed by:

"D-don't tell me...you _know_?"

I glanced over my shoulder. "Know what?" Yeah, real smooth.

His hands were at his sides and his fingers were absently twitching. He'd already ignored what I'd asked and skipped to the conclusion that I did, in fact, know what he'd done outside. But he didn't lower his head in apology. He didn't flick his eyes away or even run. He just stared at me square in the eye and with a croaky voice whispered:

"I'm sorry..."

Sorry wasn't good enough. It's _never_ gonna be good enough anymore. I looked back toward the door and walked on, shutting my eyes to take in that last sentence. I didn't stop thinking about it even when I'd shut the door behind me to stare blankly into the faint blue lit room. Was he really sorry? Or did he just fake it? But sorry was sorry: worthless. That apology was my undeniable proof.

Congra-fuckyou-lations, Roxas.

xxXXxx

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"You don't look so great."

"I'm fine."

"_Every_one says that. I bet you just don't want mom getting worried about you. You sure?"

"Positive." I clicked my camera off again and let it sit around my neck without bothering to take a peek at the pictures inside...not like I'd taken anything. It wasn't so much because of the fact that there was nothing interesting to snap a shot of in the back porch, but that, well, I wasn't in the mood for it anymore. And this is _Twilight__ Town, _for God's sake. No inspiration? That's scary.

"You're doing it again..." Ayden mumbled after turning his head to face the deep purple sky off in the distance.

I didn't answer and just stared at him for a sec, trying to accept that he'd arrived on train only a week ago. Ayden's a great kid, don't get me wrong. He's smart and seems to know everything about what people are feeling. He's even braver than heck, going on the train all alone.

But what scares me about him is how much he _looks_ like me sometimes. His hair is strawberry blonde, dark red and burgundy at the roots, tons of short spikes growing out from the back and loose strands falling over his dark blue eyes. He usually ties it off in a ponytail, like now, which makes him look freakishly like Reno.

And like I said, I'd never _had sex_ with Larxene to make her have Ayden. But for some reason, I go by 'dad' in Ayden's book. Joyous. I just don't have the heart to let the kid know.

"Doin' what?" I mumbled, leaning against the railing beside him with my back turned away from the sunset.

"Lying." He said that with a limp sigh and, without another word, he jumped off of the railing and quietly walked over to the house with his head pointed down. For some reason, ever since my little issue with Roxas before, I seemed to be hurting every person I looked at.

It'd been a full week since I last talked to Roxas, let alone looked at him directly. I was pretty sure that he looked at _me_ though. When Namine skipped down the steps the next day after Roxas proposed to her, she suddenly spilled out her excitement in front of all of us, even though it was absolutely NOT a surprise for me.

Mom, Larxene and Kairi got all giddy, like girls do, and jumped around her, patting her on the back and attacking her with hugs. Hayner and Sora just crowed around Roxas, looking partially surprised with a looked that said both, "Are you sure?" and "Which one of us gets to be the best man?"

Yeah. And the funny thing? Neither one of them was gonna end up being next to Roxas on his glorious wedding day. He wouldn't say who it would be. I swear, if it's me, I'll keel over and die that day...ok, maybe not _die_. Maybe just...stub my toe to a point where I can't walk down that aisle.

I scoffed and pushed away from the railing, crossing my arms firmly over my chest while heading back to the kitchen where Ayden had disappeared to. Geez. Me. Me! Thinking up all these ideas for a wedding. What'm I rambling on about? I should be happy for Roxas. I mean, it's not like _I _wanted to marry him, right?

Speaking of marriage: here comes the bride.

Just when I'd placed a foot inside of the kitchen, Namine slipped into the room wearing her usual gleaming face which, mind you, definitely intensified over the course of this week. She beamed up at me and that's when I just realized that she was dressed from head to toe in sparkly things. Two diamond stud earrings, a white gold bracelet on her right wrist, white gold necklace with a heart pendant, white short heeled shoes and to complete the Princess Diana look: a white dress the fell just below her knees with silver beads sewed into the bottom edge.

"Goin' somewhere?" I asked, out of politeness and all.

She giggled, something she's been doing a lot recently among other things, and stood on her tiptoes to say, "Mm-hm! All of us! Didn't Roxas tell you? Oh, I _told_ him to tell you."

I nearly rolled my eyes but ended up breaking a smile instead. Please don't remind me of "Mr. Handsome" right now.

"Anyway, Roxas made this reservation on a boat—"

"_Boat_?" I asked, leaning my head in. She didn't back away and laughed out loud.

"Not afraid of a little water are you?" When I didn't say anything, she backed up toward the living room and before disappearing said, "It's at 7 tonight. It'll be fun, you'll see. Water won't spoil the fun. Promise!"

"But it's not the—" But she already took off, leaving me to slump forward with my mouth nearly hanging open. It wasn't the stupid _water_ that I was worried about. It was the fact that I had to be formal around _Roxas_ and I had to force myself to be cheerful about his wedding for god knows how long. Let's just say that me and tuxedos _don't_, repeat: DON'T go together.

xxXXxx

Straight up, I can be an ass when I'm in a tight situation. And when I'm an ass, I can lie like there's no tomorrow; like a criminal on the witness stand only I'm hella _good_ at lying. For example: I lied when I said I was feeling fine when Ayden asked me. I felt like passing out, and the funny thing was: it only lasted 5 minutes. For another thing: I lied when I said that I wasn't worried about water when getting on that damn boat. And, for the record: I look OK in a tuxedo, courtesy of Reno.

"Man, I'm jealous," Sora whispered to me with a sharp nudge to the side. We were just marching out the door when he'd said it. I just shook my head and flipped the white collar sticking out of the damn suit.

"Please. I blame Reno for it. Note that I said 'blame', ok?"

"Hm. Whatever you say." Sora smirked vaguely at me before running off into the darkening streets and down the wide steps. Hayner paused beside me, looked me up and down and laughed while taking off toward Sora in a floppy black suit of his own that made him look like a kindergartener performing his first musical.

I scratched behind my head and, hoping that I would just blend into the dark, walked at a slow pace behind the rest of them, save for Reno and Roxas who were still behind me fixing up their hair with gallons of hair gel.

_"Huh? What'd I tell ya? Looks great, doesn't he?"_ Reno, you jerk-off.

Pause. Weak laugh. So says Roxas, _"Y-yeah. Yeah he looks awesome."_

Please. You're making me blush..._Profusely_.

_"I know, right? Plus, that's **my** tux, ya know? The cute factor gene runs in the family, you gotta admit. Pretty soon, little Ayden's gonna start catching all the girls he barely glances at." _

At the mentioning of Ayden, Roxas' chuckling faded off into broken bits until all at once he stopped. The sound of footsteps replaced their voices. I looked ahead of me where Larxene's 'oh-my-gosh-isn't-it-amazing-I-bought-it-for-800-bucks' white dress was glittering next to Ayden's little body in a small tux of his own.

Next thing you know, I'm in the blankest state of mind, getting caught up in all these thoughts about being called _attractive _and whatnot until finally we all arrive at this little cove a little ways away from the train station. That was creepy: I'd been _shut up_ the whole time I came here. My chest started hurting.

Hoping that I'd try wearing that pain off, I took a good second to check out the surroundings with Reno standing right beside me, staring off at the train rails that hovered some 50 feet over the dark water. Behind us, a few cars were casually driving by on the narrow road, some speeding for home and others pulling off to the side for a quick make-out session. The place wasn't like the partying beach we'd went to last week, but more like a lagoon-ish spot where you'd expect the Little Mermaid to jump out and start singing for you.

To my left the entire left half of the beach was hidden by rocks and drift wood that ranged from the size of a leg to the size of a full grow tree. Beyond all that debris I caught sight of a little inlet that was slowly beginning to shrink in size as the waves started swallowing the sand up and the tide started to rise. When I turned back to the right, I wasn't surprised _at all_ to see a small white boat tied off to a creaking dock as it barely flowed with the push of the waves. Well, the girl wasn't lying then: Roxas definitely planned this one out for tonight.

"Yo, you comin'?"

I looked up, first at the crescent slit of the moon then over to Reno who was blocking my view of the fallen debris I'd seen before. "Well..."

He leaned in and nearly pressed his cheek against mine while he whispered, "Dunno 'bout you, but I bet you _anything_ that they've got champagne on that yacht."

I scoffed while Mr. Fantastic skipped across the sand for his precious booze. All the girls were already up on the dock and Larxene had even stepped out onto the front of the boat. I spotted Sora and Hayner talking to Ayden who was busy doodling stuff in the wet sand with a skimpy stick. But where was...?

"Roxas..."

"Axel."

"Holy...!" I twitched slightly and shuffled my feet in the sand after hearing someone saying my name. It took me a while, but I eventually brushed off the twitchiness and glanced over my shoulder, eying another black tux and a mess of newly gelled hair only a step away from me. "Roxas," I muttered, hesitating to turn all the way around. It just felt so _weird_ to be talking to him after that whole week.

He sadly lowered his head at me and for a while, nothing but the sound of Larxene's giddiness about being on a yacht for the first time preventing silence from taking over. But soon Roxas reached behind his head and started saying something to the sand. "...I wanted...to—"

_"Roooxasss!"_

We both looked up and stared toward the boat where Namine's reflective outfit was making my eyes go blind. I wished she'd stop looking so attractive for once.

_"Come on! Reno wants to pop open the—" _

_" CHAMPAGNE, BABY!" _Reno screeched from inside the boat.

And, without so much as an 'I'll talk to you later', Roxas took off running like a dog to its master and made it to that dock and on the yacht in less than three seconds. Yes, I counted. I just stood there, speechless, and still hurt like hell. With a broken sigh, I shoved my hands into my pockets, thought about joining in on the drunkfest, kicked at a sand crab, and then, once I heard the cork pop and the laughter start, took off toward the mass of drift wood along the water.

Funny. They'd forgotten that I tagged along.

Somehow, I just didn't feel like I had the right to celebrate and get drunk.

xxXXxx

"So, I take it that I'm just invisible, huh? Pretty much _air_, right?" I grumbled while trying to keep my balance on a soggy log that was surrounded by shallow water. Beside me, a sand crab that was about the size of my hand was scuttling on the sand, and, being me, I had no choice but to vent all my anger on the poor little guy. What? He seemed to listen anyway.

" Ch. Lookit 'em going at it." I nudged my chin in the direction of the now lit up yacht on the dock. Sora, Hayner and Ayden had finally made it inside at Larxene's command. Through the wide windows on the side of the boat I could see Namine prancing around, making her dress swish and flick right past Roxas while he simply laughed and playfully touched her bare shoulder. Yeah. Happy couple indeed.

"You'd think they'd get lockjaw from smiling so much. Not like I'm jealous or nothing." With that, I turned away and hopped off the log, making a huge splash of water completely drench my pants before trudging over to the little inlet which was surrounded by large boulders. The sand crab followed after me, weaving in between my feet while I pounded my soggy dress shoes into the sand.

"Really. I'm _not_ jealous. If I was jealous, I'd be in there right now trying to show it. Maybe cut in whenever those two start talking...Ugh, then that'd make me into a girl, wouldn't it? Man, what a _drag!_" Groaning on that last word, I pulled my feet under me and slumped down on the edge of the water without any intentions of moving. I just crossed my arms over my knees and rested my chin over them while trying my hardest to wait for the Little Mermaid to show up rather than peek at the party going on to my right.

But you know something? Keeping up a bad boy persona is hard stuff. Every once in a while you just feel like, I dunno, falling apart I guess. Doesn't happen often, but right now...I mean look at me: sitting off on the sidelines like some forgotten toy kicked under the bed. And Roxas...I wasn't sure if he'd just thrown me away and if I should hate him. Love can be a bitch, really it can.

_"...be right back!" _

_"Hurry back with him, alright?"_

_"Yeah."_

The wind started picking up and blew my way when I raised my chin to look over to where I'd heard voices rebounding from the city walls. At first I thought they could've been from some couple that's just entered the beach, but hearing the second voice, I suddenly shivered and knew it wasn't. Why was it that I didn't feel so dejected anymore?

With hazy eyes, I turned toward the floating boat which looked so far away and, sure enough, a door closed and someone's shadow stepped out onto the little dock. My first reaction was to bury myself a foxhole, but instead I sat still and let Roxas come into clear view once he walked out in the middle of the beach with blue moonlight drenching him from head to toe. I couldn't help but notice the quick in his step as well as the fact that he was _dragging_ those pretty black shoes of his through the sand. He wouldn't look anywhere but down...and he wasn't going anywhere else but my way.

Before I skipped to conclusions, I turned my head away with a heavy sigh and rested my cheek on my hands while watching the last of the trains run along the elevated tracks over the water. Those footsteps were still getting closer...just don't let curiosity drill into your head...

Too late.

"_What the hell is up with you?_" I whispered harshly into my arm while I raised my head and cautiously turned toward the footsteps. And before I knew it, I was nearly pushed backwards when Roxas literally came running at me, his cheeks flushed with alcohol and his expression on the verge of crying. My lips parted to ask him, but they just quivered and all I could manage was useless whimpering as he suddenly slammed down on his knees and hung his head. What do I do? Just stare at him?

"...Ro—uhm—Roxas?" I began, slightly angling my head. "Y-you alright?" Obviously that was a rhetorical question. _Anyone _could see that he--

"Listen..."

I nibbled my lower lip, anxiously waiting.

"...Just tell me why you're out here."

"Well..." I switched my eyes constantly out to the water but when Roxas' head rose I looked back and, with a weak smile, started to continue. "I was just—"

"You're making us worry in there," Roxas butted in, but not harshly.

"Come on. You go celebrate. I'll just end up crashing the party."

"Why?"

"Just not in the mood for that stuff."

Roxas' baby blues scanned over my face and some loose strands of hair flew over them when a breeze came by. I just had this feeling that he was wasn't looking to joke with me or start a fight. He wasn't buying my lying. "I'm...just sorry you feel like that."

I shook my head. "Don't be. Go ahead and head back. Apology accepted..." Even though it really wasn't.

And, as usual, Roxas knew. But he didn't go back on topic about it, oh no. Being him, he dropped it completely, nudged his head closer to me and mumbled quietly, "Don't tell."

"Tell?"

And as a response, his arms flung out, one of each side of me, and in a rush, a tangle of arms and clouds of sand, I peered down at his eyes. They were closed, but not tightly. His head was tilted while he laid the most sincere kiss I'd ever gotten outta him in a long while. I dunno what he was thinking. I dunno why...but it never matters, does it? Roxas is frickin' _kissing _me again.

I completely shut off the flow of complicated, over analyzed thoughts in my brain and narrowed my eyes before completely shutting them. Both my hands were propped behind me in the sand to keep me upright and I carefully brought one up to Roxas' face, just to reassure myself that I had him. For now, I figured that Roxas and I were alone. Maybe he needed me; needed something to lean on.

I kissed him again and, without even thinking, whispered, "I love you..." Dammit.

I nearly pulled away, just to try and cover _that_ one up, but that's when it hit me: Roxas...he wasn't reacting, at least not in a negative way. Way to control yourself, Axel. Way to tell him you fucking _love him_ when you _know_ that he's a groom-to-be. No, no. Put that aside; get it through your head! You can still turn this around..._you can steal him back_.

I kept feeling something cold against my chest and I was pretty positive that it wasn't water or wind. It was hard and I had to admit that I could feel a bruise forming as Roxas pushed his skin against me. Yes, yes I had thought about the ring at first. But it wasn't like it mattered. Roxas didn't have it...I just knew he didn't. For all I knew, it could've just been his engagement ring with _Namine_.

Just steal him back..._he doesn't LOVE her. _

_"Ayden? Where are you going, young man?" _

_"Away!" _

Roxas had just begun deepening the kiss when, just like all the other times, someone's voice had to break the moment. Actually, that might've been a good thing considering the fact that my evil side was starting to talk evil plots to me. When I felt that he wasn't stopping the kiss just yet, I made the first move, unwillingly, and brought my head up to look out toward the rocky trail that led from the car infested streets to the beach. On that trail, a small body was struggling to run in a tuxedo two sizes too big for him...

_"Ayden! Get back here!"_ Roxas and I looked back to the boat where Larxene had just started going down the stairs and onto the dock. About halfway across, she ditched her shoes and took off after Ayden. Oh, _she was pissed_; she just ditched the shoes...

_"No!"_ Ayden barked back, barely stopping to turn around to face her. He ended up taking off again further up the hill until he blended right into the headlights blinking on the road. That's when the horns started to blare and tires began screeching on and off.

_"AYDEN!"_ Larxene screamed like bloody murder. That did it. I jumped up from a sudden jolt of energy and Roxas followed even as I ran at full speed, not caring that I almost collided with Larxene as she met up with us at the trail. No time for questions right now...

In what felt like a split second, Roxas and I reached the top of the hill where I'd last seen Ayden screaming something awful. I squinted out into the street, still seeing the same yellow headlights zooming right by and hearing absolutely nothing similar to a horn...I could'nt've...imagined that, right? Frantically, I searched left and right until a voice sped right past me that made me turn forward.

_"Get outta the road, kid!"_

"There! Axel, he's right there!" Roxas pointed out to the middle of the crowded street and there was Ayden, crouched down with his face hidden in his knees. Cars were barely able to slow down and swerve off as they closed in on him and I was sure that at any second, someone was gonna clip him on the side and that he'd _die_. "Lemme go get him."

"Rox! ARE YOU CRAZY?" I instantly threw my hand out and grabbed onto his sleeve, pulling him back despite his protests. "You're gonna _kill_ yourself."

"Yeah, but—"

"I'll go. You've played hero enough." I said that with a short smile over my shoulder and with a jaunty wave at him, I didn't hesitate to rush into the traffic...one problem: even though I was _positive_, _absolutely _positive that I'd timed it right...horns went on blaring again. Tires didn't screech to a stop and instead, a huge pang replaced that sound. Random screaming just barely rang in my ears since I'd hit the pavement so hard. My head shook and my entire body went numb...I can't remember feeling much of _anything_.

Yeah, I'd waved at Roxas as if that would be the last time I'd get to see him. Maybe that's true.

_Did I time it that way on purpose? _

And that was it. So much for a hero attempt.

* * *

**-shuffles away into a force field- ha, i am protected! ...somewhat. excuse the typos in here 'cause i typed this up like: WHOOSH. and another thing! excuse the lame axel roxas moment that later lead to another interupting thing. i wanna shoot myself for an overused ending. Dx**

**i got messages saying that people wanted a HAPPY CHAPTER. and lookie! -point point- happy? SOMEWHAT! i gave you happiness! i swear! there was...there was sunshine and rainbows, i know there was...there just happened to be a huge explosion at the end. but don't worry, all badness will eventually lead to better things...patience is a virtue, dammit. X'D**

**in other news, guess what i got for me birthday?!?! a wii!! -smacks nunchuck around- dude, now i want kingdom hearts to come out on the wii so's i can smack an imaginary keyblade through the air like: "DIE HEARTLESS, DIE"**

**yeeeeah. and another thing, my pikachu fleece hat came in the mail today and i'm wearing it right now. haha and the floppy ears bounce when i jump/run. don't judge me, you know you love me. x3**

**now, about that ending to this chapter...what the heck happened? -suspense music- dun dun dun dun and what is up with axel's cabesa? (that's 'head' in spanish! -feels proud-) his thoughts are rambling nonsense; way worse than a teenage girl's thought process...much like my thought process. holy crap, axel and i are related. -shot- (yo tengo un penguina en mis pantalones, comprende? ;D)**

**gonna go draw some akuroku pr0n now...not like it'll look any good. -oh noes!-**

**_-gets hit by a car- Dx  
kokoro77_**


	13. Chapter 13: Breaking Out and Making Out

**Author's note: Owo -is crazy mad-**

**heeheehee...i did it. I DID IT. i ACTUALLY posted something. THE ANGELS LOVE ME...and my mommy does too. xD  
but! doesn't that just make you wanna jump and throw confetti?? heck yes it does, ADMIT IT. xP i've been bombarded with tedious assignments and by the time it's all fine and done with, i never have the time to write anymore 'cause i either have to eat something or sleep. ugh. damn daylight savings time ending...(i still like going back an hour, though. short class days FTW)**

**wellll...are you already judging the chapter by the title? ;D pay attencion! -still not spanish- there be foreshadowin' goin' on down there. -still not a pirate- OwO**

* * *

Chapter 13: Breaking Out and Making Out 

Ever been to a funeral before? The only time I'd be in a funeral would be when I'd die. At least, that's what I imagined. I hated the thought of death. Truthfully, _anything_ depressing makes me mad. No one's supposed to leave me. No one's supposed to _die_. Why did death have to be real? Whether you like the person or not, you end up going to their funeral and joining the countless clones dressed in black. But there's something about going to them that can change a person, don't you think? Amongst all the emotions and speeches, you start to feel...funny; like there's another side of you that actually _wants_ to feel bad.

And so I say this while dad goes into the ground, where I always thought he belonged in the first place. Then again, as I stood there, staring down at the muddy ground around his lowering coffin, I kept thinking: was it still right to hold this grudge against him: _my dad_?

Ah, I see. You thought I'd be in this place for another reason? Well, lemme just say that that other night was a close one. I really did think that I was gonna die. I really thought that Ayden could've died too. Maybe even Larxene if she even slightly cared about our well being.

But when I hit that pavement and paused for a couple of seconds, I realized...I could actually _move_. That's right. But something was still hella out of place. My left arm felt ultimately torn apart like some animal had charged head onto me and crushed the bones into dust.

The heavens must totally adore me or something to keep me alive with nothing but a broken arm. Guess that means that Arson had it pretty rough.

With a short sigh, I blinked once while Arson's dark casket finally settled down in the dirt along with those memories I'd had of him pretending to _like_ me as a kid. Funny; that funeral was the shortest one I'd ever been to...and it happened to be the first one. I didn't bother to hang around the small crowd that really consisted of only Reno, Larxene, Namine, Kairi, Hayner, Sora, mom, Riku, Roxas and me.

As for Ayden...for some dang reason his mood completely altered ever since the incident two weeks ago. He refused, _refused_ to set foot in the room if I was there. He'd turn around in the hallway if I appeared at the other end and he made sure to eat faster than the rest of us at the table so he could rush off into the great beyond. Now he was leaning against a nearly bare tree across the spot where Arson had been buried, his arms crossed and his eyes staring aimlessly at the tomb at his feet as if expecting a zombie to break through and keep him company.

While I stared out at the kid, I impatiently twitched my left arm which was doomed to one more week of living hell in a nasty old cast and sling. I just couldn't believe that it'd been nearly three weeks since that mini party. Isolated myself, ending up getting kissy-faced with Roxas, noticed Ayden throwing a tantrum and then got smacked up by a mini car. Lucky for me it was mini. Roxas ran up, being my amazing hero, and pulled both me and Ayden up off the ground before making sure we made it to the ER in 2.5 seconds.

Amazing, right?

Then you'll be even more amazed to know something else. You ready? _I think he's starting to take a liking to me again_. Yeah, he wasn't _ultimately_ drunk when he'd kissed me and ever since I've had this sling he's been waiting on me hand and foot; literally pushing Namine to the side when she tried to help me out, saying, "No, no, lemme take care of him, Namine."

Axel likes _very_ much.

I vaguely smiled to myself thinking about it but when I heard some voices behind me, I paused and turned back around to see mom and Riku already trudging away from the burial site. Larxene was calling for Ayden to follow her and he finally budged without so much as bringing his eyes up from the grass. Sora and Hayner followed behind Namine and Roxas and all of them were in silence while they took once last backward glance at Arson's still uncovered grave.

"Shame, isn't it?" Namine muttered sadly when I got close enough to overhear. I couldn't recognize her from behind considering the fact that she had one the most depressing black dress she could find in her closet. White was more her color.

Roxas' head lifted when he replied, "But I think things'll get better now that he's at rest."

"...I guess that's right. Still, a loss is a loss. When is death ever a good thing, hm?" She gently rested her head on Roxas' shoulder while they walked but I'd been around them long enough to know how to ignore it...that didn't mean that I didn't get urges to scream into a pillow every now and then.

Roxas shrugged, and eyed up at the perfect mixture of purple and blue in the sky overhead. The sun was just starting to melt off in the distance, leaving a faint feeling of summer heat in the air. Still, I couldn't help but feel slightly cold. Cemeteries seemed to do that a lot. When we'd all finally made it down the cobblestone steps out of the cemetery and onto the normal, curved streets of the town, I felt like millions of eyes peeled away from me...including Arson's.

"See ya," I mumbled while iffily glancing over my shoulder. I haven't mentioned this yet, but...I was _supposed_ to be in the ground today too. Don't get it? Ever heard of suicide? Jumping in front of that car to rescue Ayden equals bad timing? No. Not at all. It was a split second decision...that just didn't work out. It just didn't make sense to give up on gaining back Roxas by giving up on myself.

I stared at the back of his head where each perfectly shaped dirty blonde spike bounced with each step he took. His black outfit reminded me so much of our old school outfit and the way he was idly gazing around town forced me to reminisce on the days after school when I'd watched him in the same way as he headed back home.

That vague smile pulled on my lips again and I chuckled to myself. If it weren't for this damn cast I would've gotten the chance to hug him at least once in the last few weeks, right?

xxXXxx

_"I was thinking we could use purple instead of all white decorations, don't you think?" _

_"Hm...that's a thought. But maybe—" _

_"...out of the room, young man! You've been in there—" _

_"...longer than 5 minutes! I need to pee real bad!" _

_"Gimme a sec, will ya, Sora?!" _

_"The flowers will need to match with her dress." _

_"Definitely. There's no doubt—" _

_"Ugh, where is he? Ayden you get out of the room or—" _

_"Where's Roxas? He needs to go over the wedding plans too." _

_"I think he's—" _

_"...broken out of the town prison." _

For some magical reason I was able to pay close attention to that last line amongst the millions of echoing voices throughout the house. While Larxene went on pounding at the bedroom door for Ayden to come out, I reached for the remote and cranked up the volume on the remote. Even at two bars away from maximum volume the voices on the TV were being canceled out, but I decided it was good enough and went on watching clips of the town prison appear on the screen.

_"Officers have not yet released information on who the inmate is that has miraculously escaped from the prison's heavily guarded walls, nor have they released information on the suspect involved with aiding the inmate's escape. At this time, all that can be released is a precaution to the residence of Twilight Town to be on the look out when making their way around town until further notice." _

"Hm. More and more violence just makes its way to the front page, huh?" I whispered to myself while carefully rubbing the reddened skin on my left arm. I'd just cut off the cast myself, figuring that it was fully healed since I couldn't feel dust under my skin anymore. I guess it was a pretty stupid thing to assume since the second it peeled off my skin felt bruised as hell.

Ignoring it for the moment, I let my eyes wander up at Larxene who had just pushed herself away from the door and was stomping into the living room, steam fuming from both her ears. Oh, damn.

"Axel," she said firmly while failing to keep a non-pissed off tone, "do something."

I looked back to my arm. "What do you want me to do?" I asked tonelessly. "Give the kid some space."

With that she walked up to the coffee table in front of me and bent over to slap her hands atop the glass surface. I swore that if she'd done it any harder it would've cracked the whole thing in half. I sternly eyed the flames in her eyes while she began bitching.

"Look! I've given him space! I've tried everything to help him! Ever since he took off some weeks ago he's been acting insane! I can't even get him to utter a single word anymore!" Her hair swished and flicked as she thrust her head side to side. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared past her to the bedroom door that hadn't opened since we'd come home. He'd just run in there as soon as the front door was unlocked and refused to come out. Another tantrum?

I didn't look back at Larxene when I answered, "Well give him more space. That's what I've been doing. Forcing him won't fix anything."

She straightened up and jutted out a hip while stubbornly turning her head toward the kitchen where Namine was discussing wedding plans with Kairi. "But I...I just...well he...pft. Alright, ok, _fine_." She held out her hands in front of her, palms facing my way, and without another word, attempted to calmly tiptoe away from me into the exciting room filled with bride-to-be fantasies.

_"And, by the way, where in the heck is your cast?!" _Yeeeah…as if you care.

At this rate, this stupid connection between me and Larxene was NOT gonna last. All it was being held together with now was some thin string and a wad of gum. Any day now that string was gonna snap and our relationship would just...die, I guess. Geez, now my long list of strong relationships was really dwindling down to virtually zero. I guess it'd be better to check off Larxene and Ayden early.

I ended up switching the TV off, suddenly not interested in any more depressing news, and plopped down on my back to face the ceiling. That settles it. I'm fucked up. Everyone is. It just seems like everyone's shutting themselves behind doors and locking themselves in. I didn't get it. _Why_? What's the point in separating yourself from people that can _help_ you? I guess it doesn't make sense to ask myself that. I've done it too...

Riku, Reno and mom were out on the deck, talking about god knows what, those three girls were busy being lost in love land, the two doofuses were caught up in fighting for position as king of the bathroom, Ayden in the bedroom and Roxas...hm, where was he now?

Widening my eyes slightly, I pushed up from the couch and slowly gazed up to the stair railing, seeing that no one was leaning against it, no one was walking down the hall or bothering to help break apart Sora and Hayner's childish arguing. I remembered that I'd wanted "alone time" with Roxas to get a chance to talk. We'd gotten that chance at least a hundred times...the right words just never made it out.

So, confident that that moment was now, I carefully stood up from the couch, hands constantly opening and closing all on their own, before I made up my mind to go on a scavenger hunt for Roxas. He hid a lot...but I knew him all too well, mind you. With my newly freed arm tingling something awful, I walked toward my bedroom and began to turn toward the staircase. That's when I heard a creak, a small creak, but one that was loud enough for me to abruptly turn and face a little face peeking through the door.

"Hey..." I sort of cooed, biting my cheek when I did.

Two blue eyes blinked slowly in my direction and no voice accompanied them. Space. Give him space. He's...just confused is all, right? Not feeling much in the good parent mood, I lightly nodded and turned on my heel to the stairs again. But I hadn't even taken a full step when a croaked voice inched its way in my head.

_"I **saw** what you did._"

I raised an eyebrow. What was up with him and spotting every single thing I did? And when that happened, I knew he'd seen me do something bad. Fearing for the worst, I cautiously turned back to the door like I was about to meet face to face with a ghost. In fact, Ayden even looked pale against the dark bedroom behind him. His frail body was standing in the doorway and I thought that at any given time he would for sure keel over. He just looked like he hadn't slept in days...which was somewhat true.

I hesitated to ask, but, being his "father" and all, I had no choice but to come out with it. "What's up, kid?"

Ayden's eyes deepened and he swallowed hard. He wasn't one to cry for anything he was upset about. He just threw serious fits instead. But for some reason he changed his mind and calmly spoke to me. "You and aunty Namine's friend were kissing."

Gulp.

No...no, no, no. Of all things, why did _this_ have to be what he saw? I felt like I'd suddenly stolen Ayden's expression of passing out. How...how did he? _When_ did he? Something was telling me that I didn't want to know. Was I embarrassed that "my" kid knew that I'd been snooping around with someone else? Well no wonder he was shocked...that someone else happened to be a _boy_, not a girl like he was used to seeing. And, just like I thought, I'd hurt someone else.

The worse part was that I couldn't figure out how to explain anything in words. I ended up bringing a hand to the back of my head and stared at my feet, searching for something to say without stumbling. "Well...when did...when did you see that?" Nice going.

Ayden's head lowered. "When we went to the beach a long time ago." One of his feet began twirling in the carpet, writing nonsense. "I saw what you did," he repeated in a pretty lecturing voice.

"...And...are you ok?"

He seemed to think about that long and hard. So hard in fact that when he rubbed the side of his head and began twirling even more invisible shapes and words into the carpet I thought I heard gears grinding from inside him. I could tell he was getting frustrated and thought it would be better if I dropped the subject for good. I'd just opened my mouth to start, but he interrupted with a stronger voice than before.

"Sort of," he stated boldly. "But I'm still mad at you...and at mom."

"Why mom?" I nearly cringed saying 'mom'.

"Because...she must've done something wrong for you to go away like that. Maybe she didn't pay a lot of attention to you."

I couldn't say anything to him after that. I literally couldn't since something had clogged my throat and stopped the flow of words all over again. And, figuring that he'd had the last word, Ayden eased his shoulders and backed up into the bedroom, this time leaving the door open a crack before he disappeared. The truth was: he had every right to be mad at _me_. But Larxene? Why her? She...hadn't done _anything_. It wasn't her. And now I was left to stand there feeling virtually non-existent and horrible that Ayden thought that way.

I mean...I guess I know what it feels like to have a mom and dad "away". And life just repeats itself, doesn't it? Shoot me if he grows up living a life like me.

_"Axel, have you seen Roxas?"_

"Uh..." I gazed up from the floor and abruptly faced to my left. Kairi was standing a couple steps away, still dressed in her short black dress with a thick black belt around her stomach. Her burgundy hair was tied up with a black ribbon and from the looks of the bags under her eyes I guessed that she was still in for a long night of planning.

She heaved a sigh and gazed over my head at the upstairs bedrooms before looking back at me. "You look like you were just heading up there...Mind getting him? We're gonna eat soon and after that Namine wants to go over some ideas with him. After all, he _is_ the groom. It only makes sense if he's here to put _his_ wedding together." I nearly died at the stressing of her words but I agreed calmly to which she walked away, mumbling budgets to herself.

News after news after news. What other news did life have in store for me? As I carefully began walking up those steps, I realized how _scared_ I was getting day after day. If the heavens love me so much as to let me survive a car crash, then do they love me enough to let me survive this wedding phase?

xxXXxx

These were hard decisions, really. One, do I stop right here and just turn right back or knock on his door, tell him the good news and _then _walk away? And two...which one was his room now? The left door or the right door? Or the one down the hall beside the huge window? Come on, you know Roxas better than anyone in the whole damn world; it should be easy to figure this out...

I'd moved along a short hallway where there were exactly three doors to choose from. One was to my left and had a "Please Knock" sign hanging from the silver doorknob. Another was to my right with a huge scratch through the bottom that chipped off tons of white paint. And the last door was behind me to the right which was sitting right beside a large window. Well…one: Roxas wasn't violent enough to chip paint off of anything. Two: since when did Roxas ever say please?

Number three it is.

As to whether I should advance or not: my whole body was trembling way too much to stop so I went with my instinct and figured that it was now or never.

Knowing that, I turned toward the end of the hallway and in less than three steps made it to a very narrow, very white door that was half covered in moonlight. I didn't get why I had to feel like eyes were watching me all the time. I never used to act that this! I'd been telling myself ever since I was disabled with that cast: Roxas is _all_ for you again. So why was it that I had this nasty feeling in my gut that tapping on his door would earn me a one way ticket to the grave?

And so, keeping myself from completely barfing, I knocked.

...And knocked.

...Even added a few words. "Rox? You in there?"

No answer. But even when no one replied I refused to turn back around to try the other doors. Yes, I was _that_ certain that Roxas was hiding in there, and I was damn sure that he was just pretending to be asleep, too. Not much caring about waking him up or making him hit the ceiling scared, I laid a hand on the doorknob, jiggled it a teensy bit, and then backed up in slight shock when it opened. I sort of shivered when I felt the cold air from inside the room hit me. That _proved_ that something was wrong in there.

I carefully pushed against the door with my back and, drawing a deep breath, budged my way into the pitch black, freezing cold room. I still kept my back turned while I closed the door and shut out all sources of light from outside. All I heard was my breathing and the ticking of a clock; like a ticking time bomb that was hiding somewhere in the darkness. I couldn't remember the last time I was this..._afraid_. But I couldn't be. Roxas needed me and that was that.

"Rox?" I asked again, this time in a gentle tone that I wasn't used to putting on.

No good. I was virtually talking to air.

And so, I finally gave up on looking the other direction and turned around as slow as I possibly could. My eyes instantly fell on him sitting in a little window reading space that cut into the wall. The window seat, at least three feet off the ground, left just enough space for at least two people to lie down in. A white window covered the entire wall that Roxas was currently staring out of. He'd pulled back the off-white curtains to reveal the unusually dull and drizzly weather outside.

His face didn't show that he much cared that I was in the same room. Actually, he didn't look like he'd noticed me at all. He just sat there, deep in thought with his thin legs pulled into his chest and his arms wrapped around them for support. He'd already changed into his PJ's; a white tank top with black checkers outlining the edges and puffy grey pants that tied off at his ankles. I glanced at the red numbers on the digital clock sitting at his feet: 7:30.

Carefully, I crossed my right arm over my chest and, as quietly as I could, pressed my free hand against the doorknob, felt for the lock and twisted it until it clicked. Even that sound didn't so much as make Roxas' eyes blink. Come on, Rox..._say_ something. I ended up making the first move instead.

"...Not plannin' on sleepin' early, are you?" That was _supposed_ to be funny, but the way I said it didn't make it seem that way.

Roxas' narrowed eyes shut as he drew in a long breath. I swore that I could see a puff of smoke escape him as he exhaled.

"Uhm...you got a sec?" I asked a bit shyly. When his head rose and his eyes opened back up, I felt like an excited puppy. He finally bothered to turn his head in my direction and, as sad a face as it was, it was still Roxas. I took that solemn look as an ok and quietly stepped closer, closer, and closer still until I was a brush away from touching him.

"...Something you wanna talk about?" he mumbled just when I began to sit across from him with one foot dangling over the edge of the wall. I lightly scoffed.

"Always. Do I ever shut up?"

His typical eye-roll didn't show up this time and instead was replaced with him tucking his chin into his knees so he could stare at his feet. Ok, not so smooth then. I tried again. I really had to learn how to be considerate of people's feelings.

"It's just—ah—Kairi asked me to call you down. She...Namine wants to go over..." I lowered my head and stared at one corner of his bed. "...wedding plans." Even he shrunk down when I mentioned it. Pft. 'Will you marry me' indeed.

But there was something out of place now. Yeah, they were fiancées and all, but...where was _his_ ring? Namine wore hers all the time. Sure enough, when I glanced down at his left ring finger, nothing was wrapped around it. I immediately blurt out the first question that came to mind.

"Why'd you get rid of it?"

Roxas blinked twice and locked his glossy eyes with mine. "Get rid of what?"

"Don't play dumb," I stressed on my words and leaned in closer when I said them. "The ring. Where is it?"

He started twitching his feet uncertainly and even repeatedly tapped his left fingers on the freezing pillow beside him. "I...still have it. I was gonna tell you about it sooner."

That got me confused. I already _knew_ about the damn ring. Who was he trying to fool? I still kept my composure and rested my head on the wall behind me. "Rox, what—"

"No, look, I _have_ it." Easily, he sat up and slipped a hand under his tank top, pulling the fabric back enough for me to spot something shining on his now exposed skin. His fingers inched further down, following the thin chain until they hooked onto an all too familiar ring. For once, I think he'd done something I _liked_.

"Oh..._that_ one." I smiled weakly while staring down at that little thing which was resting around Roxas' index finger as he held it up in front of his face. He didn't smile at it; just sort of...stared at it. It was like he hadn't even touched or seen the thing in the years we'd been away. Kinda funny how it still stays shiny after all those years, too.

Roxas nodded and lightly twitched his finger, making the silver ring jump happily. "What'd you think I was talking about?"

"...the other ring." I scratched the back of my head in embarrassment. I didn't expect him to react, but when he looked over to my left at his night stand and nudged his chin that way, I felt shocked. He'd set the gold ring on his nightstand beside a dusty stack of books as if it were just as useless as them. I couldn't help but feel bad.

"I'm confused."

I abruptly faced him again. He was back to staring out the window at the mist layering on the glass.

"Didn't think that love could get outta hand so fast. I can't abandon Namine...I'll end up losing something really important to me, you know." He grabbed the dangling chain of the necklace with both hands and began swinging the ring forward and back along it. "Then again, _you_..." He stopped there, lowered the necklace and in slight frustration blew a puff of air upward.

I refused to take an eye off of him. "Yeah? Me _what_?" I hated to be harsh with him, especially now, but he left me no choice.

A short pause came up before he answered in a tired voice, "...you're...different."

"Different good or different bad?"

"...good. It's always been good. And if I end up giving up on you..." He lightly rubbed his cheek and once again laid his head against his knees. "I'll just end up regretting it later. You know...I'll be sad." His eyes dropped and narrowed as they stared off into the darkness behind me. In all honesty, I sounded like a bigger loss than Namine, and I'm not saying that to sound conceited.

"Not like you aren't already."

"Huh?"

"_Look_ at yourself. You're _killin'_ yourself, Roxas. You're making people think you're under this dark cloud all the time. This shouldn't be new news to you."

Roxas' fingers clung on tightly to his legs when he seemed to come to the realization that I was telling the truth. Of course I was. Just keeping pushing him until he _admits_, not _breaks_.

"I know you can hear what I'm saying." I scooted closer and pressed my hands on the surface below me. "_I_ took all the help I could get from you when I was hurt, right? Remember? I was hurt physically and emotionally and you were _there_. So the least you could do is do the same with me. Roxas, I'm _right here_."

His head didn't lift from his legs and for a second I thought he could've gone to sleep. I still persisted and, avoiding violence at all costs, raised my slightly injured arm and tip toed my fingers along his arm. I rested them over one of his hands and squeezed it to which he shifted a bit. God, why was he so _cold_?

"You can try and get rid of me all you want, I'm still _here_...Look at me."

Roxas obediently turned his head and we locked eyes again. Even his stare was like ice stabbing into my skin. I couldn't feel heat from his face; from his body. Roxas, the only thing that _mattered_ to me, was literally fading away.

"You've got me _right_ _here_. When's the next time that this'll happen? When's the next time I won't be walking behind you some fifty feet away watching you with only _one_ _thought _of _being_ with you running through my head?"

"Not for a while—"

"Not for a while...!" I agreed in a whisper, rubbing my thumb against his hand while I did. "You said it yourself, yeah? Might as well take advantage of it..." At this point, I was already begging to touch him, not just his hand but all of him. I was already _beyond_ desperate to feel Roxas moving with me like he used to; to get drunk with the high feeling of pleasuring him. I'd already started working on it: slowly burying my face in the dip of his right collar bone. He lightly whimpered and squeezed my lower arm with the ring still in his hand.

"Why help me?" he panted softly.

I paused from a kiss I'd started placing on his neck. "'Cause I'm the only help you've got." I forced out another breath from him. His chest was already beginning to heave at a slow pace. Still, I went on finishing that biting kiss, later trailing lower to place others that were just as equally painful. Roxas' body felt like it was melting against me; like all his muscles were suddenly brought back to life from being frozen in place for so long. His hands held my upper arms and held me in place as his head rolled to the side for me to glide along him.

Don't make me beg now...

"...Can we, Rox?" I huffed quietly, hoping he'd understand.

Remember when I'd said that sex wasn't the answer? Yeah, it never is. But asking it, that's a different story. All I needed was a solid reply.

It took some thought, even more persuading with a tentative lick on one of his bruises before Roxas' head rested on my shoulder and I felt him mutter: "Yeah..."

* * *

**HA...HA-HA. -points to title of story- what a funny coincidence. :O**

**i phail at portraying axel in a different way. -slaps forehead- he's NOT supposed to be a sex pistol, nor is he supposed to be so SOFT. (he's hard XDD -shot-) and as for the funeral thing, yeah. -scratches head- sped right through 'cause that be me style. -nod-**

**poor roxas. poor ayden. poor people in general. i torture people a lot...in stories, i mean! see, ever since i was a little writer on her computer, writing crappy stories about inuyasha and whatnot, i felt that "bringing harm" to my favorite character(s) would be cool. why? 'cause that made hordes of people in the story pay attention to them. major characters LOVE attention. -heart-**

**i've listened to coldplay and the goo goo dolls (and gay bar once XO) while typing this. inspiration much? yess.**

**all the "censored" stuff are hiding. wanna know where? -pulls out map- better go search for them in the next chapter. axel and roxas can't stay in this position forever...;3 who ever said that roxas was the uke all the time, gosh darn it...**

**_wanna see the sexy goodness now? press ctrl w ;D  
kokoro77 (is shot for ctrl w)_**


	14. Chapter 14: ACCIDENTS Happen

**Author's (lame) note: gosh, it's almost turkey day, isn't it? dunno about you...but i'm being asian and having noodles that day...-nod-**

**with all turkey-ness aside, i'm back...and it feels like i've been dead. DX i've been having to do some essays and projects over the course of these few weeks and i seriously think i could use a nice thanksgiving vacation right about now...that, and akuroku. (with gravy on top, oh snap!) geez, can't live one day without it. -nosebleed- ;B**

**erg, i've got a final to take on tuesday...but after that i'm free to type and make my carpal tunnel worse. -w00t- so save a dying author and have fun reading? i slaved over a hot stove of yaoi to make this chapter for you guys! just goes to show how much i luvers y'all. ;3**

* * *

Chapter 14: ACCIDENTS Happen

There's just this certain feeling that you can get from the simple word: 'Yes'. It doesn't even have to be _said_ for you feel butterflies in your stomach. You can be on the verge of puking if you want, even feel like you can jump off a building and safely land on your feet. That feeling of intense happiness can leave you feeling like you can accomplish _anything_. You've done something _right_; something worth living for. And what's even better: someone else feels the same way.

Roxas actually said yes to me; agreed to _be_ with me for one night, and (hopefully not) one night only.

A little pool of warmth welled up in the pit of my stomach when I'd heard him utter that one word. _One word_, can you believe that? It gave me just enough drive to bury myself deeper into the dips in his neck and to carefully pull down the left strap of his tank top as I massaged my thumb against his loosening muscles. Roxas puffed lightly with his neck turned away to offer up more skin for my tongue to reach.

"...xel...you...you're ok?"

I silently lifted my head and rested my forehead against his jaw line, suddenly surprised at how much energy I'd given up in just the beginning part. "Meaning?" I asked slightly seductively.

I could feel his hand gently releasing its grip on my left arm, the one that'd been wrapped up in layers of hell only an hour ago. I scoffed and sort of brushed my lips over his skin, eyes closed and a smile playing on my face.

"Risks...just something I do."

When Roxas didn't respond, I pulled my knees under me and, with eyes still shut, lowered my head until I felt something wet tap my lips. Immediately, almost without warning, I pushed forward and started up kissing Roxas like there was absolutely no such thing as tomorrow. We were going so fast I didn't think we had time for pulling back for even a second long breather. My heart was pumping so fast I thought for sure that it was crushing the air out of him. I didn't much help him when I'd tensed my arms and forcefully pinned him to the wall with my chest.

I forced his lips apart and greedily dove into his mouth before he could even stop to breathe. I could already feel my tongue and jaw getting sore, but I ignored it and figured that if it made Roxas better in a sense, getting hurt was worth it. He'd inched his right hand in between our bodies and I quickly took hold of his wrist and fixed it to the wall beside his head.

This was _nothing_ like the past times we'd kissed; hell no it wasn't. What was so different about this time? The more I thought about it and the more I found myself and Roxas nipping at each other and grabbing at each other's skin, I realized: this time actually _meant_ something. It wasn't innocent teenager love we were going through. As cheesy as it sounded to say it, I was forced to confess that this time, making love with Roxas was 100 percent real...

I needed to see him; feel more of him to get into that perfect spot. Pulling away from Roxas for only a second, I brought my twitching and eager fingers down to the bottom of his tank top and began lifting the white fabric away from his freezing cold skin. I had to keep myself from acting so anxious when my eyes caught sight of his defined hip bones and the smooth dip in his bellybutton. If I was _too_ demanding, who knows where Roxas would run to next.

And so, after ogling longingly at his midsection, I went back to pulling the shirt over his head and tossing it at the foggy window. But before I'd gotten the chance to lunge at him again, Roxas took his turn in hooking his fingers around the buttons of the black dress shirt that Namine had bought for me nearly a month ago. By the time he'd finished the painful process of brushing his fingers over my chest I pushed the sleeves off and finally stole back the chance to lock lips with him.

I could feel the stiffness of the ring being pressed between both of us. Yeah, it did sorta hurt, and I had a feeling that I'd end up waking up with a round bruise on my chest in the morning, but what mattered was that I actually _knew_ it was there. I didn't have to keep guessing what the _thing_ was that I kept feeling every time I held Roxas.

He made a light noise in his throat that sounded somewhat shy. I had to hear that one again. Just as slick as ever, I brought my hand up to Roxas' heaving chest, stopped to feel his heart going berserk in my palm and then found my way to one of his nipples. Roxas' voice inclined and his body movement became limp.

"A-ah..." That's it.

I continued teasing him in that way, nearly losing my composure every time he grated out incomplete words, and eventually began trailing from his lips to his perfectly soft chest. I made sure to glide my tongue in all the right places, adding pressure here and licking subtly there. I was sure that Roxas' back had started slipping down the wall. Any second now and he'd be lying down...

"Th-there..._nnn_..."

I couldn't help but start up panting against Roxas' warming body. All those _noises_ he was making...damn, at this rate, I'd end up shooting through the roof. I just realized how much he was starting to grow against me and me against him. I just wanted...ugh, I couldn't _stop doing this_.

Pretty soon, Roxas had slipped so far down that I was literally looking down on him. When I pulled my head back up I stared with hazy eyes below me where his head was nearly centimeters away from my hips. My legs had spread on either side of him, trapping his legs in place on the slippery reading space surface. While he was still panting, I knew that he couldn't be more tired out than I was already. I'd been doing most of the work after all. Right now, there was no such thing as a break. Without warning, Roxas' head started forward and I felt his soggy, cold bangs touching just below my stomach. I twitched uneasily and my fingers clawed sharply at the wall I was balancing myself against.

"Roxas..." I whispered airily. "_Roxas._" I nearly hissed his name. I had every reason to. He'd suddenly tucked his fingers into the back of my jeans and began to tug while his free hand began undoing the button and pulling down the zipper. Now this, _this_ was something I recognized. As to if I enjoyed this sort of thing...can't tell you that really. Made me feel pretty helpless, to be honest.

"It's ok," he reassured me, just like he did the first time we'd done this when we were younger. I kept rolling my hips slightly whenever I felt his breath brushing my skin. I bit down on the tip of my tongue until it went numb. Roxas just seemed to know about how uncomfortable I got about _this_. I wondered if he happened to know just how much I loved it, too...

Ooo...do _I_ have a problem...

With my right hand gripping bit by bit on the pillow beside us and my other still inching to chip the paint on the wall, I waited while painful seconds passed. Soon I could feel cold air rush by and hit the top of my legs, then further down...down, down until he'd pulled my jeans far enough to pass my boxers. I gripped tighter onto the pillow.

Then, to make matters even more agonizing, he gently grabbed onto me and slowly, _extremely slowly_, pulled down what was left to cover my already increasing erection. Oh, man, this was getting serious now. I managed a sharp exhale as I shut my eyes, lowered my head and rested my head on my left hand for support. I could've passed out...but the second that I felt Roxas' tongue touched me, all my senses sparked and kept me on pins and needles.

"..._ahh_..." I groaned into my skin. Roxas took that as a simple "move on" and began teasing me by lightly running his tongue from the top to midway. All I could think about was him eating that damn ice cream cone, and me on the verge of releasing at any given second. Easy, Axel, easy. Control is a good thing...

I just wish he didn't have to make me wait so long.

As if he just heard my thoughts, Roxas made one more lick before completely taking me all in. That was it. I knew I'd ripped a hole in the pillow by now. How can I explain the feeling of Roxas pushing on me and actually _enjoying _it? My throat shook violently and with my adrenaline shooting up I let out a muffled yell into my stiffening hand.

"_God...!_"

It was strange feeling Roxas doing this to me all over again. Everything was different...or maybe I just hadn't felt him touching me in such a long time I'd already forgotten about it. Regardless, I still felt so high; I still felt like the room was spinning and everything else had disappeared. I tended to get that sensation a lot with Roxas.

And it was when I started getting light headed that I barely cracked my eyes open, stared down into my clenched hand and felt that warm pool in my stomach start to ease lower and lower.

"I'm gonna—"

But Roxas had pushed me with his tongue and made me replace my word of caution with another groan. Damn him. But if it was what he really wanted, then fine. There wasn't anything I could do to stop myself anyway. I counted the seconds and each time one passed I felt myself growing harder. 5...4...I didn't even get to reach 1 when I exhaled loudly...that same time, I came. And what did Roxas do? Take it all without complaint.

I just couldn't picture myself moving anymore after that. My arms wobbled and my legs were shaken up so badly that they could've snapped in half. But Roxas was still below me, most likely still full of adrenaline. _When would be the next time...I'd get to do this?_

Finally, Roxas released me and carefully inched his back up the wall until he was staring at me eye to eye. Mine were teared up at the corners from squinting so tightly but I still managed to look at his subtle face with tired desire. I could tell he was worried, he usually was. But the truth was: he didn't have to be. He _never_ hurt me, just kept me going.

If what I said about this being 100 percent real was true, then that mean t that Roxas and I were ultimately capable of going one extra step further. We didn't have to stop where we originally stopped in high school with silly kissing and blowjobs. We hadn't even _touched_ the bed. I was that serious about having Roxas. _Really_ having him.

Staring out into the darkened room where the bed was hiding, I easily wrapped my arms underneath Roxas' arms to which he started asking me, "What?" as if he wasn't really expecting much more.

I angled my head to look at him, his blushing cheeks, his glistening skin, and pulled off the strongest smile I could. Was he really hoping to stop? Real funny, Roxas. "Trust me on this."

And on that note, I locked my arms behind his sticky back and hopped down the window seat. From there, I carried him quickly until I felt the mattress hit my knee. It took a hell of a lot of effort to carry him, even if he was lighter than air. I was still dragging my jeans by the time I threw Roxas face up on the comforter. I pulled the jeans up, left the buttons undone and crawled over the edge until I was finally in the perfect position to actually face him below me. His eyes were so glossy I almost thought he was gonna cry.

Damn him for being so gorgeous.

"You good?" I whispered, grabbing his arm and turning him on his side. I heard him swallow hard.

"I..." He stopped there. No matter what he said, I went on flipping him over to his back as I pleased. He refused to budge after he was lying down on his stomach, but it wasn't until I'd pressed my body down on him did he finally react with a gasp. I made sure to lean in as close as I could to his ear. I tried to keep my voice loud enough for him to hear. It was hard, being so drained of energy and all.

"You'll be ok." As I said it, I ran a steady hand through his drenched and tangled hair and the other stayed ready at the edge of his jeans. Why couldn't he get the hint that I _never_ acted this way towards anyone I knew? Here's the thing: I don't feel as strong a connection with anyone else...just Roxas. If I hurt him, the world spirals down from there. Just how my life spins. All he had to do was say it again...that one word _again_.

Either Roxas had agreed extremely quietly or I was just hallucinating when I slowly began burying my hand under the front of Roxas' jeans. He gasped into the sheets and his hips rose in excitement, giving me more room to move my hand towards his zipper.

"A-Axel..." he whispered breathlessly. My body let off millions of bumps when he did. Finally, I reached his zipper and, beyond anxious, I pulled and with little effort managed to pull away the fabric. Again, Roxas' body twitched and his legs squirmed beneath me.

I pressed my forehead against the back of his neck, over the chain of the necklace, just to let him know where I was. And, panting wildly into his skin, I tugged the jeans lower and lower still until I could feel Roxas' bare skin touching me. He shivered, I shivered, and, all at once, he and I began positioning ourselves into a more comfortable spot: Roxas bringing his hips up toward me while keeping balanced on his elbows and me kneeling over him with my hands wrapped around his throbbing erection.

That's it, Roxas, we're getting' somewhere.

I barely took the time to rethink if what I was doing was right. We were technically both cheating on two people that meant _something_ to us. But, like I said, it was only a split second thought and it ended with me pushing forward deep into him with a glimpse of the suddenly tight expression on Roxas' face.

"Ah...!" he gasped, covering his squinted eyes in his stiff hand. His mouth was forced open and he kept mouthing cusses every second. I didn't get to finish checking him over since I shut my own eyes and lowered my head. I didn't realize this could _hurt_ so much. But I kept thinking, over and over...I had Roxas right where I wanted him. I was really _in_ him. Crazy thing to fantasize about? Nah.

And you wanna know something fantastic? I can't remember just how long me and Roxas stayed like that. My mind went completely blank; like it'd been replaced with some random alter ego. We'd gone so far, and suddenly I had to forget and literally pass out. Maybe I'd pushed _too_ far...I really hadn't considered what the outcome would be once the people downstairs found out that Roxas and I hadn't gone back downstairs that night.

...but waking up the next day...I remembered two things: I'd locked the door and I made sure to keep Roxas tucked in next to me before we fell asleep.

Yeah...we were safe. _He_ was safe.

xxXXxx

I got up that morning with the strangest feeling that I was being watched.

_And it felt bad. _

I cracked my eyes open to see that I'd been hugging a pillow with my face down in it. For some reason, my body felt completely lazy to the point where it even complained about blinking. But I eventually forced myself to pull my head out from the pillow and look over to my left...at an empty spot on the mattress. Slightly confused, I groaned and stared around aimlessly before one of my feet kicked at something at the end of the bed.

"Hm?" I leaned on one elbow while I turned and faced Roxas' back. He was gazing off at the wall in front of him, holding in one of his hands the tank top that I'd suddenly remembered I'd pried off of him only last night. He'd pulled on some baggy khakis, just the ones he'd worn back in high school and, just like always, had the necklace wrapped around his neck. With a weak smile, I playfully nudged at his lower back with my foot.

"Early, isn't it?" I asked.

He sighed, stared up at the ceiling and replied, "1:35."

My smile faded and I mouthed "Oh" to the ruffled sheets next to me. Judging by the quietness downstairs and the absence of wedding plans and the smell of bacon, I figured that everyone had either left the house or...

I had to ask. Glancing once at the doorknob, I sat up and asked him, "Did...anyone come in here?"

He paused. I nearly died. But before I broke out the coffin and shovel...Roxas started laughing. Laughing. Can you believe that? Since when did he ever laugh anymore? Suddenly the room just felt a little less 'in-the-middle-of-nowhere-ish'. I didn't bother to ask what was so funny. Even if it wasn't funny, I still liked the sound of Roxas being _happy_.

"You know," he started, still chuckling a little. He slowly turned his body around on the bed and faced me with the most perfect face he could put on: his smile just as bright as his eyes. I seriously felt like melting. Why was it that every light known to mankind hit Roxas just right? I swear the guy's gifted. "...I should've known you'd lock the door."

I looked down with a sweet look on my face and looked back at him from a low angle. He rolled his eyes, but instead of looking elsewhere, he just _looked_ at me. Huge baby blue eyes were staring at me _closely_ for once. To me, Roxas was like this little ball of light that I'd been searching for all my life. He made me feel...good. Call me crazy, but it had to be him that I'd been wanting ever since I started feeling alone. Fate happened to work that way.

I kept on thinking about how lucky a guy I was to have even met Roxas without even realizing that he'd started getting up on the bed again. To think, if I hadn't made that move that day I bumped into him while shopping for school supplies, I could be somewhere totally different. I could be in the ground with Arson; running away from the police with Marluxia; busy running into alleyways whenever it rained.

And as I thought more and more about him, Roxas' eyes suddenly moved closer to mine. He was sitting in the empty spot on the bed when he blinked slowly at me, narrowed his eyes and began talking.

"Namine was there...that day you left town," he began, immediately catching my attention. I sat up and listened closely, even though I didn't much want to. "She...was at the train station too. She was saying goodbye to Larxene. Larxene was Namine's best friend and she got on that same train with you."

I nodded a bit.

"Namine just happened to see me standing there when the train was already long gone from the station. And...she hugged me. Told me she'd been saying goodbye to someone too." His fingers played restlessly with each other in his lap when he recalled Namine hugging him. "After that, we sort of clicked. I figured that we had something to talk to each other about. I guess she just took our relationship a bit..._differently_." He made it seem like he regretted it.

Sadly, I understood what he meant. I turned to Larxene in the same way. She reacted just as Namine did. Now Roxas and I were screwed over. I shifted a little then rested my head back on the cold pillow. "And you regret it, don't you?"

Roxas' head rose at that and the message I got was all in his eyes. Yes. Yes he did regret it. I chuckled and rolled onto my back with my hands tucked under my head.

"Rox," I started, calmly. "You're looking for help in all the wrong places."

The bed shifted when he inched closer to me. I felt his knee touch my hip slightly. I pretended I didn't notice but stared at his leg intently.

"And I'm not saying that Namine is a _bad_ person...she's just—"

"I get it," he interrupted silently. I paused; we both did. Maybe I'd been bringing that subject of Namine up too often. I nibbled my lower lip, which felt strangely sore, and went on gazing at the yellow speckled ceiling. Seconds passed...minutes. Maybe even an hour. And pretty soon I wasn't staring up at the ceiling anymore. All I could look at was Roxas as he sat on my waist. We didn't hesitate to break into random kissing from there.

That settled it. You only bother to kiss at _random_ when you're _in love_, right? That's my theory.

xxXXxx

_Roxas, _

_Went out with the girls to do some shopping around town. Reno, Riku and Arisa came too. You were still asleep and your door was locked when we left so we went on without you. Left the mail on the table for you to go through. Hope you can get the chance to check out the list of ideas for the wedding I left on the kitchen table. Lemme know what you think, okay? _

_Be back around 4! _

_Love, Namine _

Aw. How sweet...shoot me.

Faking a smile, I threw the heart printed letter back onto the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. Roxas started staring at me awkwardly when he walked into the room, holding a pile of mail in one hand, a cup in his other and a notepad under his arm. I scooted over and literally got all giddy when he sat down next to me.

Our hips are touching...I sang that in my head while he started setting the mail on the table over Namine's little love note.

With a sigh, he leaned back and pulled the notepad out from under his arm. But before he even glimpsed at it, I snatched it away and tossed it on top of the pile of mail which made some of it fall on the carpet.

"Hey!" he said, laughing once. I smirked down at him and elbowed his shoulder.

"We're not looking at thaaat," I teased. Roxas just shrugged it off and crossed an arm over his chest while sipping at the coffee in his cup. As soon as he read Namine's note and I read it after, we sort of agreed that he'd check on that list AFTER Namine got home. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about weddings.

"Tell me...what _are_ we looking at, then?"

I thought about it for a sec before crossing my arms and leaning against him, stretching my legs out on the cushions. "How 'bout you stare at me all day, hm?"

He pushed at my head, making me sit up, and leaned forward to start cleaning up the letters on the floor. "How 'bout _you_—" He'd just grabbed a letter stamped with ONE YEAR SALE when his ringtone began going off like crazy. He reached behind him to his back pocket and pulled out the cell before answering it.

Oh, hello, _Namine_.

"Hey," he started while glancing over his shoulder at me with a twisted face. I nodded and let him walk off back into the kitchen to talk about which color he preferred: egg shell white or off-white. God, what's the damn difference?

Yeah, it felt a bit stupid that I was bashing on little miss angel all the time, but I couldn't help it. I just _had_ to be angry at _someone_ for keeping me and Roxas apart most of the day. Just when he and I were starting to get into the sweet mode, a phone call had to cut the love song off for a while. With a rough sigh, I slid onto the carpet and figured that I'd sort out the mail just to make Roxas' life that much easier.

Junk mail, junk mail, free coupon...still junk mail, taxes, taxes, junk mail, taxes, People magazine...oh? What's this?

"Reno?" I furrowed my eyebrows at the long and pretty thick envelope that I'd just pulled out of the middle of the stack. I didn't think that _Reno _would bother to have our mail sent here! Talk about inconsiderate. I was about to toss it off to the side, thinking that I could wave it in his face later and play keep away with, but when I spotted the name of the sender I held it closer to my face.

_Aerith Gainsborough, M.D _

_Twilight Town _

Wait...Aerith. _The _Aerith? As in my doctor _and_ counselor Aerith? Wow...hadn't heard from her in forever. We'd lost contact almost immediately after I left town. She'd called me when I got there, but that was pretty much it. I almost thought that she'd died. By the looks of this letter, she was alive and well...and keeping Reno alive, sadly.

Now, I'm not one to invade people's privacy, especially when it's medically related, but when it came to Reno, I felt that I had _some_ right to. It served as blackmail for later, normally. I did it all the time. I turned the envelope over, looked up to make sure Roxas was still pacing in the kitchen, and then realized that the seal had already been broken.

Strange...

I thought about putting it away again, but I couldn't help but feel really curious and suspicious. With my eyes unblinking, I lifted up the flap and reached inside to pull out two folded and stapled packets. I left one on the table and began reading the first.

_Reno, _

_Sorry that this information is arriving to you a bit late. For some reason it kept getting sent back to me. Here is your latest check up results that I took a while ago last time you were in town for business. There was a bit of confusion in the lab, but at this point everything appears to be fine. _

_I'm sorry to hear about Arson's passing. I hope that you and your family will be able to heal quickly. _

_Speaking of your family, I've been meaning to send Axel's test results in the mail as well. He checked in with me before he left for Radiant Garden and the letter kept getting sent back just like yours. Can't imagine why. Even though it's been so long, please make sure this gets to him! _

_Regards, _

_Aerith _

I raised an eyebrow down at the perfect cursive in the letter and set the packet down on the table. I figured that it was all of Reno's information. Suddenly, I was more concerned about myself rather than blackmailing Reno. It'd been 6 frickin' years since I'd had that check up! What if I was totally supposed to die tomorrow? Crud...maybe I'm overreacting.

I hesitantly flipped the first page over and my eyes fell on my name, age, height, all that jazz at the top left corner. Below that box were the basics: blood type, sickness history, allergies and all the dates I'd met with her for a counseling session.

I turned the page again and stared at a chart that looked like alien language to me. Skipping it, I flipped the page once again and this time I actually paid attention; so much attention that my eyes stung from not blinking as I read through the paragraphs. At first, everything seemed fine: he's a good boy, with great attitude, yada, yada, yada...

Then the whole rundown of info started to get pretty personal. It started describing my situation with family and abuse, mother leaving and father staying. I suddenly felt like burning a damn hole through the thing. Grumbling something awful, I gripped at the edges and forced myself to read on, hoping that there'd be a light at the end of the tunnel. For a second, that's what it felt like. More goodness was what I read...then...

My mind fell.

I had to slump into the couch as I read the next few lines.

_The following is very important information and should not under any circumstance go unnoticed. _

_"AIDS (which stands for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) is a collection of infections and syndromes resulting from the specific damage to the immune system caused by the HIV virus in humans...this transmission can come in the form of any act of sex or during pregnancy when the disease is transferred from the mother to the infant." _

The next two pages went on and on and _on_ about the facts on AIDS. But why? _Why_? I didn't get it. Was this just put in here for a quick sex ed lesson? Thanks a lot, Mrs. Gainsborough. Then again...since when did she joke around about diseases? I was almost too freaked to turn to the last page. Would there just be some ending note and a sweet goodbye from her? Some lift of medication I needed to prevent depression?

_What_?

With stinging eyes and tingling fingers, I carefully, and very slowly, turned the page over to the back and skimmed over the last few lines. Strangely, the very fine print at the bottom caught my attention more than the bold words at the top. I sank. My whole world crashed. Upon reading that very last line, the packet slipped from my hand and I could only sit there...wondering:

_What've I done_?

I covered my mouth and silently stared at the front door, just waiting for someone, _anyone_ to come inside and see me like this. I needed to tell someone...then again, maybe it'd be best if only me and...

Roxas. Roxas had stepped back into the living room, cell phone tucked away and a playful face put on. For some reason, as he walked up to the couch and began talking to me, I couldn't hear him...his steps were growing farther and farther away from me.

I didn't deserve to _have_ him near me.

And as I thought about that last line again, I once again thought: I've hurt someone.

_Test for HIV-AIDS: Positive_

* * *

**...do i have to say it?**

**fine, i will. I'M SORRY.**

**looks like i've done it again...suffer, suffer, SUFFER! this is insane! one of these days i have to try and make axel happy...but if i do that, then he'll be OOC. see?? OOC axel DOES NOT comprehend with mi cabeza (spelled it right this time OH YEAH XD i take japanese in school, goodness!).**

**anyway, story of my life: sugar, spice and everything nice plus a hint of extra spice. seriously, life can't be joyous all the time. -nod nod- ignore the typos and the -smexcough-. i just...don't play well with smex all the time. IT'S TOO LONG, I SWEAR TO GOD. (and i believe i skipped the unf unf push push part...but you can wait...hopefully.) DX**

**in other breaking news: i is reading "i am legend"...and 'tis good. vampires FTW. also, i had another dream about axel two nights ago...and i think that makes 8 so far. i think there's a subliminal message floating in my head. XO**

**i know i've got more to say...but i can't remember right now. -slap- if you love me, can i get a heart from someone? anyone? no? ok. DX**

**_-throws condom at axel- should've played nice...oh noes!  
_****_kokoro77_**


	15. Chapter 15: Absent Without Leave

**Author's note: mmhm. i did it. POSTED. hah...and i was starting to think that i wouldn't ever TOUCH the keyboard again. -strokes computer- ...that totally sounded odd. O:**

**well! this chapter right here goes to show how much i ignore school work and pay more attention to the angst and love in akuroku. those're the two reason i adore the pairing. DUH. angst buckets make my world go round!**

**sooooo...i wrote most of this chapter during turkey week where i was off of school for 5 days. -dances- as to why i waited until now to post it...it's sorta stupid actually. i COMPLETELY forgot that this chapter was even DONE and when i went to my documents yesterday before i went to bed i was all like: "...well damn. i'm screwed." DX**

**and so, here be the chapter that i promised! can you live in an angst bucket? hopefully you can through this chapter. -heart-

* * *

**

Chapter 15: Absent With Out LEAVE

It smelled like gasoline when I'd stepped outside, Roxas following slowly behind me with a dodgy look on his face. He had every right to feel that way, though...I didn't really tell him why I suddenly wanted to be let out of the house like some dog that'd been cooped up all day. I made sure to check both ways before reaching back for his hand and pulling him out into the summer afternoon weather.

"Come on," I said, trying to sound kiddy and persuasive. I couldn't help but think how stupid in love I was.

"Where're we going exactly?" he asked with an uneasy chuckle after. I pretended I didn't hear the question and started off for the stairs in a second. I still had my fingers around his as I pulled him down each step in a hurry. By the time we'd touched the cobblestone road, I swiftly stepped to the right and _partially_ hid us in between a brick wall and a dumpster that someone had left out.

At that point, I was starting to feel a cold sweat coming on. I started wondering if it was 'cause of the fact that I was excited that we were alone or that I had this dumb secret; the first one that I was having second thoughts on telling Roxas about. With a deep sigh, I looked down on him with the most positive face I could and started.

"What's say you and me go out for a while, huh?"

Roxas' head cocked to the side while he raised a thin eyebrow up at me. A little smile pulled the corner of his lips. "What're you talking about?"

I shook his hand in mine and lowered my head closer to his flushed face. The summer heat felt like it intensified and was it was starting to add pressure on the sides of my head. I shook it off and went on.

"Just for a couple hours. We'll come _right_ back tonight."

Roxas' smile dropped and he leaned away while looking at his feet in slight disappointment. Oops. "Axel..."

"No, no, no, see...it'll be fun!" Man, this was like tricking a kid into getting into the dentist office. "We'll just leave a note for them and say we headed out for a little bonding time. That'll get 'em."

Even when I shook his hand again in reassurance, he still stared at the ground, _obviously_ having more than second thoughts. I knew that even if he would say no, I'd end up taking him _somewhere_ away from the house. Somewhere where no one could hear what we were saying an somewhere where no one would pull us apart. Even if that meant we had to resort to an alleyway, I'd take him away from here.

One night alone with Roxas wasn't enough.

We still had _millions_ of things to talk about...as for that one little detail I just learned about...ok, I still needed to think about that one.

After about a minute of me having an intense headache, Roxas looked up, his eyes dull and bleak, and nodded once. Through that look on his face, I still saw a spark and figured that, really, he wanted to leave too.

"Ok," he whispered while nodding again. "Ok."

Even though I still felt pretty bad about somewhat forcing him into an answer, my insides kept turning and my chest started heaving with relief. It was so _easy_ to get the okay from Roxas now. I straightened my back and stepped out of the shade of the building wall and into the orange lit street. And, in what felt like less than five minutes, Roxas had scribbled down a note for Namine and we headed out the door again with nothing but ourselves.

_Namine, _

_Don't want you getting too worried. Axel and I headed out for the day to hang out and catch up. Might get back around 9 tonight. Looked through the ideas you set out; sounds fine. Don't change a thing. _

_See you guys tonight, _

_Roxas _

Note the absence of 'Love you' in that letter.

As I shoved the medical envelope in my pocket and stepped out of the house, I felt like smiling in victory. The thing was, my body hurt too much for me to do it. I shut the door behind me and left the place quiet with nothing but a letter to speak for us while we were gone.

_Larx, _

_Went out with Roxas for the night. I'll call you when we head back. There was an envelope for you in the mail. I just set it on the table. Something was there for mom, too. _

_Nothing came for Reno, in case he asks. _

_Axel _

xxXXxx

Don't ask me where I'm going. I might not answer you. Then again, I take that back. I just _won't answer you._ No, I don't hate you. You believe that I do? Go ahead and believe it. I'll just keep walking here, minding my own business, chin up and feet pushing on...even though I don't have a sense of where I'm going.

See, at this moment in time, direction doesn't exist. Distance doesn't exist. I'd like to say that I'm just going to the supermarket, maybe to the movies. But no. I'm just walking on as I think...just think about when in the hell I'll plan to stop walking.

That's when I really wondered: is there _ever_ gonna be a single moment when I'll begin thinking like a _normal person_? If it weren't for all these complex words clogging up my head, I'd be smiling like I mean it, laughing like I mean it...be able to look Roxas in the eye and _say it_ like I mean it.

Sorry, Roxas.

Guess I'm letting you down right about now.

Maybe it'd be better if I wrote you letter.

Then again, that page would probably be just as blank as the one I left Larxene.

Sorry, Larxene.

There were tons more apologies I had to file and sort, but it wasn't like I was getting paid to do it. Fix it later. People know how to wait.

I finished up that thought with a shake of my head. Roxas and I had still been walking through town, pushing deeper and deeper into the places in town we hadn't even seen before. Yeah, ok, there was a slight chance that we'd end up in a "red light district"...

We'd eventually walked so far off that we ended up hitting a dock...then another...then eventually met face to face with the beach. The smell of sea water and cotton candy was everywhere and, for once, I felt like I could actually get used to _living_ in Twilight Town again. Yeah, might as well live up my life now.

Dunno when it'll end now.

I looked down to my left where Roxas had taken two steps closer to the wooden boardwalk ahead. Suddenly, he broke into a smile and slowly turned around to look at me over his shoulder. I stared back at him and the deep orange sunset halo behind him. I smiled back.

"Ever come here before?" he asked, turning all the way around just as he started walking backwards. I smirked and took a step toward him.

"Yeah. Once..." When I thought back on it, I suddenly remembered that the one time I came here was when I got that last picture with mom. I was 2 years old on the beach. Mom's hand was on my shoulder but the rest of her was cut off. "Once." I repeated, lowering my head.

Somehow, I was beginning to think that this would be the last time I'd get to see the beach. Damn fucking depression. I wanted to say 'blame the AIDS' but it didn't work well with me.

I still didn't get it. _How_ could I have AIDS? I was pretty sure that someone as responsible as mom wouldn't've even _tried_ having me if she knew she had AIDS. And if I _did_ have AIDS, why was it that it took me at least 6 years to find out? So did that mean that I'd had it ever since I was kid? Ever since I was born? And what about Arson...?

Then it hit me: he'd died of a disease. But _which one_? Out of the millions of illnesses out there, did AIDS take an affect on him? On me?

I looked back up from the sandy walkway to Roxas who was still standing on the boardwalk, facing me with a light smile playing on his composed face. The reflection of the ocean ahead added a bit of sparkle in his eyes. I carefully shook my head.

"Sorry."

"What's that?"

"N-Nothing. Nothing. Hey, let's get closer!" With a jump, I broke into a fast walk toward him, reached out for his hand and gripped onto two of his fingers and I began running farther away from town and closer to the shore. The large, hazy orange sun was just starting to fall. People were beginning to pack up their things and take last pictures of the sunset before disappearing into the streets behind.

I just kept running. Running and running until finally I stopped with a huge splash in an incoming wave. I pulled Roxas up beside me and, just when only a couple people were left on the beach, made him follow in step with me. We'd maybe covered 10 steps when his head turned to me and we finally got to talking like we were supposed to.

"You really like this place, don't you?" I said, facing forward. Roxas scoffed lightly, still looking at me from what I could see in the corner of my eye.

"It's like...the one place I can't get enough of, I guess."

For some reason, my chest kept panging whenever I said something. I just swallowed it down. "Why...why's that?" My voice shook when I said it and, sadly, Roxas seemed to notice. His head tilted and he made a small noise in his throat.

"Are...you ok? You sick?"

I shook my head quickly and stopped walking, letting my feet get completely soaked under the rising tide. I forced a smirk at him at an attempt to make my act pull off. Just don't go weak in the knees and sob or you'll fuckin' give it away, Axel.

"Lookit you being all concerned about little old me."

Roxas rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets as he started walking off without me. "Ha. Get real."

I kept up the smirk and caught up with him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close to me; so close that I could feel our bones pushing together. "But seriously, it's nothing..." I paused and repeated, this time in a lower voice, "It's really nothing."

"...Axel?"

I didn't answer but leaned in to let him know I heard. With that, Roxas took in a deep breath and I suddenly felt his fingers contract in his right pocket against my leg.

"If I give it back to you, will you tell me what's going on?" That time, his fingers tightened even more in his pocket and my curiosity rose intensely. For a second, I just chuckled and told him that I had nothing to hide. But, being Roxas, he kept up the stubborn face and kept pushing me.

_Tell him, tell him, tell him_...bad conscience. Bad, bad conscience. I'm not listening to you.

"Look, Roxas, for one thing: I'm _fine_," I said while laughing. "And for another thing, what's this 'it' and 'give back to you' thing?" I started wondering if it was the 20 bucks he owed me back in high school, but by the looks of his face, whatever it was a little more important than that.

And after stopping beside a huge boulder in the sand on the other end of the beach, Roxas pursed his lips, slipped away from my arm and fished out something that was being tightly held in his palm. I stared at it for the longest time with my arms crossed.

"What--?"

"Just take it, ok? I can't keep it anywhere else." Boy, when he sounds _that_ desperate...I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a peek. Hesitantly, I reached one hand out and stretched out my fingers until I had them prying Roxas' fingers away. As soon as I'd opened his hand, a dull gold color made me look away in a second.

"Shit, Roxas..." I groaned and bit my bottom lip. I hated it when pressure started building up in my eyes. That only meant one thing: freakin' huge baby tears. And when a guy like me cries, it's not pretty. You could grow crops with my tears. Yeah, _that_ bad.

I still had the tips of my fingers barely touching that _thing_ sitting in Roxas' hand. It was warm from being in his pocket for god knows how long. And he waited this long to show me? Seems like I've been waiting too long for a lot of things lately. What was the use of _this _anymore?

Then, with a frustrated sigh, I snatched the chain from him and let it rest in my hand at my side with the ring wrapped around one finger.

He didn't say a thing.

All I could think was why. That was the main question of the day.

I felt like throwing myself on that boulder and dragging my back down it, but I'd stopped when Roxas suddenly jolted up with energy after beginning to walk back the way we came. He started staring off somewhere behind me out at the ocean. It was just starting to get dark out and the sand already turned a shade of deep blue at our feet. So when I turned, I couldn't see a thing. Roxas, on the other hand, knew something I didn't and ran while calling out to nothing but a shadow.

"Olette!"

xxXXxx

"...Answer one thing for me."

"What's that?"

"_Why_?"

She paused, lowering her pretty head in the moment she thought about her answer, and said, "Which answer do you wanna hear first?"

To my right, Roxas was sitting cross-legged in the sand and in front of both of us with her back to the ocean was Olette, sitting in her orange, two piece bathing suit with her legs out to the side. Her hazelnut hair fell down to her shoulders and was styled with big curls on the bottom. Her green eyes were staring down at her fingers as they doodled circles and random words in the sand.

Roxas' head shook. "Whichever's more important...I wanna know."

"I think we both kinda do," I added. Olette kept her face down and started talking, her voice sounding like she hadn't done so in years.

"...Well, I was here at the beach all day to relax. Things've been a little rough back at home."

"Home? Where's that?" Roxas asked quickly but gently. I narrowed my eyes at her. I couldn't tell if I should dislike _her_ as much as Marluxia.

Olette shook her head. "You wouldn't know if I told you." Her fingers gingerly drew a stick person in the sand. "And Marluxia said that he doesn't really want people to find out where he is." At the mentioning of his name, she scribbled a line through the stick person and redrew more shapes over it.

I twitched hearing him brought up. "He's staying wherever you're staying, isn't he?"

Slowly and sadly, she nodded. "It's been that way for a couple of years now. He and I started off easy then we started seeing each other bit by bit." A shy smile crept on her pink lips. "I found out that he was really normal like every other guy...just a little bit more on the shy side. I figured that he needed someone to talk to every now and again."

"Don't tell me you totally forgot tha—"

She looked up with glossy eyes and held up a hand to stop Roxas from raising his voice any higher. He shrunk back, embarrassed. "I was gonna get to that...but don't be..._mad_, ok?" She turned to both Roxas and I when she said it. I sat up and tightened my fingers around the necklace that was still in my left hand.

She drew in cold air, stopped her fingers from doodling, and then said limply, "Lie. It was a lie. When I met Marluxia he was trying to earn enough money to pay through school tuition himself. For a couple months I just sat there and watched him struggle with gathering up enough money to even live comfortably...and when he went to visit Axel in the hospital after he collapsed during the basketball game, he had to spend almost half of what he earned in a day to take a taxi."

Normally, I would've felt sorry. I would've gone 'boo-hoo' and patted her on the shoulder. But this time, I shrugged it off and left Marluxia out in the cold. I'm harsh, I know.

"Anyway, it got to a point where his part-time job wasn't paying off. Pretty soon he was resorting to going out to the alleys to deal, which I didn't find out about until nearly a month after he started doing it. And even though that got him a weeks pay in a night, it just didn't add up to next year's tuition." Her trembling voice was starting to hint that she was getting to the juicy bits of the story.

"...And so he came up with this idea. A stupid one, but one that _seemed_ logical at the time. He pulled me aside one day and told me how he was planning on using me. But he started regretting that he came up with it and pushed the idea away. I just felt like I had to do something to help him...so I went along and he and I faked me getting raped."

"Faked one?" Roxas blurted out which made her twitch. "How did you _fake_ one?"

By then a few stray tears were starting to slip down her cheeks and onto her patch of doodles in the sand. She sniffled and continued. "We just...we just _did_. And it worked. I had to lie down in the outskirts of town in the morning and wait for someone to find me. When someone did, it worked perfectly. Money started showing up from random donors that said they were all worried about me. People in the office sent the most. They said to use it in my career of journalism and not to let the rape get to my head and affect my future."

She let out a sob and clenched her hands into fists. "I used it all to help him out...ooo _I'm so stupid_!" With that girlish squeal, she slapped the soggy sand and Roxas leaned forward to pat her on the shoulder.

"Hey, you're not. You really helped someone out." But even he sounded unsure about it.

"I didn't mean to _worry_ anyone either. My mom, you, Hayner, Pence...everyone was involved."

"At least you weren't really hurt."

"Yeah...but I hurt other people. I don't really deserve to be with them." Now _that_ sounded awfully familiar. My eyes widened and I frowned, recalling that I was feeling the same way. Suddenly, I was feeling real sorry for Olette. I mean, _real_ sorry.

"Don't say that." Roxas went on cooing her and patting her on the back. Roxas...that one guy that always had this angel glow to him, this sentimental persona, could be dying right now. _Because of me..._

"And what's worse," Olette began again, whispering through tiny sobs. "Marluxia was caught last week after he was linked with your father, Axel."

"Yeah...I found that much out," I replied, flatly.

"...But he's out of jail now. He snuck out. Promise me you won't tell, ok?" She turned to Roxas and placed a thin hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Roxas cringed as if it hurt, and didn't say anything.

"I just thought you two should know since you're close to him, too."

"...I guess we sort of are," Roxas muttered to the ground.

Guess that makes one of us, Rox.

I just lost all connection with Marluxia by the time Olette finished. It wouldn't matter if she had more to say. I'd still feel the same hatred toward him.

_Marluxia who? _

Just like that. Thanks for the convo. Onto the next topic, please.

xxXXxx

11 rings. That meant it was 11 o'clock. Roxas and I had been out and about ever since 4 that afternoon. 7 hours. We'd been gone for 7 hours.

What'd we done for 7 hours? Mostly walking. Mostly talking. Mostly laughing...and not to mention mostly _living_.

Gonna be tough explaining _that_ to the girls; to the family

Not like Reno would care. He's most likely drunk right about now. Personally, I didn't want to interact with them all. Since _when_ was I an introvert?

Oh, yeah. Since I figured out that everyone I know is full of bullshit.

Maybe Aerith should've put under my allergies: stupid people. Yeah. Stupid people make me break out in insane headaches and bumps. Psh. But what can you do? Science isn't smart enough to help cure me.

Looks like the Stupids are here to stay.

On that thought, Roxas and I began dragging our feet up the stairs, making sure to not only take our sweetest time getting to the top, but also to shake off the sand from our clothes. Couldn't have them finding out we'd disappeared to the beach without them.

Roxas had made it to the second to last step when his shoulders tensed and he tucked his head in close to his chest. Being as concerned as I was, I skipped a step and stopped beside him. But I didn't say anything. I just stood there, _staring_. I was afraid that if I _did_ end up talking, that I'd flat out tell him that I had AIDS; that it'd slip without warning. And after about a minute, Roxas sighed, relaxed his shoulders and spoke up into the cold dark.

"Some night, huh?"

Silence. Uhm...

"I mean, it was _supposed_ to be between us, I guess. Sorry...that I brought Olette into it. I was just a little—"

"Don't let it get to you," I interrupted quickly. When I shook my head, the chain of my necklace jingled on my neck. Slowly, I pushed the ring under my shirt to make sure it was gonna be hidden once we got inside the house. Screw that, really. But it had to be done. "These things happen. You think you know a guy, right?"

Roxas forced a smile and I motioned for him to fall into step with me. God, _why do you have to smile_? _Don't _smile as if everything's alright, Roxas. My mind was on begging mode and I couldn't get it to die down. What's worse: my throat was spasming. Meaning? Any second now I'd be face down in the ground _bawling_.

Dammit, keep it together, Axel.

"Oh, here, lemme get my key," Roxas whispered as we made it to the front door. He reached down into his left pocket and turned away from me when he began searching through it. He always lost his keys, even as a teen.

Same old Roxas..._man_, I can't _do this_...

Biting my lip wasn't helping. Crossing my arms, tapping my foot, rolling my eyes and _waiting_ wasn't helping. All of the above are my ultimate hates. I can't stand feeling so helpless, so _useless_. Can't stand keeping something so important from Roxas, the _one person in this world_ that I admit to loving...

_Can't stand to wait anymore_.

And as I swore silently to myself, I stepped forward and grabbed that boy so tightly I just could've snapped him in two. I held the back of his head and pulled him so close to me I couldn't feel anything but flesh against me. I couldn't see his reaction; my eyes were shut and my face was buried in his shoulder. Before I knew it, I was apologizing. _Just_ apologizing.

"I didn't mean to, Rox. Ok? I didn't _mean_ to. _Sorry_."

"Axel...Axel, hold on..."

"I didn't even _know..._! I just found out and I—"

"Didn't know about _what_?"

...That was it. I flat out _told _him. I mumbled it, wasn't sure that he'd understand, but...I did it.

I was so frantic in the moment that I forgot to pause and give Roxas a second to think. I _knew _it. I knew that if I opened my mouth I'd end up giving the secret away. What am I kidding? This _wasn't_ supposed to be a secret to Roxas...

"..._what_?" he asked, somewhat breathlessly. His chest sunk against mine. I tightened my arm around his back for support. Don't go fainting on me. "W-what'dyou mean?"

I hated that I had to repeat myself. But that's how it went anyway...and with a strained sigh and half opened eyes, I rested my head comfortably on top of his. "...I have AIDS."

Roxas' breathing came out in weak puffs against my chest. His head barely moved. I pictured him just staring forward at absolutely nothing. "Y-you're not kidding."

I swallowed. "I'm not." I was surprised how serious I was sounding. This was one situation that couldn't be turned around into a joke. "I'm really not."

"But h-how...how d'you know for sure? Maybe...maybe the test was _wrong_, or you read it wrong or..._I don't know_." With that last sentence, Roxas clearly gave up. Up until then his voice sounded fairly mature. But now all he was was a shivering, confused kid that I was holding for support. My fault.

I literally couldn't feel my pulse anymore. "You can go check yourself out, you know...see if you're alright."

"_Me_? I don't care if _I'm_ alright or not." Roxas' head moved away from me by an inch. He continued to stare blankly forward as if he were looking right through me. His voice was cracking slightly. "What about _you_? When are you gonna start...worrying about _you_?"

I shook my head once. "I-I don't—"

"This can _kill_ you. What if you _die_, Axel?"

"I know..."

"No! You don't! Don't make it sound like you dying doesn't matter! I don't _care_ if it's in me now. If this is gonna end up killing you then I'll let it do the same for me!"

"Roxas,' I started abruptly, sounding pretty distressed. "It won't _do_ that to you."

"Why deny it?" his voice rose and at that point his face looked up at me and all I could see was the glossiness in his eyes. "It'd be better if I die too..." I started to argue after that, but Roxas just cut in immediately. "I don't _get _you...stop trying to cover over the situation, alright? _Listen_, Axel," his hands clung tightly onto my body, one hand on my once broken arm and the other on my chest.

"I'm not gonna stand by myself if you die. And don't argue with it! It's been _6 years_...and being separated for even a minute is insane. Right? You know that."

Sadly, I nodded, not saying anything.

"So just hear me out, ok? I-can't-be-left-alone. I-I don't wanna be."

I scoffed and pressed my cheeks against the ruffled spikes in his hair. "That's why you have Namine, Rox," I whispered.

His head shook furiously and he made a somewhat whiny sound in his throat. "_Save_ it," he muttered. "I don't _fucking care_." And with that, Roxas' voice dropped so low and cracked enough for me to figure out that he was, indeed, crying. Let him cry. I wanted him to. He deserved to. But what can I do? I can do the same. That'll only prove that I'm not capable of taking care of him.

We probably stood there in the dark for nearly half an hour. I timed how long Roxas had been crying. About 15 minutes passed until it started subsiding. I still held onto him. I still _had_ him. And after that long moment of thinking and supporting, Roxas and I broke away and entered that house as if nothing had happened.

Happiness still existed. AIDS wasn't real. As soon as I opened that door and we stepped into that living room light, our façade started up again.

No matter what...I had to start living. If I died within the next hour, minute, _second_...I think I might regret in the next life not being _happy _before that.

xxXXxx

"Honey! Oh-my-goodness! You _have_ to hear this news!"

"What? News? What news?"

Mom's mess of crimson curls flashed in my face as she literally attacked me on the way into the house. Roxas stood beside me and, sadly, was in the way and ended up sharing half of the tackle. I peeked over my shoulder at him and noticed him forcing a smile.

"Oh, hon, it's the best! I'm just so _proud_ of you!" Well, this certainly wasn't about the AIDS.

She took my head with both hands and kissed me on the forehead before squeezing me so tightly I choked.

"M-mom...!" I gagged. "Hold up!"

"Oh, oh, sorry, hon. It's just that exciting, you know. I bet you'll feel the same way!"

Using a hand, I lightly pushed her off of me and with more than confused eyes stared over her shoulder at a group of people huddled around the coffee table; huddled around Larxene who was beaming in the amount of praise she was getting. Something...wasn't normal here.

"Uh...something Larxene did?" I asked uneasily. Mom giggled happily, tapped the tip of my nose with her finger and took both my arm and Roxas' arm so she could pull us further into the room. The second we took that first step, Larxene's blue eyes locked onto to mine and I swore, for the first time in my life, that she wasn't about the cuss out on me for being gone so long.

"Hey, bro." To my left, Riku straightened up in one of the white armchairs so he could reach out and slap me on the leg playfully. Sora and Hayner were to my right; Hayner holding Zipper in his arms. All of them were smiling from ear to ear, even the dog.

_Everyone was happy_.

Roxas and I...sure. Let's play along.

"What's with the sudden change of atmosphere in here?" I asked, scratching the back of my head.

"Yeah. Namine?" Roxas asked, turning to Namine who was constantly jumping up and down as she held onto one of Larxene's pale arms.

"You tell him, Larx! Tell them, _tell_ them!"

Yeah, Larxene...tell us. Then again, maybe it'd be better if she didn't. When I gazed over to the right again, there was Reno, looking just as confused as I was, but miraculously _happy_ too.

Larxene just smiled widely and sighed airily with her hands intertwined in front of her. "Guess _what_?" She clapped her hands together and her voice rose on each word as she announced. "_You_ are _one_ lucky daddy."

* * *

**and that concludes our documentary on the greatness of human relationships and the shit that CAN happen in one day.**

**...well. sorta. XD i'm pretty sure that in an alternate universe filled with soap operas all these events happen, don't you think?**

**what's the news, larxene??? -slaps her- tell me:O**

**well, that will be saved until next time, guys. _sorry_. i have a couple of essays to type out for next week, but that shouldn't be too bad. count on _something_ being posted over the weekend/next weekened. i've got tons of angst piling up in an unorganized pile in my cabeza (GOD I LOVE THAT WORD XDD) and it needs to escape. keep spilling out theories, people!! -whip crack- XO;;**

**oH! here's something: i have the sims 2, right? kay, SO...i has an axel and a roxas sim living together. they is happy. WAY happy. and i made them love each other. and you know what? they got their freak on in the hottub, the sports car, the bed, the changing room AND the photobooth. indeed. XXDD**

**...that's the highlight of my life so far. -boogies-**

**_hm...if axel were MY daddy... :O,  
kokoro77_**


	16. Chapter 16: SubZero

**Author's note: welllllll...it's been a stressful couple of weeks. but FINALLY it's winter break. imma do some SERIOUS baking tomorrow. XD 'tis the season to be chubby**

**i've been struggling to concentrate on posting a chapter lately and this time, it isn't because of homework and studying. no, not writer's block either. it's just because my school recently lost our head of school. she didn't come to work last week on wednesday and she RARELY misses a school day. when we called her house she wouldn't answer so we contacted the police who went to her home to find her dead.**

**we're not sure how, just that she did. it was a horrible thing to hear just before christmas break. honestly, she was such an amazing person. i wasn't _close _close to her, but i was close enough to get to know exactly why everyone else loved her.**

**our classes were cancelled and instead we were free to wander around campus for two days. i probably cried for an hour total on wednesday. the scary thing is, a week earlier she'd told us about a new book called "one more day" which is about the question of "if you could spend one more day with a person in your life who has died, what would you do?" and i thought about it that day and realized that she could've been foreshadowing her death.**

**and so, without more emoing, i dedicate this chapter to my head of school who was our school's "oprah" and a beautiful woman inside and out. rest in peace**

* * *

Chapter 16: Sub-Zero

I hated to admit it, but for once, I didn't think that I would be able to keep up such a happy face for very long. Normally, I'm a pro at that sort of thing. I can fool _anyone_ into believing that I'm feeling good when I'm not. But at this point in time a smile can only last so long.

I was...gonna be a father.

I couldn't believe that. Since when did Larxene and I ever try for a child? I kept denying it, telling myself over and over in my head that she was just starving for attention from me again. But from the looks of mom and everyone else's faces, this was no joke. Larxene was _actually_ pregnant.

About a couple months to be exact. That explained the PMSing and fire breathing-ness.

When the crowd had dissipated, all the boys crowding upstairs for video gaming and all the girls cramming into the guest room for movie night (or whatever the hell they do), I stood practically _alone_ in the middle of the living room. I couldn't get the fucking image of Larxene smiling so much out of my head. Beyond frustrated, I shook my head and groaned as I sat myself down on the couch.

"Come on, don't be like that..."

I looked up a bit from my hands and spotted Roxas slowly walking toward the couch. He'd just lit the fireplace on the opposite wall which still failed to brighten the room up enough. I sighed and scooted over as he sat beside me. It's funny to believe that it's already nearing mid-fall right now.

"What'm I supposed to do? Life's just _crashing _right now."

Roxas made a nervous and tiny sound in his throat. "You...do whatever you feel you have to do."

I lowered my hands from my face and intertwined them over my parted legs. I glanced over at him to my right, first watching the orange glow of the fire on his dark face before replying. "Ch, and what happens when the things that I want to do end up re-destroying me? Face it: even if I come back and live here and even if I find a way to figure out my love life my life would _still suck_."

Roxas' face twisted in disappointment as he fiddled with his fingers over his sweatpants. He kept opening his mouth to speak but he always ended up stopping himself. Eventually, after the umpteenth time, he came out with it in an extremely low voice. "Do you like Larxene at all, Axel?"

I shook my head slowly to floor as I thought about it. Then again...why think about the question? It shouldn't take two seconds to answer that I, in fact, did not have feelings for her. I absently stared at the flickering blue and orange flames across the room when Roxas spoke up again.

"Oh..." he muttered. "Then how--?"

I shrugged quickly. "Got me."

We remained silent for a while with me just staring across the room as I had been and Roxas still twiddling his fingers and shifting his eyes everywhere. He had to be hurting right now, and his uneasiness proved that. But for some reason I didn't feel like asking him if he was okay. I didn't feel like conversing with him. All I wanted to do was _be_ with him at the moment. It was a weird feeling to have.

"I hate to...bring it up again."

My eyes lifted anxiously. Not hearing Roxas' voice for a while was too difficult.

"I just—I wanted to know if this means that Larxene's affected too."

"No. She _can't_ be because I never, _never...!_" I shut up when I caught myself raising my voice and even slowly sitting up from the couch. My energy level suddenly drained and I slouched back into the cushions. "Sorry."

Roxas shook his head. "Don't be." And after that, he smiled. Not even that orange glow from across the room could compare to the look on Roxas' face whenever he was happy. I'm _so confused_. How can he be so comfortable? I destroyed _your life_, Roxas. You could be afraid. You could hit me and run far away again. But when I thought about it, I really _couldn't _afford to see Roxas in that state of depression. I'd rather have him live...I'd rather have him _live_.

My eyes had just started growing heavy. I barely even realized that I had started to snuggle deeper into the couch and search for _some_ warm spot to be in. What was up with my body not cooperating? What was up with me being so _weak_? "Rox," I said in a croaky voice.

"Yeah?" he whispered back. I could feel that warm spot I'd been looking for. I inched closer toward it. His body felt...nice. I carefully shut my eyes and suddenly lost all feeling in my outstretched legs.

"You angry at me?"

For a second, his pause worried me and I almost got up from that couch and limped away. But I'd already felt his light fingers gently pulling at my hair and occasionally massaging behind my neck. I had to stay. I sighed deeply, crossed my arms and adjusted my head beside his chest. I had to admit that I loved the way that Roxas always happened to smell like a summer stroll on the beach.

I came to realize that without Roxas, life would continue. The sun would set, waves would crash, fires would burn, clouds would move, people would laugh, people would cry, emotions would run wild and time would tick by. But without Roxas, _I'd_ _die_. No matter what would live on, I just wouldn't be able to. And with that thought, I snuggled so near to him that I could feel his pulse on my cheeks.

"Are you angry at me?" I repeated.

"_It's not your fault, you know_._" _

xxXXxx

Wedding: 2 weeks.

Arrival of the stork: 6 months.

Christmas: 2.5 months.

Arrival of next train: 3 weeks

Riku's birthday: 2 months

Reno's birthday: 3 months

Class reunion: 0 days

Trip to super market: To be rescheduled

Trip to baby store: 2 days

Death???

Yet another list to keep track of. More numbers and stats to be crammed into my brain. Call it obsession. Call it insane. But it had to be done. Forget one thing and my life ends up being a living hell. What's funny is that I'm not looking forward to any of the events, one of those being today: Class reunion. I say ditch and damn the consequences. Controlling "girlfriend" says go because I want to show off my baby bump.

Regardless of how shitty my body felt, it was like a requirement to scooch my ass off the couch and out the door all the way through those bloody streets. I was _freezing_ when I got up. The heater was on and everything...I decided to let the feeling pass. I just hoped that I didn't end up passing out at our old school in the middle of walking, handshaking or even saying "a few words" in the gym.

That's right. I was supposed to say a little something on behalf of our class. Fuck reunions. I ain't a public speaker.

"Thought about what you're gonna say yet?" Reno asked for the millionth time. And for the millionth time I shot him a nasty look and replied: NO. "Well then when _are _you gonna think about it?"

And again I ignored that question. "Piss off."

Reno clicked his tongue and gave his silver lighter a couple of flicks. He lifted the tiny flame to his unlit cigarette and inhaled sharply. "Hey, it's for yer own good. Public speaking is hard stuff."

Don't think I know that, you walking chimney? I left him to puff and weeze all he wanted and went back to concentrating on walking a straight line. I WAS NOT kidding about the frickin' weather being so damn cold. Cold, cold, cold. Even the black trench coat I was wearing barely heated me up.

Larxene was leading the way in front of me with her white trench coat wrapped tightly around her small baby bump. Ayden, who was still mad at her, had refused to take her hand but was still walking fairly near her. His little body looked even smaller in a black coat that fell far past his knees.

Sora, Hayner and Roxas were beside me to the left with Namine and Kairi only a couple steps behind. And, just like me, all the boys were less than excited to be heading back to school. As for the girls who _never_ had the opportunity to venture into our hallways, they were practically little firecrackers. Namine tucked a strand of pale blonde hair behind her ear, letting his diamond ring shimmer in the sunlight.

I shook my head and looked away. The school courtyard was coming up soon and I couldn't let jealously get in the way of what I was going to this reunion for.

_You're gonna be a daddy! _

_What do you think about this color for the decorations? _

_Honey, you're a daddy! _

_This can kill you... _

_Or what about this one? Is that better? _

_What if you die, Axel? _

_Is it a boy or a girl you think? _

_Just start worrying about yourself. _

_6 months away... _

_2 weeks, can you believe it? _

_We've still got a lot of planning to do... _

_It'd be better if I die too. _

_"It's not your fault, you know."_

"Huh?"

"Axel, are you okay?"

"What?"

"I asked if you were alright."

I blinked a few times to get my vision straight and looked forward to meet with a glass door only mere centimeters away from my face. "Uh...yeah. Fine." What the heck was I thinking? I was blanking out. I couldn't even remember how in the hell I'd made it to this...I looked up briefly and read the white sign on the brick wall.

"School..." I whispered to myself. How'd I get here? I felt a firm hand clap my shoulder and for some reason I reached out and grabbed the ice cold handle.

"He's just nervous, is all." Reno's voice said gruffly behind me. With that I heard him crush something, most likely his cig, behind his foot and he pushed open the door for me. Everyone behind filing in, leaving me dazed and confused on that top stair before finally entering the hallway.

We walked through that hall for what felt like forever. I could already see the swinging doors to the gym up ahead, but with each step it just inched further away. My head was panging and I couldn't get it to stop. My vision was shaking and I could get it to focus. Ignore it, man. It's _nothing_. So many different voices were echoing in my head. For some reason, this building, as familiar as it was to me, wasn't registering in my brain. I was feeling sort of claustrophobic beside those white, narrow walls and blue and dented lockers.

"You think coach is still here?" Hayner exclaimed as he ran up to the doors at the end of the hall.

Roxas ran after him and looked over his shoulder, meeting eyes with mine. "I say we look for him." He said that so cheerfully you would've mistook him for a current student at the place. Coach...ah, right. Mr. Strife. Stiff face and love icon of every girl at Sunset Hill girl's school (aside from me that is). Suddenly I was getting excited to see a familiar face. And as my headache continued to bang, I forced a laugh and ran through those doors.

xxXXxx

Demyx. Gotta love him. You really just can't turn down anything he asks from you. He's like a puppy: follows you around wherever you go...given that that place is safe and sterile. Today he finds that visiting Twilight Town is safe. He just doesn't know how crazy it's been.

While he and the other guys were busy exchanging guy-hugs and "where's your girlfriend" questions, I snuck away and inched down the line of empty black chairs toward the aisle. Last time I was in here the place was pitch black. It was a ceremony in remembrance of my close friend Zexion. Remember? Yeah. He died.

Being in the gym now that it's flooded with white light is pretty overwhelming.

I squinted and stared at the podium that was set up on the left corner of a wooden stage that'd been set up against a couple bleachers. Nothing about the room changed. It was like I'd walked into it the day after the school had held that ceremony. I could still envision candle wax on the floor where candles had been set around Zex's picture.

At this point, tons of people were starting to enter the gym. That one guy was with her, that other guy was with that other girl...he had two kids, they had one, she was expecting and he was single. We've all grown up...and it sucks. Chairs were beginning to fill up and chatter was starting to bounce off the high walls. My headache was starting to spring back to life but lucky for me someone had interrupted it by tapping my shoulder.

I quickly spun around. "Hey...wait. I _know _you."

The guy smirked widely at me and crossed his buff arms over his chest. The dark blue beanie atop his head was pulled over his eyebrows and that at once gave the name away. Something inside me screamed HATE. The nametag on his shirt screamed: oh, yes. It's me. _Seifer_.

"Yep. Surprised to see me?"

"Not really," I said coldly.

Seifer rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. "I work at this school now, you know? New coach."

That caught my attention slightly. "Oh, yeah, by the way, is Mr. Strife still around?"

When I said that I got my first glimpse of Seifer actually looking sad. His blue eyes met with the floor as he vacantly rubbed the back of his neck. "Nah. Not anymore. He left a while ago, actually. Died in a car crash..."

I lowered my own head. Ouch.

"Yeah. I know, right? Left behind a kid and wife." He looked back up then over his shoulder at the podium which was now sitting under a spotlight. Oh, great. He quickly changed the subject. Again: great. "Hey, I heard you're gonna speak."

I tapped my foot. "Not like I want to...but whatever."

Seifer began laughing out loud which caused tons of heads to turn our way. I just eyed him while he made a total monkey out of himself. Man am I glad I attacked him in high school when I had the chance. Now he just bored me. "Oh, man. You never changed!"

I scoffed lightly out of politeness. "Yeah well—"

"Oh, gotta go. Need to set up that microphone for your little speech. See ya!" And he took off toward the stage with those squeaky tennis shoes of his.

"I see you're still a douche bag..." I knew for a solid fact that the dude was petrified of me and that was the only reason he had for running away like that. But whatever. With my chest hurting, I ventured off down the aisle and up to the stage. I heard Demyx calling out for me from behind and waved a hand over my shoulder in response.

_"Don't chicken out, man!"_

I rolled my eyes just as the microphone began giving off shrill feedback. I stepped back and the crowd behind me went into a short silence before resuming their corny conversations. For some reason, as I looked up at that podium, all I could make out were light halos outlining the stage lights. Every other object was like a blur. I shivered as I pushed myself closer to the stairs.

I was going over random lines in my head that would hopefully suffice in a speech. I couldn't let myself look stupid in front of literally the entire school. Everyone out here that'd passed me by pointed and congratulated me on my "model success". Oh, he's such a _role model_. Gag. I guess they all thought that me being a model made me an idiot. With that said, I had to make a good impression.

"10 mins," Seifer muttered as he sped right past me. I nodded without looking at him and put one foot on the first step from backstage. From where I was standing, I couldn't see anyone. Nothing but a white curtain was set up in front of me. In 10 minutes I had to walk around it. In 10 minutes I had to paint on another face. And in 10 minutes...

I blinked once. I'd just gotten the _strangest_ thought ever.

As I stood there, I quickly took a peek from around the stage. Everyone was seated and no matter how hard I searched I couldn't find where Roxas was. I had to find him. If I wanted to survive speaking, I'd need to look at him. 'Cause if I didn't then I wouldn't be able to..._come out_.

That's it, Axel. You've wanted the world to hear this forever. You've wanted to scream it to the world ever since you took that boy up on that damn hill in high school. Admit it. _Admit_ that you've wanted to see the look on people's faces when you tell them that you're head over heels for your guy best friend.

If there's any good time for that: it's now. Now. Now.

Come out.

Larxene's there. Namine's there. Mom's there. Your son, your brother, your cousin, your best friend, _your lover_...they're all out there waiting to hear something out of the ordinary.

_Come out_.

I repeated the words to myself in a whisper. I continued to do so as I crouched down on the ground and stared at my feet. I could feel sweat beading on my forehead and sliding down my neck and, truthfully, I was scared. As all these thoughts passed and as I went on mumbling nonsense, my body threw itself into coldness. My hands shook, my head spun. I could barely see at all. Why was I sweating if it was so cold? I wondered that, and more, as I lowered my violently shaking body onto the floor.

Black. My world was going black. Dammit, what was wrong? Am I dying?

More microphone feedback. More distant conversation. More of Seifer's voice telling people the time. 5 minutes, he says. 4 minutes. 3. 2. All that time flies and no one finds me shivering in the shadows of that white curtain. Help. I just wanna scream that. But I can't. I'm shaking too much.

Next thing I know, my eyes meet black and seemingly two seconds later I open them to see a familiar ceiling over my head. I could hear a familiar sound too...it's far away and beeping every two seconds. That's my heartbeat. This is a hospital...

_Death??? _

xxXXxx

I soon learned that we'd never gone to a class reunion. We'd never even seen Demyx again. All I'd seen before was just a dream. As to where I was before, I was still fast asleep with Roxas on that couch. It wasn't until later on that night that I'd started up shivering and had totally blacked out. The feeling was so real. Riku had to drag me out. Roxas had to hold my hand and call my name to make sure I was responding.

He'd cried. I woke up with his face on my tear stained arm.

The clock on the wall to my right read 4 AM so it made sense why everyone was spread out in different spots in the room, totally collapsed and exhausted. With a weak sigh, I laid back into my pillow and listened to the beeping of the machine beside the bed. But I couldn't sleep. Roxas' subtle breathing on my skin was keeping me from relaxing.

The very thought that I'd concerned him concerned me. "Ah, hell..." I groaned, slowly twitching my arm. Roxas didn't budge and went on sleeping on me. Seeing the pink in his face made me see just how much he'd been sobbing. "Mr. Sensitive..." I chuckled.

_"Hey, you're awake_."

"Riku." I looked up abruptly from the bed and toward the door just as Riku calmly shut it behind him. He was still in his blue turtleneck PJ shirt and the bags under his eyes obviously meant that he couldn't' sleep either. He carefully made his way across the dimmed room and stopped at the foot of my bed.

"How're you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. What happened?"

It was Riku's turn to shrug. He yawned as he sat himself on the end of the bed. "Roxas woke up the whole house saying that you broke into random shivering on the couch. The nurses did a quick test on you. We should get it later on in the morning. Anyway, you should get some sleep."

I shook my head but didn't make an attempt at arguing. What a weird dream though...so many voices at one time...it was crazy. Should I listen to them? Let's see...what did they tell me? I'd been at school...yeah, then I was somewhere...hidden, I guess. But what was I thinking about at that time?

"Hah, lookit him sleeping on you," Riku said as he pointed to Roxas. His face suddenly softened when he looked at him then at me. "Y'know, you've got yourself some best friend, man. No joke. The guy's practically like your dog. Something happens to you and the next thing you know Roxas could be drowning in tears or running around in frenzy."

I knitted my eyebrows as I turned from Riku to Roxas. My fingers twitched under his weight with the urge to touch him. Poor Rox. Then, all in a second, I remembered what thought had made me wake up. I told myself...now.

Now was the time to come out. Yeah, that's it. I nearly smiled, then remembered how unhappy that thought was. Without lifting my head, I looked at Riku at the corner of my eye. He just finished up a yawn and was slowly beginning to rise from the edge of the bed. Abruptly I kicked my foot up from under the blanket to get his attention.

"Wait up."

Riku's grey-blue eyes flashed my way. I had him now.

I still refused to bring my head up and even refused to look at him anymore. Seeing as he was the only one awake and the only one that would possibly understand me, I had to take the chance and go for it. I inhaled sharply, exhaled then in a shaky, quiet voice, started confessing. One sentence. That's all I had to say.

"Riku...you might be a little confused, but...you're my brother and...I think you should know that I'm not...I'm not..._I'm in love with Roxas_."

And about a minute later, Riku left the room without saying a word. Not a word.

* * *

**ah...riku took that...well? XO -slaps him-**

**seriously, though, i used to be in love with riku! not even kidding. i used to print out pictures, tape them in a diary and carry that diary around with me to classes. it was...weird. i can't do that with axel...NOT. XD i SO would...-licks axel figure-**

**i'm begging for an axel stuffed toy for christmas...ok, so it's only available online...but if my parents REALLY love me they'd go through the trouble and buy him! and roxas too. XDD then i'd expand my adorable collection of, not only stuffed animals, but KH things as well. w00t they can sleep together on my pillow. (i'm tired of being pricked by acion figure axel's hair XO)**

**ah! so much things to make tomorrow. i've gotten into baking recently and i think i might end up making "lose weight" my new year's resolution AGAIN this year. feh. i'm hopeless when it comes to dark chocolate and whipped cream...that sounded sexual didn't it? ...yep, it did. XO**

**ANYWAY, wonder how axel is? and wonder about that CRAZY brain dream of his? STAY TUNED -insert TV static here-**

**...by the way, has anyone out there played Halo 3? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME HOW ADDICTING IT CAN BE? (master cheif is so sexy. gotta love a man in...armor? yeah. X3) i also saw rent last week. i already knew all the songs before watching it, so it was fun to sing along.**

**_-gives axel advil- DX and the result is...?,  
kokoro77_**


	17. Chapter 17: Confession

**Author's Note: jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. oh what fun it is to ride in a...wait. christmas is over...dammit. DX**

**i told myself that i was SO gonna post on christmas day! nrgh...that makes me mad. but...how does 4 days after christmas sound?? at least it's in the holiday season still!! how was everyone's holiday? good? good. i hope it was. what'd ya get fer da day of giving? i was hopin' for a nice PSP from santa...but he left me an iPhone instead. XDD I LOVE YOU SANTA, BABY.**

**(i know there's _really_ no santa but...SHH. you didn't hear that from me.)**

**i had fun writing this tonight. i thought i wouldn't even get a paragraph done, but miraculously my fingers wouldn't stop moving and, BOOM. i had a wonderful night...did that sound nasty? geez, i happen to do that a lot. sorry, luvs.**

**i watched POTC 3 and finding nemo yesterday and, as strange as a combo as that was, they both inspired me to move my ass and start updating. i thank disney for my inspiration and you should thank disney that i've given you this CONFESSION.**

**...you tell 'em axel. ;D**

* * *

Chapter 17: Confession

Well, after having Riku walk out on me, and after realizing that I'd probably just made matters worse in my life, I slumped back into my pillow and magically made my body fall asleep. Dunno how. Dunno why. Once upon a time, falling asleep on a bad thought took hours. Maybe I'd just given up on bad thoughts. There were just way too many. Sleeping on them all was virtually stress-free.

The only problem was waking up nearly five minutes later when I heard someone whispering right in my ear. My eyes fluttered and I groaned as I heard whoever it was let out a gasp.

"Oh my god...oh my god! Hun, hun are you okay? Are you alright?" I could think of two people in this world that would refer to me as 'hun'. But only one of those two people would screech it at me.

My vision was still blurred and for a second I wondered if I'd even woken up earlier. But when I came up empty for Riku in the mass of bodies crowded around my bed, I sighed in regret. Someone's cold, thin hand made way to my forehead and it stayed there as they continued to talk to me.

"Axel, say something. How're you feeling?"

"...Fine, Larx. I'm fine." I blinked again and that time her face came into clear view. Couldn't she take a step back from my face? I moved my head away before I got dizzy from being cross-eyed. Larxene's fingers tapped on my forehead gently and they eventually began combing through my hair.

"You had us all so worried. Roxas woke us all up last night 'cause you were—"

"I know," I intervened to which she finally jerked her head back in shock. "Riku told me earlier...where is he, by the way?" After hearing that, everyone that'd been around the bed turned their heads to look at one another then around the room. Were they all that oblivious?

"He's probably down in the lobby somewhere getting something to eat. It's been a long night for all of us." At the foot of the bed, I spotted mom still dressed in her black PJs as she sat on the end frame. It was weird to see her crimson hair perfectly straightened considering that she normally had it curled. "We've just been so fixated on you that we've been a little forgetful."

I forced a smirk at her and she did the same toward me.

"There's a smile," she said softly and walked over to the left side of the bed. She carefully leaned over me and planted a kiss on my forehead. "Love ya, hun." I almost responded, but I'd remembered something...hadn't Roxas been sleeping on my arm earlier? I abruptly jerked up and Larxene made a jerk of her own toward me.

"Sorry..." I mumbled. "Uhm...ah..." I stalled a bit and glanced around the room before I asked. I didn't want to be so obvious. "Hey, where's Roxas at?"

_"Getting your test results_."

I didn't say anything. While Reno, who was also at the foot of the bed, slapped a hand on Riku's shoulder as he walked in and Kairi began greeting him in, I stayed quiet. Mom obviously noticed this.

"You two fighting?" she asked teasingly. Neither Riku nor I responded.

"I told him to go and ask the doctor for those results. He should be back with the doc in a bit." Riku said that all pretty quickly, almost as if he didn't care. His arms were crossed and his eyes were still shot away from me. I could tell in the way that he was biting the corner of his lip that he was two seconds away from punching my lights out...hadn't I been in a hospital bed.

I hesitated before answering, "Thanks." Like him, I didn't sound sincere.

After that, well, he and I never locked eyes with each other. Many agonizing minutes passed and all that time people randomly paced around the room. Poor Ayden was still fast asleep on the armchair. I just felt like ruffling up his hair and telling him to get his lazy butt up. Then I remembered: would it be worth it to bond with a kid that wasn't _mine_?

It hurt to ask myself that.

Larxene told me Ayden had been crying earlier. He wanted to ride the ambulance with me, but the paramedics wouldn't let him, thinking that he'd pull on the cords and mess with the equipment inside. He'd been yelling 'dad, dad' over and over and over again even as he was falling asleep...

My eyes lowered and I turned away, just listening to my heartbeat on the machine beside me. For some reason, it sounded different.

"Hey, looks like he's here. Rox, you got him?" Hayner suddenly spoke up from where the door was.

"Roxas," I whispered and propped myself up on my elbows only to have mom carefully try and push me back down. Psh, I'm _not_ helpless, you know.

I could hear distant voices behind the other wall to my right, one of them being Hayner and the other being Roxas. The third was most likely the doctor. This was bad...if the news was good, the doctor would normally enter the room and fill it was happiness. But if the news was bad...then the doctor would stay out and tell a member of the family to brace themselves.

Dammit. _The AIDS_. Was this it? Did they figure it out? I had the right to know!

But before I could scream that at the door, I heard some reassuring footsteps entering the room. Following behind Hayner was Roxas in his checkered shirt and sweatpants, looking directly at me as soon as his head peeked around the corner. And behind the two of them appeared the doctor, a man about in his mid 30's in a long white coat that fell past his ankles. In the doctor's hand he held a clipboard and a single sheet of paper.

He wouldn't stop staring at it and nodding.

"Well, the tests are in," he announced.

I raised an eyebrow at him. Annnd...?

"Seems like all he has is the flu. We're expecting it to die down over the course of today. However, he still has the potential of experiencing temperature changes so be on the look out of that."

"Flu? What about...er...yeah. Never mind." Phew. Nice going there, Axel. Almost spat the whole thing out to your entire family. The doctor continued.

"Last night you just underwent a high fever which triggered the shaking. Give it another day and you should be fine."

Mom let out a sigh of relief and squeezed my wrist. "Good," she sighed. "Good."

"Now, onto other business...ah, here." The doctor quickly dragged his finger lower on the clipboard and tapped it twice about midway. "The nurses had your mother's consent to take a small blood sample from you. We were notified that your last blood test was nearly 6 years ago so we just saved you a trip to the office. Expect results in the mail in about two weeks time, alright?"

Uh, no. Not alright...what would they _find_ in that blood test? I wanted to protest and jump out of that bed. Maybe I'd run through the hall and find the damn lady that took the sample. But it would be useless anyway. Trying to find _my_ blood out of millions of other viles would be impractical.

"Thank you, doctor," mom said with a small bow of her head.

"Yeah, thanks, doc," Reno called out to the guy as he turned on his heel and swiftly left the room. Reno came back after shutting the door and for a second his head was turned down in real deep thought. After a couple of seconds, he looked back up and smiled widely.

"So, that's that. Big boy had the flu."

I rolled my eyes. "Big deal."

"Ah, that's right..." Riku's voice rose to cut Reno's and my conversation. I saw mom glaring at him but it didn't matter that he was rude. If only she knew. "There's supposed to be a class reunion tonight at 5. Think you can make it..._Axel_?"

I blinked and sat up on the bed, staring Riku in the eyes for the first time in hours. His were unblinking and stayed perfectly motionless while he waited for his answer. Reunion? That dream...I really did have a class reunion? I really...did that mean that everything that had happened in the dream, was actually _real_? What was this, some fantasy movie?

"You're class and a bunch of others are heading over to the school tonight for a short get together. _That_ included you too, Roxas." Roxas' head looked up from his feet and he stared at Riku shyly from my bedside. Riku's eyes were just as emotionless staring at Roxas as they had been with me.

"Me?" Roxas replied softly.

"Yeah. You two should go. Maybe even say a little something at the podium tonight. I teach at the place, so maybe I can squeeze one of you in the schedule so you can make a little speech. How 'bout it, Ax? Strong enough to do it?"

"Riku," mom hissed. "Don't."

"No, it's ok, mom. Riku has a point." Her emerald eyes slowly turned to me and her face softened. She wasn't buying this. "Mom...come on."

"You're _sure_?" She strained on the last word.

I nodded at her. In the corner of my eye, I could see that even Roxas was unsure about me getting up. But I had a hunch...just in the impassive stare that Riku was giving me...I had a feeling that he _wanted_ something from me. And that something would be in the form of a speech. As to what, I was still working on that. Just improvise...

I nodded again and smiled slightly up at Riku. "I'll do it. But don't be sad if I end up shivering on stage." He just nodded once and didn't return the smile. Roxas...you and I are gonna need to talk later. I've got another apology that I think you'll want to hear.

If I would end up shivering, it wouldn't be because of this flu. I...had something to say.

And, honestly, I was scared.

xxXXxx

Now, I still wasn't positive on what it _exactly was_ that Riku wanted to hear from me. Really, it was confusing and it was pissing me off. I left the hospital close to 3 in the afternoon. By the time we made it home, everyone went their separate directions to get ready for heading out later, save for Larxene who was still iffy about my condition. Each time Riku would walk past me, he wouldn't smile. He'd just glare at me, raise an eyebrow then coldly ask:

"Thought about what you're gonna talk about?"

And you know what? Each time he'd asked I just smirked back and told him, "Yeah. Got it all planned out."

But as I started going through my luggage for something decent to wear, I remembered...hah, I really _don't_ have a damn thing I wanna say...Also, why did Riku's question sound _so_ familiar? I ignored it and went on digging through shirts, eventually pulling out one that was a turtleneck, black and long sleeved.

Couldn't risk getting myself cold again.

"Haven't been to your high school ever since that one dance," Larxene chortled as she pulled on her white trench coat. To my dismay, it was now super easy to tell that she had a baby on the way, no matter what she wore. Sad to say that I wasn't ready to answer old classmates when they'd ask if I was proud enough...

She must've caught me staring at her and when I looked at her face she was smiling cutely in my direction from across the bed. I shot my eyes away, embarrassed, and went back to pulling my shirt on.

"Boy or girl, you think?"

I kept my head under the shirt when I answered. "Excuse me?"

"You know. Do you think the baby's a boy or a girl?"

That time I popped my head out and stared blankly at the closet in front of me. The picture of the team with Sora in it was smiling at me, almost as if every one of those players were egging me on to turn around and _carry _Larxene or something. No. Don't even try me. I sighed and grabbed my black trench coat from the bed before stepping toward the door.

"You want it to be a surprise don't you?" I asked very quietly over my shoulder.

She paused. "Well...yes." She sounded puzzled. I'd be puzzled at me too. Why would daddy be acting so coldly during a pregnancy? Because...because daddy...isn't the daddy, that's why.

Thinking that over, I reached out for the doorknob and pulled it open. I slowly stepped out into the living room but didn't close the door until I'd answered her question. Didn't want her sobbing again, did I?

"Girl."

I shut the door just as I heard Larxene vaguely chuckle to herself across the room. I could tell she'd been guessing the same thing. I bit my tongue and shook my head lamely. This was getting to be too much for me to handle. My moment of aloneness didn't last very long. Sitting on the couch in the living room were Reno and Riku. Both weren't speaking to each other, and instead had their eyes turned in my direction.

I swallowed. "What?" I asked loudly.

Reno flicked his long ponytail over his left shoulder as he pushed up from the couch and, without a smile, headed for the front door with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. "Goin' out for a smoke," he muttered angrily with one in between his lips.

When I heard the door slam shut, I swished my head back to Riku. My eyebrows were knit while his face kept calm staring into mine. I kept my distance from him, fearing that I'd end up throwing something at him if I got closer.

"What the hell is your problem?" I hissed with a raised finger. "And stop fucking _staring_ at me like that all the time, alright? Out of _all _people..._all _the people _I_ trusted, I thought my _own brother_ would at least be able to act _normally_ around me after I admitted to him my biggest secret in the world! Huh? What?!"

Riku still didn't budge or speak and kept one hand cupped over his mouth.

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my forehead hard. "I didn't think that you'd take it so hard." Crap. Was my voice actually shaking?

That time, I heard Riku clear his throat. When I looked back at him from the floor he'd moved his hand and uncrossed his legs. Another couple of seconds passed before he pushed himself to stand up and then cross over to my side of the room. He then turned toward the stairs and began ascending them.

"I didn't, and I'm not," he whispered by the time he'd reached the second to last stair. He wasn't looking at me. "I'm just disappointed. You know that the others care about you...so why hide anything from them for so long, Axel? You might as well figure this out yourself before you end up destroying someone." And with that, he hopped over the last step and entered Sora's room.

I kept staring at the place he'd been standing at for the longest time. My fingers were barely twitching and my legs were stiff and cold. He's right...what'd I been _thinking_ all this time? What was I thinking trying to lean toward Larxene for support when I knew for a damn fact that I could hurt her later on?

And mom...Demyx, Zexion, Marly even...they'd all been hurt in the past because of my secret. If I'd come clean _earlier_, maybe dad wouldn't've gotten so angry when he'd found out about me sleeping with Roxas that one night.

I could've saved a life, really. Zexion could be _alive_.

The sound of incoming footsteps interrupted my train of thought. They were coming up from my left and from the strong scent of cigarette smoke I guessed them to be Reno. Sure enough, when I turned my head, he was standing there with his arms crossed.

He nudged his chin in my direction. "Thought about what you're gonna say yet?"

That time, I had a truthful answer to give. I nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah I have." In those last couple of minutes, I'd drawn up a speech. This was it.

xxXXxx

_"He's a model, you know." _

_"Oh, yeah...I've seen him on the tabloids!" _

_"I know, right? Dang...imagine how much pay the guy gets." _

_"Got the looks for a model, alright." _

_"Honey stop staring at him. Your husband's right here!" _

Walking around the damn gym trying to find a seat was tiring, and it wasn't because of the walking. It was mostly because of all the comments and voices that were circling around me. Gossip...you love to hate it, right? By the time our whole group found a seat in the back towards the right side of the small stage, I'd convinced myself that all those guys out there were just jealous of me.

Mom quickly slumped down in the end seat after Larxene sat further in the row with Ayden and Reno. Riku followed then Hayner, Sora, Namine and Roxas which left me to sit next to him and mom. I pried my coat off and tossed it on the chair beside mom. I momentarily caught Roxas somewhat ogling me in the dimming lights.

Pretty soon, he wouldn't need to hide staring at me anymore...same goes for me.

I smirked down at him and tapped him on the knee. Surprised, he looked up at my face and pursed his lips. "Hey," I started as I used my other hand to reach down the front of my shirt. He stared blankly at my hand. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

His face immediately relaxed and he rolled his eyes. That's my Roxas. "Sure, Mr. Ego," he grumbled. I replied with a playful fist in his hair and straightened back up. "Aren't you gonna sit?" he asked. I shook my head and tugged on the chain around my neck, carefully pulling out the platinum ring afterward. The lights had all dimmed down so much that I could barely see my own hand in front of my face. Still, Roxas managed to catch a glimpse of the shiny ring. I knew this when I felt his hand tug my shirt.

"Lucky charm, Rox. Speaking in front of a large crowd isn't my forte." When I felt his fingers loosen on my shirt I took a step backward then turned around to run off through the dark gym toward the lit up stage ahead. Suddenly, I felt _so_ ready for this night. _So _ready to hear gasps and groans and to see mixed reactions in this crowd.

I was ready to confess.

With the ring bouncing on my chest as I ran, I took a couple more steps and finally made it to the side of the stage. I could see a couple of staff members walking around behind the curtains and even more tweaking with the speakers. For some reason, I couldn't stop smiling and sauntering around to watch them work. I'd made it to one of the largest speakers in the back when one of the staff members looked over their shoulder and spotted me.

"Wait a sec...Axel?" I heard them ask.

I shrugged at the familiar voice. "Yeah?"

That's when they stood up and they flashed a tiny pocket light in my direction. I squinted a bit and when I fixed my eyes ahead I recognized the adult version of Seifer wearing his trademark beanie on his head. He squinted an eye at me as a thin smile pulled on the corner of his lips.

"Ah...I know why you're here. Your brother told me that you were a squeeze in speaker."

I crossed my arms. "Yeah. That's me."

Seifer scoffed harshly but I just ignored it. Like in the dream, yeah, he was still a douche bag. "You'll be goin' on before the last speaker of the night, so you've got time."

Quietly, I looked around again and after spotting a dusty speaker under the pocket light I moved toward it, brushed it off a bit and then sat myself down atop it. Seifer's eyebrows rose.

"I'll just stay back here. Not gonna be a problem, ey?" Even as Seifer's mouth moved in protest, I wasn't gonna budge. My ass was quite comfortable here. If I sat out there I'd have to suffer through people clapping for me on my way back to this stage. Not gonna happen. Soon, Mr. Douche gave up and turned on his heel as he clicked the light off.

I blinked once then called out to him before he went too far. "Hold up, Seifer."

I heard his steps draw to a close and the same went for the audience as someone on stage began talking into the microphone.

"I wanted to ask...how's Mr. Strife? He still here?"

"Strife...? Nah. I replaced him as coach. He left a while ago, you know. Died in a car accident."

"...Oh." And with that horrible news, Seifer went on screwing around with technology (something I thought I'd never thought I'd say) in the dark. And here I was thinking that this was all still a dream.

xxXXxx

_"As you all can see it's been a very successful reunion tonight..."_

Clap, clap, hooray, hooray...

_"On behalf of my class I'm hoping that you all get the chance to stay over for a while longer for a reception in the school cafeteria...and I promise that Rai won't be startin' another food fight like he used to back in the day, right Rai?" _

_"Right, y'know!" _

Hahahaha, cough, cough, cough, oh you kids...

_"But before we get the chance to file out, we still have two more speakers to get to. First up is a last minute addition for tonight and he's been waiting backstage all night for a chance to speak on behalf of the entire first year class. I'm sure he's got tons of memories to talk about, right?"_

Woohoo, bring him out, yay...

_"Well...Axel? You ready back there?"_

Ready as I'll ever be, you big jerk-off.

I opened my eyes after hearing my name and seemingly millions of people in the audience clapping for me. I could hear wives shouting and shrieking as if they'd been waiting all night long just to get a nice view of my body. Great...more fangirls. Hey, girls...you're all married, aren't ya?

I swerved a bit when I sat up form the speaker, but I soon caught my balance and with a deep sigh I began walking up to the stairs on the side of the stage. The clapping continued and for some reason I felt so far away from where I wanted to be. No. I wasn't about to let hallucinations overtake my head again. I had something to say...Riku wanted me to.

I couldn't let him down.

And so with one more large step, I was already under the blinding spotlight and was standing behind a podium that only came up to my waist. Looking out at that crowd, I felt...cold in a way. Please don't make me shiver now, ok? My smile faded as did the applause. Wow...the entire school really did come tonight, huh? And despite the fact that there were so many people, my eyes miraculously managed to pick out Roxas' mess of blonde spikes to my left.

His eyes were worriedly looking up at me and his lips were parted like he wanted to scream something out to me. If I just talked _at him _the entire time, maybe I'd feel better. I couldn't wait any longer...let's get this over with, Axel. This isn't a dream. Deep breath...and...action.

"Hey," I said into the black microphone as I rested my elbows on the podium. Dozens of people replied, to my surprise. I went on...right off the top of my head. "Well...just last night my brother asked me if I wanted to speak in front of our high school at this reunion...and my first thought, laying in that hospital bed, was: heck no. That's a sea of people you're gonna be making an ass out of yourself in front of."

More laughter...

"But I took the chance, you know. I thought about how much this school meant to me...what a big role it played in my life as a teenager that was only a couple years away from becoming an adult. Yeah, I started freshmen year at 17 years old and my brother, same age, was already a senior. At first I felt rejected...but then I realized that no one in my grade really cared. I had them and a great group of best friends to depend on. I could trust them to be there for me during all the lows."

Aww...

"So, I went ahead with education and realized that I was havin' a great time here...parties were a blast, dances were amazing, teacher's were chill. No one was your enemy here."

Yeah, I agree. We agree. That's so true...

"Well...as...as some of you might know, I lost a great friend towards the middle of my first year."

Silence.

"I won't go into detail about that. But I will tell you that I felt horrible after that incident. Even all the friendliest people at this school couldn't help bring myself back up. I just felt like I'd been losing a whole lot in my life all at once. Stress. Tons of stress." I gingerly tapped my fingers on the podium while the crowd stayed quiet. "So that's when I come to possibly my greatest memory at this school."

I lifted my head up from the podium out to the crowd again. I adjusted my head and stared straight at a bright pair of blue eyes looking right back at me. I gulped silently and continued in a low voice, still not taking my attention away from Roxas.

"We met before school even started. Even at that time I _knew_ that we were gonna be hecka close." I spotted Larxene looking around frantically. She probably thought I was talking about her. Sorry, Larx. "I just couldn't stop thinking about them. Imagine life spent with the one person you know will always, _always_ provide the best kind of support and right words to say...and that whole school year I imagined all I could."

Larxene was smiling out of her mind and her eyes were fluttering up at me.

More "aww's" commenced.

"Then one day we just happened to get up and come to the dumb realization that we were _the_ greatest couple. I mean, it took a while for them to realize that, but I got it pretty quick."

That sparked something in Larxene. Her smile twisted and her head angled a bit.

Roxas' eyebrows had furrowed and he was lightly shaking his head my way. When people had turned their heads in his direction after seeing that I was looking there, he stopped and I had the feeling that he was coming onto my plan.

"I just...started feeling _good_ all over again, you know? I thought I might've been goin' crazy. My life was still messed up, I couldn't change the past...but I still listened to what my friend had told me. Zexion had told me that we were going to work out fine; that no matter what, he wanted for us to be happy and to _stay perfect_ despite the crap that went on. And I took that advice even through the day he died. I swore _on my life_ that I wouldn't let my life spiral down and I promised myself that I would hang onto the one person that I really...really loved."

More aww's...more of Larxene looking more confused as ever...more of Roxas sitting petrified under my stare...

More of Riku smiling out of his mind.

After I'd seen Riku's smile, I took that as a cue to come out with it already. I'd kept the secret too long already. I shut my eyes for only a second before opening them again to see that Roxas had started standing up while still keeping his crystal blue eyes on me. That time, the audience shut up.

I smiled sadly. "I love him. There's no doubt about that." I just felt like a huge weight was taken away from me and I breathed easy because of it. And even though I hadn't said his name, I still felt amazing. I left the audience on the edge of their seats (literally since they were busy trying to figure out who "he" was among them) as I slowly slid my hands off of the podium and backed up into the dark part of the stage.

Next thing you know, I'm back where I started at the side of the stage at the bottom of the stairs. There's a frenzy going on in the crowd, but I don't care. I gave myself a mental pat on the back and somewhere I knew that Riku was doing the same to me...and Zexion even.

"You did good..." I mumbled to myself.

_"Axel!"_

Just as the crowd gasped, I did the same and turned around to face the rows of chairs. With my eyes adjusted to the dark, I spotted someone running at full speed toward me with their feet pounding hard on the hardwood. I could hear them panting and maybe even sobbing too.

"...Rox. No, no, don't..." But it was already too late to turn around and protect ourselves in the shadows. Everyone had seen him running toward me and everyone had heard him yelling out my name in way that made it obvious that _he_ was "he". Roxas quickly lowered his head to catch his breath and then looked up at me with his eyes scanning over my face.

My lips shook when I tried to find something to say.

"Axel..." he whispered my name shakily while his face kept its composure. I could tell he was swallowing down tears. I tried finding an excuse...tried to figure out a way to keep him away, but I was too slow. Roxas' arms had flung around my neck and he stood on his tiptoes to pull me into a kiss.

Just kiss him, Axel. It's all over...and so I did. I kept a hand below the back of his neck to support his head and the other at his lower back. I swore on my life...I promised Zexion that I wouldn't give Roxas away for _anything_.

...Then there was sweet silence.

...But every action comes with a consequence.

* * *

**and what's the consequence? why, a nice 5 minutes in the naughty corner.**

**HELL NO. this is AKUROKU, dang it! therefore, a nice and angsty consequences will have to do. wanna know what it is? well...i hear there's a nice button at the bottom labeled "review" and if you press it, nice things happen. oh, snap!**

**tricked you, didn't i? just kidding. xO before i head off, lemme say that i'm so happy that you guys are reading and reviewing. my holidays are getting better and better because of you all. and, no, i am NOT "just saying that". get your heads straight and take a compliment from the author! BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU, UNDERSTAND? -hearts-**

**but really. i do adore you all. XD**

**just curious, what do _you_ think is gonna happen now? oooo...sparkle sparkle. did i make that confession...confession-y enough? hope so. XP and...yes. axel doesn't give a crap if he swears in his public speeches. remember, i hate OOC axel. :3**

**_i have a confession to make...i...am a female XO,  
kokoro77_**


	18. Chapter 18: I Do

**Author's note: HAPPY FREAKIN' SWEET NEW YEAR, LOVELIES!!! -pops firecrakers-**

**welllll...it WAS yesteday...but oh well. DX some of you guys wanted an update by the new year, so here you have it. a promise kept. i was excited to type this up because of the amount of axel roxas time i had planned to go on. yeah. there's lots. no more crappy people to get in the way of the manse--erm--love. DX**

**ok, so, we had this fireworks show that was supposed to go on LIVE tv on new years eve. the music started playing, people were proposing to each other, it was all woopdeedoo. then two seconds later the computer program took a shit and died which left the music to play by itself and poor fiances-to-be left to be engaged under a dark sky WITHOUT FIREWORKS!**

**then the program started...everything was fine...then it died again. i was sipping apple cider when it happened i was like: well, damn. DX some way to start THE YEAR OF AXEL (2008? 8 is, like, is number and...nyeh)**

**so they had some random guy press buttons to make random fireworks shoot around. then the music stopped. that's when we changed the channel and watched timesquare new year's eve REPLAYED instead. pft. -sings that one new year's song in a PO'd voice- (sorry, dunno the title XOO)**

**well, this chapter to dedicated to those couples that were engaged on new years eve and -hopefully- are going through a wonderful time planning out their weddings. -hearts to you all- hm...what're axel and roxas UP TO?**

* * *

Chapter 18: I Do

Time. It's a funny thing. I never understood why it had to exist; why it had to always play a part in ruining life for someone and completing rebuilding someone else's. That one guy could've been late to a life changing meeting and was cut from the business while she could've come in at just the right time and took his place as CEO of that one major company.

Why bother with milliseconds, seconds, minutes, hours? Shouldn't everyone have a fair chance without time running against them?

Why couldn't people take slow steps and instead of rushing to finish something consider taking it easy? Maybe without three little handles to tell us what to do, we'd all be living in a perfect world. You know, when you're in love, that's what it feels like. When you're holding their hand, sleeping next to them, kissing them and whatever the hell else...what's time then?

Now if only everyone could experience the same thing. If only everyone could drop the habit of relying on clocks to tell them what to do...

Yeah...the world had been swirling around Roxas and I for god knows how long. I knew that while it was we were being stared at, pointed at and even gawked at. Somewhere in that crowd mommies and daddies were shielding their defenseless children's eyes and rushing out of the gym in a panicked frenzy.

Know what I have to say to them? Fucking homosexuals...go run. Leave me and Roxas to be the last two in here if that's the way you want it.

Have I ever mentioned how soft Roxas' lips are? No? Well, I honestly never paid attention to the details before. In some spur of the moment Roxas' forced kiss made me _really_ _feel_ his lips. And I took him without regret...I took him without regret even after he'd moved his head away and pressed his forehead against mine. While staring narrow-eyed at his shut eyes, I still didn't regret anything.

"I did it," I whispered. His arms were still wrapped around my neck when I was talking to him. "You heard it, right?" I just wanted to make sure, really make sure that I wasn't still asleep on that couch. I smiled and pressed my forehead harder against his when he nodded lightly.

"And you know that I meant everything up there too." Again, Roxas nodded. My hands tightened around his tiny body. He didn't need to speak. Not now at least. I was ready to hear whatever he wanted to say whenever he was willing to say it. Another moment passed, and another until finally Roxas dropped back down from his tiptoes and I loosened my grip. Both of us were still hesitant to turn our attention toward where our family had been sitting.

"...You...wanna...?"

Roxas' eyes glanced up at me, giving me the impression that I still had to continue reading him for an answer. From what I understood in his stare, he was just as ready as I was. Boy, this was gonna sting something awful.

With a heavy sigh, I rested a hand on his shoulder and turned both of us to the side. Most of the people that had been sitting in the row closest to us were still sitting and whispering amongst themselves. But, when I looked down further, I spotted not one, but four empty seats where our families had been sitting.

Larxene was gone. Ayden was gone. Reno...was gone.

Suddenly, my pride shrunk back. But I was still determined to face the others for some reason. I didn't need to move my feet to meet them though. As soon as mom had seen my eyes, she slipped out of her seat and ran up to the two of us after prying off her black heels and throwing them on her chair. Riku followed after her at high speed, leaving Sora, Hayner and Kairi to twiddle their thumbs in their laps.

"Mom?" I asked when both she and Riku came to a sudden stop in front of Roxas. Her green eyes briskly switched between me and him before she took a huge step in between us and wrapped an arm around each of our necks. I felt her pull both of our heads close to hers and I strangely got comfortable with my chin on her shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," she said with a choked laugh. I could tell she was crying. Her fingers were pulling through my hair. "I can't believe you've been holding that in for so long..."

I bit my lower lip nervously. "Yeah." I honestly didn't expect her to take the news with this much love for me, let alone Roxas. "But...aren't you the _least_ bit offended?" Her fingers stopped running through my hair and she sniffled before letting me and Roxas go. Mom then stood in front of me and looked me right in the eyes.

"...You have a baby on the way."

I didn't respond. I couldn't flat out tell her that that was absolutely not my kid Larxene was carrying.

"I _was_ concerned at first. But, hun...if you'd told me later I might've taken it real bad. I'm just glad you did it now..."

I glanced briefly at the empty seats behind her. "Yeah, but Larxene obviously didn't."

That time, mom had nothing to say. That had to be a first. She'd just reached a hand out and patted me gently on the arm. I took that as a "How about we go to McDonald's and talk about it..." sort of answer. I remembered that Riku had been standing there and when I looked over to him, he nodded slowly my way.

"She said she was gonna go back home. She took Ayden with her," he said.

"Thanks..." I replied and, to get off of the thought, turned down to Roxas. His eyes were fixated out on the audience, at the disappearing act that _someone_ had pulled off. Oh...right..._Namine_. She'd been one of the four that'd gone missing, huh? Seeing his face like that yanked at my heart strings HARD. In fact, they'd been pulled so hard that my body jerked forward and I soon had Roxas walking quickly beside me toward our seating row.

Yeah, People were tittering as we passed. People were getting up to stare some more...

But by the time we'd reached the seats, all that was on my mind, on our minds, was the sad image of something round, something sparkling sitting in place of Namine on the fourth seat. Roxas' head lowered and he carefully lifted it up to his face. Sora and Hayner watched him while Kairi just stared at her feet.

"Namine," Roxas murmured and I watched as he rolled the abandoned engagement ring in his hand.

I almost hugged him again. We'd _both_ been abandoned by people that we'd been relying on...by two people that we'd entrusted our burdens with in hopes that they could bundle them up and throw them all away. All I could manage was a blank expression which I kept until I'd looked toward a faint light coming from the gym exit doors. I blinked at the shadow standing there and my eyes widened in slight shock.

"Rox, she's over there." I tapped him on the shoulder and made his head turn to the left. If I was seeing right, that was Namine in her white, flowing top and black jeans standing with her fingers intertwined at her back. Her aqua eyes solemnly looked back at me, almost like she was ashamed, before she pulled on a faint smile and, if I saw correctly, winked. Her lips mouthed something carefully and after, she'd turned her back and disappeared.

Roxas' hand tightened on the engagement ring when he glanced at me and said, "She loved me, you know."

"...Larxene too."

xxXXxx

Well, after all that was taken care of, the night still continued. Roxas and I just happened to feel a little more singled out amongst our old classmates. I could tell that he was feeling a bit alone once all of us decided that it would be best not to listen to the last speaker of the night (which just happened to be Seifer). Besides, it wasn't like Seifer would be able to top a performance like mine. Therefore, it wouldn't be important.

Quietly, and with eyes still thrown our way, Roxas and I were sent out into the hallway by mom who later caught up once the other three were finished wrapping up their thoughts. I didn't get it...Sora was Roxas' _brother_. And here he was walking at least 10 steps behind him with Hayner and Kairi.

Maybe it was the fact that I was holding Roxas' hand that kept them away.

"Axel."

I glanced over my shoulder at mom who had been casually walking and talking with Riku. We'd just made it to the school courtyard and had made it to the water fountain in the middle. As for the others, their eyes immediately averted once I'd looked and they instead stared at their feet.

"Why don't you and Roxas head off somewhere for a bit? You two look like you need to catch up."

My eyebrows rose in surprise as did Sora's and Hayner's. "M-mom...what about you guys?"

She sighed which sent a little puff of her breathe into the freezing cold air. "Don't worry about us," she said playfully. "We'll head back to the house. I'm pretty sure that you don't want to go there right away anyway."

She had a point there. Somewhere waiting behind that door was an angry pregnant woman and a slap in the face. I wasn't about ready to deal with either...probably for the next week or so. With that thought, I squeezed Roxas' hand and saw him look up at me from the side.

"Yeah...we'll...go out for a bit, 'kay?" I nodded their way and after receiving only two nods back, stuffed my hand into my pocket and began walking off with Roxas beside me. The frozen ground crunched under our feet as we made it out of that courtyard and onto the frost covered streets. As soon as we'd touched the street, I heard a couple of footsteps trailing up behind us. I didn't bother to look over though and just chuckled lightly when I heard them calling out to us:

_"Roxas! Roxas! No matter what I still love ya! Nothing's changed, you hear me?!"_

Roxas hadn't looked over his shoulder either at Sora's shaking voice. In fact, when I glanced at him, he was just shaking his head as a tiny smile crept on his blushing face. So...let's see. Where to take him? Where's there to go? More importantly, what to talk about? Where to start? I eventually let the dang road lead us to what ever place was open 24 hours and let the words come out which ever way they saw fit.

xxXXxx

_I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you. Yes there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you. I've seen the paths that your eyes wandered down. I wanna come too... _

_I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you... _

"Tell me again why we had to go in there?"

"_Because_...I read somewhere that drinking brandy helps the symptoms of any sickness die down a little." I nudged Roxas' shoulder as we stepped out of the bright convenience store and out into the darkness again. Hard to believe that it's half past 7 already. Thank goodness for 24 hour liquor stores. With a brown paper bag in each of our hands, Roxas and I continued our little adventure that mom had so adequately sent us on.

Roxas shook the bag in his left hand. "Ugh...and it's so heavy too. I don't see why we had to buy four bottles, Axel."

"Rox, it's logic. You get one, I get one—"

"And the other two?"

"Go back to the house. You know the guys, mainly Reno actually...Trust me. They'll thank us." Roxas scoffed and sped up to keep up with my pace. Another minute passed until be brought up another question from his book of curiousness. Still, I was willing to listen. I was _always_ willing to listen since the day I got back here.

"Remind me where we're going again?"

I smirked when I recalled the place. I hadn't told him _exactly_ where it was, just that it happened to be a place I spent a lot of my childhood at. To be honest with ya, it was a split second decision I'd made. Somehow, I had a feeling that we'd be nice and secluded there.

"I told you already," I said, trudging up the slanted road. "It's a place me and the gang used to hand out at when we were naïve."

"Since when aren't you naïve?" he giggled and I ended up smacking him in the side with the bag in my left hand. Pretty soon he wasn't going to be laughing. As much as I really didn't want to, we had some serious talking to get to. We kept in silence for the remainder of the walk to my "secret spot", I guess you could call it. Another hilly road and two more corners later, we finally made it to a street with one large wall up ahead.

To the right was where the house was, but I wasn't about to head there. Instead, I lead Roxas up that wall and, after some reassuring words, lead him through a huge blast in the wall which opened up the small, dark forest of Twilight Town. All the kids played hide and seek in there during the summer time and, on the rare occasion that it snows enough, had snow forts built and snowballs flying faster than you could say Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

"Just through these trees here..." I told him just as I'd spotted a bit of sky behind some low pine branches. The bags with brandy in them scratched against the needles around us, making it sound like some animal was following us around. After some struggle, we stepped out of Christmas tree land and onto a flat, grassy courtyard. I heard Roxas let out a sound of amazement behind me.

"The old mansion? You hung out _here_?" he asked.

"Ever heard the news about that one gang that was sneaking around back here?"

"...wait...that was _you_?"

I laughed, feeling proud of myself, and walked further until I'd reached the black gate with tall bars that kept the abandoned mansion away from human contact. I carefully set the two bags down and grabbed one of the bars, suddenly remembering what I'd tried to do to that old building...burn it down, that's what. I could still smell the gasoline me and Marly had tried using.

"Heh...yeah. I was a pretty reckless kid," I said over my shoulder at Roxas. He'd set the bags down against the gate and was now standing beside me, peering through the bars at the mossy and unopened door still some 30 feet away from the gate.

"You guys tried to burn this place down, didn't you?" he asked slowly and quietly. I roughly sighed and turned down to the two bags at my feet before opening one, pulling out the fat bottle of brandy and attempting to pop it open.

"Yeah. Can't remember why. Marly was the one who suggested it. Might've been bored and wanted some action going on; something that would make the papers the next day."

"Well, it did. Olette wrote about how you guys nearly got caught by an old couple wandering around. You're lucky that they never figured out who you guys were."

"You forget that they found Marluxia's fingerprints on that gasoline tank. That's one of the reasons he's behind..._was_ behind bars. Man, can't believe he snuck out. _Finally_..." I said that last part just as I'd pried the cork out of the bottle. This huge scent of alcohol wafted right by and I had to shake my head to set my senses straight.

Roxas coughed behind me. "Wow...that's strong."

"No kidding. Pass me a cup, will ya?" It took him a while to respond, but Roxas soon went to another bag and pulled out another bottle, which was skinny and filled with gin, and some paper cups. He handed one to me and I filled it pass half way with the reddish brandy. Once he got the gin open, I had him hand it to me and I filled the rest of the cup with it.

"You're not gonna actually _drink_ that are you?" Roxas asked, leaning against the gate with a leg pulled to his chest.

"No. I'll set it here and wait for the birds to get it. What do you think?"

"Sorry I asked..."

Oops. Great thinking, smart one. I cleared my throat and tried that one again. "What I meant to say was..._you're_ gonna drink this one. I'll get my own." At that, Roxas skeptically raised and eyebrow and peered down at the mix I'd sent his way. It took a couple of 'come on's and 'I promise I didn't poison it's before he took it and I turned to make another. Pretty soon the entire courtyard stank of hard booze.

"Hoping to get drunk, huh?" Roxas asked seriously. I was about to take a sip when he asked.

"Not really. Just felt like one tonight, you know? It's been rough." And that last part was the plain and simple truth, Yes. Yes the night had been hella rough. As for the first part: no. No I was 'not really' planning on getting knocked up. I was flat out willing to get drunk out of my mind. I just felt like taking a shot at playing Reno for the night and waking up to forget all my problems.

That was the thing was: I still had problems.

I drank to that thought and probably ended up emptying half the cup already. It burned on its way down and, once again, that warm feeling revisited and began trailing up my spine. As much as I was worried about this turning into a drinking problem...I was...sorta having fun. Roxas still hadn't touched his when I looked over to see him staring at me, obviously wrapped in thought.

"Go 'head. No one's stoppin' ya." I addressed him with a shake of my cup and with that Roxas took one last look at the drink and finally gave in to taking a swig. After the first cup, I figured that Roxas would eventually chicken out and stop. But for some reason he was willing to take another with me...then another. I gotta admit that I was getting worried about giving him so much. Then I thought: maybe he's just trying to get rid of his problems too.

As far as I was concerned, if he was happy, heck, I was too.

I drank to that. I drank to the happy thought that I'd come out in front of the entire high school. I drank to mom and Riku's acceptance and Larxene, Reno, Hayner and Kairi's rejection. I drank to magically ending up in this town again. I drank to walks on beaches and one night spent making love with Roxas. I drank to AIDS and the flu...to this night and being alive.

I drank to me and Roxas.

And by the time all those drinks were down and done with, you better believe I accomplished my goal. Turns out Roxas had one too many too. Wasn't expecting that...

After lazily tossing the paper cup over my shoulder, I fell back and lay there, completely spaced out, in the short cut grass. Thankfully the night was clear since I got the chance to fall back and meet the stars staring down at me. I kept picturing them gossiping amongst themselves; telling pointing out that one guy on Earth that was getting way pass tipsy with his boyfriend.

"Ah, shut up, all of ya..." I muttered at the sky and tilted my head further up until I was looking upside down at Roxas. He was still up against that gate only this time his head was thrown back and his eyes were heavy. Stupidly, I began chuckling and rolled over on my stomach, still staring at him...or rather two of him...

"Hey," I gurgled. Roxas slowly looked down at me. "What're you thinkin' 'bout?"

"Wanna know what I'm thinkin' about?" he replied, just as slurred as me, and pushed his back away from the gate. His head swerved but he caught himself by grabbing a bar behind him. I nodded and placed both hands on my cheeks.

"Mm-hmm. Tell me..."

Roxas' foggy eyes twitched when he leaned in closer and hugged his knees. Even though my vision was beyond blurry, I could see the deep red in his cheeks. Oh man...my poor Roxas is drunk.

"S-see...I was jus' thinking about earlier, ya know."

"Yeah, yeah. I remember that." Thankfully I still did.

"And I was thinking about what'm I gonna do now? Namine left that-that-_this_ ring behind." He slowly reached into his jacket pocket and came back with their engagement ring wrapped around his pinky. "I _could_ return it..."

"Don' think there's refunds, Rox."

"Damn..." He cursed and he tightened a fist around the ring and once again shoved it into his pocket. Seeing his upset like that was making _me_ upset. And over a little thing like marriage too...

I got up again and sat on my knees with my arms crossed defiantly. Roxas noticed my sudden change in attitude and looked up from his knees. Once I'd gotten his attention, I tried to focus on his eyes and speak to him directly.

"If you ask me marriage is nothin' but a gyp. Why-why would you wanna get married, Rox?"

He paused, glanced at his wrist, then replied, "I thought I'd get over my issues by using her."

"Heh, I got my proof right there..." I said smugly. I _knew_ that he'd been using her. But I didn't feel right just letting Roxas go off and admit things. My smile quickly dropped and I realized that I really had more to tell him. "You know, I was relying too much on Larxene." Roxas' head rose up again.

"Really?"

"Sure. Didn't think that she'd take me so seriously. Man, I really can't stand her, though. She's nothing but a pile of-of _lies_, you know. She says she's carryin' my kid...ch, I _think_ I'd remember having sex with her for that one to happen..."

"Never did?"

"'Course not!" I spat, getting up on one leg before forcing myself to stand up. Sure, I swayed like hell, but I didn't let that stop me from pulling off drunken ranting. "I'm not...I was _never _gonna be ready to commit to Larxene. I was never gonna admit that I was gonna take care of her and Ayden! She's just...I don't know!" I stopped grabbing at my head when I realized I had my back turned to him and that I was speaking to the dirt. I spun around towards the gate again.

"And you feel that way too, right?"

Roxas' head angled from where he was sitting.

"You know that you're not ready to commit to Namine either! You never were!"

"Axel..." he muttered, sounding hurt in a way. I wasn't quick to realize it though since I continued pitching him rants.

"Admit it. If _I_ hadn't spoken up and told the whole world that I was...that I was making out and sleeping around with you—"

"Axel!"

"Then you would've gone ahead and married the girl in a couple of days! Funny, isn't it?"

That time Roxas didn't say my name but, using the gate for support, got up from the grass and looked me right in the eye. That must've taken a lot of energy considering that he was panting and his face had gotten even redder. Maybe the alcohol was just starting to kick in more. He took a shaky step towards me and kept one hand clutching at a bar.

"It's not funny. I was thinking that too, actually! And you know what? I realized that I still wouldn't've married her!"

"Oh really?" I asked, taking two large steps forward.

"Yeah!" Roxas nearly screeched. "And you know another thing? I wouldn't've married her because I would still be in love with you!"

And as fucked up as my mind was at the time, I still caught his words when he mentioned 'love'. My eyes narrowed and I parted my lips in disbelief. Did I hear that right? I took another step toward him. My eyebrows were still furrowed.

"Oh, so you love me?" I asked, this time with a lower voice even though I was still acting pissed off. Roxas' lower lip stuck out.

"Shock? You're not very observant are you? Want me to say it again?"

I didn't respond right away. Actually, I stuttered. "Y-yes. Why-why don't you?"

A wide and confident smile appeared on his face and his eyes were gazing up at me maniacally. Was this drunk Roxas I was seeing or the real Roxas finally coming out to me? "_I-love-you._ Still didn't hear it right? Wanna hear it again?" His voice was getting higher and higher and I was afraid someone was bound to find us.

I nodded briskly with another step. "Yeah." That time my voice cracked almost like I was about to break out sobbing.

"Axel, Roxas _loves_ you. _I_ love you. Again?"

"Yes..."

"I, without a doubt, no regrets and no hidden fees, _love you_." That pretty little smile wasn't going away, and I was lovin' it. Seeing Roxas throw his head this way and that and bat his pretty eyelashes at me as he spoke was adorable. I was actually finding myself repeating those same three words in my head. No, I wasn't sober just yet, but I wasn't, surprisingly, drunk enough to not comprehend with my emotions.

Roxas had said it. He'd admitted it. Even thought he was drunk, I had this feeling that he _meant_ it. I'd walked up so close to him and he barely even noticed. I'd kicked away an empty bottle of gin to get to him, stepped on cups and paper bags to reach that gate. _I'd gone through so much shit just to reach one thing_.

I was only one step away from Roxas when his smile suddenly shrunk and his eyes widened up at my face. His wet lips parted and his breathing began to calm down. He was all slumped over and was barely standing while he hung onto that one black bar.

"Just one more time, Rox," I said, placing a heavy hand on a bar over his head. "I gotta-I gotta hear it again." I swallowed which made my voice lower down to whisper in mid sentence. My face, my hands, my whole body felt so hot from being possessed by some alcohol. I was glad I'd taken my coat off...

Sadly, Roxas didn't say it again, and while it did disappoint me, I wasn't gonna push it out of him. Suddenly feeling very tired, I lowered my hands and wrapped them around his waist to pull him into a hug. I didn't squeeze him; just rocked us side to side gently. After all that adrenaline, my heart was beating normally at least for a while.

"Never mind. Don't wanna scare you."

Roxas hand was still holding onto the bar behind him and his head was still facing forward. He hadn't moved...barely breathed. Eventually, his fingers, one by one, unlatched from the gate and when they'd all slipped off his legs gave way and I had to get down on my knees to support his weight.

"Rox...Roxas?" I asked him, giving him a little shake.

When I looked down, I was relieved to see that his eyes were still open and that they were looking back at me dizzily. He was just limp like that against me...just staring up at me with the reflection of those gossiping stars in his eyes. Yeah, I could smell alcohol on him...and I felt horrible handing him that one drink.

But, really...he made a _gorgeous_ drunk.

"So you wanna know what I think you should do now?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"...What?" He blinked extremely slowly after that.

I leaned forward until we were both pressed lightly against the gate. I had my cheeks pressed on his hot forehead and my hands still around his waist; hugging him like a teddy bear. His hands were pulled into his chest.

"Maybe...marrying Namine is a bad idea, you said so yourself. So how does someone more your type sound?"

"Hm?" he asked sleepily. I shut my eyes and chuckled at that. I was getting dizzy too. But I had to keep it together if I wanted to confess _one last thing_.

"...would you, Roxas, take _me_ to be your lawfully wedded husband?" I couldn't help but laugh after saying it, realizing how hysterical it sounded to say that. Then I knew that I really wasn't kidding. I was serious..._so_ serious about being _joined_ to Roxas. Didn't I prove that when I'd given him that ring a long time ago?

Roxas laughed lightly too, but it faded as soon as mine, making me think that he had thought the same thing too. Something on my chest was tingling and I remembered that I'd left my ring outside my shirt. Then, without hesitation, I lowered two fingers to Roxas' chest and carefully felt around under his shirt for a familiar ring.

"_Mm._.." he groaned, probably feeling _very_ good about me touching him. I almost went further, but stopped and let his ring sit outside too.

"I mean it. How would you feel if _I _took her place?"

"I...I guess I'd feel...pretty good. It'd be better."

"You mean that?" I asked in playful disbelief.

Suddenly Roxas' left hand reached over to the back of my neck where he pulled my head closer to his body. Yeah...we were teddy bears. Sweet, isn't it? You know it. Next thing you know, the sweetest just got sweeter.

"Yeah. And...I _would_. I _so_ would..." The trees rustled faintly behind his, but I ignored it later. I was too busy being kissed again by Roxas to pay attention to squirrels. He tasted very much of gin and brandy, but I took it all without complaint.

So, I guess, in a sense...we're engaged. In the morning, _please_ remember what you said, Roxas. Don't make me get you drunk again for you to say things like that...

* * *

**ahh...so THAT'S what they're up to! hm. how sweet indeed. it's like...a yellow and red peep marshmallow mushed together then dipped in chocolate sauce then covered in sprinkles AND THEN sprayed with whipped cream...with a cherry on top...mmm. candied akuroku FTW.**

**roxas was hoping for a nice night, wasn't he? then he gets drunk...and he STILL hopes for a "bomchikawowwow" night. XO naughty boy...then again...-cackles- that'd be niceeee. and there are BARS behind them...ooo. i'm getting a brainstorm, houston.**

**but first, i gotta sleep. DX yeah. it's almost 4 AM...-double takes-...shat! anyway, hope that was nice enough for you guys. i don't think i've written much happiness for axel and roxas in a while, and it feels good. want it more often? R and R please and shpank you. (yes. yes i would spank you XDD) and HOLY CARP FISH...sex ed 101 reached over 1000 reviews?? fdjahflancjnvju7iayhfrndu one one one**

**I LOVE YOU ALL**

**until then, keep smiling because in the event that you meet a gorilla on the street this new year, they'll assume that you wish to start a brawl...therefore, you need to run...far, far away...which will then influence you to go the distance and acheive new goals. that would look GREAT in a fortune cookie...oh, i'm super bad.**

**_do you take ME to be your lawfully wedded wifey???,  
kokoro77_**


	19. Chapter 19: Consequences

**Author's note: O EM GEE, O EM GEE, O EM GEE...**

**when in the world was the last time this happened? did you think that this would ever happen again? i haven't posted like this before since, like, two years ago!! shat! that's amazing. i deserve dark chocolate...**

**hrm, well, i was feeling pretty writey tonight...so i wrote. well no duh. that's what you're SUPPOSED to do. XP i just felt like using loads of CAPS LOCKS and _italics _and...ellipsis. (note, that's three dots in a row like this ... i do that a lot, in case you haven't noticed. and if you haven't, you DO NOT love me...there it is again!)**

**seriously, if anyone out there could COUNT the number of times i've used three dots in my stories, i'd give them something. seriously. i would. maybe send them fifteen bucks. go buy yourself fifteen packs of gum! annnyyywayy...le gasp. consequences? ooo. axel's about to get a spanking...i'll go watch. pass the popcorn. oh snap! X'D**

* * *

Chapter 19: Consequences

Honestly, I was feeling pretty shitty about myself by the time I'd woken up that morning. The sun wasn't out just yet, which miraculously made my drunken brain realize that it was way early in the morning to be getting up and living a hangover. Too late. I'd already lifted my head a bit and the next thing I knew I felt like a hammer had been brought down on my head.

With a groan, I slumped back down against the near frozen grass and watched the fading starlight in the light purple sky. At least I could see properly. Damn...how was I gonna survive today?

What in the hell was I _thinking_ about getting drunk? Was I _really _planning on becoming an exact replica of Reno now? I couldn't actually lay here with my head in the clouds and my hopes out the window with the one thought that I was gonna live the rest of my life making love to alcohol and waking up the next day in a courtyard.

Thankfully I could remember how I'd ended up here, very much unlike Reno.

About a minute passed when I attempted lifting my poor head again and that time I succeeded in turning over on my side with little pain. There I saw Roxas, still in the same position I'd left him last night with his head turned my way and his arms pulled into his body.

And thankfully I could remember _us_ last night too; how insane we'd gotten; how romantic too. Geez. Imagine that...

With my stinging eyes narrowed I supported my weight on an elbow and took some pleasure out of waking up before Roxas. Don't think that's ever happened before, really. Ever since we'd fallen asleep next to each other, now that I thought about it, it was always him that would get up first to torment me. At first I thought about payback; maybe ruffle his hair and draw on his face...then I figured that destroying his adorable face wouldn't be very nice.

Besides, I didn't have a pen.

So I stared at him. Just stared. Just watched him breath and watched his eyes lightly twitch. The deep red in his cheeks had mostly faded into a light pink. Darn. When he wakes up later, his cute image is gonna be replaced with pain and a major hangover. Again, I felt sorta responsible.

Scattered around us were a few small paper cups, an empty bottle of gin and a near empty bottle of brandy. You would've thought we'd be dead right now from alcohol poisoning. I chuckled about it before it started making me dizzy and I stopped. That's when my eyes slowly stopped surveying Roxas' face and wandered down to his right wrist. Around it was a silver watch I'd never seen before. Very carefully I peered over his head and blinked at the time I read.

"5:30?" I asked groggily. Maybe I'd said it too loudly since Roxas' started to stir. His fingers twitched and right when his head moved slightly his eyebrows knitted and he let out a short moan. I sadly smiled down at him struggling and suffering to wake up like a baby without their 10 hours of sleep.

"Oh...my head..."

"Mornin'," I said, still watching him. I felt bad that there wasn't much I could do to make the pain stop. Roxas' head turned back to me and when it did his eyes gently fluttered open halfway. Lemme tell ya, if you wanna get over a shitty feeling, just make sure that Roxas' baby blues and looking right at you. Then you'll be cleared for landing.

His eyebrows relaxed again when he saw me. "Hey...I feel terrible." He smiled and laughed at himself. I scoffed and rolled on my back again.

"It'll do that to ya, Rox." Right when I'd said it, Roxas immediately sat up from the ground and clutched his knees. At first I wasn't too concerned about it, thinking that all he was doing was stretching, until I heard him gagging and saw his shoulders slump over. Ignoring my own hangover, I sat up and reached out to tap him on the shoulder.

"What's up?" I asked.

He gagged again and opened his eyes. "I gotta get up real quick..." he mumbled and with that he stumbled to his feet, swayed considerably, tripped once and then took off running towards the pine trees ahead. All the time he still choked. I didn't know what in the hell was going on until I saw him hold onto one of the trees for dear life, bend over and...well, you know.

I pursed my lips and waited for him to slow down before deciding to get up myself. I didn't sway as much as he did for some reason. Maybe my body had gotten so used to alcohol by now. Sad. Once up, I pulled out a water bottle from the plastic bag and walked over with it to where Roxas was just finishing up barfing. Those poor squirrels...

"And that's why I bought _this_ last night." I walked up behind him and just as he straightened up and glanced over at me, handed it to him. He took it, popped it open and squirted half the bottle down his throat.

"Ever the smart one," he chucked the bottle back at me and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before momentarily glancing around the courtyard behind me. "What time is it?"

You're the one with the watch...ah, never mind.

"5:30 about. We probably just slept earlier than we thought. Might wanna clean this place up and head back home before the others get hella worried and send in the troops." I shook my thumb over my shoulder at the mess we'd left behind and when Roxas looked his eyes suddenly fell. Looks like I hit him hard with that one...

He took a couple of steps toward me when he asked, "You ready? To go back home, I mean."

Wellll...ok, no. No I wasn't. Like I said, putting up with even more drama wasn't gonna lighten up my life. And again: how was I gonna survive today if we decided to trudge back home _drunk_ out of all things? But it'd be better to go now than to wait until tonight when the hangovers get bored, pack up and leave.

Then Larxene wouldn't have a slap ready for me. She'd have a weapon of mass destruction.

I turned on my heel to start picking things up but when I felt something press against my back I stopped and looked over my shoulder to see Roxas slumped over against me.

"Yo, can't keep yourself up? Can you walk?" I grabbed him by the upper arms and made him face me. He just smiled feebly and set his drunken eyes to look up at me again.

"Obviously I can; I just ran off over here pretty fast."

"Rox..."

He laughed. "Axel, I'll be fine. I can take care of myself..."

"Psh, yeah. Lookit you, ya lightweight. Lemme take care of things and I'll carry you back home, got it?"

His face twisted. "Axel..."

"Roxas." I tightened my hands on his arms and shook his limp body once. Seriously, he was like a fricken' noodle; a limp noodle with a splash of brandy. As appetizing as that sounded, I wasn't about to give into my desire for him right now. I promised I'd take care of him. "_I_ will clean up. _You_ will stay here. And when I get back, _you_ will let _me_ carry you, understand?" Without bothering for a reply, I pushed him up against a tree to stay while I fixed things.

By the time I'd finished, Roxas hadn't moved at all from where I'd set him. In fact, all he'd done was stare at me. And, like I said I'd do, I walked right up to him and positioned my feet to carry him all bridal-style like. I was pretty sure that it wouldn't matter if I carried him that way. Virtually _everyone _in town had to know about us by now. _Alrighty_...drunken-ness aside...one, two, three...

_Bzz, bzz, bzz _

"What the--?" I was about to lift him up when I heard something rustle behind me. I stared around frantically with Roxas and even poked around in a few bushes before I turned around and began searching around at the roots of one low branched pine tree. I came up with something green and shiny sitting in the mud and needles. My cell?

Quickly, I shot my hand out and pulled the apple green Razr out of the dirt. I didn't bother brushing it off once I'd read what appeared on the dimmed screen of the closed cell. Roxas blankly eyed me, completely slow as to why he wasn't riding in my arms by now.

_7 missed calls_

"Shit...7? Why 7?" Cursing something awful, I flipped the phone open and flipped through the menu until I stopped on voicemail. And I had 4 voicemails. Great. I didn't get the time to check who had called and sent me the messages, so I went right to listening. I just prayed that it wasn't gonna be the voice of hell.

_"You have 4 new messages...first message sent yesterday at 8:58 PM." _

_"Uh, hey, Axel. It's Riku. Just callin' to check up on you and Roxas. It's, uh, about 9 at night and we're all waiting on you guys to make it back. Ah...I also called to let you know that Larxene hasn't made it back home either. We dunno where she is and we're guessing that she has Ayden with her. Let us know if you've heard from her or seen her, alright? Talk to ya later." _

I didn't even get a second to react to that news since the second message began playing already.

_"Next message sent yesterday at 11 PM." _

_"Axel, it's mom. Riku told me earlier that he called you and he let you know about Larxene and Ayden. They haven't come home and she's not answering any of our calls. Reno left a note and he said he was going out to look for her and calm her down. He hasn't come back either and he left his cell behind. Please call me back and let me know where you two are. If she doesn't show up soon we're going to file a missing person report first thing in the morning. Love you lots." _

"Oh, shit..." I muttered, biting the tip of my thumb. Roxas had moved up close to me and I could tell by the way he was looking at me that my facial expressions and cussing were concerning him. The next message was just starting and for a second I felt like slamming the phone shut and tossing it back in the dirt.

"Axel?"

_"Next message sent today at 2:34 AM." _

_"...Axel? Hi...this is Namine. I know you wouldn't expect to receive a call from me. I just felt like helping you out in trying to find Larxene. Your mom and Riku have already informed the police about her, but maybe I can save some time by letting you know where she could be. She and I liked to hang out a lot at Sunset Hill, and she went there loads of times when she ran into trouble. She could be there now. It'll be a long walk or you might need to take the train, but I really believe she could be there. She's my best friend...and I'm willing to talk her through her problems. She's just...confused right now. _

_I hope this helped even a little. I'd really hate to see you two pulled apart because of this. If you do find her, be careful, ok? _

_...Please tell Roxas I said hello. Bye." _

Namine...what a girl. Despite the shit I just caused in her love life, in her life in general, she still attempted to talk to me earlier. She was still willing to _look_ at me when some of the others weren't. I guess it makes sense why Roxas would like her with him. She was considerate...and maybe even a little forgiving.

I looked up from the phone to Roxas who was still staring right at me. I nodded at him and said, "She says hello." He seemed to get it right away and smiled sadly at me. But I couldn't talk to him about it since the next and last message had started.

_"Next message sent today at 5:41 AM."_

That was only a couple of minutes ago...I waited...but all I got was static...then...

_"...hang **up**." _

And that was it. Beyond confused, I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at the screen until it went black and the voicemail lady said "goodbye". Well...that was awkward. And the strange thing was, I had a feeling that that wasn't a wrong number caller. I vaguely recognized that voice...but it was too far in the background of the static for me to paint a face. Ignoring it, I hung up and shoved the phone in my pocket.

So it was the vibration of the cell that I'd heard last night...all this time people were calling for my help and people were _worried_ about me and Roxas.

"What the heck's going on?" Roxas instantly asked as soon as I walked back up to him, attempting to go back to the original plan of carrying him. He stepped back and demanded an answer. So I gave one...

"We have to go home now. Some stuff's come up."

"Stuff?" he asked. "What exactly are you talking about? Who called? Was that Namine's voice I—whoa!" Not waiting for him to finish, I positioned my arms underneath him and lifted him up. Yeah, I staggered a bit due to his weight and my drunkenness, but soon I turned around and left that crummy mansion for another day. Roxas's arms locked around my neck and I figured I'd increased his headache when he shut his eyes and rested his forehead on the side of my head.

Suddenly, I was scaring myself as to why I was so concerned now. The sun hadn't even risen completely on this day full of consequences.

xxXXxx

You should've seen the look on Riku's face when he'd opened the door to me carrying Roxas the way I was. I had to knock on the damn door with my foot at least 10 times before someone finally opened the door. Then again...it _was_ nearly 6 in the morning. But, miraculously, Riku was awake, and it didn't look like he'd slept.

"Axel, Roxas..." he whispered, raking a hand through his silver hair. "Where've you guys been?"

I stepped into the heated room, coming to the realization of just how cold it'd been outside, and with Roxas still in my arms, walked into the living room and stood there for a minute, facing the couch where the two of us had been asleep some days ago...where all the world's complications felt like...nothing.

"Where's mom?" I asked quietly. I still didn't put Roxas down and I wasn't about to.

I heard Riku mumble something behind me after he'd shut the door softly. After that I heard something being crumpled and I turned back around. In Riku's hand was a crumpled up sticky note which he began reading slowly for me to hear. He cleared his throat and started in an exhausted voice.

"'Went out to find Larxene. She was upset and took Ayden. Should be back before morning. Reno'." He folded the paper and made a fist over it. "You weren't there last night when she left. She really didn't _say_ anything...but the second you started getting off stage she sorta lost it."

I didn't want to imagine it, but Riku probably wanted me to. I wondered if he could tell that me and Roxas were suffering major headaches right now...

"She just got up, grabbed Ayden by the hand and stormed out. Reno followed after her and that was that." Riku sighed and once again ran his fingers through his hair. We were all quiet for another couple of seconds until he nodded toward the kitchen slowly. "Mom's in there. She was filing a report earlier with the police, but I think she fell asleep."

"You get some too, bro," I said teasingly while pulling Roxas' body closer to me. And, without another word, not even the usual protest, Riku smiled and turned to the guest room. When he'd opened the door, I heard something jingle inside and, just like I figured, that white, poofy dog shyly slipped into the living room before Riku had shut the door.

"Hey, Zip." Zipper's ears perked up when I called him, but he didn't turn his head. Instead, he sadly dragged his paws across the carpet, tail not moving, and climbed up onto the couch. He kept his paws under his head and just lay there. "Hm, wonder what's up with you." When he didn't bark or look at me, I sighed and went back to holding Roxas close to me and wondering what I would do next.

Taking aspirin would be nice...

"Rox, you awake?"

He groaned and once again complained about his head hurting. I just hoped he wouldn't repeat barfing...note, I was still holding him. I don't think I'd look very good with Roxas-barf all over me.

"...were you serious...about wanting to marry me?" he suddenly whispered next to my ear. I shuddered, but continued holding him. What was up with the random topic? Still...it was nice to know that he remembered and all. I turned my head and kept our lips from touching just barely.

"...'Course. I-do-not lie." I admit: I still adore him whether he's drunk or not.

Roxas' head had just moved to a spot on my neck and I was about to commence obeying what he wanted when I, for the first time, had second thoughts. It wasn't because I didn't want to make love to him, or that it wouldn't be meaningful because he was still tipsy...but because the handle on the front door had jiggled and the door flew open with so much force that it chipped the paint on the wall.

Roxas froze in place before he had the chance to touch the tip of his tongue on my skin. Like me, he turned to the door and seemingly stopped breathing to see a familiar face standing in the doorway. I was ready for this now. _So_ ready. Just stay close to me, Rox...'cause I know you're not as ready as I am.

"You..._you son of a BITCH...!_"

xxXXxx

"Larxene! Larxene, quit it!" Just then, Riku happened to burst out of that room as if on cue. It was like he hadn't gone to sleep at all. He flew out of that room so quickly and, ignoring what punishment he could potentially get, approached Larxene until he was only a step away from her. She only glanced at him once, her teeth bared, but shot her bloodshot eyes my way again.

It sorta hurt, I gotta admit. I didn't say a thing.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" she screeched again. She had both hands balled up at her side. She was still wearing what she'd been wearing last night at the reunion: that long white trench coat that showed off her bump. That was the one reason I wasn't about to argue with her...that baby. "GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T TEAR YOU APART!"

"Larxene! That's enough!" Riku screamed right in her face. He had a finger raised at her threateningly and his face was turning red. "Calm down, you hear me?!"

She raised a hand to his face and viciously sent a slap on his cheek. To make matters worse, he looked up again and she ended up slapping the other. Her hand turned bright red and her eyes seemed to do the same. Man...she was like the devil! I could hear Zipper jump off from the couch behind me and he started yapping like crazy and growling.

Still, I kept quiet.

Roxas kept quiet.

"WHAT? WHAT IN THE HELL DID I DO _WRONG_, AXEL?! TELL ME!" When she said my name, she took large steps in my direction. My legs twitched to back away and Roxas' eyes squinted as if to prepare for an incoming slap of his own. But if she _touched _him, oh, I wasn't gonna stay quiet for long. "WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME?"

Nothing. I didn't want _shit_ from her. I kept a straight face and glowered down at her when she took one last step forward.

"Stay away from him, Larxene," Riku panted from behind her after wiping the side of his red face. Larxene had left a huge blotch on both his cheeks. Knowing Riku, he just didn't have it in him to hit a woman back. "You can't be pissed at him."

"And what do _you_ know?!" she'd brought he voice down and shook her head over at Riku. I felt slightly relieved to have her eyes pulled away from me, but the feeling didn't last long. She shot me another death stare and I swore I could hear the weapons of mass destruction hovering overhead. "And _you!_ What's the _matter _with you?! Cut your tongue out did you?! Or are you really afraid of me now?! WHAT?!"

_"Larxene, please stop it!" _

"Namine!" Roxas gasped weakly when Namine, dressed in a white night gown, called out from the top stair. No sooner did she call did Sora rush out of his room and nearly throw himself over the railing to watch all the action.

Larxene ignored them both and, with tears already flowing nonstop down her face, went on lecturing me. "_You_ are a real prick, you know that? _I _thought I could trust you! I thought you were serious about this relationship! _This baby_ proves that!"

"Larxene, that's not—"

"Will you _shut up_, Riku?!" Larxene spun around and barked at him, making him shake a bit. "This is NONE of your business!" Zipper continued to bark nonstop. I was getting freaked out thinking that he was gonna jump and bite her face off. He sure was acting like it. Truthfully, I was feeling the same way. Roxas trembled slightly against me.

"Did you _know_ that he was going to give a sappy speech like that, Riku? Huh? Did you _know_ that he was going to _admit_ that he was CHEATING on me?!"

"No, I—"

"_NO?!" _Larxene reached up to her head and yanked tightly on her hair. "How can you say no when you stayed there and CONGRATULATED him?! How can you say no when you _smiled _at him _and_ Roxas and _accepted_ them?! HOW?!" When Riku failed to answer quickly enough, she turned back to me and revealed the make up smudging down her face. I remembered when I'd woken up at the hospital to her stroking my hair and calling me "hun".

Now I was "son of a bitch".

"Answer me..._tell_ me _what you wanted_ from me. Tell me what_ HE _gave you that _I DIDN'T. What_ is so amazing about _ROXAS _that you _LOVE?!_"

No comment, your majesty.

That instantly offended Larxene and made her sob uncontrollably for the next solid minute. For that minute the house fell into silence and she kept her makeup stained eyes hidden behind her hand while she cried. She kept shaking her head in disbelief, muttering to herself and asking what she had done wrong.

"So that's it," she continued in a shaking yet defiant voice. "That's what you two did that night you didn't come down again!" Hearing her laugh like that was scary. She sounded maniacal. "You were busy _fucking_ each other, weren't you?! ANSWER THAT ONE, AXEL! GO AHEAD!"

I snapped. She hadn't directly offended Roxas or me, but something in her words were making me far BEYOND pissed. She wanted an answer? Fine. Fine! You'll get your answer! The thing about me is I'll give it to you straight. No lies, no bullshit. And with that I carefully set Roxas down on a chair, looked him over once then turned to Larxene to get up right in her face and mimic her hissy fit.

"You _want _an answer?" I asked, in a low, threatening voice. Larxene's eyes suddenly softened up. Ha. Not so high and mighty now, are you? "_Yes_, Larxene. I _slept_ with Roxas. Twice, actually. And all that time I _knew you_."

"Bastard..." she hissed, backing up a step.

"Call me what you want, Larx! Lemme answer ALL your questions and I'll be outta your life for good! For one thing, _there is no reason_ why you shoulder tear me apart. I thought that _you_ would understand! It's your own damn fault that you feel this way! No, I didn't cut my tongue out. No, I'm am _not_ fucking afraid of you.

No, I didn't want _diddlysquat _from you. Know why? Cause you didn't have ANYTHING I wanted in the first place! You couldn't've done a thing to get me to fall for you! You were just like every other girl that tried to get my attention, you know?! None of you were real! And you know what, THAT is the reason why I chose to go for Roxas instead!"

I barely caught a glimpse of Namine holding her hands to her mouth. As soon as she'd heard that Roxas and I had been sleeping together, she'd done it. She'd suddenly realized just how serious this was, how she might've been too quick to forgive. And Sora...he just stood there, blank; switching his eyes every second from me to Roxas to Larxene to Riku and even Zipper.

"And another thing! _That baby CAN'T be mine. _And neither is Ayden! Don't deny it, Larx...you're _lying_. If I've been so busy being with Roxas why in the HELL would I crawl to you and have SEX with you?! Answer THAT for me now!"

"You _did_ sleep with me!" she retorted.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Stop it already!"

"You DID! Back home. You came home drunk with Reno and you didn't even REMEMBER A THING when you woke up on that couch!"

"You're lying!"

"NO! But you know, _I_ called it off before we'd gone all the way. And you know why? _Because you..._" She raised a pink finger and thrust it at Roxas' body. "_You said Roxas' name_."

I blinked and paused for a second. Yeah. I did go out and get drunk with Reno before we took off for Twilight Town. I'd met Sora...and after that everything was a blur. Demyx was there...that night was great. I'd let loose. I'd thought I'd seen Roxas, but it turned out to just be y imagination. And despite this crappy argument, I wasn't going to give up on going back to having fun nights like that again.

"See...that _proves_ that that kid isn't mine. We didn't go all the way."

Larxene looked like she'd just bit her cheek. I guess I got her there. Still, she looked determined and even with me making her back away, she remained stubborn to keep up this stupid brawl. She was now back to standing beside Riku across the room and was literally a step away from the door. I couldn't care less if she disappeared again...

"So go ahead...call me a son of a bitch. Call me a bastard...it doesn't change _anything_."

After that, well, I assumed that I'd struck gold. I assumed that seeing Larxene turn away in a huff meant that I'd won. I assumed that she'd run out that door, grab the next train and leave me for good. I'd at least have one burden gone. I'd thought she'd help me...turns out she was one of the problems. And with all that, I felt a rush of confidence overtake me. Yeah...she was turning away...

_"Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold on here."_

Damn. Upon hearing that voice, Larxene's steps paused before she'd set one foot out into the sunrise. When I looked ahead of her, my eyes widened and just like that my happiness went bye-bye...at least for now. Riku backed up a step and gasped as did Larxene. What, did she want to run and hug me now?

I heard Roxas behind me and my first thought was to run back and hold him again. But no. This was keeping me glued in place. There, blocking Larxene's getaway door, was Reno who was now staring at his feet with his hands shoved in his pockets. The problem: tucked in his belt was a jet black gun I'd never seen before and his thumb was carefully stroking the handle.

And behind him...looking miraculously normal for once...

"Marluxia."

"Axel. C'mere. We gotta talk." And for the first time in a long while, Reno slipped his sunglasses off and placed them atop his head so he had the chance to stare at me seriously, almost dominantly...also for the first time.

* * *

**pft. reno doesn't mean any harm, come on...alright, just kidding. maybe he does. oopsie.**

**and here i was promising some happiness. well...there was some. a little. then it got better...ah heck. i'll make it up to ya, i swear. just tell me what you want and i'll deliver it...like the pizza guy from dominos. (although romio's pizza is hella better...shhh)**

**i know there are typos, but, for the UMPTEENTH TIME, i has NO beta and i is not about to go back and scan the chapter AGAIN for mistakes. i know...i've tried dearly to get things right. please spare me. i'm really a hardcore perfectionist in real life, no joke. hm...by the way, what WOULD you guys do if you saw me in real life? i'd probably...run away. jk jk...i'd just stand there and try to explain to my parents why random people are talking to me about sex ed and axel and roxas...making love...and getting drunk...and sleeping...together.**

**which makes me wonder: why do humans call it "sleeping together" when you perform sexual intercourse? DX you don't lay in bed and sleep! sex is a beautiful thing! admit that you did it. admit that you didn't JUST sleep together and life will continue...(kiddies, DO NOT HAVE SEX EARLY. thank you).**

**rantings aside, this chapter was fun. i had fun. i had fun writing that riku got major pwn'd by larxene's manicured fingers of fury. XDD ahh...i just lawled. and it's 3 in the morning. dammit! haha...i have new bedsheets to sleep under...why did i just tell you that? now, axel, be safe. god, i feel like his mother...hm...now that'd be interesting. "this is my pyromaniac son, axel...whom i love dearly. yes. yes he is a natural redhead with hair that defies gravity..." OMG! the press would be all over him.**

**_uhm...spinach,  
kokoro77_**


	20. Chapter 20: Fix Me NAO

**Author's note (of total awesomeness): ohnoes. what is this world coming to? i dunno what made me type so much in two nights. i guess it's the lack of homework i've been getting. i probably shouldn't be saying that since i might end up getting jinxed and the homework will flood in my house. DX**

**it was great that i got this EXTREMELY ANGST BUCKET filled chapter out of the way. i've been meaning to do one of these for ages. that's no lie. the only problem with them is that i, well, EXPRESS quite a bit, thus resulting in an imense amount of my thoughts spilling onto the page...i guess the chapter title is a bit misleading from the emo i was trying to get across...but that's just how i roll. -thumbs up-**

**so here's a word of caution: there will be tons of emotions as well as PLOTNESS. you'll be introduced to _a bit_ of a back story. emoness ABOUNDS. well...sorta. XP but that's the only reason why i'm driven to akuroku. it's the angst in their relationship that keeps me going. gotta love it, biznitches!**

**-takes out bandage- why in the heck do we need fixing nao?** **(shoot me if i spell it like that again...)**

* * *

Chapter 20: Fix Me NAO

_"J-just...fix me now. Do it. **Please**." _

I was surprised at how cooperative I was in agreeing to Reno's demand. I didn't care that he had a gun and Pinky at his side both of which gave him the upper hand at completely dismembering me. No. It wasn't that at all. I wasn't afraid of him for some reason. I suppose it's the fact that I've been trampled on by so many awkward things in the past week that's gotten me into seeing a weapon as a daisy on the side of the street.

And without saying a thing, neither to Reno nor to anyone else in that ghost house, I stepped out into the faint orange sunlight and brushed past Reno as if he was nothing. My headache was still pounding angrily against my skull. I kept walking to the left of the door and when I heard the door click behind me, turned around and faced the two of them straight and with my eyebrows furrowed.

Reno was the first to speak, his blue eyes sparkling. His thumb was still on the handle of the gun. "_What_ a day it's been, huh? Yesterday was no walk in the park either." He took a sec to reach into his pocket and pull out a white cigarette which he lit up and began puffing nonchalantly.

"What'd you bring _him_ here for?" I spat, not once glancing at Marluxia who was standing with his arms crossed as he surveyed the area around us. What? Was he making sure the cops wouldn't show up? Sure looked like it...

Reno blew a puff of smoke and smirked. "Come on now. You guys are buds, right?"

"_High school_, Reno. We went over that," I replied bitterly. He just shrugged and inhaled sharply on the cig without a care in the world.

"Ok, well, he's here 'cause he's one of the reasons why I need to talk to you. Axel, there's a couple things I need to get offa my chest." His middle and index finger began rolling the lit cigarette while he stared at an angle at the bricked ground. Why so serious _again_, Reno? Now I was beginning to _loath_ this guy. No-joke.

I kept my hands still at my sides and bit down on my tongue to keep from screeching at the two of them. Note, I was keeping at least five steps away. I can be a _real_ bitch if I'm messed with more than once in a day. And after a talk like _that_ with _Larxene_...oh, I was already lit and ticking.

After another puff of the cigarette, Reno began talking, letting smoke gradually escape through his lips while he did. "...Ever stopped to think about your old man again, Axel?"

I immediately scoffed at that _beyond _lame question. "Let's not bring him up."

"Kind of have to, man. He's gonna be the center of this whole conversation whether you like it or not. If you die without knowing _anything_ about Arson I'm pretty sure you're gonna be one sorry dude."

No reply. I let him continue. Not like there was _anything_ so fantastic about Arson anyway. This conversation would be over in less than a minute. Or so I thought. Never thought that Reno would look at me straight in the eyes and compassionately state:

"Your dad loved you, man."

I wanted to copy the scoff I'd given him earlier, maybe even bark at him like I did with Larxene. But all I could muster was a frustrated kick to the dusty ground. Still, I didn't think that Reno took that as much of a reason to stop. He was a real bastard that way. Lie. _That_ was a fucking lie! There was absolutely _no_ love for me from Arson! None! Nada!

"Let's see...I guess I can start by explaining _why_ I would say that. Well, of course you wouldn't remember much about him actually being nice to you considering that you were only a kid. But _I_ remember Arson as clear as day, you know. And the second you were born he was the happiest dude on Earth, no kidding."

"Pft, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah," Reno said, tapping the cigarette lightly. Behind him, Marluxia wouldn't stop looking around like a lost puppy. "Sure. But you know...finances were tight back then and having a kid was like doomsday. And your daddy didn't realize that until before your mom decided to take a Riku into foster care. He got stressed and his job wasn't cutting it out for him. And you know what he decided to do?"

"What?" I asked snippily, glaring at him.

"He got this crazy idea that by selling drugs he'd get his life back together. That maybe _you_ would have a better life. He learned that in one good night he'd earn literally a thousand dollars...if he did the job right, that is. Sure enough, yeah, it worked! But he wasn't _happy_ with just _himself_ selling 'cause _he_ wanted to get the dough faster." Reno pointed his thumb at his chest then over at Marluxia.

"So after realizin' that _I_ was strugglin' to earn cash of my own, he brought me in when I was a teen and taught me how to carry out the job. He said to me, 'Reno, how'd you feel if you could marry a girl when you were 20 years old?' I says, 'That'd be great'. Next thing you know I'm passing out bagged stuff around the corner."

"And him, what about him?" I asked quickly, pointing at Marluxia who turned to look at me for a second before returning to glancing around.

Reno flicked the stubby cigarette away over the bridge and dug another out of his pocket. I knew he was secretly nervous otherwise he wouldn't be lighting so many cigarettes in one stand. As soon as he got it lit and puffed it, he went on.

"Getting to that. Well, your dad's business was going pretty well. He became a well-known dealer on the streets that _always_ kept people wonderin' how the cops never caught him. He promised to keep me under the shadows too. And all this-this _dealing_ and protecting and shit sure _helped_ you and your mom, but it was pulling him away from you guys too. See, Arson took to liking the drugs he sold. I guess the smell of it drove him to try it. Before you know it he's gone until morning then gone for two nights in a row before coming home to crash on the couch. Your mom was worried sick about you and Riku."

Arson...staying out to earn money and get high...all for mom, Riku and..._me_?

Reno probably noticed the shock etched in my face since he laughed and nudged his chin in my direction as if to point it out. "See. _That's_ what I mean about him loving you. You just didn't feel it since he was gone so much. Call it invisible, I guess. Now Marluxia over here came along a long time later and tried to earn himself some cash to stay in school."

I knew that already. Olette had mentioned it.

"After Marluxia was caught by the cops and the message reached your dad, whew, that guy was _pissed_." He laughed in between inhaling on the cigarette. "Which comes to my _next_ point here...'course you remember being a hostage by your dad, right?"

I didn't get the chance to give him a smart-alecky response since he interrupted right away.

"'Course you do! Might not _want to_...but anyway. See, you might think that the reason he did that was 'cause of the money you took outta the bank. Nah, he didn't give a damn about that really. It was more of the fact that he found out that you and Roxy back there were together and that Riku had found himself partying way more than he used to. _Both_ of you were sorta abandoning him for other things and with Arisa gone, he was gettin' pretty lonely."

I tried picturing him curled in that old, dark living room, drinking bottle after bottle after bottle while he stared at the front door _waiting and waiting_ for one of us to open the door and take care of him..._talk _to him. Before I knew it, I'd already pictured it. Clear as day. I bit my lip until I couldn't feel it anymore.

"I guess the drugs in his system pushed him into doing some crazy ass hostage scene. Y'know...I don't think he even ever _wanted_ to shoot you guys. He just wanted your attention." Reno shrugged calmly and stared down at the crushed ashes at his feet.

"And before he died he told me to take care of his mini drug business _and_ to make sure that the money got to you and Riku safely. After I heard that I got this feeling that he was giving up on his life already. Kinda sad...so after he left the hospital god knows where he went. Last time I saw him before he died was on the street meeting up with random girls. You would've thought he was just trying to kill himself. Yeah, well...eventually they did find him. And he wasn't doing so well, you know. Died pretty soon after they got him into treatment."

As soon as he said that, my fingers twitched and I immediately asked what I'd wanted to ask in a while. At this time, Reno was the only person that probably knew everything.

"How'd he die?" I spat.

"What?" He asked, acting surprised that I didn't know.

"You know how he died. _How did he die?"_

After searching for words to say at his feet, Reno finally looked up at me, blinked slowly and answered. "Cancer. All that alcohol attacked his liver, which was already diseased, mind you, and thankfully it was non-contagious. Turns out that he really did destroy himself out on the streets after being released."

That immediately drew a blank in my head. Wait...wait, _what_? How was that possible? Cancer? Something wasn't adding up. If _I _had AIDS...then I couldn't've gotten it from Arson, right? And I was sure that when I'd been..._that needle_. Dammit. That fricken' needle I'd been pricked by in his death room...if he wasn't contagious, no wait, if he didn't have AIDS then there was no way that I was sick because of him.

Then _where _did I get it from?

Did I even have it at all?

"I think now would be the best time to bring up something totally random here...you know I travel a lot, right?"

I nodded extremely slowly since I was still busy thinking about the earlier issue.

Reno took a step toward me and Marluxia followed like he was his bodyguard or something. That's when his voice dropped and he glanced once at the front door of the house to make sure that we were really alone.

"Listen. After Arson died I made sure to keep the business running. I figured, heck, why not expand? So every time I made a stop in Radiant Garden I had the best chance in the world to sell...and that's when I met...I met Larxene, see."

"_Larxene_?" I asked, nearly hissing it. Reno shushed me with a raised finger to his lips and once again stared back at the front door. What in the hell is his problem? I felt like throwing something at his fat head.

"Hey, hey, quiet, huh? Just...look." He swallowed and tried again. "I figured the stepping in while you two were having that conversation in there would be the best time. She and I...ok, so we had a little thing going on in the past."

"You _what_?"

Reno held up his hand again in panic. Ok, so I didn't care _that_ much that Reno had been with Larxene before. Heck, I should've thanked him for keeping her instead of her being with me. What really bugged me was that I could've been suffering all this time with Larxene just to come to the dumb realization that she didn't want me either! We could've separated a long time ago!

"Shh. Alright, I'll make this simple. She and I really hit it off one day and...it was just a one night thing; no big deal." He must've been totally dazed to see how calm I was about it. His twitchiness died down after seeing that. "I'm not positive, Axel. But I could—"

_"Dad!"_

Hearing that voice, I looked away from Reno and before I had the chance to glance behind me I was nearly tackled by someone who'd latched onto my legs. When I looked down I noticed the tiny hands of Ayden just barely poking out of his extremely long sleeved, black sweatshirt. He eventually let me go and ran up beside me, hooking a finger on my right pocket after.

"Ayden," Reno whispered, tossing the cigarette over this shoulder which barely missed Marluxia's ear.

"Where've you been?" I asked.

"Mom told me to wait out here for a while...Dad, what's going on?" Ayden asked quietly, switching looks between Reno and Marluxia who was suddenly looking very interested in him. He tugged at my pocket lightly. "Where's mom? Where is she? Is she mad?"

"Ayden, go inside, 'kay? Mom's in the house." And as I patted him on the back, he shot for the door, grabbed the handle and scrambled inside like a little firecracker. I stared at the spot where he'd disappeared for a while before Reno caught my attention again. He too was staring at the door where Ayden's shoelace had gotten stuck before he had yanked it back.

And he was _smiling_.

Looking at Reno's face all happy like that...I got the message almost instantly. And, honestly, I felt tossed to the side. I almost didn't want to believe it. But I gathered myself up, sighed and asked.

"You think Ayden's yours, right?" Ouch. That hurt. Some part of me kept screaming that the kid was mine, he was all mine. _My_ blood, _my_ DNA, _my_ eyes, _my_ hair color...

But he wasn't.

Reno carefully looked away and only looked back at me when he'd nodded with pursed lips. "I know he is. There's no way in hell that you can be the dad. Larxene's whole 'he's your son' act isn't real. And she knows that...As for that other kid of hers, well, I can't say much." He scratched the back of his head in thought.

In another world of my own I blankly watched Reno while he muttered nonsense to himself. I watched as Marluxia nervously chewed his lower lip and suddenly took extreme interest in the front door of the house. At first I thought of running up and blocking the entrance. Then I realized that maybe he wasn't a threat. He was just...confused.

Drugs happen to do that to people.

I was confused...did that make me like Marluxia then? Arson _loving _me, Larxene _not _loving me, Ayden not being _mine_, AIDS...

Pretty soon I was feeling pissed. All these secrets, all these _lies_...they were being kept from me when I damn knew that I deserved to know them. Now it was too late to talk to Arson and walk through that door to be with him. It was too late to grab Larxene before she walked out the door to meet Reno and have a one night stand with him. It was too late to _fix this mess_.

"And I'm pretty sure that Larxene's current baby isn't yours either, man. Although it _could_ be since she got you two to get together that one night you got completely drunk out of your mind."

Shut up...

"And now you have Roxas. I'm starting to wonder if maybe..."

_Shut up_...

"Reno. Sorry. You guys still talking?"

I hadn't realized that I was grabbing at my t-shirt until I heard Riku's voice and I looked down at my hands. I let go just as Riku stepped slowly out of the door. Just in the way that Reno eyed him down sent shivers up my spine and I took the hint that I wasn't meant to be there. Besides, I was just about ready to punch _someone's_ lights out.

And just as Riku got up close to Reno's face and began whispering something I couldn't read, I quickly reached into my right pocket, pulled out some gum and chewed it on my way back to the house. Chewing helped me think.

I would've eavesdropped, but that would've been rude, right? So I opened the door and stepped inside before Reno had the chance to stop me and yell at Riku for letting me go.

As soon as I got in, I stood there. Just stood there...and then punched the nearest wall.

xxXXxx

"Ugh, how long has this gum been in my pocket for?" I asked myself, pushing the wad of gum to the back of my throat until I nearly swallowed it. It lost its flavor in less than ten minutes but even after a whole hour I continued to chew it as I sat there in the kitchen. Alone. Thinking. Cussing. Still not getting over my hangover.

In fact, that hangover felt like it was getting worse.

I'd fallen asleep in the living room when I'd finished my punch-the-wall-fest. My headache made me do it. I collapsed and passed out for nearly the entire afternoon before getting up to the sound of a door being slammed upstairs. When I listened, I heard Larxene lightly sobbing behind Namine's bedroom door. Everything else was quiet since everyone else was, well, asleep.

That was nearly 5 in the afternoon.

Now it's at least 6.

As if I didn't have a care in the world, I leaned back into the chair and stared up at the ceiling. I wondered what had happened to those three outside that door as I chewed the way beyond stale gum. I know that no one had been shot 'cause there was no sound. That was one good thing out of today.

Laughing to myself, I leaned further back until I could prop one leg up on the table. Behind me in the window I saw that the sun was beginning to set quickly on the horizon. It felt like only a second ago that it was raising...haha, what a funny day. Ha-ha-fricken'-HA!

"_God_ I hate everyone..." I mumbled drunkenly to the wall in front of me that had my shadow enlarged on the surface. Growing frustrated that I couldn't blow a bubble with the gum in my mouth anymore, I growled and ended up swallowing the piece. "There. Shows you..." I said and pushed up from my seat to begin pacing around the tiny space like a lunatic.

Was I still drunk?

"Hell, I don't _care_! You're drunk, Axel! Imagine that! Don't give a _damn_ if you are! Haha!" I probably spun around in my socks on that floor twenty times before clumsily stumbling across the millions of tiles to get back into the living room. I had the time of my life dancing with my shadow on the carpet and followed it around the coffee table, around the couch and along the wall. I followed it back into the seating area where it suddenly stopped in front of the coffee table. I took a second to stare at it before literally throwing myself down on the carpet on top of it.

"Hm...shadow..." I mumbled as I rubbed my cheek against the plush carpet. Eventually I stopped twitching in place. It took some effort, but my adrenaline had suddenly begun to take a plunge. And what did I feel during that plunge? Depressed-out-of-my-mind. I started believing that all but my shadow had been with me and I let out a shaky moan into the floor as I stared at my open palm beside me.

_I wanted someone to be with me_.

"Just like _daddy_ wanted someone with him, right?" I chuckled to myself. I just couldn't stop chuckling and muttering until, all at once, it stopped once I heard a floorboard creak in the room. My eyes were narrowed when I heard it and my vision was already too blurred to identify anything so I just laid there, making some random tune to the squeaking of the floorboard in my head.

_"Axel, are you ok? Say something, are you ok?" _

Oh, I know this voice. Very well actually. It's a nice voice. Turns me _on_. With a growl, I lifted my head and sat up in place to face the owner of the turn-on voice I loved oh-so-much.

"Why wouldn't I be ok?" I asked peacefully. Roxas...oh, Roxas, you're here. Where'd you come from? "Where've you been?" I asked, stretching forward to touch his hair. He was sitting down in front of me under the deep orange sunlight flooding into the living room. Oh, now my shadow can play with _his_ shadow!

Roxas let me pet him as if nothing was out of the ordinary, but really his eyes told me he was concerned. How touching, Roxas. "I was sleeping upstairs to get over the headache...you don't look so great, Axel."

I scooted closer to him and smiled with a scoff. "Then what _do_ I look like? Am I hot?" Roxas' eyebrows rose and suddenly his hand shot out to touch my forehead. I took that as a sexy move and lightly brushed my fingers over his extended wrist. I continued making tiny purring noises in my throat that vibrated into Roxas' hand. His eyes widened.

"You've gotta be sick," he said with a shake of his pretty head. Oh, but he's blushing. That means he's just playing hard to get. I protested when he started to draw his hand back. I was getting so used to having another warm body touching me. I felt _amazing_.

"Come on..._touch_ me, Roxas." I whispered as I teasingly pulled his hand back and rested it on my exposed shoulder. My shirt had moved so much when I'd wriggled around that the fabric had pulled away to show off my collarbone. Oops. Silly me. For some reason I felt _spectacular_ when his warm fingers grazed my skin and I instantly let a moan slip. "_Yeah..._"

Roxas' fingers contracted. "A-Axel! Get up from there and think straight! Have you been drinking?"

Hearing that, I yanked harder on his wrist which made him lose his balance and he was forced to have his pink lips just barely touching mine. I wanted to feel those smooth legs of his on either side of mine. I wanted to feel his sweaty skin rubbing against mine and his tongue reaching every corner of me. _All _the corners of me. _Inside_ me. _Straddle_ me. _Stroke _me. _Attack _me. _Please, _just..._DO me. _With eyebrows knit and my body squirming all over, I let my breath hitch before asking softly:

"Do you smell alcohol on me?"

_Roxas...wait. Hold up. No. What in the HELL is wrong with me? Axel, stop it. Stop doing what ever it is you're dong! _

I can't stop, though. Sorry, silly voice that sounds an awful like my own.

Roxas took a second, eyes still the size of dinner plates, then shook his head vigorously. "N-no."

"Then how can you assume that I've been drinking? Remember: if you assume you make an ass out of you and me."

Roxas groaned and batted those pretty boy eyelashes of his. Hm, he really is a pretty boy. _My_ pretty boy. "Come on, get off the carpet and—"

"I didn't hear an answer." I said defiantly, sitting up straighter when Roxas managed to yank his hand away and get up. He was holding out a hand to me so I could get up, but I just stared at it stubbornly. _Tell _me I'm hot, dammit. I didn't get my answer! As much as I wanted to slap his hand away and scream, I magically remembered just who I was talking to and resisted. Roxas. The very Roxas that doesn't take violence very well...

His fingers twitched which brought me back to my intoxicated state of mind. "Please get up, Axel. I'll go grab you some Tylenol." And with a kinky smirk I rolled my neck and took his hand. He pulled me up to my feet and I stumbled forward at an attempt to grab him. Sadly, I missed which gave Roxas the upper hand to grab me and toss me onto the couch.

_Ooo..._now that was sexy.

I barely heard him say anything when I lay down with my legs stretched out and one arm tucked behind my head. I couldn't stop smiling at everything and _purring_ out of all things. And by the time Roxas had left I just realized how much of an idiot I was...and I laughed. What was so funny? Haha. _Everything_, that's what.

I rolled onto my side and with one free hand started lightly tugging at the bottom of my shirt, getting eager to pry it off. My whole body, every single _damn part of me_ was screaming for attention. They wanted to be found. They wanted to be touched. They wanted Roxas more than ever. So I started hissing his name to call him. He _had_ to be with me.

"_Roxas_..._Roxas...!" _

_Seriously...**help** me. I **don't know** what's going on. _

Within a second he came bounding back into the room with two white pills clutched in his hand which he later showed to me. Oo...white blobs. He knelt down beside me and he looked more confused than ever to see me lifting my shirt very slowly _while_ whispering his name. Funny. I don't think it's peculiar at all.

If you ask me, Roxas should be seeing this as romantic.

His fingers felt cold pressed against my forehead. I wondered...if I was acting this way, why was it that he wasn't going bye-bye? God, I love him. Since my head was so light, I couldn't tell just exactly what on my body was hurting. But I kept my eyes narrowed as if _something_ was attacking me from the inside.

"Can you take 'em?" he asked, sounding so far away. Just to make sure he was right in front of my face, I took my free hand and held him behind the neck.

Tiredly, but somehow still seductively, I replied, "I don't _really_ need them, do I?"

"You have to. I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but it's better to be safe than sorry. This'll help calm you down and maybe put you to sleep."

"Hm...without you, huh?" Roxas didn't respond and instead kept insisting that I swallow down the silly white blobs in his hand. Oh, please stop teasing like that, Roxas. I know you _want_ me. Don't _abandon_ me, ok? _You don't have to hide anything_. I carefully trailed two fingers along the back of his neck which managed to make his head move even closer to mine. I smiled fuzzily. With Roxas' gorgeous face next to me my body just wouldn't stop squirming.

"Tell me what I need to do to give this to you. Come on." Must you act like my mother, Roxas?

Well, I thought about it...and within two seconds I had a _brilliant_ idea. Oh, Axel, you drunk _genius_.

"Throat's dry. I honestly don't think I can swallow those...without help."

"What're you--? Oh." Roxas' face flushed and fell when he seemed to understand what I was getting at. The pills sitting in his hand still hadn't moved to where I wanted them to go. Yes, I _would_ take them...just in a different way; the _best _way possible. That's just how sneaky I am. But it took a long time. Way too long.

_Ugh. I-give-up. I can't control a damn thing...not what I say, not what I do...shit. _

As soon as that strange voice in my head spoke to me, Roxas sighed, shut his eyes and then stood up which made my hand fall away from him. And just when I'd sat up at the thought that he'd walk away, he moved to the end of the couch where my feet were and stared down at me.

_He looks ashamed. I shouldn't..._

Oh, but I will.

"...just lay down for me," Roxas said softly.

With my lips parted and my eyes a blink away from shutting, I slowly lowered myself on my back while Roxas crawled over the couch _and_ overme. I bent one knee and placed that leg on one side of him. He stopped when his head was hovering over mine and I was lying flat. I could barely see his face now since it was getting so damn dark.

And so I watched him, carefully, even though I was totally impatient and wanted to just skip the carefulness and "taking it easy"-ness. He looked away from me so he could pop in both of the pills one by one into his mouth. He turned back to me and slowly lowered his head so our noses were touching. I couldn't help it. I groaned on an impulse.

"Wait for 'em t' dissolve a bi'," he mumbled. After another half minute he inhaled sharply, closed his eyes and came right at me, not keeping his lips shut for even two seconds before extending his tongue to shove the pills onto my waiting tongue. I tried my very best to avoid the pills at all costs just to feel his tongue rolling around frantically in there.

You can't catch me...

"Mm...A-Axel. Shtop it..."

I didn't say anything. In fact, Roxas ceased to say anything after that too. He'd managed to stick his tongue further in where I couldn't reach him and I soon felt two tablets sliding easily down my throat. I choked, my breathing hitched, but I still persisted in tongue-waring. Just as Roxas started to withdraw, I uncurled my tongue and wrapped it around his.

"_Rox--_" I couldn't complete his name, let alone a complete sentence anymore.

Oh. This was good. I swore that I felt his shoulders go lax and when he dropped right on top of me I felt his body shiver. When he shook so did his breathing. And when his breathing quickened, so did his heartbeat. I'd say this plan was going swimmingly. I'd just have to lay here and wait for him to actually do me. That's right. I said it again.

"_A-ah_..."

He shook again. I really thought I'd had him...but then he just had to be shy and move his head away. I frowned deeply at him and I still had my fingers interweaved behind his neck. Ah, but lookit your face, _Roxas_. You're blushing. There's _no doubt_ that you need me. Go ahead. Wrap _your_ fingers around _me_.

"...What the hell's wrong with you?" As he whispered that croakily against my skin, Roxas blinked slowly and shook his head in disbelief.

I cocked my head and adjusted my legs from under him. That's when I let out a scoff; I smiled, frowned, and then let out a tiny sob. By then I was already shaking my own head up at him. Truthfully, I was confused beyond belief. I didn't even know how to answer him in any other way...

"Heh...I-I don't...know. _I really don't_. What _is_ wrong with me, Roxas? You tell me that." But he just returned the same vacant stare down at me. He wasn't going to respond unless I pushed him to do so. _Fix_ me. That's what I wanted to say. That's what I've wanted to say all day long. I don't wanna be _high_ like this anymore, Rox, 'kay? So I closed my eyes and started breathing heavily when I asked him, more like _pleaded_ for him to do just that.

"You can fix it, right?"

I felt his soft lips brush my jaw line. I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not, but it sure as heck made me feel tingly. Somehow I could translate that as a "maybe" which almost always translates into "heck yes".

"It'll take a while."

I shivered and in an uncontrollable voice hissed at him, "I don't care. J-Just...fix me now. Do it. _Please._ Roxas I need you to—" I cut myself off when I heard my voice reverberating of the high ceilings. Roxas even attempted to shush me and later said that I'd end up waking up the whole house. Seriously, who gives a fuck? Haha...fuck. What a great word.

Speaking of which...

I heard Roxas swallow hard and I still didn't open my eyes when he once again kissed me. He did it again. Then again. Again, again, again. Slow, painful kisses, that's what they were. I'm not one that immediately takes a liking to being on the bottom, but I didn't think my muscles were in the mood to shift positions. And so I stayed in that one position, legs straddled and one hand carefully inching up Roxas' shirt.

Silly him for mimicking me! And he was faster too. He'd already exposed my entire upper body while inching up my shirt. And his _kissing,_ dammit. He'd gotten _so much _better! What he tasted like: there was still a faint hint of booze there plus...just this tingle; a buzz. Like the kind a club soda can give you. I felt like spinning like a top. A plus in Sex Ed, indeed.

Well he hadn't stayed there very long and that was when my next wish was granted. At this rate I'd get to have every part of me touched. Mm, just thinking about it in my foggy head made me raring to go. I felt him move. Lower neck. Left shoulder blade. Nip. Lick. Bite. Lick again. Lower. Now at chest. Pause for a breather. Panting. _Hot_.

"_HELL yes...!" _Oh, boy, was that loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear? No? Might as well try again. But Roxas whispered something and I felt his breath on my stomach when he said it.

"Not too loud."

But I _can't _be quieter. Yeah. I know I'm being a bit whiney.

_How can you be so stupid, dumbass? What'd you eat that made you go crazy?_

You know, why don't you shut up and let me play around with Roxas, creepy voice?

With said voice gone, I turned my head toward the front door where some silver light was just barely squeezing in from the peephole. I squeezed my eyes shut and clicked my teeth together when I felt Roxas hit my good spot in between the hip bones. And then he stopped moving his head...but his fingers. Oh his _fingers_ they grabbed my right knee and pushed it to the side. Do it, do it, _do it_. Save a starving, sex deprived maniac.

"_Yes, Roxas! Do me..."_ For some reason I couldn't open my eyes again to _look_ at him when I screamed that. Actually, that had to be the final time I screamed as loud as that. The remainder of what I said either came out as indistinguishable words that didn't even belong together or just plain moaning. Roxas had better do it soon or I might collapse and lose this great feeling right here.

"What...what're you _waiting for_?" I mumbled sleepily, doing him the honor or pushing my other leg to the side as well. But all I felt was Roxas' breath brushing over my left hip. Note that that's my weak point. But he wasn't making an effort to making me release. No grabbing, no kissing. I asked him the same thing, only this time in an even lower voice.

"Calm down."

My eyebrows relaxed the same time my arched back began to lower back onto the couch."You're just...you're just chickening out." I hadn't even realized that I'd said that so miserably. "What don't you..._get_?"

Roxas' bangs grazed my skin the same time his fingers tiptoed up my side. Why, Rox? What're you so afraid of? What...what'm I supposed to do to make you move, dang it? Hate me? Do you hate me like Arson did? Like Reno and Marly and Larxene and your own family obviously do? I just felt like I'd fallen asleep in a gutter when I ended those swimming thoughts on another sob.

"You just need sleep."

Next thing I know, in the morning, I felt like I'd gotten my own voice back. I just didn't remember when I'd lost it really. And just where did my chewing gum go? Why did I happen to have two bruises on my neck?

xxXXxx

I got up from that couch the next morning and wondered why I hadn't simply fallen asleep in the guest room after I'd punched the wall. My body felt strangely rejuvenated but my head was still spinning the slightest bit. I slipped into the shower, thinking that I'd get over it. I stared at myself in the mirror and saw those two bruises on my neck and finally recognized them as hickeys.

How...? But I shook it off, dressed, and ran downstairs to see that everyone, minus Larxene and Reno of course, was seated around the kitchen table. I spotted a stack of mail sitting next to mom.

Namine invited me over and I sat right next to Roxas. Nothing felt awkward...but Roxas had this strange look on his face that screamed "runaway" which eventually led to _me_ feeling weird. I ended up sitting in a dark cloud for a while and the entire table was silent as hell. Kairi ended up being my savior for breaking the silence.

Her head lifted and for the first time she looked at me and smiled before calmly saying, "You had fun last night."

I raised an eyebrow and Roxas choked on his orange juice pulp. I looked over at him then stared at her. "What're you talking 'bout?" Her eyes fell back to her plate of eggs and she cleared her throat as if asking for help. Riku and Sora glanced at each other while Hayner tried his best to hide a smile behind his toast. As for mom and Namine they were too busy attempting to talk about the latest fashion. But I knew they were secretly paying attention to this convo too.

"Sorry. I just...heard you two last night was all. But it's really none of my business." She finished up quickly and smiled with a deep red blush dancing on his cheeks.

Without hesitation I tilted my head and looked at Roxas. He was just sitting there picking at a strip of bacon while running his fingers through his hair. Alright. "Roxas? 'Scuse me." I pushed away from the table and stood up. Everyone stared at me when I turned for the living room. Under the table I felt Zipper wag his tail against my ankle as if he wanted to get in on the action.

"Let's talk."

To my surprise he nodded at me, pushed away and tucked a hand in his pocket while the other still fiddled around with his hair. I waited for him to walk past me before I turned and followed him into the warm room. But I was afraid that they'd eavesdrop if we talked in there so I ended up pulling open the guest room door and stepping inside with him.

It'd been a awhile since I'd stood in there...Larxene's stuff was gone.

But Larxene wasn't the subject to be discussing. What really mattered was...I actually didn't know. I was drawing a blank when I thought back to yesterday. Roxas obviously knew more. Everyone now a days seems to know more than me.

"What's Kairi talking about?" I asked with a chuckle and with my thumb thrust over my shoulder at the door. Roxas' head looked up and both his hands hid in the pockets of his black shorts. Ok...I take it I shouldn't laugh. So with a calm face I waited...and waited more. But he kept quiet and eventually shook his head slowly.

"What? What happened?"

He still shook his head. "It's over now." And he looked away but I just took a step forward at an attempt to get him to face me. "I don't want you to worry about it."

"What're you talking about 'it'? Seriously, what'd I do?"

"It wasn't just you..."

"What? Who else?"

"Me," he muttered that as if he was in pain. "But it doesn't matter. You're fine now. I fixed it."

"Fixed _what_?" I was just about ready to grab him by the shoulders, but I guess my voice had already been demanding enough. Roxas' body twitched like I was about to whack him. What was it? Did I kill a guy? Maybe I'd said something in my sleep that freaked everyone out?

Roxas still didn't say a damn thing. And here I was thinking that he'd wanted a nice, clean talk. Or maybe he really didn't know anything? Then I realized that maybe it'd be better if he kept to himself, fearing that my brain would end up exploding from so much information in two days.

_Knock, Knock_

_"Hun, I've got something for you."_

Both Roxas and I looked away from each other to turn toward the shut door behind me. That was mom's voice I'd heard, right? "Mom?"

_"Yep. Here, I'll slip it under the door. It's from the doctor. Probably your blood test from the hospital, remember?_

"O-oh...yeah. Yeah, I remember. Thanks." Yeah. Really. What was new in there that I'd find? Was I due to die tomorrow maybe? Could the doctors calculate that too? Soon I'd find out since mom slipped a long white envelope under the door and her shadow walked away. I didn't hesitate long to pick it up and start fiddling around to rip it open.

"Ah...here. There we go." After a paper cut or two, I spotted a thin, folded piece of paper poking out of the corner and I yanked it out, letting the envelope and the white scraps drop to the floor. Alright, might as well get this over with. And so, without hesitation, the verdict is...?

"Axel," I read out loud, figuring that it'd only be fair for Roxas to hear as well. "I'm sorry to hear that you got the flu and had to be sent to the hospital. I hope all is well now. I'm also sorry if this test result is getting to you a little bit later than expected. I ran into a bit of a family issue recently where Cloud passed away in a car accident..."

I stopped when I read that line. It still hurt to hear that news twice. I read on to get off of the topic.

"That aside, I'm back at the office and I got the chance to preview your tests. Please make sure to look it over yourself and call me up if you have any concerns. As far as I can see, you're good to go. Take care and much love. Dr. Gainsborough."

"Good to go?" Roxas echoed. I was confused myself...what was so good about AIDS?

I glanced at him and shrugged. "Beats me." My past experience with mail was pretty traumatic and for a second my fingers shook when I debated on whether or not I wanted to flip to the second, and last, page. Get a hold of yourself. You're not a kid. You're not crazy either...

Blood type, name of patient, gender, date of birth, allergies, last checkup...test for HIV/AIDS...

I could've collapsed if I wanted to. Let Roxas catch me and ask me what I'd just read. But I didn't. I stood there and, just like the last time, eyed that last sentence completely stunned. I wasn't...gonna die?

_Test for HIV/AIDS: Negative _

* * *

**-plays fanfare- HOLY CRAP, MAN! what the hell just happened??? wellll...patience is a virtue? -is thrown off a cliff-**

**that was...long. long chapter is LONG. at least in microsoft word it was. oopsie? but i didn't want to cut it (it happens A LOT). that's my style. some short chapters, some long. and typos typos typos. mhm. i got a couple of reviewers that asked if i would be willing to take one of them to be my beta. i've been thinking about it and i'll be sure to let you guys know soon if i've decided to TAKE a beta or not. NYAHHH...MY BRAIN IS BURNING!!**

**winter break is over...and i'm sad! i want summer to come now. just two more breaks (mid winter and spring) and i'll be good to go! -breaks out the short shorts and tickets to disneyland- srsly, TAKE ME TO KING MICKEY, LIKE, NOW.**

**hm? what was up with axel in mid chapter, you say? _i'm not telling...oooo..._but i will eventually. -hands out magnifying glass- perhaps you'll figure it out if you tilt your head and squint. X3 dun you think that would be a tad bit...embarrassing to be _heard moaning your lover's name_? holy crud, i might just wet myself...DX but axel...wasn't feeling well. i'll just leave room for your imagination...whore!axel! w00t w00t**

**now, what else to say...oh! so good to hear that i've got takers to make me their WIFEY. ahhh set up the alter and play the wedding march remix! and as for you others...well, you have...other wifeys to love and hump. XO but know that i will still love you, whether you have a wifey or NOT. -whip crack- hahah i pwn! in other news: my football team is still in the playoffs. I PRAY TO THE HEAVENS THAT THEY REMAIN THERE AND CONTINUE ON TO WIN DA SUPAHBOWL... -is a football cheesehead- what? they've got nice butts. oh snap!**

**_although, you have to admit that axel's butt is more D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S (-smack- X'D),  
kokoro77_**


	21. Chapter 21: Paint Splatter

**Author's note (now made with real chocolate!):**

**a) death  
b) mother  
c) finals  
d) i want to graduate and go to college  
e) cosplay  
f) insomnia**

**the previous list sums up the answer to the question "why". yes, that's right. i am very much aware that i've been dead for a month. and no, this time it isn't because of the lame excuse "school" that you see from me every so often. this time i have very reasonable reasons for being dead. DX all i ask is for forgiveness and a hug. it's been a tough year so far.**

**my family has been through some pretty hard times what with us trying to buy a house, deaths in the family in california and abroad, petty arguments and taxes. oy. it makes my head hurt so badly! i guess all that stress made my mom "ground" me and make me stop using the computer for three weeks straight save for using it for homework purposes. DX i nearly died. and then i looked at the calender and slapped my forehead after seeing that the convention i want to attend is TWO MONTHS AWAY. so i purchased all the necessary things for putting a cosplay together and considering that i'm on break right now (HALLELUJAH) i can put it together.**

**-takes in deep breath-**

**and somewhere in all that mess, akuroku squeezed itself in and said "hey, you know what? take a break and make us hug and kiss and all that stuff that makes you feel good." and so it happened. X3 bless axel and roxas for inching their way into my heart and cheering me up...i hope this chapter makes up for the time i've been gone.**

**/end apology**

* * *

Chapter 21: Paint Splatter 

So I didn't have AIDS. How fantastic is that? And if this was the case, then Roxas didn't have AIDS either. _That_ meant that we were both free to live life to the fullest again and do what we wanted without the fear that we could die. And so life carried on from that very second I read that line. Just hold up, though. Story isn't over yet. You've still got ways to go. Let's start with the good news, shall we?

Well, after folding up the test sheet again I turned to Roxas and started smiling in disbelief. I could feel my chest heaving and my adrenaline going through the roof. I guess I freaked him out since he raised an eyebrow and took a step toward me in concern.

"Nothing's wrong," I said, scoffing.

"What'd it say?" he asked. "What'd it say?"

But no matter how many times I tried my vocal cords tangled up and there wasn't much I _could_ say. Screw everything else that's gone wrong, this just solved all my problems...ish. For now, I'm gonna try to forget. With another weak laugh I took one huge step toward Roxas and squeezed him around the arms until he started gasping and squirming and all the things that toddlers do when grownups tell them how cute they are.

"Are you ok?" he gasped in a loud voice with one hand trying to push me off of him. I would've screamed, but I'd need a nice cave or an abandoned parking lot to do that. Lord knows what the people outside would _think_ if I screamed like that in here with Roxas...

"Doesn't matter what shit happens now, Rox. You and I are set to go."

"I still don't get it."

That's when I bit my lips together, let out a rough sigh and then held him by the shoulders so I could stare at him eye to eye. That pretty face of yours, Roxas...I swear to god that it makes me crazy. "I'm negative. No AIDS. Nadda."

Sure, it may have been easy to say it, but it was still pretty complicated to figure out _how_ this had come about. It wasn't normal that the doctor, specifically Dr. Gainsborough, would make a mistake. And when they did make one, they would've called me up _ages ago _to inform me about it. Well, I felt pissed, then I calmed down, then I was pissed all over again. Bi-polar I suppose. Roxas' eyes absently scanned my face and his lips were shaking.

No. No I'm not lying, if that's what you're wondering, Roxas. I'd never lie to you, now would I?

After the first five seconds of him staying silent and shaking, I figured that I'd have to give him another couple of hours to come out with how happy he was. So I just wrapped my arms around his neck and made us stay that way while I waited for that one hour when he _would_ tell me.

Mom started laughing outside in the living room and the tiny sound of Namine doing the same followed. I could hear Sora's feet pounding on the carpet over our heads and I could hear Hayner whooping about winning another game of Beat-The-Hell-Out-Of Dude-With-A-Million-Tentacles in record time. Riku yelled at them after opening the squeaky door which only made the girls' laughter increase.

You know, it's good to feel normal every once in a while. It's good to be able to hug someone without _one _disturbing thought stabbing at your brain. I guess Roxas seemed to agree.

"I'll just tell you everything later, Axel," he muttered and buried his head in the dip in my collarbone.

xxXXxx

Well, after disconnecting from Roxas for a little while, I finally left the room with the great feeling that I had lifted an even _bigger_ weight off of my shoulders. I could actually _breathe_, you know. Sure, I'd felt wonderful when I came out of the closet, but this maxed out everything else. Roxas followed silently behind me when I held open the door and tiptoed out into the living room. There, I spotted Namine and mom still giggling on the couch.

I'd forgotten all about our past conversation.

With Aerith's letter folded up and tucked away in my pocket, I headed for the front door, hoping that I wouldn't get caught. Pft. That was useless. Soon as I moved a centimeter mom's eyes shot my way and I froze.

"What'd the letter say, hun?" she asked, crossing her legs and tapping her chin after. Namine, I could easily tell, was debating whether or not she should look at Roxas or not. Her cheeks were turning way red.

"Oh...uh." Come on, come on...if there's a time when the phone should ring _now_ would be the best! I _could_ make an excuse and say that it was junk mail. But then she'd ask me if it was a coupon and would demand that I fork it over. Besides, she already _knew _it was from the doc. Oo, I could say she misread it! Boy, Axel. You sure are losing your touch.

"Oh, and something came for you too, Roxas. I think it's from your boss downtown."

Roxas' eyes flashed toward Namine when she timidly stretched out a hand to pass him a square envelope. It looked like an invite of some sort, sealed with a silver sticker on the back. His hand shook when he took it from her and I swore that she was on the verge of crying when his fingers slipped away. No, no, please don't make me feel bad, girl.

But thank god that she spoke up otherwise I'd have to go back to explaining the doctor's note. So I stood beside him, feeling squirmy under mom and Namine's stare, and watched as he yanked out a plain white card from the envelope.

I couldn't read the fine print or the cursive (I was never good at writing either one) and waited for him to finish reading to find out what it'd said. Then it occurred to me that I didn't have any idea just what in the nation his job _was_. Wait...Roxas has a _job_? And I don't know this _why_?

Roxas sighed, patted the top of his head and glanced down at the floor. "Well," he started, sounding as if he had no other choice. "He's calling me down there for an appointment. I'm gonna need this week to get as much done as I can on the next project. You can hold down the fort, can't you, Nam...Namine?" Roxas stopped, probably about to say Namine's "cute fiancée nick name" before deciding against it.

She nodded with a sad smile and stared down into the magazine she and mom had been laughing about. She obviously heard him falter. Imagine being called by your full name other than your ever-so-adorable nickname. I guess when people drop calling you out by using your nickname it hints that you're in trouble. Poor Namine.

And so I stared at Roxy, and rather enjoyed saying his name in my head that way.

I guess that makes me a bit of a cruel person, doesn't it?

I guess mom saw me smirking (_I _didn't even know I'd been doing it) and scoffed. "See that smile there? Something tells me that big boy wants to tag along. Doesn't he?"

I did a double take on her then on Roxas. Boy, that just made me look like an even bigger idiot than all those "-blank- for dummies" books made people out to be. Hm. Maybe I should consider writing one: "How to fall in love without falling flat on your face and screwing up your life worse than a six million cycle carousel...for dummies". Oh, that'd make _big_ bucks.

Mom made a popping sound with her lips. "Well, the silence is reassuring. Roxas, you don't mind Axel tagging along with you, do you?"

"N-No." Psh. He stuttered.

"Don't I get a say in this?" The thing with my mother, _man_, you can _never_ win in an argument with her. You can be talking about a controversial topic for days and she'll never drop her take on it. _Never_. So I figured that what I'd just asked went unnoticed. Sure enough, she just stared at me. If it was legal to call your mother a bitch in her face in this house then I'd do it...ok, not really.

"Get your camera and out the door you go, both of you. Yes, Namine and I will hold the fort down. I heard the studio Roxas works at is _high class_, honey. Imagine you working at one like that."

Namine finally looked up from her magazine and as Roxas walked off to the hallway closet to grab his camera, I couldn't help but notice her loss of "glow". She was like a fallen angel, that girl. Am I responsible for that? Even when she smiles at both of us as I take my own camera for the hell of it and we head for the door, is she smiling inside?

I can't imagine being a person that can't release their feelings. You'd think that Namine would explode from holding her emotions in for so long. I almost asked Roxas, but I was pretty sure that he wasn't willing to hear the end of Namine lying in bits and pieces...

xxXXxx

_"There...there...beautiful. Awesome shot. Ok, lemme set 'er up once more and we'll have another go, shall we? Oh, was that the bell I heard? Someone go check, will you? I'm betting that's Roxas at the door. Well go on! Keep posing there, darling, that's it."_

When Roxas opened the frosted glass door the first thing I heard was the British-crumpet version of my boss back at home. Please, _please_ do _not_ tell me that Mr. Boss Face wasn't Roxas' boss too. I'm on vacation, _vacation_! Well, at least the guy didn't sound _as_ girly as my boss. That's one thing to be thankful for.

I knew one thing: mom was right about this place being high class. Compared to my studio back home...man. This place might have been smaller, but everywhere you looked there was a _different colored wall_. No white, no chrome. A _variety _of colors. I felt like I'd just dropped in on a canvas being splattered over with paint. Up ahead to the left was a black front desk and seated behind it was some brunette guy wearing a white tank top and silver reading glasses atop his nose...come to think of it, he looked awfully familiar.

"Yeah, that's who you think it is," Roxas muttered to me over his shoulder. He just slipped off his camera bag and was heading further into the multicolored waiting room. I spotted a see-through door on the opposite wall (which was red) and saw familiar lights flashing behind it.

Camera lights.

The guy behind the counter looked up for a second from his computer screen, lowered his glasses and nodded up at Roxas as we passed. "Yo, Roxas."

"Hey, Leon."

If I'd been drinking something I would've spat it right in the dude's face. But that wouldn't've been a very nice thing to do. I just stared at Leon for a second, taking _the _longest time to match his face with the face of the senior math teacher back in high school.

I guess Leon recognized me too since he lowered his glasses even further and started staring at me from head to toe. I didn't think that such a stiff-faced guy like him would set foot in a studio. Maybe to get his picture taken, sure...

"Riku's brother, right?" he mumbled flatly. After I nodded he pushed his glasses back up and lazily shook a thumb toward the door in front of us. "Luxord's in there waiting on you, Roxas. You can head in there too—"

"Axel," Roxas added while quickly grabbing the cuff of my sleeve and dragging me away. What a feisty little tyke. Before he pushed the door open I already heard the British guy jabbering about posing and "darling" etcetera, etcetera. Once inside the room I compared his voice to Simon Cowell. Ever heard of him? Might wanna do a Google or Youtube search if you have the time. Then you'll understand.

Roxas let go of my sleeve and led me behind a table filled with bits and pieces. Sitting in the middle of all that mess was a silver Macintosh laptop connected to a huge black camera which was propped up on the other side of the room. Behind that camera was a blonde guy wearing a knit, black turtleneck sweater and tight, dark jeans. On his left ear were two piercings, each shaped like tiny crosses that jingled when he swished his head this way and that. So...this is Simon Cowell, I take it?

"Lux, I'm here," Roxas called out.

"Yes, yes I know you are." Luxord glanced over his shoulder for a second and shook his hand just as he aligned the lens the way he wanted. Sitting pretty atop a manmade rock was some random girl in a black dress that fell past her knees. White lace traced the bottom of the dress and the top of her white knee-highs. I almost didn't wanna look at her face since all that heavy black and midnight blue eye shadow looked like it was about to eat her face off.

"Once more, darling...and..." Flash, flash, headache, headache.

Ugh. Camera flashes. I think I've gotta be the only model in this world that absolutely wants to take a hammer to the damn cameras. I squinted when the dots started to fly and groaned out of habit. I guess I should've known better than to act so "rude" since Roxas'...boss, I guess, instantly clicked his tongue, sighed and started bitching.

"Tsk, _Roxas_, if it _bothers _you so much why couldn't you just wait outside, then?" Luxord turned away from his precious camera just as Roxas nudged me hard in the side. Once he'd turned our way he rubbed his temple and kept one hand on his hip. I had to admit that he was more masculine than I thought. But just as soon as his eyes fell on me he blinked, blinked again and dropped his jaw just a bit which made him look like a _complete_ girl.

Even little miss muppet sitting behind him gasped when she saw me.

"Uhm," I mumbled, crossing my arms. "Roxas, what's his problem?" Roxas shook his head up at me.

Looks like I was gonna get my answer sooner than I thought since Luxord immediately smiled cunningly and began taking wide, evenly paced steps our way. "You. You're who I think you are, aren't you?"

I shrugged. "Maybe?"

That's when Roxas tapped me on the shoulder and started with the introductions. "This is Luxord, my boss. Luxord—"

"Axel. Of course I know him, Roxas. The man's the only reason why I stay in these shoots for eight hours a day. Hm, you'll rarely hear this from me, but after seeing _his_ photos I've been struggling to keep up with the quality of _my_ male model shoots." Wait..._excuse me_? Was he actually _praising_ me? And here I was thinking that I could have scalding hot tea poured all over my face...

But I decided to take in the glory and resisted temptation to strike a pose. "Well, thanks—"

"Roxas, I _was_ going to have you work with Yuffie today for practice," Luxord interrupted and motioned to the girl behind him with his bony finger and after looking back at me began stroking the stubby blonde beard on his chin. "But seeing as you've brought _a real professional_ with you I'm changing your assignment to practicing with Axel. You don't mind that now, do you Yuffie?"

Yuffie was surprisingly smiling up at him (despite the fact that he'd dissed her) and appeared more than happy to stand up from the papier-mâché rock. She tiptoed away from the grey painted background and sort of curtsied in my direction. "Don't mind _at all_, Luxord!" And she resorted to walking happily off and leaving the room. Strange behavior for a girl dressed as a corpse.

"Good. Off with you then. Let Leon know to let you go. Roxas you go on and set up and—ah—Axel you won't need a change of clothes for this one." Luxord quickly held his hand up when I followed my model instinct by wandering over to lone clothes rack to my right. I was planning to change into some goth punk outfit.

"I won't? Hold up, hold up. First thing, is this _legal_?"

Luxord had turned away to wipe his glasses and type in some thing on his computer when he replied, "Legal? Why in the world wouldn't it be? You see," he leaned in closer to me and even though I assumed that he'd be trying to keep his words a secret his voice rose for Roxas to hear. "Roxas has the best time taking pictures of women. Oh, yes, it's _women_ he can shoot but when it comes to _men_, do _not_ get me started. Wrong lighting, wrong lens, wrong, wrong, _wrong_. He has binder _full_ of fireplace worthy pictures. Now that he has you I'm sure that he'll _finally_ make good use of electricity."

Roxas cleared his throat, obviously hinting that he'd heard all that, and as he replaced the grey backdrop with a plain white one he mouthed a quick "Sorry" at me. I tried not to laugh and was forced in to removing my shirt. Now, _why in the hell should I_? Roxas had a harder time taking pictures of skin, too. Fantastic.

I'd just pulled off my white polo over my head when Luxord stepped back into the room and after whispering something to Roxas handed him two small cans of paint; one red the other blue. Roxas stared at this blankly for a second before setting them down. After that his boss sauntered over to me, looked me over with his hand still on his chin, and clapped his hands together like he'd just gotten the world's brightest idea...which isn't necessarily good.

"Pants," he said simply while staring down at my ripped jeans. "Do they go any lower?"

Roxas spun around when he'd heard that and didn't take a moment's hesitation to walk over _calmly _and start pulling me over to the set up. "He's fine," he grumbled, tightening his fingers around my wrist.

"Tsk, always missing the little details, Roxas. I'm doing this for your own benefit." With that said Luxord followed behind us and after popping open the red paint can started flinging it in random spots on the white backdrop. Once there were at least five dripping and oozing splatters of red he popped open the blue can and did the same which resulted in a nice white, red, blue and purple spattered background.

"There now, that'll do. Give some color in the shots. I despise blank space. Sit him down and let's get right to it. Oh, and don't listen to Roxas. You can lower those pants, now can't you?" Well...yeah. So with not much of a choice I unbuttoned and lowered them until my hip bones were slightly sticking out. I didn't feel like going any further. Being in X rated shots may be my strong points, but I'm not a slave to the sex industry. Amazing what the media comes up with nowadays.

"Don't worry about him," Roxas bitched while I kicked my shoes off and sat crossed legged on the clean part of the background.

"Hey, it's your boss. What're you gonna do?"

"Murder him." After that pleasant comment Roxas wrapped the camera strap around his neck and started playing around with angles and distance. Ok, so I wasn't sure what to do. It was either I sit here and smile or twist my body and act like I was posing for a freakin' Playboy magazine. He's supposed to be the one coaching me, actually. And after about two minutes of him tweaking he finally told me what to do.

"Just...act natural, ok?" And I swore that my breathing skipped. Seriously, _never_ in my career has a camera man told me to "act natural" on set. I chuckled a bit and cocked my head when I asked:

"How exactly do I do that?" But he'd already snapped the shot.

"You're the model. The best one at that."

"You really think so?" I started turning my head away shyly and that's when he shot another picture. I was thankful that Roxas didn't use the big guns to take pictures. That made the flashes less...flashy. Like the kind that comes out of mini digital cameras. It's good to feel _normal_.

And all that time he had to have taken at least 30 plus pictures with me doing little to no work. I mostly sat there, smiling or turning my head as we carried on some stupid conversation. I really liked bonding with Roxas, you know. And what was better was that we were alone. But there was one thing we hadn't talked about, and that was the issue concerning me and him and the night before. Suddenly I was feeling pretty cold, and it wasn't just because I'd taken off my shirt. Roxas probably saw that I was bugged since he pulled the camera away and started staring at me in concern.

"Roxas," I started, being sure to look him right in the eyes when I said it. "Think you could...tell me what happened last night?"

He still stood there speechless for a while before he looked to the floor, then to the right, and finally back at me to say, "I told you: I don't know."

"Roxas—"

"You were acting..._weird_."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back, balancing my weight on both hands. I could feel the wetness of the paint slipping in between my fingers as it started dripping from the backdrop. I had to scoot up to avoid getting it on my pants or anything.

"I know _that_. All I need to know is _what_. _What_ did I do?"

"I already told you—"

"You didn't tell me squat!" Still sitting on the floor I unintentionally glared death daggers at Roxas which made him twitch back while clutching onto his camera for dear life. Leashes could never hold me back when I was angry...

"_Nobody _tells me anything, Roxas! Don't you get that? I mean, what do I have to do to hear the truth?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, looking away.

Completely forgetting that I had paint seeping through my fingers I lifted my right hand and shook it in frustration, getting purple paint flecks all over myself and the floor. I slapped it back down with a squelch which ended up getting some dots on my face. I pretty much eyed my purple fingers for some five minutes while I continued condemning everyone that lied to the depths of hell.

"All that I can say is that I gave you some pills so you would fall asleep. I had to get you to stop squirming around or you were gonna wake the whole neighborhood."

Luxord popped into the room that time and carelessly walked over to the laptop where Roxas had plugged in his camera. Judging by the way he turned his head and raised his eyebrows I'd say that he was somewhat pleased with the outcome. But it didn't matter. He was in his own world. I figured that I'd just ignore him while he "ah-ha'd" and "mm-hm'd" to himself.

"Axel." Roxas' voice shook slightly and I guess he didn't have any idea that his boss had come in when he didn't drop the volume. "You were just—drunk, I guess. I can't really put it another way...here, you get up and we'll get out of here."

"Leaving so soon, Roxas?" Luxord asked, rubbing his chin.

I wished he didn't have to speak up like that. It seems that no matter _where_ I go those that lead are total asshats. Bosses, principles, teachers...all of them. I can never find it in me to like _one_. I suppose that's because I prefer walking on my own without someone making the trail for me. So I got up from the dripping, makeshift canvas, shook my hands (which ended up getting paint on my pants anyway) and was already raring up to go. I grabbed for my shirt, staining it, and shoved it under my arm and locked Roxas' arm with the other.

You should've seen that Brit's face, lemme tell you. You would've thought I'd slapped him across the face, kicked him in the nads _and_ insulted his ancestors at the same time. Tough luck. In reality, yes, the boss organizes the shoot but it's the model that _controls_ the shoot. So I had every right to take off and leave with Roxas in bitchy fashion.

"I could lose my job for this," Roxas whispered while we exited the room in silence. Strangely, his boss kept quiet on the other side as well. We both failed to duck away from Leon's "what the HELL happened to you" face when we passed the desk and left that building with a nice trail of dripped, purple paint behind us.

"Don't worry. With those shots he'll keep you _glued_ to this place. I guarantee it." I was surprised at how _happy_ I sounded, especially after being so pissed earlier. Truth was, I _felt_ happy. And because Roxas laughed next to me and didn't care _at all_ about my bipolar-ness and the fact that I got some paint on his shirt and face, I knew that he was feeling that same tingle. As I said before:

He's safe. _We're_ safe.

Even with the shit that gets in the way...

xxXXxx

After at least 10 more glares and finger-points later Roxas and I made it at least halfway back home. We'd been walking at a pretty slow pace and didn't much care that people were tittering and what not...ok, mostly _I _was ignoring them, but anyway...

Roxas couldn't stop flipping through the pictures that he'd taken earlier at the studio. Truthfully, it was pretty embarrassing seeing myself "acting natural" in a picture. I was so used to "sexy" and "naked" and "pinned to nearest hard surface" pictures. Boy was I thankful. I guess that was why we were going so slowly to get home. Somewhere and sometime we were gonna end up back home where abnormal things existed, and getting there quickly wouldn't be so hot. Just watch. Give me another month and Roxas and I can get the hell outta town.

Someone strike up the wedding march and pop the champagne bottles, huh?

"So he's been working at that place for how long now?"

"Dunno. I heard he quit being a math teacher the same year I graduated from high school. I guess he was really more interested in photography than anything else." Roxas referred to that Leon character that I saw back at the studio.

"And you've been there--?"

"Since I left college."

"You didn't tell me this why?"

"Because I didn't think that you would care."

"Why did you think I wouldn't care?"

"_Why_ are you asking me so many questions?"

I chuckled, amused that I'd pissed him off, and tried again to rub off some dried paint on my hands. "Bonding. Trust me, you and I need to get that task _done_ before we get back home. Something tells me that life's gonna return to being abnormal when we set foot in that place."

Roxas' footsteps delayed for a second and he turned his head up at me in between taking a lick of the Sea Salt Ice Cream I'd bought for him. "What makes you say that?"

I shrugged and shook some purple flakes onto the sidewalk. I judged that once we turned this corner up ahead that the house would be right there waiting. I took a second to think and decided to stop walking to delay our return time even more. People were just starting to enter their houses and the streetlights were just starting to flicker on.

"Please don't tell me that you don't sense the sketchiness at your own home." His blank stare obviously clarified that. "Rox," I said right after I pulled my shirt back on. "Believe me. When I confessed that we were like this," I quickly wrapped my index and middle finger around each other to demonstrate, "Our families may _act_ like they're not affected but really, do you believe that? Don't you ever, I don't know, feel like they're staring at you funny?"

He slowly licked at the ice cream and turned his eyes to the ground. "...I guess. But you can't expect them to accept news like that in a heartbeat, Axel."

Sigh. "I know that. But I guess I'm just feeling impatient about not being in my own pad by now without family getting in the way. Now that I know that I'm pretty much healthy for life, I'm ready to get out and set up home base for myself. Know what I mean?"

Roxas vaguely smiled behind his ice cream, but it was a sad smile. Maybe he didn't appreciate the fact that I was proclaiming how badly I wanted to leave his space. Really, Axel, _think_ before you speak. And I almost rephrased that too, but when I saw some movement around the corner behind Roxas I froze. It hadn't turned pitch black out yet and I was thankful for that one. Why? Well it gave me the opportunity to see Marluxia poke his head out from behind the wall.

"Hey," I said loudly. He didn't budge. Roxas stared at me with widened eyes.

"What's up?"

"Roxas, we gotta—"

"Hey, cuz. How've you been?"

"_Shit_. Reno?" I hissed a quick cuss and momentarily glanced over my shoulder toward Reno's voice. See that, _that_ was my first mistake. Hopefully it would be the last one. I should've remembered that Marluxia was hecka good at basketball. I should've remembered that his strong point in that game was running and keeping the ball away. How is that relevant? Well...

It only took two seconds for him to run up from behind the wall and snatch Roxas right as I had my head turned away. My hands twitched and my legs contracted instantly in response to him being yanked back a couple feet. For a second I couldn't hear anything and life started playing itself like a slow motion black and white film. I yelled out for him and my arms shot out to grab onto his reached out hand. I couldn't hear myself yelling. I couldn't hear Roxas either.

I saw our hands trying to latch onto each other and his ice cream fall to the ground in the process. I saw his eyes flashing and his feet kicking wildly as Marluxia tugged him back with an arm three times stronger than him. I saw his arms being pinned and his feet being dragged even when he tried to run back. And it was torture that I couldn't fill the gap that Marluxia made in between us.

One silver gun was all it took for me to realize that I couldn't help him.

Save me. Save me. That's what his eyes were yelling behind a face that was struggling to stay strong. And I wanted to. I really did. I had to keep myself stuck in one place with teeth clicked together, one foot in front of the other like I was prepared to run and stained hands clenched until my knuckles turned white.

Reno, you _bastard_.

"You are such an _idiot_! I told you not to be harsh, Marly," Reno's voice grated out behind me.

"Using your soft approach last time didn't work!" Marluxia barked back while Roxas kept kicking.

"Lemme go! Damn it! _Fuck_...!"

"Hey, shut up, will you?!" Marluxia shook the arm that was around Roxas' chest to get him to stop, but he still refused.

I took the chance and spoke up, praying that it wouldn't make Roxas die. "Roxas. He'll shoot you if you don't so..._don't_." And just like a kid being lectured by their parent Roxas looked up, panting wildly, and let his arms and legs go limp. His eyes were quivering so badly I could tell me was scared.

And what did Reno decide to do? Laugh. Laugh like the maniac sadist he just turned out to be. "Well, that's cute, isn't it? But I digress. You and I weren't through with our conversation last time we met up, man."

"What," I said tiredly to the ground. "What's..._so important_ that you need to talk about, Reno?"

"You don't sound very convinced that I mean business."

"I don't believe this..."

"Yeah? Well in that case..." Click, step forward, click. _Bang_. I blinked and my mouth dropped open as I felt something searing the skin on my right arm. I didn't bother to look since I could already feel that he'd made a bullet graze me. I could feel cold air hit my open cut and it made the blood feel like ice dripping down my skin.

"No!" Roxas screeched even before the bullet went flying. It was seriously torture looking at him without being able to _do_ anything but bleed.

"Maybe that'll show you that I do, in fact, mean business, _Axel_. Good, he's got the camera too...Now let's _go_."

* * *

**i love reno. god i love reno. i watched advent children two years ago and when i saw him i was like OMG...another redheaded sex god. XO**

**but he's a badboy to me. so that's why i gave him a gun and a cheeky attitude! gotta love it to the death, yo. -shot for catchphrase- 3X**

**i've recently gotten into forum-ing, i guess you could call it. i'm a total forum-whore in three different places. and i'm officially a senior otaku on one forum for passing the 400 post mark. -confetti- i guess that marks me as having NO life whatsoever. but...oh well. XD**

**now, about this chapter...i typed it over the course of a month. half of the time spent was me typing softly on the keyboard and slowly so i wouldn't get caught by my mother and the other half was spent at school when we were given "study time". yeah, i write smut, violence and yaoi during study time, teacher. XO and the rest, well, the rest was done TONIGHT. TONIGHT! i blame evanescence for creating "my immortal". that song is the very reason why i decided to write tonight. it's THE ONLY SONG IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN MAKE ME CRY BUCKETS.**

**NO JOKE. it's so...so...ugh! -emos- it is yet another akuroku related song. listen to it. you'll understand. 3X**

**and so i end this madness with high hopes that i will be spared and your weapons of mass destruction will be put aside...**

**THIS IS BUSH'S LAST YEAR, YO -fanfare-**

**_"i-drink-your-MILKSHAKE",  
kokoro77_**


	22. Chapter 22: Touch of Formaldehyde

**Author's note, ey? (not canadian): another month gone by, another major writer's pitfall climbed out of...thankfully. i never thought i'd make it out of that dang hole, to be honest. DX it was difficult spending night after night after night AFTER NIGHT typing away on this slowly deteriorating laptop. seriously! it's growing slower and slower by the minute, and i think that i just might need to chuck it out the window one night. thankfully, the finals for second trimester ended on a sweet note and i passed the hardest trimester and first trimester with honors! oh, shit, son.**

**HOW OFTEN DOES _THAT_ HAPPEN TO ME?**

**never. NEVAR.**

**so, in celebration of that, i wrote tonight and finished the chapter for all my lovelies out there...you _are_ still out there, aren't you? i hope so...fhjdsahfdklajpfjnv**

**this week the anime convention is gonna happen. and i can barely sleep, it's so CRAZY. i haven't gotten the damn costume sewn together...another project that needs to be done along with school work. BOO THAT.**

**haha...do YOU know what formaldehyde is? guess who does? meeeeeeeeeeeee. and i gave some to axel. yum. total yum. -cough cough not-**

**FOR CLARIFICATION: THIS STORY IS NOT OVER YET. IGNORE MY CONFUSING AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END WHEN I SAY "HAPPY ENDING".**

* * *

Chapter 22: Touch of Formaldehyde

So it was a gunshot wound. So what? I'd been shot before, you know. So why was it that I felt different this time after being shot? I guess it was because Reno was sort of the last guy I expected to shoot _me_. _Threaten_ me. When Arson had done it I felt that I'd seen that coming from a mile away. Now that Reno was here basically following in Arson's footsteps, I felt that I should've seen this one coming. I _shouldn't've_ let my guard down. And now both me and Roxas have to pay for my fucking mistake.

At least I was the only one bleeding here.

After Reno demanded that we get going to wherever the hell he wanted to go, he stepped forward and that's when I felt the tip of the shotgun he'd used nudge my back. I straightened up slowly and kept holding my upper arm where the blood was starting to come out cold in between my fingers. I had to bite down on my tongue to keep from cussing.

"Come on, I don't got all night, you know," Reno said while impatiently tapping the gun against my spine.

Ok, keep breathing. Keep breathing and _walk_. Slowly. Do both slowly and steadily. One more mistake and you'll end up killing someone. Take it easy and _please_, for the love of god, _think_.

For once I had to go with my conscience. It wasn't often that that happened so I was feeling uneasy about it. Even so, I swallowed, exhaled and found it in me to start walking toward Marluxia and Roxas. As soon as I did so, Marluxia made sure to back up nice and easy and by the time he slipped around the corner I forgot to breathe again.

I didn't wanna look at Roxas' face and see how helpless he was. I didn't wanna see him staring at me with those perfectly blue eyes. But at the same time I _did_. Confusion is a bitch...

And so we all walked on into the darkening streets of town. There was one thing that I hated about town. Everyone that lived here went home and turned off their damn lights at the same exact time most days. Tonight was no exception. I was really hoping that we'd bump into someone brave enough to call the cops, but all I spotted were some stray cats.

Suddenly I really wished I'd picked up the pace and gotten Roxas and I back home earlier.

All that walking and praying eventually ended up with us stopping in an all too familiar, abandoned part of town. Marluxia lead the way through a winded path with Roxas still in his hold. With Reno still at my back I followed into the dark alleyway and stopped midway when I saw that Marluxia had led us straight to Roxas' old hangout spot.

"The old Usual Spot, remember? Used to be all over the news after that one time you tossed your bloody shirt in a dumpster back here."

"That was your--?" Roxas started to ask but instantly shut himself up. Yeah. There was a time when Arson's anger went off the charts. I was punched and kicked and left on the living room floor to cough up blood. Sure, it sounds morbid to you, but to me it was just another Saturday night. I figured that tossing the shirt he'd beat me up in would get rid of the memory, but it just ended up creating headlines the next day about suspected murder.

Reno strode up beside me and shook his gun at Marluxia lazily. "Yo, I told you not to be forceful. Quit playing hostage on me, huh? We're just here to talk."

With a roll of his eyes and a dubious scoff Marluxia finally lifted his gun and pulled it away from Roxas' temple. After that he loosened up his grip and I was thankful that Roxas was smart enough to not squirm away just yet. He was still staring at me and probably wasn't aware that we'd ended up in one of his childhood hangouts. I really wished I could've held onto his shoulders to keep them from shaking as he panted. Roxas—_my_ Roxas—was out of my reach.

"Ok, maybe I'm bein' too hasty here, alright?"

I barely glanced over my shoulder toward Reno's tired voice. He was beside me when he clicked his gun and slid it back into a holster at his right hip. While it was great that he'd put it away, the fact was, he still had it with him. And I was still bleeding. And Roxas was still over there and I was still over here. So the situation hadn't really lost any tension at all.

"Look, you don't have to forgive me for this, Axel. It's just that I've been getting used to interrogating people that way for a while and—" Reno paused and rubbed his chin in thought before shaking the thought away. "Let's just say that I'll be out of your face sooner than you know. I don't feel a bit good about the fact that I just shot at you."

I hummed in the back of my throat. I really didn't feel like speaking with him, even if he was acting normal.

"So I'll make this short and quick. I'm gonna need that camera you've got, man." Reno slowly raised his left hand and held it palm up in front of me. For a second I just stared at the blue veins pulsing on Reno's stiff hand—one that was just like my own. While we were nearly like twins, he just wasn't the same anymore. He wasn't me. Here he was as a relative that I trusted, and yet he was _threatening_ me. Did I really trust him with anything I'd say or do? Did I trust him like myself? Why was it that everyone I've grown to accept in this world has turned their backs on me?

Reno's fingers only twitched once as he asked politely for the camera around my neck. "Please. I _need_ to take that from ya."

"Why?" My voice felt strange coming out of my throat since it was so dry.

Reno's blue eyes blinked slowly and as he shook his head to the side he sighed sharply. "I told you everything you needed to know, man. Just this once, ok? I can't tell you about anything this time."

"Why not?"

"Do we really have to argue about it?" His feet shifted on the brick pathway unnervingly. Oh, yes. Yes we have to argue about it.

"You wouldn't've dragged me and Roxas all the way out here just for a fucking camera, Reno! And you know that!"

"Hey!" Marluxia's voice startled Roxas and me at the same time, making him jump and me clench my hands into fists like I was bracing myself.

"Hey, yourself," Reno replied, raising his voice. "You keep to yourself! You've done enough for one night."

"Back talking. Both of ya—" Marluxia growled. But Reno simply shook him off.

Reno turned back to me with his hand still outstretched. "You don't know that. That camera is more important that you know, ok? And I can't just walk up and simply ask for it. My job doesn't sway that way."

"Then how the hell is it _supposed_ to sway?!"

"You wouldn't know."

"I don't know A LOT, Reno! I don't know squat! And it doesn't help much that you decide to interrogate and leave me out of the loop every fucking time!"

"Do you wanna get hurt?"

I rolled my eyes and at first I tried to cross my arms but the stinging sensation from the gunshot was still hurting something awful. And—you guessed it—my pain caused Reno some pain, apparently. What a joke. What a pretender! What a _failure_. He wanted to take care of Arson's job? He'll never be what the old man used to be. No one's gonna be able to be like him.

Reno's hand trembled in front of him and with some strangled effort he drew it back to his side. "Don't think I'm the one that's gonna end up hurting you, Axel. Let's just say that there're a lot of people that would _kill_ to get their hands on—" He sure had a habit of pausing every so often. If you ask me, Reno sure wasn't exemplifying at being tough. But I had to remember that he had the option of flicking a switch on if he wanted. After all, he technically had Roxas.

And I couldn't have that.

A camera. Why the camera? Why _my_ camera? I really didn't understand shit about it. My conscience told me that I'd just have to pretend that I understood. And you know me. Pretending is not a virtue. Putting on façade for me in hopes that I'll enjoy it won't do more than make me hate you. With my non-wounded arm, I wrapped my fingers around the black strap around my neck and steadily slipped the camera over my head. I heard Roxas gasp behind me and quickly turned my head to look at him.

And without a second thought, I held the camera in my hand and casually tossed it over in Reno's direction. He stepped forward and it landed with a click in the palms of his hands.

"There. Take it," I muttered. Reno didn't acknowledge that I'd done anything. He was too preoccupied in that camera to even remember where he was. His eyes were shining when he turned it over in his hands and checked each and every button with intense detail. Maybe I'm wrong—maybe he is taking over as Arson. Embodying greed and animosity is all you have to do.

"You would thank me if you'd know, man," he said in an undertone voice.

"Whatever. You don't need us anymore, do you?" As angry as I was, I couldn't much prove that I was through my posture and voice. Honestly, I'm thankful for that. Just think. If I was pissy, then what were the odds of life here? About a million to none, I'd say.

I heard someone's feet shifting and afterward Marluxia sighing deeply. I wondered if that was out of pity for me or that he couldn't get the chance to knife somebody. I thought back to Olette. She was most likely at home—wherever that was—waiting for him to come through the door and kiss her goodnight or some other ritual like that. That's all people need—a nice gesture every once in a while. But you know? No one really cares about donating, do they?

"He's got it in here alright." The corners of Reno's lips turned upward when he spotted something he liked in the camera. Frankly, I'd lost interest.

"We'd better get outta here. She—"

"Shh!" Reno pressed a finger against his lips at Marluxia who had suddenly gotten extremely riled up about something. Having had that done to him, Marluxia didn't hesitate to act on his idea of cheesing it out of that alleyway. In five easy steps he rushed right past me and Reno and blended right into the dark streets up ahead. And Reno stayed behind with that contrite look pasted on again.

I'd already taken some backwards steps away from him, not out of fear, but because he wasn't my business. I had to act towards him like anyone acted toward a person they didn't know—a _stranger_. I seriously was in bliss when Roxas' footsteps started gaining up on me and their sound began replacing the pounding going on in my ears. Before I knew it he'd thrown his arms around my waist and clung onto me from behind.

And for a moment the question was: Reno who?

"...I really am—sorry, dude. I—" Stuttering. Is that all that Reno's good at? My supposed other half, the piece to complete the puzzle, the guy that'd bought me a ticket so I could even be in this situation...was nothing but a stranger; a stuttering, good for nothing, cheating, lying, all around fake stranger. He stuck around in the Usual Spot for about another minute—just staring at his shoes and the camera—before turning his back to the two of us and slipping away into the dark.

Did the normal night resume? If I remembered right, I'd been sharing a moment with Roxas and ice cream earlier. My body was still splattered with purple paint. Roxas' hands were still cold and shaking. I still wanted to be in my own home, my own space, and it still made me smile to think that Roxas might be along for the ride. Still, a couple things were out of place and I couldn't help but think about them when I turned and full on held onto Roxas' shivering body.

I was bleeding, and I'd lost something else important to me. Maybe Roxas really was everything.

Secrets, secrets, fucking _secrets_. I'm tired of saying maybe.

xxXXxx

"Stop moving or you'll make me mess up."

I winced and tried my hardest to keep my arm still. I had to bite down on my lip every time the cotton ball of alcohol dabbed at my open wound. Well, Roxas certainly was _no_ doctor, but going to the actual office was out of the question. For one thing, mom would worry about where we'd gone again and two I'd have to end up telling people how I'd gotten myself into that mess. As much as I hated Reno at the moment, I just couldn't find it in my scrambled up mind to put him up for all to see.

"I'm tired," I groaned, smearing a hand down my face. Roxas grunted in reply and started tightening white bandages around my right arm. Sneaking up to his room to take care of this damn cut took a lot of effort. Most everyone in the house is a light sleeper save for the guys. They could sleep through a nuclear war if they wanted.

"I know. Makes you wonder if we'll ever get a moment's peace around here."

"Exactly why I didn't want to come home in the first place. I would've stayed out there if I had the chance, Rox."

Roxas' fingers stopped wrapping the bandage around my arm and when I glanced over my shoulder to look at him I saw that he was staring right past me as if mulling over what I'd just said. I adjusted my legs on his bed, making the mattress creak and moan.

"Turns out that being outside isn't all you thought it was gonna be."

True. Looking around his dark room—the pale walls, the glowing star stickers on his ceiling, the sandy carpet and the photographs taped up around his headboard—I figured that he and I were in the only safe place in the world. In one night Twilight Town had shaped into a dead zone made to do nothing but destroy people. As a kid growing up, I'd never seen the town like that. My chest hurt when I thought that I'd just corrupted the town to think something like that.

"I just wanna be happy again, you know." As Roxas slowly continued to wrap up my upper arm, I used my free one to pull out my cell. I hadn't looked at it in days so I figured that there had to be _something_ there to entertain me in my moment of misery. Solitaire maybe. Texting. Who knows? I flipped it open and instinct told me to go to voicemail. Over these past hours, I'd been thinking a lot about that message I'd gotten.

_Hang up._

Well, that sure wasn't helpful. After listening to the damn sentence for two minutes I shut the phone and tossed it at my feet. Roxas looked up from his work just when he'd started to tie it off. His face twisted in confusion.

"Someone called you?"

I shook my head. "No. Just listening to voicemail. It's fine. You don't need to tie it tighter." I brought my arm into my lap and stared cradling it. I could still feel the burning and tingling of the bullet under the clean, ridged bandage. Sure, a wound hurts, but when taken from a family member it'll never stop. With not much of a lead as to who'd called me, I fell back into the pillows and turned on my side away from Roxas' stare. Poor Roxas having to deal with a stubborn me...

Well it wasn't my intention to fall asleep and take over more than half of Roxas' bed that night. It wasn't my intention to go with him to his studio earlier that day nor was it my intention to leave. I didn't plan on anything to happen like it did that night. The meeting with Reno, the shot from Reno, the hugging, the yelling...none of it. All I needed was a pillow to keep my heavy head on and a dark room to settle down in. No, actually, I also needed a one-way ticket out of here. For once in my life, I wanted to go back to the hustle and bustle of where I came from.

Things are easier said than done.

xxXXxx

"You said she's where now? Uh-huh...well what would she be doing there?"

Namine looked up from the newspaper she'd been reading to turn to mom who was chatting away in the kitchen. She'd been on the damn phone for god knows how long and I never figured out just _who_ she was talking to and _what_ they were talking about. She kept asking question after question to a point where I just shut her voice away. Namine sighed lightly and turned the page on the paper.

I watched her in the corner of my eye as we stayed seated quietly behind the kitchen table. At my feet, Zipper was fast asleep with his face buried in his cotton-ball tail. He wasn't acting so normal these past few days. Then again, who _was_? Riku had been leaving the house on a regular basis and suddenly Sora and Hayner didn't feel like attending their Blitzball games like the used to.

"I know, I know. I'll be sure to let them know. He what? Oh, he'll be fine. Yeah, mhm. Thanks. Buh-bye." At last mom's conversation ended. For some reason her voice had dropped and the first thing that came to mind was her lips turned down into a pout. Something obviously was bugging her. And sure enough, when she stepped into the dining room and leaned against the kitchen doorway, there on her face was the best pouty face I ever saw.

"'Sup, mom?" I asked. Her shoulders sagged when she crossed her arms over her chest. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail which she pushed over her left shoulder. Oh, here it comes...

"Larxene didn't come home again last night, you know."

I stared at my lap through the glass table and nodded pitifully. Something was telling me that this was gonna lead to the situation being my fault. Well, in a sense it was my fault that Larxene was bitchy, but the other part that contributed to that was herself. She was the one pregnant, was she not? Still, I found an ounce of worry in myself and added to the conversation.

"I know. Where'd she go? Was that her?"

Mom shook her head. "No. That was Riku. He's calling from the hospital."

Namine and I both jerked our heads up from our laps at the same time. The papers on the table rustled and some even fell and covered Zipper's tiny body. He growled quietly and shook them off in a huff. Funny how anything associating with medicine and health can attract a person's attention. Just goes to show how humans really are afraid of death.

Wait...death?

"She alright? What's wrong?"

Again mom shook her head. Wait, was that a no as in she wasn't alright or a no as in nothing was wrong? "I don't know how to tell you this, hun." Mom scratched behind her head and for some reason refused to look me in the eye to break me this news. "...She has AIDS."

Double-take. Triple-take, even. Excuse me? Did mom just say what I think she said? I blinked hastily in her direction and started to get up from the chair. I had to keep myself from making a sound when the bandaged wound under my shirt began throbbing. For some reason I didn't mind if I was hurt. It was weird that I was suddenly concerned for the well-being of Larxene. I might not have been _in love_ with her, but I still cared for her somewhat. And the fact that she had AIDS meant...the kid...

"The doctor's are asking if she'd like to terminate the pregnancy now. There's a high chance that the baby will be born infected. And you know there's no cu—"

"No," I cut in while tapping the edge of the glass table with my fingers. Namine gasped into her hand at the news as if it was even bigger than the ones printed out in front of her. Mom's eyebrows rose in surprise. I shook my head up at her. "Look, just because I don't want to be with her doesn't mean that I'm throwing her away, mom. Larxene's still important to me."

"And the baby..."

"And the baby too. It might not be mine, but it's still—"

"Wait, wait—what do you mean it's not—?"

"It's no use explaining it to you." Really, that was the truth. Besides, she full on knew that I hadn't been with Larxene for a real purpose. She had to understand by now that I didn't "swing that way". I pushed away from the table and trudged over to the coat closet beside the front door. I pulled the door open and after getting out my black hoodie, pulled it over my head. Both Namine and mom were looking at me funny when I turned back around.

"I'm gonna see her, alright?" If only they knew what it even meant to see the word AIDS written for you. While I didn't actually have AIDS, I was made to believe that I did, and during that time I sure felt like shit. I sure felt like I was a walking time bomb. Imagine having life inside you when you're diagnosed. Man, if I felt like shit, what was Larxene feeling like now?

"You two can follow if you want. I'll go ahead." And so I left the house in nothing but my black basketball shorts and hoodie. Truthfully, I was confusing myself when I walked down the street. This wasn't _really me_ was it? The real me wouldn't just leave the house for anyone after declaring that indoors was where I belonged. The real me wouldn't say less than a sentence before leaving either. I wouldn't've left with just these clothes on and I would've waited for someone to accompany me.

All of that I mulled over in my head even when the brick colored hospital came into view at the top of the hill. If I remembered right, this would be the fifth time I'd visit the hospital—a majority of those times were either to watch someone die or to find out if they were going to. I clenched my hands into fists in my pockets on that thought. To the left of the main entrance was the entrance for emergency guests and expectant mothers.

The sad thing was: I really wanted to be a dad. It might not have been mine, but I sure would like to be there for it. Maybe that was why I wanted to get to this place sooner than never. I had to help Larxene make the right decision to keep that kid, whether she wanted to hear me or not. I'd hurt her enough, so I figured that this was the least I could do to make up for the pain.

The lobby of the hospital was cold when I walked in. I entered through the emergency entrance door and found out that it was totally different than the normal entrance. For one thing, there were millions upon millions of stretchers just lined up against the wall for immediate attention with IVs already hooked up to each one. Nurses clad in green and white were standing by around the lobby and the second I set foot they all turned and looked about ready to jump me.

One of those people in the room that looked was a silver haired, all-too-familiar guy sitting alone in a black chair in the middle of the freezing room.

"Riku?" I walked toward him just when he sat up to greet me. "You're always the first on scene."

"Yeah, well, someone has to. You're here quicker than I thought you would...and without mom or the others." Like I predicted, his face held the same confused expression as mom when she saw that I was concerned about Larxene. I mean, come on; I'm still human. I've still got common sense and feelings.

I skipped right to the point and folded my arms. "Where is she?"

"...Doc sent her upstairs after she came in complaining about shakes. Typical symptom of AIDS, apparently. Mom _did_ tell you, didn't she?"

I nodded solemnly while keeping a composed face. Then without bothering to wait on him I headed for the hallway to my right and started walking right past the group of nurses, stretchers and the reception desk to get to the stairs. Having been here a couple times as a kid, I knew the ward like the back of my hand. Riku's footsteps pounded after me in panic.

"You even know where you're going?"

I didn't respond and continued to walk at a fast pace up the flight of stairs. I guess the one reason why I was being so quick was because I just wanted to get this visit done and over with. I didn't want to go through another person suffering. I didn't want to go through nurses telling me lies and heart machines suddenly coming to a stop. I wanted to take a peek on her and bust out of here as quickly as possible.

Left, right...I turned everywhere on that floor where I expected her to be. Babies were crying this way and that and in many of the rooms new moms were screaming their heads off while in labor. Typical day at the hospital to me. I made sure to keep my eyes glued ahead of me while I kept myself aware of the rooms around me. I'd been here for so long I knew which hallways were meant for which type of patient—the ones that screamed and the ones that kept to themselves. Me, I'd been put in the hallway where all the troubled patients were sent. Sad, isn't it? Even sadder was that that was the hallway I was headed for. After all, wasn't Larxene technically "troubled"?

"Yeah, yeah, she's down there," Riku panted a couple of steps behind me. I guess it didn't much surprise him that I knew where she'd be. Being my brother and all, he knew about my relations with hospitals. I nearly smiled knowing that I had a brother like him, but it slowly drew back when I flicked my eyes at a door to my left. I'd passed it by a step but even in that second I could read her name printed on some papers hanging on the door.

"Larxene." Her name slipped my lips void of all emotion whatsoever. But I still felt emotional inside. At first all I could do was stare at that paper and keep a hand flat against the door. Was I really meant to be here? Did she want me here? Maybe I'd thought up this idea too quickly...

I slowly peeled my hand away from the door, tore my eyes away from her name and peered once into the window beside me. Riku stared inside with me and sure enough there she was lying on her side with her back turned toward the door. Her body quietly moved as she breathed lightly in sleep. Yeah, that was all she needed. A little rest. And Ayden—sweet kid that he is—was sleeping with his face covered at the edge of his mom's bed. Hah, my little man being all strong just for her.

The walls in her room were painted light pink and her blanket complimented the scheme. Had she been awake I knew she would've enjoyed that. She was always one to match colors on her outfit, in the house...And after closing my eyes I stepped away from the window and decided that I'd rather not recall to memory her happiness.

"She's sleeping," I mumbled over to Riku who made a slight sound in his throat. "You just stay with her for me, 'kay?"

"You're not—you're not gonna stay here?"

I stopped in the middle of the white hallway and lowered my shoulders. "She wouldn't wanna see me anyway. Besides, you like being with people when they're hurt. It's like your job. You'd do a better job than me with comforting Larxene."

"I—"

"And you know that Ayden appreciates your visits too. See him in there? He's most likely waiting for you to just go right in."

"Axel..."

"You'll make a great dad, you know that, Riku?" I thought about that while staring up at the ceiling. Riku didn't make a sound and it was at that point that I figured that he'd caught my drift. Her name on the paper, the info printed for all who cared to see...I'd seen more than I'd expected. He really will make a great dad.

"...She wanted a girl. She tell you that? Here's hoping that you gave her what she wanted, man." Using two fingers I saluted to him over my shoulder and once again started walking down the hallway like I'd initially done before he began to explain himself. I didn't hear him following me. All I really heard were voices in my head. Just voices. I knew from the second I read his signature on her forms that he cared for her. He must be paying for her stay. He must be staying here overnight with her.

And if he cared that much for her, that meant that she cared just as equally for him. His stunned silence back there sure was reassuring. Riku was gonna be a daddy. I needed to go home. I _needed_ to forget. No doubt Larxene already did about me.

xxXXxx

Five hours, six minutes and 25 seconds later, Larxene was gone.

Gone as in she'd stopped breathing, she'd stopped moving, she'd ceased to exist. In one word: dead.

I didn't go back to the hospital in hopes of seeing her again. I didn't want to see the faces of Riku and Ayden hovering over her and crying. I didn't want to see Ayden's drenched face and his tiny fingers prying at her blanket. Was Riku taking care of him? Would he take him away and tell him everything was gonna be alright? How could he say anything comforting if he was suffering too? After all, he'd lost his baby and Larxene on the same day.

Technically, so had I.

It wasn't the disease that killed her. It was herself. Depression was eating her body away from the inside. She didn't want attention and she didn't want love. All she wanted was death. And death granted her wish. With Ayden asleep and Riku away, Larxene overdosed on medication she'd dug up in her bag, killing both herself and the baby.

A baby girl.

Was she gonna grow up having Riku's blue eyes and Larxene's bleach blonde hair? Was she gonna grow up calling me her uncle and following me around at my heels? Was she supposed to have a smile that froze a crowd? Was she supposed to have a great deal of intelligence and creativity that would help her overcome humps in school?

I'd never know. No one would.

A girl, a _girl_.

I felt like I was in solitude in Roxas' room despite the fact that he was in there with me. I didn't want to go back into the room downstairs. All Larxene's stuff was down there, and no doubt her smiling face would greet me when I'd step inside. Roxas understood that. I hadn't stopped holding him ever since I heard the news. Roxas understood that. In other words, thank god for Roxas. If it weren't for him, I'd be an alcoholic for sure.

"I'm so ready to get out of here, Rox. I'm not kidding."

Roxas sighed and turned to lie down on his back. He was the only one under the covers at the time and I was just lying down on my side facing him. "I know. Considering the situation at hand, I don't blame you."

"Which situation? There's lots goin' on, you know."

He smiled sadly and stared down at his feet at the end of the bed. "I know. I know..."

I narrowed my eyes in the dark and finally slipped my arms away from his body. He turned his head to look at me when I did. Everyone needs sleep right now, and me clinging onto Roxas wasn't gonna help him achieve that goal.

"Axel." Roxas uttered my name once but I didn't answer back. I just kept staring up at the glowing stars on his ceiling, hoping that at least one of them would be able to listen to what I had to wish for. Yeah, I was desperate enough to wish on a pretend star for a miracle of happiness. The bed shifted under me and when I looked Roxas had leaned over closer to my face. I shook my head and a smile tugged on the corner of my lips.

"Don't worry 'bout me," I said, turning my head in the opposite direction. I sniffled once. "G'night."

That obviously didn't cement the conversation. Roxas knew me better than anyone in this entire universe; more than my mom would ever know me. And because of that—whether the situation gave the possibility that I was sad or not—he'd always choose not to risk anything. He'd always choose to comfort me even when I didn't look like I needed it. His warm body snuggled closer to me and soon he was propped up on one elbow, staring down at me.

I gave the same smile I'd given earlier and laughed in spite of myself. I still wouldn't look at him. "Come on, Roxas. What's there to say?"

"Don't kid yourself," he whispered with a shake of his head. I just frowned, and then chuckled in denial. Don't look at him, Axel. Just don't fall for his silly tricks again, got it? You can fix yourself now! You're not sad! You're not gonna break! You won't. You _won't_.

I guess it was pretty childish that I decided to take my right arm and use it to cover my eyes. I bit my lips together and just kept that way for the longest time. I didn't even realize that I'd been breathing in staggered breaths until the bed started to twitch along with me. I must look pretty pathetic to Roxas. But you know what? Roxas always understands, remember? I could make as big an ass of myself as I wanted and he wouldn't mind me.

"You're pretty stubborn to be keeping your face straight through all this, Axel."

"Mhm..." I kept my mouth shut and my eyes squinted against the back of my forearm.

Roxas' fingers coiled around my other arm protectively. I wondered if he knew that I was about ready to burst like Niagara Falls over here. Another minute and I really would've started to cry if I concentrated hard enough. Seems like Roxas would want me to. And, dammit, it _hurt_ to sit still and try to ease my breathing. Turns out that all that hard work lead to shameless crying anyway. I can't call myself a strong guy if I cry like that...

Roxas hummed in the back of his throat and I guess it satisfied him that I'd gotten it over with. "It'll start to feel better. _Trust_ me." His voice tickled my senses and for some reason made me cry even harder. I kept quiet while it went on, only sniffling every so often. There were so many reasons to sob right now.

"Fuck..." I moaned quietly and Roxas just shushed me. "Sorry...I just—"

"Shh."

"Roxas—"

"_Shh_. I mean it."

Last thing I remember from that night was him staying awake just to console me—resting his head against my cheek or some other sappy thing like that. Readers, take a moment to commit this to memory, will you? When you fall in love, lemme know what steps you took for it to take place. Tell me the outcome, the disasters, the ending, if any. And be sure to tell me how you know you love that person. It's only fair.

Be thankful for that person. I know I am. Be thankful every dang day for that person, you got it? Don't skip a day.

All that hard wishing and praying and thanking will take you somewhere you've never imagined. In my case, it all led me to waking up with a sense of liberation the next morning and the sight of a ticket sitting beside me on the bedside table. This won't be the case for everyone, 'cause you'll each get a ticket for a different destination. If you just keep your hopes up, you'll see. Fate'll treat you well.

A ticket to where? The swirled colors of purple, orange and yellow supported my theory.

"...You wanted to go home, didn't you?"

Roxas was still looking right at me—smile drawn on and the sun glowing behind him through the window.

* * *

**that's just cer-azy, dude. how much crap does a guy have to take before he cries? (boy, that sounds like it'd make a great tootsie pop commercial, doesn't it? nah...) axel really is a strong guy then, ain't he? well, in reality he really is. the determination just never fails to attract me. UGH. i love that man. LOVE HIM.**

**XD**

**you knew it was gonna happen sometime. you KNEW that i'd end up making a happy ending SOMETIME, yes? you didn't lose your faith in me, right? oh, no you didn't. and all that patience earned you -fanfare- a nice ending...somewhat. it's still kinda skeptical as to what in the hell happened. but you'll see. just think, this is the FINAL TRIMESTER. AND THEN SUMMERRRRRRRRR...RRR!**

**wouldn't you like to have a roxas to hug after a bad day? he'll just give you the chance to cry and you can hug him all you like until you stop. and maybe he'll even sing a little song and tuck you in at night...ok, now that's just creepy. XO but hey, it seems to work for axel. what a sap. what a lovestruck baby! i loves it. XDD**

**to that end, i think i'll go sleepy sleep now and watch some videos on mah phone before i do...YAY. then tomorrow: HOMEWORK. and then: COSTUME. and then: AMV'S. and then: STORY. and then: FOOD.**

**schedules really are the best thing in the world next to...just kidding. akuroku is the best thing. followed by sliced bread and free music. 'tis the one and only truth for me. X3 ...happy easter, my eggies.**

**_'cause you had a bad day...  
kokoro77_**


	23. Chapter 23: Blood

**Author's Note: -twiddles thumbs- doodeedoo...**

**oh, didn't see you there! bet you're wondering just where i've been? ha. i've purchased a house. well, not _me, _of course. _'i don't HAVE that money..._and over these past weeks we've been packing like a mother bird making her nest. ayep. so...right now i'm writing in a pretty desolate looking room. xO my poor action figures are sort of...at the new house right now...in the dark...alone. i miss them all so much. Dx**

**in other news: hooRAY for SPRING-FREAKIN'-BREAK. it's the next longest break next to summer. reason being because the days feel longer towards summer time and...you get the idea. it's a freakin' illusion! A MIRACLE!! i just wish that i was actually GOING somewhere rather than having to stay in one place and slump around the house...i dropped a diet coke today and wet the couch. (good thing the couch is black xO)**

**sorry for the utter confusion i may have give people in the previous chapter. my notes were a bit misleading. i didn't mean a happy ending for the _entire_ story...i meant for that one chapter. if you know me, you'd know that i don't normally end a chapter in a happy way. life is not meant to be romanticized...it's meant to be modernized. don't expect butterflies around the clock.**

**well...axel and roxas sure have butterflies goin' on, i _must_ say. bowchikawowow**

* * *

Chapter 23: Blood

Roxas really wasn't one to bring up a surprise like that. I mean, you'd think that in a time like this he'd stay hidden under the sheets and mumble nonsense to himself. He always was the one to wake up before me, even when it wasn't a morning after. My vision sure was hazy. I barely had the opportunity to speak since it was taking a while for my body to respond. I had to rely on Roxas' voice to get my head straight.

"What the heck're you talking about?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

I heard Roxas exhale quietly and felt the bed sink as he shifted. "You wanted to go home. So there's your ticket." I saw the silhouette of his hand point over at the table to my right again and I chuckled in spite of myself.

"Rox, I ain't going anywhere. You can't expect me to head back there."

"...This isn't the same town it used to be for you, and you know that."

I paused for a second to let that thought soak in. I balanced myself on my elbows and leaned back a bit into the mass of pillows that were outlining the headboard. I really didn't want look at the ticket. Then again, I really _did_. I _sorta_ wanted to leave. Then again, I sorta _didn't_. I hated how Roxas did this shit!

I blinked to get my eyes to stop stinging. "When?" I asked after clearing my throat.

Roxas' foot began to bounce under the covers. Uh-oh. "See...I originally got that ticket a long time ago. I was really planning on visiting Radiant Garden before I decided that maybe the trip wouldn't work out so great."

"You _what_?" I straightened up and suddenly felt like pummeling him.

He twitched and hung his head—I guess out of regret that he hadn't decided to go before. "Yeah. I almost went. But I saved it. So..._you_ take it, ok? You can trade it in for a ticket for the next ride."

"Wait, wait—hold up. I _can't_ go. I'm not going back by myself for one thing, and another thing I don't care what you say, but I sure as hell wanna be here! This place is still higher up than _that_ dump on my list!" This was crazy! My decision was gonna stay that way regardless of what ever the hell happened to come around. Being stripped of Twilight Town was one thing, but being _alone all over again_ was another. Dammit, hadn't he _thought_ about that?

Or maybe...he _had_. Lemme get this straight...

In all seriousness, I was concerned about this whole plan Roxas had drawn up out of the blue. And he was expecting me to be _happy_? I looked him straight in the eyes to ask. "What're you getting at here, Roxas?"

Roxas' throat bounced as he swallowed and his eyes shifted uneasily as he kept them locked with mine. Ok, ok, so for about a minute he was a smiling ray of sunshine and all of a sudden he decides to turn the card over. Tell me the freakin' truth, Rox. I wanna know exactly what you're thinking. What do you want me to _do_?

Then—in _the_ most uncomfortable voice I'd ever heard come outta him—Roxas answered. "You have to leave."

_Have_ to? I absolutely..._had_ to leave? Was this his decision or was it what he thought I needed? He's damn wrong. He's so wrong! I stared around at the crumpled bed sheets while breathing heavily. The very thought of being alone again. God, what the hell would happen? Another 6 years gone? Maybe longer? Dammit, I wasn't gonna settle for this load of crap! Could he honestly believe that we could _be_ in a long distance relationship?

"I-I _have_ to?" I mumbled bitterly, locking eyes with his downcast ones. Roxas' ginger blonde hair trembled as the air from the open window flew in. He shook. And I shook. And all in one second he and I actually felt the same way: rejected. His face couldn't've been any more down in the dumps. To think, on one sunny day, on a day that Roxas smiled at me, he'd suggest that we literally _breakup_.

He started to smooth the sheets sitting atop his lap to give his fingers something to release their tension with. "...You really should."

I scoffed and shook my head quickly. "Look—"

"It's just a really bad time to be together, ok?"

"You're just guessing that! How do you know what I feel all the time? How can you sit there and assume all this, Rox?" Ever since I'd pulled into Twilight Town some months ago, for the first time I was feeling a pissed off sensation toward Roxas. Something told me that he didn't _want_ me. That he didn't _need_ me.

I guess there wasn't much use in trying to resolve the issue right there and then so I carefully settled myself back down into the cushions and tried to find a nice spot to lay in for the remainder of the day. Just lull off to sleep, Axel. Go ahead. Take a day off. Forget about it. Shutting my eyes wasn't working the way I'd hoped it would. They just wouldn't close all the way. I still stole a peek of Roxas sitting with his legs crossed at my left. I was still able to spot his dark silhouette against the blinding yellow in the window. And when his shadow started to move and adjust, I turned away.

"You're mad, aren't you?"

I shook my head silently. It hurt too much. I frowned deeply into the pillow and buried my face into the corner of it. I didn't bother to mutter an answer. I wasn't _mad_. More disappointed than anything.

"Axel—"

It's _fine_, Roxas. Fine. I'm _fine_. Go ahead and head downstairs without me and tell the whole house I'm sick, will ya? It sounded so much better in my head.

Seconds flew by and still Roxas wasn't budging from the bed. Neither was I, mind you. Awkward silences between the two of us can be pretty iffy. I tucked my hands under my pillow and gazed off at the wall. And the next thing I know I'm startin' to feel something tickling my cheek. I twitched my head a bit to get the tickling to stop but it just wouldn't. Roxas, Roxas, _Roxas_. What're you getting at _now_?

"What's up with you?" I asked quietly with my head still turned in the opposite direction. Well, Roxas didn't answer with words. Instead he had to go ahead and breathe down the back of my shirt. Geez, it felt so warm...I had bumps trailing up my back. Unconsciously, my toes curled under the sheets and my fingers clamped onto the pillow.

I wanted to tell him to quit it. I really wanted to pull the covers over my face. And yet...thinking about it, I hadn't had much of a one on one with Roxas since _forever ago_. We were seriously lacking in meeting our physical needs. My mind started stuttering. Yes, no, yes, no, do it, don't...

To try and block out the feeling I shut my eyes and ducked my head in closer to my chest. Not that that helped an ounce. Roxas' fingers trailed up my left arm—up and up and up until he reached my shoulder. Shudder shudder...fuck. I squeezed my eyes slightly and tried to hide my face. Do it, do it...wait, I don't have time for this!

He pushed the top of the sleeve away from my shoulder, leaving the skin exposed. And whatdayaknow he decides to give me chills there too! Now his hands were all over me—one hand holding my arm down and the other trying to inch its way under my body. Eyes still shut tight...oh, I can't _take_ this. I parted my lips to say something but I had to stop before the words got lost in heavy breathing.

"So is this—is this your idea of a—pity fuck?"

Roxas lifted his head for a second and when he answered he was hella close to my ear, and I don't think he meant for it to be that way. "'Course not."

"Then it's breakup sex, isn't it?"

Again he replied, "'Course not." Only that time he proceeded to brush his lips against my skin like he had been. I really didn't have much to say in response to that. The difference between Roxas initiating and _me_ is that he takes it nice and slow, holding all the energy for last minute. I could _never_ find it in me to resist his little game, even when I was a hothead. For a split second a smile formed on my lips just before letting a tiny moan slip through. Roxas officially had the ok.

He sure took his time in prepping me up—making me twitch and writhe amongst other things. Faster, Roxas, _hurry up_. As much as I'm pissed off at you right now, I really need you quick. A pity love-making session wouldn't hurt. That's one way to forget things. In fact, Roxas had accomplished that when he lowered his hand from my shoulder to my waist where he pressed his hand against my shirt to lift it. I opened both eyes halfway and immediately looked away when I saw his hand working at the strings on my sweatpants. I let out a rough groan into the pillow as I already imagined what it would eventually feel like when Roxas would touch me.

Why did this scenario feel familiar?

A leg wrapped around one of mine to hold me in place. I guess I was squirming too much for him to get the knot untied. It was kinda weird that every freakin' part of me was _screaming_ for Roxas. Find me and _touch_ me. Breathe on me and _claw_ me. Soon, all that imagining made me start panting and groaning at a fast rate.

"Just—_breakup_ sex."

"Don't think that, ok?" The knot was left untied when he ventured down further. Just like that he got me cussing and squirming and _losing my mind_. At first his fingers worked easily in between my thighs while he kept holding me in one spot with his leg. But does Roxas stay safe and soothing all throughout? His increased massaging proved that he was much more than I ever imagined. I seriously felt _high_.

"R—" Well, I _tried_ to finish saying his name. My mind was way too fogged over to make anything coherent. As I held my breath, I turned my head down and saw the strange movement happening below the covers. I tried to pinpoint where his hand would be and slipped my hand under to find it. Once I tapped his wrist, I grabbed it and started to guide his hand around. My head hit the pillow again while I started swimming around in seventh heaven.

Another minute passed before Roxas' hand withdrew from between my legs. His body shook the bed frame up when he adjusted himself beside me. I sorta felt like a limp noodle just lying there waiting for something to happen. My chest was heaving and my adrenaline was just _starting_ to shatter the atmosphere. He was taking too damn long. I reached a shaking hand out behind me after waiting for him to move again. When I felt bare skin touch my finger tips I drew my hand back and smirked in a crazed way.

"You..." I mumbled.

"Me. I know."

"...Smart ass," I chuckled and let him press his stomach to my back. I guess he'd had more in mind than I expected. Steady fingers found their way to my legs where they lowered the sweats past the top of my knees. Bu-bump-bu-bump-bu-bump. I had to admit to being the slightest bit nervous for Roxas to take this direction. Despite being so nervous, I carefully lifted one leg away from the other just a bit. Turns out my body had been predicting this ages ago.

Roxas pushed the sheets away, making the cold air hit the two of us and make us shake. I suddenly wanted to gain back the heat I'd just lost and in order to get that, heck, I had to have him. Roxas probably heard that idea and with one hand held onto my stretched leg and with the other he started to stroke my lower back. I gradually started to arch it.

"Like that...t-there," Roxas muttered to me. Oh, I could definitely feel him just itching to be in me. His erection was just starting and having it exposed and pressed against my legs was agonizing. I almost reached back there and made him get the job done, to be utterly blunt about it. My patience was dwindling by the millisecond and the more it spiraled the more I fantasized to myself. Go, go, _please_, do it, Roxas.

_Why was this scenario so familiar?_

Maybe he heard my thoughts when I'd asked him to go. Since I asked so nicely, Roxas held my leg up and started the painful process of sliding himself inside me. Ah, _shit_ it hurt and burned like freakin' _hell_. Of course it would feel that way since I'd never had it done before. I tightened my muscles around him which made him moan. When I did it again he carefully pulled out and pushed back into me with stronger force. Half my face was buried in the pillow at that point and I was just letting one to two breaths escape me every ten seconds.

"Hn..._Ro—x_..."

Again he pulled and pushed, being sure that with each reentrance he added a little more pressure. I didn't think it felt so strange to switch places with Roxas. Submissive and basically frozen on the bed...

A slightly high pitched moan flooded the room. Oops. Didn't mean for it to be that loud. I did it again. And again. He continued again and again and, _oh...again_. Penetrating and quivering. I actually _liked_ this. Even if we were caught up in a quickie in the daytime of all times, I still felt pretty good about it. And Roxas wasn't doing too badly, I should say. He gave me another good thrust and then slowly slipped out of me. Random acts were always some of the best in my opinion.

As much as I was shaking and aching all over, I pretty much gave up what energy I had left to finally turn my body around and hold Roxas close to me. I felt him breathing and heard him letting out some short groans into my skin. I quirked up a smile.

"You're pretty considerate for giving that ticket, Roxas."

"Yeah?" he whispered.

"But you gotta get this: I can't leave. I don't wanna leave town."

"You know that you'll eventually regret that." Roxas' eyelashes brushed against my chest when he shut his eyes. To think that I had someone that was concerned about my well-being enough to make a sacrifice. Next to my own mother, Roxas was someone that made me priority number one. I'd never been number one to anyone else. So maybe that wasn't a pity fuck. No...I was pretty sure it wasn't.

Roxas lowered a hand to my legs again just when I'd pulled my pants back up and tried to help me soften up a bit. I narrowed my eye but still kept that smile on. What a guy. "Pft. Regret? As in regret leaving and regret breaking up with you? Get real. That's practically suicide."

xxXXxx

"You did _what_?"

Namine put her cup back on the table after sipping from it and stared at Roxas blankly with one eyebrow arched only slightly. I rubbed the back of my neck and stared back at her, thinking the situation over. I guess somethings really were better left unsaid.

"Is...is that ok? I just thought that it'd be an easier trip for him."

Roxas mumbled something and leaned back into his chair. There wasn't any use getting aggravated at Namine. Out of all people in the world, you just couldn't raise your voice. And she would never raise her voice. I really liked that girl. In fact, I liked her enough that if I were, you know, _straight_, I'd go for her. Fantasies. Sigh.

Namine twiddle her thumbs in her lap and hung her head in shame. She really _didn't_ understand the reason why what she'd done was wrong. According to her, Reno had called the house earlier that morning to tell her that he was planning on heading back home pretty soon. Only problem was: no ticket. And seeing as the next ride was two days from now meant that tickets were virtually sold out. Being the candy girl that she is, Namine offered up the option of Reno taking Roxas' ticket. Yeah. The one that he'd originally purchased for _himself_ and offered to _me_.

Talk about your what the hell moment.

Now that Reno had information, there was no doubt in both Roxas' and my mind that he'd stop by and take it. It would've been great to see him leave, but the thing was: what in the heck was he planning on doing that made him want to leave in a heartbeat? Roxas' face twisted in deep thought while mine just kept straight.

"If you want, I can call him and—"

"No. Don't do that." Roxas gently rested a hand on the table which made Namine stare at it. I guess she'd noticed the absence of her own engagement ring since her face fell again. Roxas shook his head and tried explaining himself. "He might think we're rude in taking it back..." Still, he sounded pretty unsure of himself. Time to step in.

I cleared my throat and spoke up with my fingers intertwined against my lips. "Roxas wanted me to have the ticket. Told me this morning."

Just like I expected, Roxas' face flushed and he whipped his head around to stare at me. Namine looked up and nodded quietly to herself.

"I was thinking about taking up the offer. Besides, I kinda _do_ gotta get back to work. It's been months. Reno's got business here in town so having him stay here another month wouldn't hurt his career back home much."

"But you said—"

"I know what I said," I muttered toward Roxas while keeping my eyes forward. Yeah, I sure as hell knew what I said and I wasn't liking it one bit. The fact of the matter was that I absolutely could not have Reno go back to Radiant Garden to carry out some devious job that I was oblivious to. And the only way to prevent that would be to sacrifice my past decision of staying. Another thing to apologize for...

"I'll call him up for you, Namine. He can yell at me instead of you then."

"You're sure? I mean, you'd really want to leave so soon?"

I shook my head. "Soon? Come on, it's been months!" Not like that answer made her believe anything. Her eyes were silently switching between Roxas and me in a nerve-racking sort of way. Oh, I see. She's worried about us isn't she? And yet, with me out of the way, she'd be happy. Regardless of how sweet she was, that would be her feeling.

Namine lifted her hands and set them atop the table. Her fingers were knotted up together. After one big sigh she shut her eyes lightly, drew up a timid smile and spoke her mind. That _had_ to be a world record. "Axel," she started, "you know that you can't leave. It wouldn't feel good, right?"

I didn't say anything. Roxas didn't say anything. Awkward.

"You don't have to _not_ go, of course. It's entirely up to you! I just thought that, well, distance has really been your enemy since day one. For both you _and_ Roxas. And the fact that you'd leave only lets that factor come back...It would hurt. A lot..." At first she sure sounded strong, but as she mentioned hurting, her voice shrunk back into her throat. We both waited for her to continue, but she never did. She never did.

I really was confused now. Stay or go? Why did I have to have such a whacked up cousin? Why did I have to care so much about his well-being? Why—?

_SLAM_

All three of us looked up quickly when the sound of something slamming upstairs echoed through the house. Heck, it was loud enough to shake up the floor and the table a bit. At first I thought that it was just Sora falling out of his bed or Zipper bumping into a table, but after hearing panting and tiny footsteps those guesses were pretty much useless. For some reason I didn't turn around toward the stairs to check out what was happening. Actually, all it took was Namine to get up slowly from her seat and her to cover her mouth with one hand for me to figure out that something wasn't right.

"A-Ayden? How did he—?"

"Ayden?" I gasped and spun around in my chair. Just when I'd settled my eyesight I caught a short glimpse of a black sleeve disappearing out the door which was left wide open. The footsteps grew heavier as he trudged off down the road and further away from the house. In a pretty desperate attempt to figure out what'd gone on, I kicked away from the table and nearly tripped over myself running for the door.

"Ayden!" I yelled out to him while leaning against the doorframe. His tiny body didn't stop running and pretty soon he'd turned a corner and slipped away. I couldn't tell, but I had a strange feeling that he was crying about something. I glanced over my shoulder quickly to the two who were just starting to follow me.

"I thought he was at the hospital with Riku. He _should_ be. What the hell did he run for?" I raked a hand through my hair in irritation.

"I didn't even see him walk in. He came running down the stairs when I saw him," Namine replied as she peeked over my shoulder and out the door. As pissed as I was, I was pretty concerned about the kid even _knowing_ that he didn't belong to me. But I was still his dad in a sense. Roxas laid a hand on my left shoulder and peered out at the dusty road with squinted eyes.

"We should go after him," he said.

"Yeah, you're right." I took a second to rest my forehead against my arm for a breather. What in the heck was happening to my little guy? Suddenly, he'd been running from everything. Even _me_. For all I knew, he probably felt neglected. This was exactly what I'd been trying to avoid. He wasn't _supposed_ to relive my life, you know. Once upon a time, yeah, he was. On that thought, I stepped out of the house in nothing but a white tank-top, some khaki shorts and black converse. Fuck the weather. I'm going.

"Roxas," I said to him over my shoulder, "you coming?"

Without a second's hesitation, Roxas showed up at my left and looked up at me with some spark flaring in his eyes. And just like that, we were set to go. Namine was still behind us in the doorway—staring as the two of us left side by side down the stairs and around the corner faster than you could imagine.

"Bring him back..." she'd whispered into her hand. All I could see as I ran...was her crying.

Sorry.

xxXXxx

He wasn't there...he wasn't _there_...over there, over here..._nowhere_. How was it that he could outrun us like that? I guess the fact that he was younger made him more resistant to getting tired, but I'd think that he'd eventually choose a place to hide. Kids always picked the best places to hide. Even so, maybe Roxas and I would've found him since we knew the town like the back of our hands.

We kept running off down the streets, through the marketplace and even past the Usual Spot only to come up with crowds of teenagers and little old ladies walking their cats. Frustrated, I skidded to a stop and panted as I surveyed where exactly we were now. Roxas stopped a couple of steps ahead and looked over at me.

"We've been at this forever," I mumbled to my feet.

"You really think that he'd get far? I mean...he doesn't even live here. How could he know where to go without getting' lost? What if he's wandering around?"

I wiped my forehead and placed my hands on my hips. "He's a smart kid. If he was lost then he'd stay in one place and wait for someone to find him and help him out. So he wouldn't be wandering..." I trailed off in thought and after a second I had a little light bulb go off in my head. What if...maybe...

"In that case, he probably knows where he's headed. The only other way that he'd be able to find out about how to navigate around here would be 'cause someone _told_ him, right?"

Roxas slumped over his knees and weakly nodded at me. "It makes sense why you and I wouldn't get lost. Even though the town's full of roads you learn to get used to it, I guess. But for a kid that didn't grow up here, it'd be impossible. So—"

"So he's got someone telling him directions, doesn't he? Ayden may be smart, but he ain't _that_ smart." As to _who_ would help him out, I had a pretty extensive list. Narrowing it down would be pretty easy, no doubt, but I had to think of that as I ran. Time was speeding right by and standing around wasn't helping. Who knows what shit Ayden's caught up in right now?

Roxas, surprisingly, was leading the way. Without a sense of direction, he just _ran_. His teeth were clenched together and his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. If anything, he was the ultimate figure of a hero right now. Keep running, Roxas. I pretty much trust that you'll figure out how to get where you want to go.

And pretty soon, all that running and following brought us to one of _the_ sketchiest places in town. This was one part of town with neighborhoods that lived under a dark cloud a majority of their lives. Kids usually called it the haunted streets and on some rare occasions they'd hang around just to see if the rumors of ghosts were true. Trick or treating was literally forbidden since the parents were freaked that their kid would get abducted upon ringing the doorbell. Booze, cheap women, drugs, smokes...

Home.

"Your old street," Roxas said apprehensively. As his running started to slow down, I managed to catch up with him when we entered the battered down neighborhood. Yep. This was home, alright. Hovering above us was an unusually low train rail that just barely touched the flat roofs of many of the houses. I used to always hear cops motoring around here, thinking that there were people about to commit suicide on their rooftops by jumping in the path of the train.

"Haven't checked here yet," I said while we ventured deeper into the gloomy street. Even the stones in the road were cracked and coming loose. I didn't think much of it before...

"Hm...oh, hey. Isn't that your old place over there?"

I turned to where his finger was pointing and, sure enough, standing just as messed up and rickety as ever was the dump that I was born and raised in. Geez, and I thought _dumps_ were disgusting. For some reason, out of all the houses around the block, mine just never saw the light, you know. And after six years of being gone, it was just barely standing up over there. I figured that no one was living there now judging by the nappy lawn and the planks boarded up on the windows.

"That's it alright. Look, Roxas," I said, sending him a glance over my shoulder, "you don't have to come with me. I really don't get why you have to insist on following me whenever all this shit comes up." I brought a hand to my head and started rubbing my temples.

Roxas sent his eyes downcast and his eyes stared off into some abyss that I couldn't see. Maybe he was considering walking away now. That'd be good if he did. This place isn't fit for a clean cut guy like him.

"...I'm always gonna be in for the ride, Axel. Don't think that I'm a ditcher." In other words, god I love you.

I rolled my neck and turned back to face my house sitting across the street. "Alright. Just wanted to clarify. No turning back?"

"Nope."

I wasn't sure if I wanted to start searching around my house. After all, it was Roxas' brain that led us here. If anyone it should be _him_ leading the way like some badass German shepherd. So as I walked about and pretended to snoop around in all the right places, I secretly watched Roxas moving too in case he happened to get a better hunch than me.

"I should've brought Zipper along. He would've found him by now..." Roxas grumbled to himself while peeking over the rusty fence surrounding my old house.

"Him? Please. He's got enough of a hard time looking for socks—"

To shut me up, Roxas' fingers tightened their grip around the bars on the fence as he got up on his tiptoes to get a better look at something. He squinted hard in the distance and after scanning he jumped up a bit and furrowed his eyebrows.

"What?"

"Thought there was someone in the hou—"

"Hold up...what's..." My voice lowered after I heard something shifting against the broken street behind us. I made sure not to swivel around too fast otherwise whatever it was would take off. Looks like Roxas and I didn't have to look too far anymore. His senses were dead on the money with this one. Even better, Reno was here to help clear up the matter of why he had Ayden at his side, tiptoeing away from me.

"Hey, yo, Reno!" I yelled out to the back of his head. His shoulders tensed in mid tiptoe and he placed a hand on Ayden's left shoulder to make him stop too. Both of them were on the sidewalk across the street and were just about five steps away from exiting the neighborhood. From the looks of things, Reno didn't have any weapons on him. So far so good...

His head didn't budge and all Ayden could do was hide behind his leg and from time to time peek around it to stare at me and Roxas. "What's this about, Reno?" I tried addressing him again. No movement with that.

Another minute...and finally he lowered his head, adjusted the black glasses sitting atop his head and turned to whisper something over to Ayden, who I should mention was holding Reno's hand. Fuck that! That's _my_ kid you're messing up! Reno must've wanted this confrontation to come around because the second he turned around to face us, he had the snarkiest smile on and his hand was put on his hip in defiance. He still wasn't saying anything...nothing until...

"Ayden, run for it!" Roxas suddenly called out with a large step forward. Upon hearing that, Ayden's body shook but with a held out hand Reno told him to ignore that comment.

"You just stick to what we talked about, kiddo. I've got you!"

"No! You _run_, you got that Ayden? Go!"

"Roxas!" I gasped when I saw him stepping further into the road. I wanted to reach out and snatch him before another one of Reno's lackeys took him away again. "He'll—"

"_Roxas!_" Then, out of the blue, Reno's voice was drawing closer to where we were standing. Footsteps were pounding and a thick and witty cackle was just starting to reverberate through the neighborhood. Without thinking about what was about to happen, I moved off to the right and grabbed Roxas so we could start running. Thankfully, Reno missed both of us by an inch with whatever that shiny thing was he was holding out to the side. He just wouldn't stop laughing! His body whipped around and he stood there with his feet spread apart.

"I thought I _told_ you that I didn't want violence to come into this, man! If you'd just stay in one place then we'd all be hunky-dory, now won't we?"

Roxas pushed at me so he could glower at Reno around my arm. I kept standing over him with my back turned to the bastard that was absolutely screwing us all over. The short dagger in Reno's right hand was being held so tightly it was pulsing. His eyes narrowed down on us and just as I heard a door fly open, he scoffed lightly and took off running for the house. Before I could grab at him, he'd hopped the gate and made it into the dark house with Ayden to shut the door behind them.

They were both too damn fast for me. At this rate, I had a pretty good feeling that I wouldn't make it out of that house alive if I went in. Sacrifices can be better than you know.

I straightened up my back and looked down at Roxas' perplexed face. Oh, boy. I _can't_ drag you into this...somehow you're just gonna come back even when I push you outta the picture. You really scare me, you know that? I swallowed when I pressed my forehead atop his head and all I could say was:

"I think I'm gonna die."

With that pleasant note, Roxas' reaction was a given. He spat something incoherently and in one swift move grabbed me by the shirt and shook me a couple of times to get my head straight. He just wouldn't stop looking angry now. His face was red and his fingers were turning white from clenching so tightly.

"Shut the _hell_ up!" he ordered. "_Shut-the-hell-up!_"

"You wanna tell me the odds of me coming out of that house with my life?"

"You _will_ get outta there!"

"And what makes you think that?"

"Just-just _'cause_!" With another shake, Roxas let go of me and slapped a hand over his face. It really was a bad thing to traumatize him like that. But the truth is the truth. Nothing could change that. And the truth was: I'd die going in there. I could pretty much guess that.

I didn't much want to see Roxas collapse on his knees on the ground so I reached out a hand and started rubbing his shoulder in reassurance. Looks like a little white lie was in store here. Ouch. I sadly looked down at him even when he refused to look at me back.

"Yeah. You're right. I can't die in there, Rox."

He stopped smothering his face with his hand after I'd said that. Score point for me...

"'Cause didn't you promise that you'd have my back? Remember? Back up on that roof six years ago?" That night we went up on the roof of my place, Roxas pretty much said that he wouldn't let me fall off. And even I did, he'd be holding onto me so we'd go down together. Pretty tragic, but pretty romantic all the same. He didn't reply to that comment, but just seeing his pink face slowly look up at me and then turn toward the front door was all I needed to have.

"...Let's go. You ready?" Roxas nodded once as I decided to hop the fence. He followed shortly after and with that there was absolutely no turning back. The grass nearly came up to our knees as we grazed through it. I pictured glass bottles sitting on the welcome mat that was anything but welcoming. Hey, you old house. Happy to see me?

My only response was a moan from the planks on the windows and an extremely squeaky hinge as I pushed ever-so slightly on the door. It took some effort, even some second thoughts before I had that door halfway open so we could get through. Beyond that door was absolute darkness. No lights, no sound. Nothing. When the disappearing light from the sun just barely hit the floor, a thick layer of dust could be seen on the carpet. Gross...

And 3-2-1...we're in. I had to hold Roxas' arm not only to calm his nerves, but mine too. The only way that I knew he was sure about this whole thing was seeing him shut the door and make his stand there in pitch black. I tried not to cough when the heavy scent of alcohol and smokes ran past me. And even if I didn't, I had a strange feeling that we'd already been spotted.

Yup. We definitely were.

"_You've got this, Ayden! Do it!_"

Whatever Reno was egging him on to do, I didn't like the sound of it. I forced Roxas' body behind me and only my eyes looked frantically around the dark. "Don't listen to 'im, Ayden!"

"_Go!_"

Click...click...shit. Was this the moment where I was supposed to watch my life flash by? Maybe...just maybe.

I'd heard Ayden crying ahead of me just before another clicking sound was made and a huge banging sound literally shook up the entire house. You know...all I could do at that point was to _not_ try and dodge the bullet. I was blind and couldn't figure out where to turn in my own house. So with that I tightly shut my eyes, turned around and just prayed that the bullet wouldn't end up going through me into Roxas.

It didn't...but it still hurt worse than ever. To be shot by a family member is one thing. When that family member happens to be your kid, it's another. All that bottled up anger and shit that Ayden'd been hiding literally shot me in the back. Ripped at me. As if to say: you should've listened.

Let me tell you that it's not a great feeling coughing up blood.

"Told you so..._Roxas_."

* * *

**w00t! not to blood, i mean. i mean to finishing that chapter! it's a great feeling...**

**i've basically run out of bandages on this one...sorry, axel...**

**so...who here watches AMERICAN IDOL?? ok, so i just might be talking to myself on this, but let me say that it's amazing. even though i think that last years singers were much better compared to this years...still, DAVID COOK has my vote. the others...can go work at a theme park or something. they had a special show on tonight that i loved. IDOL GIVES BACK is touching and really exposes the world to the horrible events occuring in the world's most hard hit areas. all my respect to them.**

**so i figured that to match with the mood of the night, i'd give this chapter a little...something something! ok, not the sex so much...but the other drama drama (duck) stuff. AND, i just thought i should let you all know: the convention i attended two weeks ago was AMAZING. con update and shopping list are all posted on me blog. GO THERE. NAO. (dammit, i've spelled it that way AGAIN) -shot-**

**so here's something to write down and...dare i say it...get _memorized: _i'll be moving next saturday to mah new place which means that internet will be down for me for roughly two days, i believe. while i'm confident that i will have a chapter typed up, just be aware of that!!**

**...my computer is overflowing with akuroku doujinshi scans right now/nao. hohoho...(merry christmas?) life is good. you ready for some ACTION comin' up, brother??**

**_should i head for the hills...?  
kokoro77_**


	24. Chapter 24: Asphyxiation

**Author's note: pardon me. i seem to have misplaced my brain. care to help me? it's about yea wide and yea tall. it's a rather tiny thing. hard to fine yet hard to miss on the rare occasion. perhaps if i put up a reward it'll come back to me sooner...woe is me.**

**...**

**bah. there's just no use in that, is there? my mind wanders too often. i have GOT to learn how to keep a leash on it! tsk, tsk. i just might end up exploding. SAVE ME.**

**for the past weeks, i've been doing plenty of things. meeting the dalai lama, moving props and sets around in between scenes, moving from one house to another and on top of all that, suffering over the stomach flu. three days straight. damn viruses! curse the person that poisoned that apple i ate! GAH. SNOW WHITE THINKS _SHE_ HAD IT BAD??  
**

**oh. and death note. i has been watchin' death note. O-EM-GEE. SEX!! thank death note for motivating me and bringing my brain back for the night. xD it deserves cash. as do you for waiting so patiently on that cliff! ...i suppose so. guh. blame square enix for their lack of information on the three new games. i'm on a major WITHDRAWAL HERE, TETSUYA. TAKE THE HINT, PUHLEASE. ANYONE? ANYONE? BUELLER?? ...ellipsis**

* * *

Chapter 24: Asphyxiation

Tick tock. The clock was ticking. And I didn't have anywhere to go. For that one second, I just stood there with my arms thrown over Roxas' shoulders and my head ducked over his. I really didn't understand why _I _happened to be the target for most bullets in the world. I guess I must be doing something _terribly_ wrong in this life that makes people want to get rid of me. But why a _kid_? He shouldn't even know how to hold a damn gun in the first place. And here he was _shooting_ at me.

I coughed off to the side, away from Roxas so I wouldn't end up getting blood in his hair. Boy, that bullet sure didn't end up in a very nice spot, now did it? Roxas was standing extremely still against me in the dark. I could barely feel him breathing. Heck, _all_ my damn senses were pretty much giving up. Breathing was terrible, seeing straight was improbable and above all else I was feeling increasingly nauseated. No, no, no. Not good.

Now the reason why I could hear Ayden still crying confused me. I guess you could call it a parental instinct. But if that's the case, then why hasn't Reno done anything to console him yet? Maybe he just wasn't cut out to play the part of daddy. Pft. And I _am_?

"Axel...Axel, stay with me, ok? Hey..." Roxas' voice finally piped up from below me and with that his shaking fingers gripped onto my shoulders desperately. "No, no, you'll be ok! You hear me? Axel!" Wish I could promise you that one, Roxas. But I kinda already promised that I'd die earlier, didn't I? There's no counteracting that.

_"Come on, come on. Let's go."_

"...Reno."

"Axel, n-no. Just-you'll end up hurting yourself more if-"

Still partially leaned up against Roxas, I forced a scoff which ended up hurting my chest worse than breathing. I pretty much smiled it off and found it in me to turn back around to face the dusty living room where I'd heard that bastard of a cousin's voice. Hide and go seek never was fun to play in this old house.

"Can't," I mumbled after wiping a line of blood from the corner of my mouth. "Besides, I've been shot how many-how many times now?" I hunched over my knees a bit just to consider the situation at hand and all that time Roxas was holding onto me, insisting that I sit out-threatening that if I didn't he'd run out and call the police. But I knew these types of injuries better than Roxas. What appeared deadly in his eyes was anything but to me.

"I'm not letting you sacrifice yourself again, you hear me?" Roxas grated to my right. "Last time you tried this stunt trying to save Ayden, you were lucky that you came outta that accident with nothing but a broken arm! You go in here you'll end up committing-_suicide_ for all I know. So just-" I figured he couldn't find himself to continue since his voice had been shaking so much. Eventually, Roxas gave up on words and instead tried again to push me back to the front door as gently as he could. My eyes twitched when he did, but I couldn't let him know that I was hurting, right? Nope. Not gonna happen.

And so, bleeding from the back, I used one hand to hold Roxas' panicking self next to me. I could've shut my eyes if I wanted-just to get in the moment-but if I did that, who knew what would happen to me? And, sadly, that little hug only lasted for about a couple of seconds. By then I started blindly limping away from the door. To think, those big shot heroes used to always bug me-what with their snarky attitudes and their spineless true nature-but the more I thought about it and the more I kept walking even though it _hurt_, I pretty much classified myself as a hypocrite. Way to go, man.

Now where did those two _go_?

I felt pretty pathetic not remembering how to get around my own house. I wonder what Roxas thought about me as he followed behind. Was I a good guy for trying? Or was I just the village idiot? I figured that I was a bit of both.

I held back another cough that crawled up to my throat and squinted up ahead where I thought I heard rustling against the carpet. Right. Somewhere around here there was a hallway, wasn't there? And somewhere down that hallway was my old room. I felt Roxas' hand clutch onto my arm and I wasn't sure if it because he wanted to hold me back or he just wanted to hold me in general.

"Just let me look for them, Axel," he whispered. "Please."

I just shook my head even though I knew he couldn't see it.

"I...wait. I hear something." Good. 'Cause I sure can't right now.

"...Where?" I croaked as I leaned up against the wall to my left. Roxas yanked on my right arm slightly and tried to get me to fall into step with him. I really did like the way he did that...ha-ha.

Soon he'd pulled me close enough to hear voices coming from the other end of the hallway. I had to turn my ear in that direction and bite my tongue to keep myself awake. Awake, awake, _awake_.

_"Yeah. Just pull yourself up."_

_"Mm-hmm..."_

_"Aw, come on, kid. What's with the waterworks, huh? Come on. We'll be outta here sooner than you know, 'kay?"_

"That's Reno," Roxas mumbled under his breath. The lack of emotion in his voice told me that 1) he ultimately hated the guy or 2) he ultimately hated my decision at the moment. I ignored both choices and walked ahead of him. From the sounds of things, Reno and Ayden were getting ready to leave the house. And there was only other exit that I could think about aside from the backdoor.

"My room. Go in there," I told Roxas over my shoulder and he hesitantly brushed by me and felt around in front of him for a door. By the time I heard the squeaky hinges, the voices had left the scene and I was getting pretty anxious. Great. Do _not_ tell me that we lost 'em! "Go 'head."

When Roxas didn't budge even the tiniest bit, I stood up as straight as I could and kicked that door open so it could chip the paint on the wall behind it. I really couldn't figure out where all that strength came from, but no matter. Roxas and I were literally standing in a memory right now. Even with the bed gone and the pictures pried off of the closet, I could still see him in here like that one night he stayed over. This old room was still mine and Roxas, Roxas was still here.

Guess we got carried away. Guess we got lost. Maybe being together in this crammed room was like a safe haven.

I couldn't get too carried away with that happy thought. On the opposite wall the window was left open with the planks of wood that had been blocking it lying either on the carpet or out on the fire escape.

"Must've gone through there," I said while pointing up to the window. It was good to see some sunlight making way in here, even if it showed the dust and cobwebs.

With that, Roxas surprisingly was the first to move toward the window. Great. I had this feeling that he was angry at me, or maybe he was just trying to avoiding _looking_ at me. He'd most likely burst out in tears if he saw me bleeding so much in all this sunlight. I cringed thinking about it and took slow steps toward him. Why was the world going so _slowly_?

Breathe in, breathe out...come on. You can do this.

Roxas stopped right below the window and instead of pulling himself up, he stayed put-watching the wall like he was expecting it to speak to him. Typical Roxas behavior. I cocked my head and watched the orange and white flecks of dust swirl around his lowered head. He always looked amazing under orange light even in a bad environment. Hm. My own ray of light, I guess. No sooner had I thought that did Roxas' head turn in my direction and his lit up face bury into my heaving chest. He was warm...

Ah. Another hug, ey? I chuckled in spite of myself. I knew what this was for.

"I'm not saying goodbye t' you, Rox. Not right now at least."

He didn't answer. Don't you believe me?

Another one of our hugs. Another minute and a half flew by. There was never enough time. I wanted to say that I'd get the chance to make time later-to spend it all in whatever way I wanted. But when we eventually lifted ourselves out of the dust and into the amber light outside, I felt weightless, lightheaded, and remembered that there was no way that time would be on my side now.

Something was literally taking me away. Just...give me time. Then I'll go.

"Axel... Axel, they're up on the roof..."

"...Another one of our snapshot places...remember?" Who'd've thought? Who'd've thought...

xxXXxx

_"Alright. When that next train comes by I want you not to panic, Ayden. Understand?"_

_"W-why?"_

_"It's hard to explain right now. We're just...gonna get a little ride, that's all."_

_"Ride? How? We can't-"_

_"I know, I know. Just follow my lead, got it?"_

Listen to that skank tellin' my kid what to do...who's he trying to pull here? Does he honestly believe that _he's _worth the title of _dad_? Come on, Ayden. You should know better than this!

It took forever to climb up that damn fire escape, but soon I pulled myself over the last step and onto the heated roof without Roxas' help. I was panting non-stop by the time I was kneeling down on that roof and it hurt that I had to try and shut myself up so that we wouldn't get caught my Reno.

I saw him standing at the back end of the roof, staring up at the silver tracks that just barely grazed the house. Ayden was standing at his left with his hands hidden in his pockets and his head covered by a black hood. His shoulders were tense and shaking and Reno had his hand patting one of them as if telling him things were gonna be alright. No. A simple pat of the back can never heal a kid's emotions like that. You fake. You _liar_.

Another surge of anger took me over and I released all I could by yelling out to Reno. I was still kneeling on one knee but, dammit, I could still do this!

"Reno! Reno!"

He suddenly stopped patting Ayden's shoulder not only because I'd yelled at him, but because Ayden had turned around quickly so that his hand was whacked away. He didn't follow Ayden's example and instead went on eying the train tracks as if I wasn't even there. Ayden, on the other hand, was just about ready to jump out of his shoes and make a run for it. I could tell that he was looking right at me-unsure of what to say or do. The thought that he shot me just couldn't comprehend with his head.

"D-dad," he whimpered under his hood.

At that, Reno's head twitched and he whipped around to face both me and Roxas huddled together. I could tell that Roxas was ready to block anything that would come my way be it a bullet or some other shit that Reno had up his sleeve. Reno's face was straight-his sunglasses pulled over his eyes and his lips turned down in a stiff frown. But that face didn't last very long. It usually never did. As soon as he saw Roxas kneeling beside me with his hands at my back, his lips twitched and all he could do was laugh. Out loud.

"Would you look at that! Two lover boys in it 'til the end. Who'd've thought it, huh? Who'd've thought it?"

"I was just thinkin' the same thing, ya know," I replied with a smirk of my own.

"It ain't over, Reno! You know that!" Roxas barked. Reno cracked his neck and tapped the heel of his boot against the creaking roof.

"Or maybe _you_ _two_ don't. You're both so _stubborn_! I'm tryin' to save your lives and all you wanna do is snoop around and sacrifice yourselves! So this is what it's come to, see? He's gonna _die_!"

"NO!" Roxas screeched so loudly that my ear nearly popped. "_No one's_ gonna die, you got that, Reno?!"

He crossed his arms and clicked his tongue. "Man, how thick can you get?" His eyes turned down to his feet where he started talking for a while. Oh, so _now_ he decides to sound sad. "You're really not gonna believe me now, are ya? Can't say I didn't try."

"Maybe...if you'd just _tell _me why you're being so hostile then you wouldn't have to be saying all that shit." I really felt like lying down at that point, but for some reason I was interested in seeing the look on Reno's face when he'd talk. He wasn't quite himself, but he wasn't entirely another person either. Maybe he was just starting to take a liking to being in Arson's position-all the power and attitude that he could ever want was starting to get in the clear.

Reno scoffed and wrapped a lanky arm around Ayden's shaking frame. Ayden kept staring at his feet from under the shadows his hood. I'd always told him that crying wasn't a guy thing, but that just supports that thought that I'm nothing but a hypocrite, doesn't it?

"You know," Reno started with a sigh, "maybe you're right. Maybe it'd be better if you knew. But just know that _you_ were the one askin' for it."

"Like I care."

He ignored that comment and, still holding Ayden close, smiled as he spoke to us.

"...Guess it'll sting pretty bad to know that a majority of your life has been made up of loads of bullshit. Lies, get it? And all that time _I_ sure knew about 'em, and I tried damn hard to keep 'em a secret! You couldn't know 'cause for sure you'd end up living in a box even before you finished half of high school!"

My eyes twitched as my breathing started to ease down a bit. Reno continued.

"I told ya how much your daddy loved ya, didn't I? Well, if you're not gonna buy _that_, you think you can buy something about your mommy?"

I looked up and raised an eyebrow. Roxas' fingers dug into my shoulders.

"...She ain't yours either."

Freeze. Hold up. _Excuse me_? That...that can't be right, right? She and I...shit, how can she _not_ be mine? You mean to tell me that I can't see my own face in hers? You mean to tell me that we don't look the same? That we don't act, walk and talk like we're each other's twin? You expect me to believe that all these years from birth to now I've been living without a single person who's _mine_? She's really...not?

My chest heaved and I exhaled sharply when something stabbed at my insides. Roxas' head dropped beside mine and all he could do was tell me it was ok. Don't believe it. Don't listen to that jerk. He's lying, he's lying, he's _lying_. You're gonna be ok. Listen to me...please listen to me.

"I know. Big shocker, right? Ready for another?"

"Not...really..."

Reno's eyebrows lowered and I could picture his eyes looking down at me with as much heartfelt compassion he could muster. Yeah. Right.

"See, it's just sheer _coincidence _that you happen to look just like her. And it's also coincidence that _I_ happen to look like _you_. Reason why she and I look the same?"

My eyes widened suddenly and I had to stop breathing for only a second. Don't tell me...

"_I'm_ supposed to be you. Makes sense? As a matter of fact, I'm Axel. Just with another name. Hope I didn't lose ya there."

Roxas reacted quicker than I did and when he lifted his head off my shoulder he was the first to speak. "So you're saying...Arisa's your _mom_?"

At that, Reno nodded slowly and nudged his sunglasses upward with his middle finger. Judging by the loss of reaction from Ayden, Reno had already told this to him earlier. Kids shouldn't know this stuff...

"Yup. That makes Arson-"

"Your dad."

Reno pointed his finger my way, imitating a gun with his thumb, and pulled the invisible trigger. "Bingo. So that _also_ makes you and me...?"

"...Half brothers?" I asked.

Reno's smile widened instantly. "Good on ya, _bro_."

"But-"

"Guess dad just happened to take a liking to women with red hair, ey? Must've been why you and I came out looking like exact cookie cutter kids. Kind of. I guess when mom left dad, both you and I were way too young for her to tell apart. So by the time she came back, it only made sense that she got you confused with me.

See, I never knew your real mom. Dad would never tell. She eventually couldn't keep a hold on you and let Arson take up the responsibility of both parents. But, see, he was way too embarrassed to show mom that he had another kid that she didn't know about. So for a while he had to keep you in Aerith's care. She was a nanny slash aspiring nurse at the time. Pretty much the reason why you liked her so much growin' up. And you didn't even know! 'Til I got into school, you stayed with 'er. That's when mom left dad for good.

And with her gone, you could show your face and Arson could take you into the house. I didn't know what the hell he was doin' with this random baby all the time, but I just went to kiddie care not payin' much attention to it. But when you started growin' up, I started gettin' ignored little by little. Know that? And with Riku there too? Man, I was like part of the wallpaper. It just got to the point where, one day, I went to school and didn't go back home. Simple as that. Not like he cared, you know.

Yeah. Aerith knew a hell of a lot about dad's drug problems. That's pretty much the reason why she took me in and didn't tell dad about it for a _long_ while. From the time I was 7 to when I was _17_ she kept me with her. I didn't like bein' called _Axel_ anymore since that's the name that dad gave you when you moved in. You never had a name until he took you in. So when I went with Aerith I told her that my name was Reno. She'd always ask me 'Reno, you wanna meet your daddy now?' and I'd just ignore her 'bout it. Know why? 'Cause _you_ were there. Psh. You stole my name, you know?

So's I meet up with the old man some thousand years later and all he asked me was 'Axel?' and all I said to him was 'It's _Reno_ now.' 'Man, I really hated that guy. He just freakin' _nodded_ and told me _his_ life story and how I was gonna end up bein' his stupid successor in the near future. Prick. That's all I was good for! His _first_ son was nothin' more than a drug dealer to be, I guess. But, no matter, right? That just makes _you_ a safe puppy, doesn't it? You can _have_ a love life and a _decent_ job all because of _me_. All because I _failed_ and kept secrets, _you_ could walk around happy, couldn't ya?"

"I-"

"I thought that I could screw around with your head for a bit-just to see if I'd like the feeling of revenge. But I decided that maybe I'd gone too far. After all, you're my half bro, aren't ya?" He chuckled skyward. "Oh, but it was a great idea, _I _thought. All I had to do was switch up my health test with yours. Since I grew up around Aerith when she started to work at the doctor's office, I could see how she typed up health reports and what went where. So when I found out that _I_'_d_ gotten AIDS, all I had to do was copy what she did and flip our names. I became you and you became me. Ironic, right?

Besides, I didn't _only_ wanna see what you'd do, but I had to find _someway_ to keep the test away from Larxene. You know 'bout our one night stand deal. If _she_ found out that I got AIDS, man, she'd get rid of the kid like that!" He snapped his fingers and brought Ayden even closer to him.

So that meant...Ayden was born with it. My vision was getting fuzzier with every tidbit that Reno spat out. I really couldn't' handle everything at once. I hated to say that this was getting to a point where I was just _begging_ to be dead already. Pain is a real bitch, you know that? No matter _what_ form it comes in.

"As to why I'm up here and why Ayden's here with me? Easy. I'm the dad, he's my kid and that means that he's gonna have to learn how to follow dad's footsteps the right way. Starting today. I told him that you never cared a _bit_ about Larxene, see. And don't tell me that ain't true, man! It's true! You wanted to hurt her, I said. And Marly had him slip a drugged stick of gum in your pocket hundreds of weeks back. Marly thought it'd kill ya, but all it did was make you miserable for a night. That's all Ayden and I needed. He didn't like how you weren't there when she died. Now, see this?"

Reno's fingers slipped into his back pocket where he pulled out something small, flat and black. He turned it over in his palm carefully. "It's that memory card from your camera, technically Arson's old camera. He'd put pictures in that old thing before he died. Specifically pictures of places were he kept all his goods hidden before they'd get sold. Just so I'd know where to look. That's the only reason why I shoved it on that train with ya, man!

I thought that Marly would manage to get a hold of the thing, but I never knew that you guys were head buttin'! That's when I took matters into my own hands and decided to come out here for a surprise visit. And it was a good thing that dad passed away so I could have an excuse to show up. Kinda sad that news about the camera was startin' to spread around the block. Believe me, if I hadn't taken that thing away from ya, there'd be hordes of people swarmin' to take it by force."

"Where's Marluxia now?" Roxas asked slowly.

Reno sighed in disappointment. Tired of telling the truth already? "Got caught by the police a while back. Looks like you haven't been up to date with the news. He's been in jail. But it's better for 'im. Better for that girlpal of yours, Roxas. He's just one less thing to worry about...for everyone." After a long pause, I guessed that he was finally through with telling the truth. I didn't know for sure if that was all, but it was enough for now. For all I knew he could've been the reason why Zexion died, why Larxene had kissed me, why blue was blue and why red was red...why Roxas and I had met.

I dunno. Anything could happen. All because of Reno.

"So," I started in a hushed voice, "what're you gonna do now, Reno?"

At first, Reno just stood there stone still in front of the train tracks. For the hell of it, tell me one more thing. Just one more. Pitch me another line and maybe I can hate you less, _bro_. My arms shook violently and all I once my body lunged forward and my knees nearly gave out on me. I had to shut my eyes. And I did. I just had to find a way not to like the sight of black and the feel of cold rippling on my skin.

_"Axel! Oh, shit. No!"_

_"...We're headin' home."_

_"H-huh?"_

_"Ayden and I are gonna grab onto the next train that comes by on these tracks. It'll take us down to the platform where we can catch the next train to Radiant Garden."_

_"He...he took my ticket, didn't he?"_

_"Sure did. Told him to. I knew that Axel would try a stunt like that. He was gonna take it for himself just to keep me here."_

_"Please wake up, please wake up...wake up. No, no, no..."_

_"Put him outta his misery, Rox. Everyone's got their time."_

_"...Fuck you."_

I opened my eyes that very second. I was on my side. My arms were pulled in close to my chest. I couldn't feel a pulse. I couldn't hear breathing or my own thoughts. But I could see clearer than I ever could. Roxas right beside me-hands frantically touching my face, my chest. That same orange glow-the one that just happened to look so good on Roxas when he'd smile, when he'd frown, when he'd cry. That stupid necklace-the one that I'd probably never get to see anywhere else but on Roxas' neck-just shimmering and hanging by a chain.

And then a scream. And another. A loud screech. And a million yells echoing...just echoing and echoing...

Somehow I could lift my head off of the roof and with one sucked in breath I stared where the train tracks were. An orange train had rolled in just in time to catch Reno underneath it and no doubt end him right then and there. All because Ayden-sitting beside the smoking wreck in tears-had pushed him as he tried to get up. His own dad. Now dead.

All I did was smirk when I lowered my head back down in Roxas' direction. He was still touching me the way I liked to be...still with me and still alive. Just how I wanted it to be.

"Everyone's...got their time..."

_"Shh..."_

_I'd fallen in love with Axel for a reason. A very good reason..._

* * *

**what's _this_? a sudden change in narrative? holy flaming house plants of justice, batman! what does it mean? well, robin, if you'd wear you underpants in the correct place then i could tell you with a straight face. for now, i leave you to hang. xD**

**mm. what a night. writing so much DIALOGUE hurts my eyes! forgive me if all of it was confusing. it was all very: "and he's your sister's cousin's grandma's husband's brother's friend's best friend's dog's cat's mother's brother's daughter's uncle's babysitter's mailman twice dead three times removed!!" i mean, really. WHUT?**

**and yet another WHUT for axel. just what the hell is going _on_ here? well...guess what? a similar event happened in a dream of mine about a week ago. i had to incorporate it. my. how inspiring it is. **

**w00t. end of the year finals are coming up shortly. _which means_ that summer is nearly here!! AHHH. but trust me. i shall not wait for that many weeks AGAIN to update. i'll try. i really will. you all have my word...poor reno? hm. i just don't know if i feel for the guy.**

_**i less than three you all,  
kokoro77**_

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	25. Chapter 25: If

**Author's (DEATH) note: holy...duuuuude. school year is over in literally one and a half weeks!! guh. but i have the strange feeling that this next week and the week of finals will be THE longest of my life. they usually are. sigh. there will be crappy ceremonies about crap that i honestly don't need to know about. crying will also commence. i don't think i can take much more of the tear shedding, to be honest.**

**at the moment, i have this strange obsession with show tunes and piano music. i go through the phase about once every month. it's like getting a period...but not. even funnier is that the phase lasts for about a week, too. xP will there ever be a reason?? i think i was born with this disorder known as "obsession".**

**gasp. do you recall the previous chapter? what in the heck was up with the last one liner, you ask? ...hm. well, to quote xigbar: "gee. i just don't know..." and, for the record...yes. i _do_ do research on gunshot wounds on google before writing about them. ACCURACY. ACCURACY, I SAY! therefore, axel getting shot in the lung and being able to stay awake and walk about is quite realistic. ahem...  
**

* * *

Chapter 25: If

I never liked cemeteries. Just the thought of them makes me feel like _I'm_ gonna be the one six feet under. You know the feeling. Seeing those tall gates and the patchy grass is like looking at the other side of the world. You might think that I'm an idiot. After all, I've experienced loads of deaths-probably way more than any one person should in their lifetime-so there's no reason to get wigged out. I've seen more violence than your average teen should and I've broken more rules than any parent sets for their kid. Awake past curfew, running away, escaping the law, drinking, dancing, crying, lying...

And falling in love.

Ok, so it's cheesy to say. But I guess only people that've either been in my situation or have dreamt of it can relate. Right? Am I right? Well, while you sit there and wonder, let me continue a bit. I came to visit for a reason, after all.

See, falling in love was somewhat of a mistake. I guess it's 'cause I ended up throwing myself into loads of BS...then again, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. 'Cause in the end, I ended up getting something that was all worth while. Something that maybe I didn't deserve. Something that I could make mine to help me be me. 'Cause who else _could_ I be? That's really all he ever wanted.

So, in reality, I could never be six feet under anymore. So...I just wanna say thanks. Not only to you, but to that something. I never say that enough.

_"Thought I'd find you here."_

Hah. I should've known.

I blinked after opening my eyes and the first thing I saw was the grass turning orange. Must've been sunset. Guess I'd been out past curfew again. Whoops. I smiled carelessly and just barely glanced over my shoulder. Hm. We were just talkin' 'bout you...

Axel.

"Surprised?" I asked, my voice hoarse since I hadn't been talking for at least a couple of hours. He shook his head and stepped closer towards me. He looked like a shadow with the sun setting right behind him. I could never figure out why I just couldn't grow up and why _he_ had to be so _tall_ all the time. Eventually I should get over it.

"Not really," he replied with a sigh. "Today was it, yeah?"

I nodded and turned back to the grass below me. "Yeah...Today was it."

"Hm, didn't think that you'd wanna revisit. _I_ almost tried to forget on purpose. Almost."

Hah. That was so like him-never wanted to end up face to face with a situation that would lead to the ultimate downer for the whole day. You know, he'd try the craziest things just to brighten the day up. Running and pulling off some shitty prank was usually on the agenda. But, in the end, he had to face facts and go with the flow. Yeah, today was the day that Zexion died. Buried right here, as a matter of fact. And there's no use in passing by and saying that you're sorry it happened. What's been said's been said and what's been done's been done. Axel was actually the one to teach me that one.

I pulled my chin in closer to my chest and after one last look at the headstone in the ground, turned to my left and started to walk away. Just as I thought. Axel's footsteps started echoing after me, and at a pretty quick pace, too.

"So, what's next on your agenda, Rox?" he asked quaintly. "I just got back from visiting mom and Ayden so-"

"Nothing. And nowhere, thanks for asking."

"Aw, come on, Roxas. What's with the short answers?"

"Nothing." Ok, so in reality I was just _making_ him gang up on me. Truth was, I really, _really_ missed it when he'd tailgate for my attention. Sure, it was a pretty selfish intention, and I know it's bad, alright? But can you blame me? He's like a toy, this guy. How can youleave him _alone_? All you have to do is find the switch, find what makes him tick and watch him go. You should try it sometime. It's great fun, I swear. I started smirking at my feet when I heard him click his tongue in annoyance.

"Look, uhm, should I say I'm sorry I found you? Or maybe I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner? Man..."

I just kept walking down the row of gravestones with my hands in my jacket pocket and my head still turned down. Hm, I put that skateboard _where_ again? Can't seem to remember...

"Roxas."

Maybe I put it behind that tree over there? Nah. By the entrance gate? Probably not...

"Hey, yo, Roxas."

Oh, _that's_ where I put it. Right _under_ the tree by the hours of operation sign. Now all I have to do is get it and-

"You're gonna step in dog shit!"

Shit! Just before I lifted my foot off the ground, I stopped myself and backed away while I started scanning the ground for the nice present Fido left over. That's when I realized that I'd just made a doofus out of myself. You'd think that nearly eight years of knowing each other I'd _clearly_ remember that Axel was, in fact, also a doofus. I sighed and shook my head.

"I just wanna get outta here, Axel. Graveyards creep me out after dark."

He didn't say anything after that. Heck, even when I started walking again and got to the sign he didn't say a _word_. Hm. I should try that one more often, ey? You see the magic that I can do? And he calls _himself_ a manipulator. I walked around the sign and there was my skateboard, leaned up against the metal post just where I'd set it. Present from mom. Seventh grade. Boy, I missed her...

Axel probably saw my face when I thought about her and, like usual, prodded at me about it. "What's up with you?" he asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the sign so I wouldn't get around him. I frowned at the graffiti on the post when I replied.

"Nothing."

He grunted and smeared a hand down his face. "There you go again with the _nothing_!"

"But it's really-"

"You mind putting the board down a sec and talkin' to me? Maybe we can chat about this _nothing_ of yours, hm?" Axel raised an eyebrow down at me and slapped a hand down on my shoulder, making me slump and lose grip on the end of my skateboard. Seeing as I didn't wanna damage the thing, I set it down carefully in the patchy grass and decided to give in to communicating with him. Stubborn me, I know.

The tree beside the two of us rustled and the gate groaned when a breeze flew over the cemetery. Quiet. Just quiet. Dead people didn't have much to say, now did they? I propped a foot on the skateboard and started pushing it forward and back absently like any kid that didn't want to confess something to their mom. I never _was_ fully an adult. Don't think I ever will be. Psh. Axel sure has one heck of a way to go.

"There's allota graves we've seen dug up, ey, Rox?" he said dully. I smiled faintly.

Didn't wanna admit it. "Yeah. Mom's...over there. Up the hill from Zex."

There was a long pause after that. And I mean a _long pause_. He never was good at answering to those sorts of things right away. So I played around with the skateboard while listening to the leaves in the tree talk nonsense in the breeze, just waiting for him to say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry to hear that'.

But I knew him better.

His head suddenly ducked so he could get a better look at my face and in the corner of my eye I saw that his expression was pulled into concern. _Real_ concern. So real that even before he looked at me I could feel his heat and even his eyes looking right through me. Concern? For me? Aw. You shouldn't have.

"Never told me that detail, y'know," he mumbled, staring right at me.

I shrugged and cradled my arms, still pushing the skateboard. Back and forth and back and forth. "You didn't need to hear that. You were goin' through too much stuff."

"Well you can tell me now, right? All the stuff I went through's gone. All that's over. All that's in the past."

I wondered if I should really tell him anything or not. I didn't want to delve into immense detail about mom's death. There really wasn't anything interesting in it. She'd just gotten old and died. That's all. She wasn't too old, but she wasn't too young either. It'd been a year since Axel got back into town and all I could tell him about myself was, well, that I was gonna get married.

"She just died naturally," I said to my foot that was pushing the skateboard. My shoes were sure worn out from running so much. To think that they were brand spanking new. That was _before_ I'd met Axel. _Before_ I started getting along with him. Then I was running from and _for_ everything.

"Hm. That's how I'd wanna go," he chuckled while taking a step closer to me. The sun suddenly disappeared when he did and I shivered under the coldness of his shadow. "That's probably how I'm _supposed _to go eventually. I mean, I've been shot at and kicked around like a bag, but I'm still here, aren't I?"

I nodded solemnly, rethinking the shooting and the kicking part of that sentence.

"Come on. I thought you'd be happy to hear that one."

I looked up slowly and shook my head. "Sorry. I am."

"Doesn't sound like it."

The truth was: I just wasn't happy. These past few days, I've been nothing but a sloth. A stick in the mud. A puppy without a chew bone. In short, I've been nothing but complete _crap_. Why? Well, I'd tell you...but that topic should be coming up about-

"...Ah. This is about me leaving again, isn't it?"

Yeah. There sounded about right. And he always decides to pick the best time of year to leave. Spring. The prettiest season in Twilight Town next to summer. And without him, you know, it's never the same. Seasons just never change like they should. They never look like they should. And I'm never what I should be. You can't tell me that that's not something to be frowning about.

Regretfully, I nodded once, pulling the skateboard further and pressing the wheels deeper into the dirt. I increased the speed, making the dried grass crackle and hiss when the wheels ground against it. That pretty much made me look insecure. Then, all at once, the back wheels caught onto something on the ground and my foot slipped on the board just as I was about to move it again. I yelped, the world spun and just like that the ground became the sky when I ended up falling backwards.

I heard the grass rustle only a bit, not because of the wind, but because he'd moved to grab me. And after I felt the impact travel up my spine, we sat there with him leaned up against the sign post and me with my back against his torso. I sort of liked hearing the fabric in our clothes brush together along with the leaves. I liked having the world slow down and the feeling of not knowing which way was up and which way was down. With him, you get that feeling...

And you're just left in a daze.

"...You worry me sometimes," I whispered with my eyes shut from the impact.

I felt his chest vibrate when he laughed. "Had to do it, Roxas. Can't afford seein' a sad face before I go. Oops." He quickly lifted a hand to cover his mouth. "I mean..."

"It's fine...You're heading back home and that's that. Said so yourself. It's in the past...Nothing we can do."

"When you put it _that_ way it just sounds flat out miserable."

Well, _isn't it_? The story went like this. Weeks after he was being hospitalized for a punctured lung and a boggled mind, we started off on a clean slate. His mom and Ayden bought tickets to leave for Radiant Garden after they'd been asked all they could be asked by the police about Reno's death.

Months later, we were living like kids all over again. Thought about living here and maybe finding our own place. Preferably by the beach 'cause he knew I liked it best there. Maybe get to bring him to the top of the clock tower without police in the way. Run in the streets and hope that we don't get caught kissing in an alley. Learn how to skateboard all over again. Learn how to smile...all over again.

Who would've thought that 'go back to Hallow Bastion _without Roxas_' would fit into that perfect schedule? He'd bought that ticket ages ago and I just couldn't do anything. Nothing. No refunds, for one thing. A lot of money to buy for another. Nothing. So maybe sitting here on the warm grass wasn't such a bad thing...

"You're really going..." I said, meaning for it to only reach my ears. "You're really-" I couldn't finish the sentence.

I felt something on my left wrist and at first thought it might've been a bug. But when I looked, I spotted the tips of his fingers just barely touching my skin-tracing the shape of the gaps between my own. I watched him until he stopped in between the pinky and ring finger.

"I'll let you in on a little secret, 'kay?"

Really. Was this the right time to be telling secrets?

"See, I gave you a little something for a good reason...and if I just got up and left you to wear it without reason, that'd be delusional."

I narrowed my eyes and twitched when his ring finger began tracing again. "...What're you saying?" I asked with a tiny scoff.

His body shifted so he could lean his head in closer to my ear. I tilted my head the other direction to give him room and gave him all the attention in the world. All I heard was him at that point. Nothing else. Nothing...

"I can't go. That's just it."

So...were those plans we were making off the top of our heads gonna play out? But, wait, him not _leaving_? That doesn't make sense! He'll miss out on work! He's already been gone a year. Longer than that even. He even told me that his boss was gonna end up cutting him lose if he didn't show up first thing Monday morning which was, by the way, a couple days away from today. No. He couldn't change his mind! Not even...not even for me. He can't be doing this just because of my own selfish needs.

Damn it!

I held my breath when I sat up and pushed away from his body. I turned halfway around and saw him looking right back at me like he was about to fall asleep. Getting comfortable...and at a time like this! Geez, Axel, you're supposed to be at the damn station in an hour! We shouldn't _be_ here!

"What? You can't _not_ go...What're you thinking?" I nearly spat. He shrugged lightly and stared off behind me at the gate that enclosed the cemetery.

"I'm thinking about what's right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yeah. Real smart of you."

"Oh, c'mon, Roxas," he drawled, sitting up just to get closer to me. "Are you hearin' yourself talking? Let's think about that _again_..." With that, he tapped the side of my forehead with a finger and all I could do was let him. I just didn't_ wanna_ get up.

I sighed in defeat. I pretty much gave up trying to negotiate things with Axel. "Let's not, ok? Let's not." Regretting that I'd even reacted that way, I turned my back to him and instead of getting up like you'd probably expected from a pissed off me, I sat still and waited.

"Hm. Thought you were gonna shoot me for sayin' that."

"I don't believe you..."

Axel chuckled and used a free hand to touch the top of my head. He started pulling his fingers through my hair, probably without even realizing it. I'm always someone's damn cat. But, I actually like it...sometimes. I let out a shaky sigh and shut my eyes while staring up at the dark orange and purple sky above us. Why couldn't I just let things go?

"Yeah, I _know_ I'm gonna lose my job _and_ the respect of pretty much the entire fashion industry. Plus the rabid fans out there, you know." He laughed again, thinking about it, before going on to say, "But they'll always be around, right? Now _you_ on the other hand..." His fingers stopping moving and just when I opened my eyes, I felt him shift and his breathing graze the lower back of my neck. "_You're_ a once in a lifetime person, Rox."

"...Please," I scoffed, holding back emotion as best I could.

"Too flattering? Hm. But don't you deserve that kind of treatment?" His smile touched my skin and I closed my eyes when they did. Swallow. Shiver. No, no there was no _way_ that I deserved that kind of treatment. I didn't need some gooey words. What I deserve right about now is a nice couch, a good show and a flat soda. Yeah. But I had to stick with dry grass, a sunset and the feeling of Axel breathing down my neck.

I shook my head and let my shoulders droop. "Axel," I sighed, "you can't keep throwng your life away like that. I mean, you worked _hard_ for that job...and that ticket-"

"C'mon. Let's not talk like adults for a minute, huh? If you ask me, you gotta learn to take a sec, Rox. Mellow out..."

Uh-huh. Sure. You expect me to mellow out? And how do you propose we not be like adults, Axel? God, I really wonder about you and the world you're living in. A Peter Pan fantasy, maybe? Wanna fly around a pirate ship and live on an island where we never grow up? Wish that you could make small talk with the fairys and meet one of those mermaids by a magical waterfall? Hm? Is that where you live?

But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize: maybe Axel really _had_ started this strange world for us to live in. Ever since I'd met him, I really _could_ act like a kid and _like_ it. I really _could_ look at something and see it as another. So maybe there weren't mermaids and fairy dust. And so what if there wasn't any chance that we'd be able to jump off a building and fly? I guess we were living in a make-believe world ever since we met. We were pretty much openminded enough to create those feelings ourselves...

With Axel still barely breathing down my jacket, I turned my head all the way up to face the sky and started rolling my neck as he teased and teased...and touched and _lived_. I'd gotten so lost that I forgot to push his hands away when they wrapped around my waist and pulled me backward. From there, I fell against him like he was a good pillow. A _very_ good pillow.

With my eyes open to slits, I continued to stare upward only this time with him blocking my view of the sky. Not like that was a _bad_ thing, right? To think, after all the things he and I have lost, we were, well, still _we_. His smile softened up and I stared drowsily when it did.

"...You're not gonna make me _leave_, now are ya?" he asked quietly.

It took me a minute, maybe more, but I eventually shook my head.

"Thought so..." Chuckle. "_You're too predictable_." With that whisper, he kissed me. An upsidedown one. A slow one. A short one. But a kiss nonetheless. Sorta awkward, although it really shouldn't be. I guess the fact that I'm predictable should be taken as a compliment. And you know? I was greatful for that one. I still had my eyes closed long after the kiss stopped. Yeah, I _know_ I can be Little Miss Sleeping Beauty once in a while...but honestly, does anyone care?

"What's say you an' me get outta here? That train's long gone by now anyway, right?"

I smiled. Just smiled. "Right...psh. You dork." I was still trying to understand that he and I could lounge around like this and, you know, kiss on a regular basis. I sorta wanna say that it makes me a bad person for playing a horrible game and not knowing for sure why I happened to end _up _with Axel. Love, love, love. People tell you one thing about it, but it's never true unless you've experienced it yourself.

And I've been there. So I can pretty much say all I want. Wanna believe it? Well, that's up to you. Honestly, _I_ can't even believe it...

After about another five minutes or so, both of us got up from the ground and finally I got the chance to get on the skateboard like I wanted to. Always a kid, I tell ya. I caught him smiling up at me when I zoomed off toward the pathway and toward the exit gate. Soon he was walking beside me out of the cemetery where we just left everything behind. Burdens, tears, loved ones and friends...all of 'em.

"Hey, Roxas?"

I gave another push on the skateboard and glanced over at him. "Yeah?"

He looked down at his feet-the black converse that I knew so well, and that were just as worn out as mine-and hid his hands in his pockets with the ghost of a smile etched on his face. "I've been wonderin'...if I'd died back when Reno was still alive, where would you be?"

Well, awkward question to ask. It actually concerned me. And it concerned me more that I knew just what to say. "I'd be...well...alive."

"Why's that?"

"...'cause that's how you would've wanted it."

I knew I answered it right. 10 points right there. Axel's smile just wouldn't stop showing up today, and because of that I felt like I'd grown just a little bit taller. Maybe not so much, but just enough to feel like myself, you know? I just felt like a kid. Only...a little smarter than I used to be. No, I didn't think that Axel was selfish for liking my answer. I just did what he wanted because I liked to see him happy. In turn, it would make me feel the same way.

With another kick to the pavement, I went speeding down the hill toward the marketplace, whooping while the wind sped right past. "Race you home!"

"You got it!"

We still lived in the old townhouse, but it wasn'tso bad. Tons of memories were there. Good ones. Very good ones. And even after we'd move out, I still had a feeling that we'd end up coming back for more. Gotta live life to the fullest. Memories'll never end. In fact, racing Axel and actually beating him to the front door was gonna stick with me forever, no doubt. A snapshot moment for everyday. That's what was up ahead. And you'd think they'd end there but they didn't. Short of breath, one foot on the skateboard and one hand on the doorknob, I was turned around and carefully pressed flat against the front door.

"You think they're asleep?" Axel whispered by my lips.

I scoffed. "Sora? Hayner? Take your pick. Either one's most likely passed out by now."

"'Nother Blitzball game?" His eyes suddenly shut and his lips parted when he tilted his head.

"...Obviously."

He barely kissed me. _Barely_ kissed me. Instead, he took a hand and placed it on the doorknob so he could twist the key and push the door open. I felt my body lurch backward, but thankfully I didn't fall. With that, Axel started backing me up into the darkening living room where I could hear the faint whimpering of Zipper from under the coffee table. Well...Zipper wouldn't mind us.

"Upstairs?"

That's when my lips curved, Zipper bounded into the kitchen and the house felt like it belonged to us. And only us.

"No," I replied tiredly. He just raised an eyebrow when I added, "Your room."

This didn't happen very often. About, oh, two times a week _roughly_. But a change of scenery would be nice from time to time. He was still camping out downstairs in that old bedroom. It would be awkward if we shared a room, even if Sora and the others knew that we were together. Ever since his mom and Ayden took a hotel room, life in the old house was pretty much a work in progess.

Axel moved us back further into the room and locked the front door behind him. With little effort, I backstepped to my left and we eventually made it to where I imagined his door to be. The scent of his cologne was fading, and although it was nice to breathe easy, I sort of...missed it. With our lips grazing each other's, I collided with the door with stronger force and my head suddenly started to spin from impact. Both of his hands held onto both sides of my head while I gripped onto the back of his shirt, getting close to prying it off.

"...Rox?"

I looked up at him through half shut eyes. I couldn't speak. And for some reason, right then and there, something started to well up in my eyes. I wasn't _sad_ or anything. Just...overwhelmed. I couldn't believe...a lot of things. I just couldn't.

One of Axel's thumbs rubbed against my cheek and I shut my eyes after feeling it. Why do you always know what to do? "You happy with where we're at?"

I thought about it. Was I happy? Then why was I on the verge of crying? I wasn't overjoyed about anything...but maybe I was just happy enough to cry. So many things had happened today years back, and remembering all of it was so much to take in. Having Axel here to be concerned, to be a shoulder to cry on, was all I had as a source of refuge. I'd lost so much. And here we are..._and here we are_. In a way, it just wasn't fair. And in a way, it was all for the best.

The best...huh.

With that, I nodded and opened my eyes to stare right at him. When the air hit my eyes, they felt cold and wet.

"...'Course."

And just before opening the door and kissing me in places I can't even remember, Axel smiled in such a sincere way that I shivered.

"Gotta hand it to Zex for tellin' the truth..."

And you know, Zex? I really do have to hand it to you. 'Cause if it weren't for you, I'd never know the meaning behind "I love you". I'd never know about "goodbye" or the effects of answering "yes" or "no". Boy, I just wish you were here to see it all play out the way you wanted it to. I wake up, and he's there. I'm asleep, he's still there. And if what you said is really true, then that's the way it's gonna stay. For a long time.

"...Hey, is this the part where I say I love you?"

Axel looked up at my face as I was laid on the bed for him to undress us both. He looked confused, but that didn't last very long. His tongue made its way in the dip of my belly button before he trailed up to my face, smirked and quietly replied:

"Hm. You know that'll catch me off guard...but, hey. If you can manage t' say it in between other things, I'm not gonna stop you..."

As much as I liked having an off guard Axel, I figured that tonight I wanted less work. It's funny how I plan these things out now...it's almost embarrassing.

"...Alright. I'll save it," I muttered, feeling him instantly dive in between my collarbone.

"Ha. _Love ya, Roxas_."

I can't say no to Axel much anymore.

But I'm not gonna complain...

_You'll both be somewhere perfect...you'll both find each other there, understand?_

This life isn't perfect. He and I sure aren't either. But I always liked non-perfection...so I guess that means that we're living a dream, right?

So maybe Sex Ed didn't throw my life in the wrong direction. Maybe it did change a few things for the best. I told you from the very start that the title was strange, didn't I? And I told you that the author was sort of busted up in the head. I told you that I loved summer. I told you my rules.

I told you that I fell in love. For a very good reason.

I wanted freedom. I wanted acceptance. I wanted something _real_.

_...And was it all what you expected it to be?_

Even I never knew the answer to that on mornings after...

_xxXXEnd...it's realXXxx_

* * *

**i...honestly cannot believe that i managed to create such a monster. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?**

**well..."t-t-t-that's all folks!" not the end of my writing, of course...but the end of this akuroku sex story creation. normally, there are triple shot stories out there, but i decided to go against the flow and create only one sequel. there really isn't much to say now that so many people have died and now that axel and roxas are back together. unless you'd _like_ me to write a follow up story on how they become old, crippled and die. no. no i don't think i shall. xO**

**anyway. it's been a wonderful ride. these past years in writing "sex ed 101" and "sex is the question", i've really gone through multiple changes in my writing skills, and in my personality. i really think that these two have kick started my fanfiction "career", so to speak, and i want to thank each and every one of the people that read, reviewed and bothered to acknowledge that this story even existed. to be honest, my writing is fueled by those that actually _speak up_ and say a word or two. all of you need to take a bow, pat yourself on the back or at least treat yourself to a fancy dinner at, i don't know...the olive garden?? at any rate, you are all such amazing people who i shall never forget. i'm oh so grateful.**

**axel and roxas will forever be a part of me. these two stories were simply a way for me to portray their relationship in a "rainbows and sunshine" way, more sex ed than the sequel. i wanted them to have special moments in which they could be together and be there for each other. you never see that enough, now do you? this sequel acted as the matured version of the first, and having axel narrate it was the only way i saw it fit. i left a few questions in the plot unanswered on purpose, in case your were wondering. but no matter. the two deserved a break _(for sex...)_.**

**so _thank you_. thank you for being here and supporting. more akuroku is still on the way, so don't you touch the remote control. i love you all, and adieu. -less than 3-**

_**your room, or mine?  
kokoro77****  
**_


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